Chapter 3

Thanks a lot for all your nice reviews. I appreciate constructive criticism very much. So if you have any suggestions for improvement don't hesitate to point them out.

To the guest reviewer who said my story is bullshit: Insulting the story and the writer if you don't like the story is not very mature either. If you don't like the story, don't read it. Or if there are certain aspects you don't like point them out but don't insult the writer. Writing a story is a lot of work. So please keep your mean remarks to yourself.

O-o-o-o-o

The bench was uncomfortable. And his head started to hurt. He hoped his mother was coming soon to bail him out. The effects of the alcohol were subsiding and all that was left was a terrible headache and an empty feeling. Stealing a police horse and riding it naked hadn't cured the heartache he felt over being cheated on by his wife. Maybe that shouldn't be a surprise but four hours ago when he had been stone cold drunk it had seemed like a good solution.

For a few minutes he had felt free and featherlight. The feeling of course had been short lived. Just after a short ride the police officer had whistled and the horse had thrown him from its back, causing him to fall rather ungracefully to the ground. Then he had been arrested and brought to a police station.

That's where he had met his friend Roy, who had taken over from the officer and interrogated him about the incident. Roy had scribbled everything down and Castle had been allowed to call somebody to pick him up.

Now he just needed to wait until his mother arrived.

The waiting gave him time to think. But thinking was the last thing he wanted to do. All his thinking lately just caused him pain.

How could Meredith cheat on him? How could she destroy their marriage like this? Didn't he mean anything to her? What had he done wrong? They had been good together. They had had fantastic sex. How could she cheat on him with another man? Or did she always fake it? Hadn't he been able to bring his wife pleasure in bed? Had she needed to search it elsewhere? Why hadn't she told him what she needed? He would have learned to bring her real pleasure. Or was it something else entirely?

Never in his life had he felt this insecure. This unsure about himself. Being cheated on had chattered something in him. Why wasn't he enough?

He had thought he was a good husband. He loved his wife. He loved their kid. He told her how much he loved her. He told her how beautiful she was. He cooked for them. He took her out whenever she wanted. Why wasn't he enough?

Granted they had fought occasionally. But that was normal, right? And they had always made up for it with pretty damn amazing make up sex. Or hadn't they?

He let his head fall back to the wall behind him and closed his eyes to keep his frustrated tears from spilling out. The last thing he needed was someone walking by his cell and see him cry.

He wasn't as heartbroken as he had been when Kyra left. He had loved Meredith but not as fiercely as he had loved his college love. But that had probably been the magic of first love and wasn't something he could ever regain in his life.

But being cheated on hurt too. He was heartbroken over his lost marriage, sure, but the feeling of not being enough was even stronger. He had not been enough for Kyra. She had left him to search for happiness on another continent. And obviously he hadn't been enough for Meredith otherwise she wouldn't have cheated on him.

He just hoped he could be enough for his daughter. Alexis deserved the best she could get. He hoped that whatever he lacked where romantic relationships were concerned wasn't something that was significant for his abilities as a father. If it was something concerning the bedroom it would be a major hit to his ego, but at least it wouldn't be something that would effect Alexis.

His depressing thoughts were finally interrupted when Martha came rushing in.

O-o-o-o-o

Martha watched her son drag himself to his bedroom. He hadn't talked much during their ride back home from the police station. She hadn't expected him too.

Thankfully she'd taken Alexis to preschool this morning already when he had called. Initially she had expected him to pick Alexis up at her place in the morning but when he hadn't shown up she'd hoped that he'd maybe found a nice woman to have a little affair with to cheer him up. She'd hoped he was having fun.

He'd asked her the night before if she could watch Alexis because he'd wanted to go out to clear his head a little. So of course Martha had agreed. She'd spent a nice evening with her granddaughter, had tucked her in and dropped her off at her preschool in the morning. Then she'd gone back to her place where she soon after had gotten Richard's call from the holding cell.

Martha shook her head at the thought. Stealing a police horse and riding it naked. It was a strange way to deal with heartbreak.

