As the sun was about to clock out after finishing its daily shift the darkness started to embrace Tokyo little by little. With the natural light gradually diminishing and evening inevitably drawing closer a lone pigeon in a dark alleyway was doing his best to destroy all evidence that right here once upon a time a whole rice cracker fell out of someone's hand. It was about time for him to come back to the nest to his missus for the night and have lots of unprotected pigeon sex, but it's not everyday you happen to stumble upon such a treasure as a whole rice cracker.
The only sound disturbing the sacred silence of this dark alleyway was the occasional cooing of the feasting pigeon. However, as pigeon was finishing up his work, to his great surprise something started moving near the trash bins several feet away. Such unexpected turn of events quite literally scared the shit out of the pigeon. The mysterious shadow slowly assumed the shape of a creature known as 'human'.
„Damn, this one must be one hell of a pervert," thought the pigeon as he flapped his wings and flew into the distance after deciding that he doesn't want to find out if his guess was right.
The mysterious person in the shadows slowly got up on his two feet and took a look around. At that time the pigeon was already gone and the only evidence giving away the identity of the culprit of this commotion was a white pigeon poop.
„Where the hell am I?" whispered Mikio Ikemoto.
He was still a little bit dizzy. But the dizziness was nothing compared to the immense pain in his neck. To Ikemoto's surprise, the neck wasn't the only part of his body that was aching...
To even greater surprise, he wasn't wearing any pants. In fact, he wasn't wearing anything on the lower part of his body except his socks and green flip flops. Black socks, a pair of green flip flops, a cheap T-shirt and a Gucci sweater – those were the only clothing items on Ikemoto's body at the moment.
„Come to think of it, why am I wearing flip flops?" Ikemoto asked out loud.
Suddenly, the memories of the morning meeting at the Masashi Kishimoto's office started resurfacing: crushed hopes, Kishimoto's anger, Sasuke-kun dropkicking him into the neck. Ikemoto was starting to take grasp of the current situation.
„Of course, the usual case of 'Bon Voyage'," mumbled Ikemoto as he clenched his fists in anger.
'Bon Voyage' was a notorious practice of Kishimoto. After having an unpleasant talk in his office with someone who would manage to induce his wrath, Kishimoto would tell his bodyguard Sasuke-kun to escort the guest out. The 'Bon Voyage' would start with Sasuke-kun dropkicking the poor bastard in the neck and knocking him unconscious. Then they would toss a coin – if the coin's answer was 'heads' they would take away the person's pants (including the underwear). If the coin's answer was 'tails' they would take away the person's wallet. It's either your wallet or your pants. After that Sasuke-kun would take the unconscious person and dump him in some random alleyway.
Many people had a taste of 'Bon Voyage' – assistants, editors, other mangakas and even an illegitimate son of Kishimoto himself who one day showed up out of nowhere. For his illegitimate son Kishimoto didn't even toss a coin – he took his wallet AND his pants, just to make a point. And that kid was 12 years old at the time. Yes, Kishimoto was ruthless.
„Damn, why did it have to be heads," cursed Ikemoto as he crouched to pick up his wallet that was lying next to a dirty trash bin. Apparently Sasuke-kun didn't even bother to put it somewhere nicely and just threw it wherever.
Ikemoto was standing butt-naked in a remote alleyway with his wallet in his left hand while trying to assess the situation and his options. How is he going to get home now? How is he going to be able to step out of this alleyway in the first place when he has his Ikemoto Junior dangling in between his legs for everyone to see?
Ikemoto shook his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe his current situation. It was as if this whole day was like a one sick joke written by some sick weirdo. Last time Ikemoto felt so humiliated was when he took a gamble with that dodgy fart in a public bath last year in Kyoto.
He was never good at gambling to begin with – this one time he made a bet with Kishimoto on who could eat more ramen. Obviously, Ikemoto lost the bet and thanks to that he had to pretend for a whole month that he doesn't like underage girls. Kishimoto even forced him to go on a couple of dates with thick, mature women in their early 30s. Oh, the horror!
That time at the public bath in Kyoto was no exception – yet another lost gamble. The fart eventually appeared to be much more than a fart and there he was – standing in front of a bunch of naked men with an uncomfortably warm substance slowly running down his left leg.
„A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass," – said an older gentleman after clicking his tongue in disapproval. Those words were still echoing in Ikemoto's head. He swore that from that day forward he would only produce happy farts. However, he couldn't stay true to his promise...
Trying to draw his mind away from these unpleasant thoughts Ikemoto started looking around the dark alleyway. Scanning the setting his eye spotted something resembling a piece of cloth lying on one of the dumpsters in front of him. Upon further inspection it appeared to be a pair of pants with a hand written note attached to them with a simple duct tape.
„I took your timbs, sorry about that. In exchange I'm leaving you these flip flops and a pair of old pants. And as a bonus there's a gift card for a free coffee from the cafe near the Shueisha HQ.
P.S. There is a small stain of unidentified liquid of biological origin on these pants, but I figured it's still better than nothing considering your current options, hahaha."
„Well, I guess it's better than nothing," – thought Ikemoto. „At least I'll be able to leave this stinky alleyway."
He put on the pants and tied his Gucci sweater around his waist in order to hide the massive stain which coincidentally appeared to be on the rear part of the pants. Ikemoto didn't have a clear goal in mind, all he knew was that he has to leave this filthy place in order to clear his head.
After gathering his courage, Ikemoto stepped out of the alleyway. The stranger's note and a white pigeon poop remained the only proof that Mikio Ikemoto once spent several hours here lying on the ground unconscious.