Chapter Forty-Six: The Realization

Bonnie awoke sometime around noon. She had spent half of the night thinking about Kai's and her fight. It had been the first real fight that they had in their relationship. It hadn't been the first fight for them in general but the topic of it was so much more profound. They both had said some mean things and now that Bonnie though about it, the hurt had mostly disappeared and the anger about it was more present.

Kai had implied that he didn't need Bonnie, that her help was unwanted and useless. That was hard to hear, because she had been the one person that was there for him through everything. How can he say something like this? Was he right in any way?

Bonnie turned around in her bed and groaned. Even after a few hours of sleep the fight was still the only thing that was on her mind. Kai was still the only thing on her mind. This guy had an odd way of creeping under her skin and infecting every fiber of her being with himself. There was no escaping him. Bonnie reached out to her phone, half hoping that Kai had texted her and was a little disappointed to see that the only massage she had received was from Faye, asking how she was doing.

With a quick answer Bonnie reassured Faye that she was fine, even though she wasn't but she expected Faye to grab her stuff and come over to make her feel better and she actually just wanted to be alone right now. So for the next two hours, she stayed in bed, not moving out of it once. Her mother only came in to check on her, since this kind of behavior wasn't typical for her daughter. Bonnie tried to give her mother the same lie that she had given Faye, so she would leave her alone, but it was way harder to convince someone that was standing right in front of you, especially when said someone was your mother.

"So what did Kai do to make you isolate yourself for an entire morning?" Abby asked while sitting down on Bonnie's bed.

"Nothing, everything's fine." Bonnie lied. She didn't look at her mother but there was no need to. She could practically feel the piercing look of her eyes on her, the look that said that she didn't believe her. Bonnie sighed and turned to her mother. "What makes you think this is about Kai?"

"Because, my dear Bonnie, I like to think that I know you quite well and in all the years I was honored to be your mom, I have never witnessed you isolate yourself. I am used to you being moody and sad but never like this. And that got me thinking: What has changed recently that would provoke such a change in the way you handle things and there was only one thing that stuck out: Kai."

Sometimes Bonnie hated her mother's parental skills; her intuition and the fact that she could see right through her. Bonnie rolled onto her stomach and buried her face into her pillow.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't feel up to it. Buuuut if a piece of chocolate cake is going to help then I am very willing to get downstairs and get one for you." Abby teased in a humorous tone. Bonnie groaned. Abby had known her weak spot forever but she had only used it once or twice, until now.

"Fine, I'll take the cake." Bonnie mumbled into the pillow and she felt her mother get up and leave the room. Moments later she returned with two plates and forks in her hand. She sat back down and made Bonnie sit up in bed before she handed her the cake. For a while the Bennetts just sat there eating but then Bonnie started to talk.

"We had a fight yesterday. We both said some things that were rather unfair. I know that I shouldn't be so upset about all this, but it was kind of out first fight as a couple and I don't know how to deal with this now."

"What was it about?"

"Mostly Kai's current condition. I told him that I thought he was running away from his feelings. I know that it was kind of a bad timing to tell him that, but it came up and it just turned into this fight and then I said something that he might have misunderstood and then he said that he didn't need my unqualified help." Bonnie stuffed some cake into her mouth. "I mean, what if he is right? What if I am overreacting and worrying too much? Maybe I am misinterpreting his behavior and I am frustrating him?"

"Okay, now you are totally over-interpreting things." Abby said in an understanding way. "The situation that you two are in is kind of unique. I can't say I ever came across something like this before, so I can't say my advice will be in any way helpful, but you two are so young. And furthermore you still have to figure out how you are going to function as a couple and not only as friends. And if that wasn't enough, you are at the start of your relationship with this huge emotional obstacle that is his mother's death looming over you. At this point in your relationship, you should be annoyingly happy but that's not possible because you need to make sure that he is okay. So, no you are not overreacting when you're worrying about him. Didn't Jo say something similar to you? That she was worried about him? If two people are witnessing the same critical behavior with a person they care about, that's more than suspicious. But that is a delicate matter and maybe you should have waited for a better moment to confront him about it."

"I know." Bonnie groaned.

Another silence spread through the room where both women finished their cake.

"What am I supposed to do now, mom?" Bonnie asked after a while.