But heartbroken he was. She saw the way his head hung, the way his shoulders slumped even further down as his hand reached the knob to the door to his office. He shook his head slightly at himself, turned and walked towards the stairs.

„G' night, mother" he mumbled when he walked past her.

„Good night, Richard" Martha replied, even though it was midday. But a night in a holding cell, surely wasn't all that great. Now he had probably a hurting back in addition to the heartbreak he felt over his failed marriage.

Martha had never really liked Meredith. Well, she'd liked her a little when they had met during a show. She'd seemed to be fun and uncomplicated at the time and since Richard had been in a dull phase back then she'd thought introducing them wouldn't hurt.

She'd thought that they could have a little fun together, maybe even have a short relationship. But then Meredith had gotten pregnant and Richard had asked her to marry him. Martha couldn't blame her son. He'd always wished to have a whole family. A big family. She knew that it had always been his greatest dream. That's why he'd gotten attached to every boyfriend she'd ever brought home when he was a kid and even a teenager. So Martha had stopped bringing them home at some point. Or only brought them home when she thought that it would work out. Well, it never had. But that was another story.

So of course he'd asked Meredith to marry him even though Martha had warned him that it might not be the best idea. But her optimistic son had done so nonetheless. And he'd been so happy. Even though Martha had always seen that Meredith mostly cared for the money and her job but Richard had been oblivious to it and every try of hers to point it out had been shot down by him. Or not oblivious but he'd always put up with it because he just loved having a family.

He'd always enjoyed being a husband and father. Martha knew that he'd surprised his wife with little things every now and then. He'd loved cooking for her, had always enjoyed going out with her, had gladly done things with her he normally didn't like because she'd been his wife and he'd seen it as his job to do so. Richard had such a beautiful big heart.

But now he'd caught his wife cheating on him and it had hurt him deeply. He seemed depressed and it hurt Martha to watch him like this. She hated Meredith for cheating on him, for breaking his heart but most of all for imposing on the beauty of his heart, his kindness, his generosity. And of course for not caring for her grandchild. Not that Martha would ever forget that.

O-o-o-o-o

He was putting toys away when Meredith came in. She'd been out all day. Thankfully. It had given him the opportunity to tend to his headache in peace until he had to pick up Alexis from preschool. He'd taken her home right away afterwards, still not feeling like going out to the park or something. They'd done some puzzles instead and played a few rounds of pairs until it was time to make dinner and then bedtime. Even after napping in Alexis' bed when he'd tucked her in and told her a story the headache wasn't fully gone. He hadn't planned to fall asleep but after Alexis had asked him to just cuddle with her for five more minutes after he'd finished telling the story exhaustion had just taken over.

A little while later he'd woken up though and had gently removed his arm from under his daughter's head and quietly slipped out of her room. In the kitchen he'd made himself another coffee, hoping that it would finally help his headache. But it hadn't.

So he really wasn't in the mood to talk to his soon-to-be-ex-wife. Especially since she had that determined expression as she walked up to him. That could not mean anything good.

He'd hoped he'd been clear enough when they had talked the day after he'd caught her cheating on him. He'd told her that he was not only hurt by her cheating on him, but furious at her for forgetting about Alexis. She'd told him she was sorry, that neither would happen again. But he couldn't believe her and had told her that it was over and that he was filing for divorce. They had argued some more after that but at some point Meredith had accepted his decision and they'd come to the agreement that they could keep living under the same roof for another two weeks for Alexis' sake. At least that's what he had thought. But now Meredith was here, coming closer and closer with that determined I-want-to-have-sex-with-you-expression of hers.

"Hey kitten" Meredith purred, trying to seduce him. "Let's have sex. We were always good together." Her smile was bright and suggestive as her hand landed on his shoulder. She let it run down a little to play with the first button of his shirt.

Rick took a step back and schooled the hurt out of his eyes. How could she be so insensitive? How could she not understand that her touch hurt him? Just seeing her hurt. Every time he saw her he thought about the moment she opened the bedroom door naked with that other guy grinning. It made him nauseous.