"First you have to sort your emotions. Are you mad at him or hurt? Are you okay and think that you should take the first step and apologize? With these decisions I can't help you, those answers you're only going to find within yourself. After that you should figure out the best way to help Kai deal with this and that you can only do by talking to him and hearing his point of view. People grief in a different way, Bonnie, always remember that."

Bonnie nodded and Abby placed a kiss on her head before she got up and left the room with the plates in hand. Bonnie felt a little better now that she talked about it with her mother. The next decision she made was that she wasn't going to let a boy get her down like this for no reason. She was still kinda angry. But that was no excuse to spend an entire day in bed, whining. She was going to get up and get ready for the rest of the day.

With newfound enthusiasm she went to the bathroom and took a shower. After that she went downstairs and spent some time with her mother and Jeffrey in the garden. Later that day she called Caroline to get an update on her life in Mystic Falls and went to see Faye, who apparently got really drunk last night and needed a little hangover-care that Bonnie provided in form of chocolate cake and aspirins. All that she did without once thinking about Kai and it felt good.

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Of course her illusion bubble wouldn't last the entire day. After she had eaten dinner with her mom and Jeffrey, she went back into her room to take a look at some school stuff for tomorrow. When she looked at her phone to see what time it was, she realized that Kai hadn't tried to reach out for her all day and all of a sudden the bad feeling from this morning had returned.

There was no way she would get anything done tonight, so Bonnie went back into her bed and started to watch old episodes of The Bachelor while eating more chocolate cake. The show was depressing though. All the fake emotionality and the unrealistic fact that really every freaking contestant was into a guy that was pretty unlikable to her. And his fake way of pretending that the choices he makes are so hard because he cares about all of them, blah blah blah- such bullshit. Bonnie actually hated this show, it was representing everything Bonnie stood against, but right now it was the only thing she could turn her mind to.

In the middle of the second episode, and the third piece of cake, Bonnie heard a knock on the door. Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Mom, I told you I was studying and I don't want to be interrupted." Bonnie yelled without taking her gaze away from the screen. She didn't even hear the door being opened and thus was scared by the male voice that addressed her a second later.

"Doesn't seem like your studying to me."

Her head flung to the side and she spotted Kai standing in the middle of her room, his gaze turned to her, his expression unreadable.

Kai gestured over his shoulder with his hand. "Your mom let me in."

Bonnie turned her head away from him again and turned off the TV, but she didn't return her gaze to him. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was watching the wall behind her TV, waiting for him to tell her what he was here for.

Kai took a few insecure steps in her direction, but when she showed him no sign of attention he stopped, still a few feet away from her. "I… I wanted to apologize." Kai stammered.

"What for exactly?" Bonnie said harshly, without turning her gaze away from the wall.

"For being a dick basically."

Now, Bonnie did turn her head to look at him, her face hard. He was looking down on the floor, the part of his face that was visible to Bonnie looked sorrowful and when he lifted his gaze to hers, she could clearly see that he was genuinely sorry. Bonnie's gaze stayed hard though. She didn't want to give in too fast. Kai stepped closer until he reached her bed and slowly sat down on its edge, right in front of her, gaze lowered.

"I'm sorry for how I behaved yesterday, the entire day actually. And I'm sorry about what I said to you last night. I know it was too harsh and I didn't mean it, I was just- angry. I know that's no reason to lash out on you like that and I know I should have just listened to you- especially when you were right."

With the last part of his apology he looked up to her and Bonnie straightened in her seat. She watched him with wary eyes, not saying anything but waiting for him to continue down the road he had taken.

When he did, his voice was shaky. "You're right, I am not really dealing with her death. I'm running away from everything about it, because I- I don't know how I am supposed to handle these feelings. I'm scared that when I let them in- they will consume me. It's just-" Tears started filing his eyes, something Bonnie hadn't seen until this very moment. He had always kept it together in front of her and the very fact that he was on the verge of crying, finally letting the feelings in, made Bonnie break out of her hard exterior and lean forward to pull him into her arms.

Kai instantly wrapped his arms around her too and buried his face into the crook of her neck. "It hurts so much, Bonnie." He mumbled into her skin.

Bonnie's heart broke for the gazillionth time for him. His cracked up voice and him desperately holding onto her, made her fight back her own tears. "I know." Bonnie whispered and patted his back tenderly, while his body was shaking lightly from another wave of tears.

"I'm so sorry. Please, don't be mad at me." Kai almost begged, sounding the most vulnerable she has ever witnessed.

"Shhh, it's okay. Everything's okay." Bonnie tried to comfort him. "I'm not mad."

A heavy sigh escaped his throat. He kept on apologizing and Bonnie kept on reassuring him that it was okay. After a while she gently cupped both sides of his face and pulled his face up so that he could look at her. The grey-blue eyes that, for weeks now, had lacked any trace of emotion, were now filled with pain and sorrow. The tears had stopped pooling but she could clearly see the traces of them on his face now. With emphasis and empathy she looked him deep in the eyes and started her little speech.

"Listen to me, I am not mad at you, okay? We should have handled this situation better but now we talked about it and it is okay. I just need you to promise me something." Kai watched her intensely and so Bonnie continued. "You need to let me in. I want to help you, I do, but there is no way for me to do that, if you keep pushing me out. I'm not only talking about showing me how you feel but rather that you tell me! Tell me what you feel, what you need because this situation is something neither of us has ever experienced and I need you to talk to me."

He sniffed once and swallowed. "I promise." Kai said in a nasal voice.

Bonnie smiled warmly at him and leaned forward to place a soft kiss on his lips. After that she lay back down on the mattress, lifting her blanket so he could cuddle underneath it. "Come here." She opened her arms and Kai slowly snuggled under the blanket and placed his head on her chest. Like a routine that they had started a few weeks ago, Bonnie's fingers stroked through his thick hair and Kai wrapped his arms around her body. They lay in total silence for a long time.

"Did you know that mom talked about you?" Kai's voice suddenly cut through the silence. He didn't lift his head to look at her but kept his gaze stuck on the wall.

"Me? When?" Bonnie stopped her movements and looked down on him.

"At the hospital. When I was visiting her for the last time." Kai explained. "She was talking about how she always thought that we would make a great couple and she resigned on the possibility of us ever becoming a thing."

"Wait? That was before we officially got together."

"Yeah, it was during those time's where we didn't have a name for it yet." Kai snuggled further into her chest.

"Then what did you tell her?" Bonnie was curious now.

"Well, I told her that maybe she wasn't too far off after all. She nearly didn't believe me." Kai smiled from the memory. "I just thought that she should know. After all, at that point I already knew where I wanted us to end up." Kai lifted his head, caged Bonnie's body in and leaned onto his forearm. "She really liked you."The pain in his eyes was replaced with something else, something caring. Bonnie's heart jumped from the way he looked at her and the things he just said. It was not only what he said but also the fact that he was opening up to her about something that happened the night his mother died. It was a step in the right direction and that he trusted her enough to tell her this made her feel even stronger for him.

Bonnie reached out her hand and caressed his cheek. Kai enjoyed her touch and leaned into it. Suddenly he withdrew and his expression changed into worry. "Bon, did you really mean it when you said I didn't feel anything?"

Bonnie inhaled. There it was. The thing that had sealed their discussion yesterday. The fact that it seemed like she had questioned his feelings for her. She had known the second she had said it that that it had been a mistake. Now Kai was watching her intensely, waiting for an answer and hoping for it to be the right one.

"No, Kai, I didn't. I was enraged and I didn't think about what I said. I'm sorry." Bonnie apologized.

"Good, because I can't have you think that. I need you to know that I do feel. Everything I felt the last few weeks was about you, it was the only thing I let myself feel and I need you to tell me that you know that." Kai sounded desperate.

"I know, I really do." Bonnie once more reached out to cup his face, this time he didn't draw back.

"I need you, Bonnie. I fucking need you." Kai whispered while closing his eyes.

Again, Bonnie's heart did ridiculous things. "And I need you." She stated, completely honest.