"No Meredith. I don't think that would be a good idea" he told her, proud how little hurt was noticeable in his voice. He could still make it out, his mother probably could too if she were around as would Alexis. His little girl was very sensitive and almost always able to pick up on his mood, no matter how hard he tried to hide it from her. She'd asked him several times what was up with him since he'd caught his wife cheating. But Meredith never had been this sensitive with other people's feelings.

"But think about the great sex we always had, Ricky. It doesn't even have to mean anything. Or it can if you want. We've always been so good together. Remember that one time just before your book signing…" she tried, coming closer again. She reached for his shirt again.

"Meredith!" he said sharply and caught her hand to push it away from him. "Please stop it" he continued more tiredly.

"Why not? Just one time and if you still don't want to…" she tried to persuade him.

He wanted to. She was right, they had always been good together.

Then she had cheated on him. But that wasn't even the main problem here. The main problem was…

"If I give us another chance, can you promise me to be faithful? To never cheat on me again?" he asked and when she started to answer far too soon to even have thought about it he interrupted her before she could start talking.

"And please be honest. You owe me as much" he told her and didn't try to suppress the hurt in his voice and eyes anymore. She had hurt him and she should see it.

Meredith looked him in the eyes for a moment but let her gaze fall to her shoes when she couldn't take his expression anymore. She kept quiet.

"I thought so" Castle whispered sadly and turned around to make his way up the stairs to the guest room where he was sleeping till the end of the week when Meredith would fly out to California to live there. Sleeping with the producer had gotten her a job there.

O-o-o-o-o

Ever since Claire came along, Kate hated working on weekends.

At least they had closed the case this morning. She had filled all her paperwork and was done for today. As long as no body dropped and she got called in she would be able to spend the rest of the day with her family.

Thankfully the rest of the week since her fight with Josh on Tuesday had gone without new incidents. They had stayed on schedule. Josh had managed to pick up Claire every time he was supposed to and they even had dinner together as a family yesterday. And after a week of gaining some distance from their fight Kate had decided that her number one priority was Claire and even if things between her and Josh weren't all that great, her daughter still deserved to have both her parents.

So things were… not great, but back to normal. She doubted that things would ever be great again. At least not between her and Josh. They were comfortable with each other and they had a daughter together, who they both loved. But Kate didn't love him anymore (if she ever really had) and she was almost sure he didn't really love her either. But that was okay because they both loved their daughter. It was just that Josh loved his work more and most times chose work when he had to choose between his family and his work. But they just had to find a way he wouldn't need to choose between work and Claire so often.

But now was not the time to think about think about this, Kate decided as she got out of the cab near the park where she was supposed to meet Josh and Claire. An hour ago Josh had texted her that they had gone out to the park. That's were Kate was headed now. She entered the park and walked towards their favorite spot. The sun was shining warmly but it wasn't too hot yet. When Kate reached the playground she looked around in search for her boyfriend and daughter.

After a few seconds of looking around she spotted them. Both of them were wearing inline skates and racing each other. They hadn't noticed her and she stopped to watch them for a while. When Kate had received the text that they were in the park she had automatically assumed that she would find Josh sitting on a bench reading a medical paper while Claire built sandcastles alone like most times. Kate was delighted that that wasn't the case.

Claire was laughing when she managed to catch her dad. Then she was racing away and laughed even harder when Josh pretended that he couldn't catch up to her. Kate smiled ,suddenly confident that they would find a solution they would all be okay with for his Doctors Without Borders mission and Claire's fifth birthday.

"What's wrong, daddy? Are you sleeping or why are you so slow?" Claire called over her shoulder. The moment she turned Kate already knew that she was about to stumble and fall. She was too far away to do anything about it though and for a moment she was frozen in place before she started to run towards her daughter, anticipating her crying. But it never came.

Josh had noticed her stumbling too and had caught up with her just in time to catch her before she hit the ground.

"Careful Claire, you have to look where you are going. " Josh told her while he sat her down on her feet again.

By now Kate had managed to join them, having stopped running when Josh had managed to catch her in time.

When Claire heard the sound of clicking heels she looked up.