Kai leaned down to her and kissed her passionately. The familiar tinkling in her stomach that always emerged when he was touching her returned on cue. Her heartbeat was taken to the next level and she returned the kiss with equal intensity. Kai parted her lips which made another familiar feeling rise somewhere in her lower parts. Over the past few weeks she had only felt the burning desire a few times, because the atmosphere was basically flooded with grief and sorrow. There hadn't been many moments where the two had just been by themselves and embracing their feelings for each other. The few times where they had little moments of togetherness, Bonnie forced those feelings back because she felt like it wasn't the right time. Now again, her desire for Kai was awoken and for the first time, she wished -for selfish reasons- that all the bad things didn't happen so she could be happy with her boyfriend. Of course she pushed those thoughts aside as quickly as they came up, along with her desire. Even thought they hadn't been with each other since the day before her dad's birthday, she knew that when the time came and the situation would be easier, they would get back to it. Bonnie wasn't that egoistic to force anything that just needed a little bit longer. Plus, she really enjoyed the intense kiss they shared right now. Her emotional connection to Kai was more important anyways.

Kai slowed down the movement of his lips and they paused their kiss, both breathing heavily. Kai's face stayed close to hers and he ran his nose across her cheekbone. Bonnie had to close her eyes when he left a few sweet pecks on her cheek. Slowly, the warmth of Kai's face disappeared. Her eyes were kept close as if she could keep him close this way. Only when he silently called her name, she reopened them to look at him.

"Bon?"

"Yeah?" She locked eyes with him and there was something serious reflecting in his. Bonnie wondered what it was that made him tense up. It took him a while to reply anything and while he was looking at her his expression changed from serious to soft.

"Will you sleep with me tonight?"

For a second Bonnie's eyes widened for the tiniest bit, he probably didn't even notice. He had never asked her this, but with everything that was going on and their fight last night, he was probably unsure whether she was even willing to go further than a kiss. At once all the heat returned to her lower body and she had to fight hard to not let her libido take over and pull him down to her to kiss him fiercely. Her doubts about whether they should be having sex tonight from earlier reemerged but knowing that he wanted her just as much as she wanted him made it hard for her to think clearly. In the end, her rationality didn't stand a chance against her passion. She lifted her head and softly pressed her lips to his.

"Yes." She whispered against his lips and then pulled him down with her, intensifying the kiss. Like he had needed her permission his hands only now started to roam over her body and underneath her shirt, all while kissing her passionately. Longer than usual they only made out and explored their still clothes bodies with their hands until Bonnie made the first move and pulled his shirt over his head, letting it drop to the floor. She was careful though because she remembered the bruise Kai had on his rips from last night. Examining it very carefully Bonnie registered that it was even darker then when she saw it last night. Very carefully she let her fingertips run over it and when Kai didn't flinch and reassured her that he was feeling okay, Bonnie returned her attention back to his face.

Slowly, every other piece of closing followed. There was not much foreplay other than the slow torture of undressing, kissing and caressing the other's skin. Everything felt different this time. Bonnie had no doubt of Kai's want for her and their innocent approach didn't even lessen the passion of the moment, but of course it wasn't going to be the wild and careless sex that they had before and that was more than okay.

It was their first time as a couple and the importance of that was clearly noticeable. The way they were worshiping each other, caressing every single part of their bodies was taking their relationship to a whole new level. Now that they had sex, it seemed like they have finally made their relationship permanent. The last barrier had been broken, even though it had been broken way before they were even close to getting serious, but now there was no going back, at least not without repercussions.

Bonnie's heart hammered wildly against her chest, partly from the feelings that spread through her body when Kai finally entered her folds, and partly because of the feelings she had for him in general. They both panted in each other's ear, then they reunited their hungry mouths and devoured each other. Their measured movements were slowly taking Bonnie higher and higher. The need to give herself over to him completely arose within Bonnie and she just wanted to be even closer to him. Kai held on to her the entire time, pulling her tightly against his chest. It was only then that Bonnie realized that this was just the thing he had needed right now. All the doubt and the remorse she would have definitely felt after their love-making vanished and Bonnie could finally let loose.

Her climax was intense. All Bonnie could hear was her own panting and moaning as she got her release. Kai followed just seconds after and slowly sank down onto her. There was not a moment for Bonnie to catch her breath because Kai was already kissing her again, not fiercely and demanding but tenderly. Still, the kiss took the last of Bonnie's breath away.

"I really am sorry." Kai whispered against her lips.

Bonnie shook her head. "Stop it already. I told you it was okay." Before he could reply anything Bonnie kissed him again. He was taken by surprise and thus Bonnie used her chance and rolled them around so that she was now lying on top of him. "You already apologized and we were both responsible for that fight, so leave it be, okay?"

"Okay."

Bonnie smiled and lifted her hands to cup his face before kissing him again. She felt his arms wrapped around her waist and pull her closer to him. It seemed like an almost perfect moment, if one would ignore the dooming cloud of grief hanging over them but it was the first time in weeks where it had only been about them. A moment of togetherness and intimacy and Bonnie was longing for more of them.

They rested like this for a moment longer, Kai caressing Bonnie's bare back until she began to shiver. Even though the blanket wrapped around them and Kai's body heat should be more than enough, she couldn't stop her body to freeze and that was when he suggested putting their clothes back on. Bonnie let herself get talked into that but was very quick to draw Kai back into bed before he could have another great idea and decided to leave. She didn't want him to leave tonight.

Without any real reluctance Kai let himself get pulled back into bed and rested beside Bonnie. They were watching each other without talking. It was really cliché but the butterflies in her stomach made it impossible for her to mind.

"Will you stay over tonight?" Bonnie finally asked after they had stopped kissing once more.

"I don't know, Bon. Maybe it would be better if I went home tonight. I still want to go back to school tomorrow and I don't have any stuff with me-" Kai said to convince her- and maybe himself a little too.

"Okay, I get it." Bonnie said sadly, because she really didn't want to be alone tonight and defeatedly looked away from him.

"Maybe-" His voice reached her ear and there was something in his tone that made her hopeful. She looked back into his eyes. "-if we could make a quick stop at my place so I can pick up some stuff and get a change of clothes, than I could stay."

"Really?" Bonnie didn't want to sound this euphoric because she didn't want him to feel obligated to stay. If he felt more comfortable sleeping at home tonight Bonnie would totally understand, but the prospect of having him by her side the entire night, the night before he made a big step back into normality, was taking her over.

"Yeah, I think that'll work." He once more assured her and Bonnie's smile grew.

She wanted to hug him enthusiastically but hesitated because she remembered that she needed to make sure this is really what he wanted and needed. "But if you feel more comfortable sleeping at home, please do, I don't want to push you to do anything you don't want to do."

Kai raised his eyebrows. He looked like the Kai she knew for the first time in weeks. "Bon, I'm usually not someone that let's himself get talked into something. Besides, I'd rather not be alone anyways."

"Me neither." Bonnie said while stroking Kai's cheek. He smiled at her and with a little imagination one would think that he was doing okay, which was actually progress.

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"Alright, let's go." Kai said while he was stepping down the stairs. Bonnie and Kai had made a quick stop at his home so he could get his stuff. Bonnie had waited downstairs with Jo who she had invited to catch a ride to school with them.

The two girls looked up to him and Bonnie for once was surprised at how okay Kai looked. Not the exterior of course, because that boy always looked dashing, but more like his whole aura. Bonnie knew that he must have been hiding at least a little bit of his worries but she would give him that much at least. She didn't need him to be completely honest about his feelings 24/7 with everyone, most of the people in school had no business knowing how he felt, but as long as he would only do it with strangers and not her and the people that loved him everything would be fine.

The three friends headed to the door but were called back by Dawn Abbott. "Wait kids."

They all stopped while Dawn headed to them with something in her hand. "There you go, can't have you starve in school."

She put a lunchbox full of food in Jo's and Kai's hand and then turned to Bonnie and gave her one as well. Bonnie was delighted by the sweet gesture and thanked Dawn gushingly while Jo and Kai only exchanged confused looks.

"Um, gran you don't have to pack lunchboxes for us." Jo hesitantly said.

"Yeah, we're old enough to make our own food, also we're eating at school, so thanks but you don't have to do this." Kai added. They both tried to sound as polite as possible because they didn't want to hurt their grandmother but Dawn's expression darkened nonetheless.

"You thankless kids should follow dear Bonnie's example and just accept it. I know that you are old enough to make your own food but I am your grandmother and if I want to spoil you a little bit you should let me do it. So pack your lunch and get going or otherwise you will be late for school." She turned around and left the three alone.

Kai and Jo seemed a little puzzled but Jo shrugged and put the lunchbox in her bag heading outside. Soon after Kai did the same and turned around to Bonnie who was busy biting back a grin. He glared at her. "What is it you find so funny about this?"