"Mommy!" she called and closed the remaining distance between them, almost knocking her over when she hit her knees.

Kate chuckled. For her four years Claire was pretty good at inline skating but what she hadn't mastered yet was slowing down when she needed to. Like when she wanted to hug her mom.

"Hello bug" Kate grinned. "Are you having fun?"

Claire nodded. "Look, mommy, how fast I can go from here to the tree there and back." She pointed at a tree twenty meters away. "Earlier dad stopped the time with his phone. I'm so fast. You have to watch me."

And off she was. Kate followed her with her eyes. She was really fast. Terrifyingly so.

"Hey" Josh said. He had stopped next to her and was smiling down. He was having fun skating. It was something he enjoyed doing. Something they had enjoyed doing as a couple in the early days of their relationship. And for her last birthday they had gotten Claire inline skates too so she could learn it too.

"Hey" she greeted back and lifted her head to let him give her a quick kiss on the lips.

"We brought yours too if you want to join us" Josh pointed to a bag on the park bench a few steps away.

"I'd love to" Kate smiled. It was very thoughtful of him to bring her inline skates too, especially because they didn't even know if Kate would be able to join them or if she had to work longer. Maybe she'd in fact overreacted the other day. She'd been tired and upset then. Maybe it had just been the wrong time to talk about these kind of things. Kate made a mental note to think about it later. Now that she had gained a little distance from the topic she could look at it more pragmatically and wasn't so emotional about it.

When she tied her skates Claire hopped on the bench next to her while Josh stood in front of them.

"See daddy?" Claire boasted. "I told you it's a good idea to bring mommy's inline skates too. Daddy said you might not make it here because you had to work. But I told him to bring yours anyway."

"That was very thoughtful of you, my sweet girl" Kate said and kissed the crown of her head. She had finished putting on her skates and was now ready to cruise around with her boyfriend and daughter.

O-o-o-o-o

Later that day Kate sat on the couch, reflecting on her day. After they'd gone home from the park they'd an early dinner and Josh had played with Claire in her room while Kate had done the dishes. When Josh had to leave for his night shift at the hospital he had kissed them both goodbye.

He'd been sweet today, totally invested in their family life. All three of them had had so much fun skating in the park. They'd gotten ice cream on the way back home. And it just had been so much fun. Not only for Claire but for Kate too. And Josh had enjoyed it too.

Days like this made her shove all her doubts to the back of her mind again. Maybe he was right and she was really overreacting sometimes. Maybe she just expected too much of him. So much he couldn't fulfill her expectations in the stressful day to day. He had a stressful and important job after all.

Kate had always known that his job was important to him and his number one priority. She'd liked that about him in the beginning of their relationship. Her job had been her number one priority back then too. Especially her mother's case. Even when she'd gotten pregnant they had both agreed that neither of them was going to let their career suffer. For Kate though something had changed when she'd held Claire in her arms for the first time.

But maybe that was something only a mother could feel. Maybe she shouldn't blame Josh for something they had agreed on years ago. And maybe it wouldn't be too bad if he would be away for Claire's birthday. She would be busy with all her friends anyway. And when he came back he could do something fun with her as a belated birthday gift.

Because he can be a good dad. Like today. Because if there is no work that is more important to him, Kate knows that he enjoys spending time with their daughter.

On the other hand, wasn't Lanie right? One positive thing couldn't make up for all the disappointments they had to suffer through. Or could it? Kate didn't know. All she knew was that she'd fun today, that her daughter went to bed happy.

But they still had to talk about his Doctors Without Borders mission and Kate was almost sure that it would end in another argument. Because no matter how understanding she was right now about him loving his job she knew that she would always be disappointed about him putting work over their daughter.

O-o-o-o-o

Sorry about the long wait. I just didn't like this chapter very much and tried improving it several times. I'm still not very fond of it but I don't think it's getting any better. So here it is so I can work on the next chapter.

And don't worry, you'll get to hate Josh in the next chapter again. I just think that he isn't that bad of a guy. He just doesn't belong with Kate.