"Nothing, it's just good to see that there is someone in your family that has you under control." She answered while turning around and getting out on the porch. She could feel his glare in her back but she didn't mind.

Kai caught up with her in a few seconds and 'accidentally' bumped into her. Bonnie had to grin because it seemed like Kai was getting his old wits back.

The drive to school only lasted a few minutes and even if they would have spent more time at the Parker's they wouldn't have been late. Still Jo thanked Kai for the ride and rushed outside due to some student-meeting she had to prepare. They still had a few minutes before school would start but Bonnie already turned to the door and wanted to open it to step into the sun. It was a nice day but the September sun wasn't as strong as it used to be so she had to wear coats now. When she wanted to slam the door shut she saw that Kai was still sitting behind the wheel, his gaze stuck on something in the far. Bonnie climbed back into the car and softly touched his arm.

"Hey."

Kai stirred and looked at her, seeming like she had woken him up from a dream. "You know you don't have to go to school today. You can still go home and try tomorrow or next week-" Bonnie tried to comfort him and cupped his face.

Kai smiled but shook his head. "No, I'm okay."

"Really?" Bonnie asked with concern in her voice.

"No." Kai looked down to his lap. "But it won't be any better next week or the week after that. I just want to get this over with."

"Okay. I'll be here the entire day, so when you need anything just say so, I'll help you." Bonnie said and smiled at him.

He grinned back at her, a hint of mischief in it. "There is something you could do for me."

"Yeah? What is it?" she was curious because she didn't really know if he was being serious right now or if he would tease her.

"Kiss me, please."

Now Bonnie was gleaming at him. "Oh, that I can do." They both leaned forward and shared a long kiss. It was almost painful to stop but if they continued they would most definitely be late and though Kai couldn't care less, Bonnie was sure, it would not be helping any of his anxiety about what lay in front of him. He had to get through this day and he had to do it from the start till the end. So reluctantly Bonnie pulled away after slipping in another quick kiss. She smiled and exhaled.

"Come on, let's get this over with."

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The first half of the day went by pretty well, or at least that was what Kai claimed. They had the first period together but after that Bonnie had to head to the gym and Kai had to outlast an hour of literature. They met up in the canteen again where he told her that everything went smooth just like the lesson before that. Kai only claimed that it was exhausting to hear all those condolences form people he didn't know or he didn't like. All the teachers had asked him to stay a minute longer so they could make sure he was okay and to offer him way to catch up with all the stuff he had missed even though they knew he would never do any of it. Maybe some of them hoped that after this tragedy he would change his ways. Even teachers had to have dreams.

As they were waiting in line for the meal of the day (which seemed to be something fried from the smell of it) Bonnie looked around the hall but didn't see any of her friends, which reminded her of something she hadn't told Kai about yet.

"Hey, listen. If you run into Connor at any given time, don't be surprised, he's kinda been a dick and I don't know if he sees it the same way or not." Bonnie tried to be as vague as possible because she wasn't comfortable repeating what Connor had said to her the other day.

"I guess he does." Kai replied and when Bonnie kept looking at him in question he elaborated. "I mean, I guess he does. It would explain why he was so nice to me at the party on Saturday. I didn't get why but thought that maybe he heart what happened and wanted to play nice."

"What did he do?"

"Not much, he kinda tried to hug me or something and then he talked about you and how you're such a good friend. I thought he was being a little noisy but I guess it was his way of making it up to me, even though I didn't even know that something happened. What did he do though?"

"He was just very insensitive but he didn't know any better. Still, I haven't heart an apology from him yet and until then I will keep being mad at him."

Kai scoffed. "Bon, come on. He's your friend. I always say mean things and you're not mad at me for it. Don't be so hard on him."

"I think I can decide for myself who I am mad at and who not, thank you." Bonnie playfully bumped into Kai's side. "By the way since when are you his knight in shining armor, I thought you two couldn't stand each other."

Kai shrugged. "Never said I couldn't stand him, he just can't stand me for obvious reasons."

"Which are?"

Kai shot her a glance that could be interpreted as 'really?' and when she still demanded an answer Kai snickered. "Bon, he doesn't like me because he is into you."

"Oh, come on that is old news. We've only been on one date. He's gotten over it by now." Bonnie rejected his comment.

"Did he?" He simply offered. Bonnie looked at him until she realized he was serious. Kai thought that Connor still had a thing for her and that was the reason he disliked him in the first place. Kai still looked amused and not the slightest bit alarmed by his observation, which was a little odd since they were talking about a guy that was into her, his girlfriend. Him taking this fact like there was nothing bothering him was a little bit unimaginable, given the irrational reaction he had back when he found out that Bonnie would go on a date with Connor.

"You don't seem the slightest bit bothered by this." Bonnie stated.

"Do I have to be?" He bluntly asked back, his interest peeked just the slightest bit.

Now it was Bonnie's turn to be amused by the situation. He was pretty sure that he had nothing to fear from Connor's apparent feelings for her, so much was obvious, but just the tiny hint of jealousy that he had shown right now challenged Bonnie, so she stayed mum. Kai tilted his head and raised his eyebrows in question and it was so hard for Bonnie not to break into a fit of laughter and soon after she couldn't withhold it any longer. She was breaking out in a high pitched laugh and grabbed his arm. He only shook his head and suppressed a smile before he turned away from her.

"Hey, don't be mad. I was just kidding. Of course you don't have anything to worry about." Bonnie tried to reason but the laughter was still audible in her voice.

Kai turned back to her, now holding his empty tray. "I know." His expression was smug and for a moment he looked exactly like she remembered him. A little too self-confident for his own good, teasing, provoking and overall extremely attractive. Bonnie mouth dried a little when she saw him like this and when she remembered that this incredible boy in front of her was hers, her heart felt so much more heavy.

"Don't be too full of yourself, okay?" Bonnie grabbed a tray and queue-jumped in front of him so that he wouldn't see her reaction to him and feel even more assured. Bonnie held out her tray for the cafeteria-employee to give her her fill of today's food and she screwed up her nose by the unidentifiable thing that was now on her plate. Inspecting her plate intensely she walked slowly out of the line until Kai reached up to her.

"I swear, the food is getting worse." Bonnie stated.

"The food was never good to begin with." Kai retorted and they headed for an isolated table in the back. Since none of the others had shown their faces yet the table in the back seemed as good as any other and Bonnie was a little glad that she could have some alone time with Kai, maybe talking about his day so far or just enjoy each other's company.

When they sat down Bonnie started digging into her food. Even though it looked disgusting she was really hungry and it wasn't that bad.

"You really have no restrains, have you?" Kai watched her shoving forkful after forkful into her mouth, while his food was resting untouched on his plate.

"You should mwelly try it, itsh mwelly not that bat." Bonnie replied with a full mouth and Kai only looked shaking his head and pushing his tray to the side to make sure that he wasn't going to try any of it.

"I think I'll pass. I have a higher standard for food than this."

"I'll tell you what, I'll stop eating this and we're going to grab something better to eat on our way home, what do you say?" Bonnie suggested with a bright smile. Contrary to her beliefs this first day at school had done wonders for Kai and she was positive that even more normality would only be adding to his current state. What other thing would be more normal then a boyfriend and his girlfriend getting out to eat something?

"You know you're adorable?" Kai leaned forward and looked at her with an adoring smile.

"Is that a yes?" Bonnie mirrored his movement and they were now only a few inches apart. So she could actually feel his breath when he audibly exhaled and leaned back into his chair.

"I- I don't know. I mean, it's not a no, but- I don't know." Kai tried to explain himself but was out of words so he looked down on the hands in his lap. Bonnie didn't need any more explanation though. He hadn't recovered his appetite yet and when Kai Parker refused to eat- something was wrong. Her happiness about the positive outcome of this day was reduced now that she got a view into his real state. Maybe she had been pushing it and going out for food was still too early for him.

Bonnie smiled an understanding smile and touched his hands that were still folded in his lap. "Maybe we could order something, like pizza and then you can eat it whenever you're hungry."

Kai was thankful for Bonnie's suggestion- she could see in his relaxing expression. "You know, I'd do almost anything only so you stop eating this horrible stuff."

Bonnie smiled and dropped her fork dramatically and with Kai's slight smile, they had settled for ordering food later.

In the far Bonnie watched a bunch of students come in late. She spotted Faye and Liza but they didn't seem to notice them because they headed straight for the queue. A few moments later Jo entered the cafeteria, clearly searching for someone. When Bonnie's and Jo's gazes met Jo's face lit up and she started walking their way. When she passed the last table and was only a few feet away from them she slipped and flailed her arms around so she would regain her poise but gravity finally won over her and she hit the ground hard, bottom first, right in front of their table.

A short snort escaped Kai before he quickly put his hand over his mouth to keep any sound from coming out of it. Bonnie instead jumped up and made sure Jo was alright. "Oh, gosh are you okay, Jo?"

Bonnie helped her up and Jo brushed the invisible dirt off her clothes. "Yeah, everything okay. Wow, that was embarrassing." Jo said while Bonnie said back down. Jo stayed put while she continued to speak. "Guess I should pay more attention to where I am going. I don't even know what tripped me, there's nothing here maybe- ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?" Jo cut herself short by yelling in Kai's face.

"No." Kai mumbled with his hand still covering his mouth. Jo watched him opened mouthed and Bonnie could witness the corner of Kai's mouth twitch until he finally couldn't hold his laughter in any longer.

He burst out laughing and Jo only glared at him. It was kind of rude that he would laugh at his sister's misery and Jo's reaction was totally appropriate. But still Bonnie's gaze was stuck on Kai's laughing face. The tone of his laughter was so pure and so honest that it sent a wave of feelings through her. She only now realized how much she had missed his laughter, because this was the first time since his mother's death that he actually did laugh. Bonnie's adoring look shifted to Jo and their gazes locked.

Jo's angry expression was suddenly replaced by relieve. She too was glad to see her brother being honestly amused by something, even though it was her own clumsiness. Jo suppressed a smile because she tried to pretend to be mad at Kai but his laughter was intoxicating and suddenly Jo was laughing along with her brother.

While the siblings laughed Bonnie's smiled grew wider. This situation was just so normal, so ordinary and she loved it. Maybe Kai would find his way back into life sooner rather than later. His face was now buried in his arms on the table and Jo was lying back in her chair, gasping for air between laughs.

Kai looked up at his twin. "You should have seen your face." He wiped away some tears of joy and Jo started to giggle again. It seemed like Kai had pulled himself together but he was still brightly smiling at Jo who was trying to do the same. To Bonnie it felt like she was watching this scene as a bystander. She was so into her observations of the two siblings that it felt like something hit her when Kai turned around and looked at her.

His eyes were bright and full of joy, his smile was stunning and the slight change in his eyes when he focused on her- the adoration- caught Bonnie off guard. No sound was reaching her ears as she blankly stared at her boyfriend. His lips were moving but Bonnie couldn't understand because she was completely lost in his features. Lucky for her it was nothing directed directly to her because Jo answered, or so Bonnie assumed, because Kai's head swung back in her direction.

Bonnie suddenly shook her head and got the paralysis out of her system only to be greeted by Kai's deep chuckle. Bonnie blinked rapidly, trying to deal with the realization that had just hit her with force. In that moment Kai looked at her and his expression turned worried.

"Are you okay, Bon?" he reached over to take her hand into his.

Bonnie smiled. "Sure, I'm fine." She said and meant it with every fiber of her being. Actually, she was more than that. She was feeling incredible- indescribable. The moment she had heard Kai's laugh and saw him being happy, her heart had missed a beat and she had realized something. This guy's happiness, his well-being and content was everything to her. He was everything to her. Everything about him was amazing and Bonnie felt like she was floating. The butterflies in her stomach that usually appeared when he looked at her had reached the limits of her chest and had burst out of her with an intensity she hadn't expected.

She had never felt this way before. She had always thought that she knew what love felt like, that she had been in love with Jeremy, but when she compared her feelings for him to what she was feeling right now for Kai-

For weeks now, Bonnie had suspected that her feelings for Kai had grown stronger and right now she had never felt more for him. It was like all these month tiptoeing around each other and even before that- those years of silent adoration form her side- had finally pushed her over the edge and made her irreversibly and unconditionally attached to him.

Kai had resumed his conversation with Jo and it seemed like they didn't even notice the way Bonnie watched them- or rather him. She wanted to reach out and kiss him with everything she got but she settled for gazing at him- at the boy she was in love with.

Author's note: Happy belated Bonkai-Day everyone (May 10th).