This chapter is a little longer than usual but I don't think anybody will be upset about that. I hope you enjoy it. And thanks for reading and reviewing.

O-o-o-o-o

Kate anxiously awaited Josh's arrival. If he was on time he'd be here in a few minutes. Kate couldn't wait to get this conversation over with. Their conversation on the phone had gone surprisingly amicable, at least it hadn't contained any yelling. And Josh had agreed to all facts she'd presented to him.

„You asked me to call"

„Yeah, we have to discuss how we are going to handle parenthood now that we're not together anymore" Kate went straight to business.

„I didn't think you would want me anywhere near Claire" Josh said.

„I don't" Kate said. „But that wouldn't be fair to Claire."

„Good" Josh said. „Because she's my daughter too. And I want to be able to see her."

„You'll get to see her. But I think it goes without saying that she's staying with me and you're going to move out" Kate said. The apartment had been hers anyway back when they met.

„Of course" Josh said. „I extended my time with Doctors Without Borders to full two months anyway. But when I'm back I want to see Claire."

„Of course you did" Kate said angrily but swallowed it down again, getting angry at him would just make things worse. She really didn't want to start a fight. „I want Claire to be able to see you. But when she does I want you to actually be there for her and not be at work with your thoughts. So it's on you to determine how often you can make time for your daughter. I'd be okay with once a week but if that's too much for you it can be every two weeks or once a month. Whatever. Just think about it"

„You know my schedule isn't always…" Josh started.

„I don't care anymore, okay?" Kate snapped. „I expect you to get into contact with me when you're back from your mission to negotiate when Claire gets to see you. And I expect you to call on her birthday. I swear, Josh, if you forget to call I'm gonna fly there and…"

„I won't forget, Kate" Josh interrupted a little annoyed.

„Better not" Kate huffed. „Anyway. When are you off work to come over here to pick up your stuff and tell your daughter that her parents are not gonna live together anymore?"

„I thought you were going to tell her that" Josh said a little awkwardly.

Kate bit her lip in anger. Of course he thought that. „We are going to do that together. And you are going to tell Claire that you still love her the same, no matter what's happening between us. You probably don't know that but young children tend to think they are at fault when their parents split up. So we'll behave like mature adults should and tell her together, making sure that she knows she's not at fault and that us splitting up doesn't change our feelings for her. Think you can do that?" Kate asked heatedly.

„Yes"

„And about money…" Kate started.

„I already set up a standing order, starting next month" Josh interrupted.

„Wow, well thanks, I guess" Kate said. „You're just glad you're out of all the daily obligations, are you?"

„Kate, you might not believe it but I actually care for Claire and for her well-being. I want her to get a good education without you having to worry about money" Josh said a little heatedly.

„Okay, okay. Sorry. I didn't want to start a fight" Kate huffed. „So when are you coming over?"

Kate went to the kitchen to make herself a coffee. She didn't really want one right now. She'd already had two in the last half hour. But she needed something to occupy her mind with.

Claire was playing in her room. Kate could easily go there and join in in her playing but she didn't want her daughter to pick up on her nerves so she was glad she was occupied with her toys. She didn't think she could hide her nervousness anymore. It had been bugging her ever since their phone conversation yesterday morning and became almost unbearable now. She was just glad that Josh had made the time to come over today already. Since it was Saturday morning Kate would be able to spend time with Claire all weekend and comfort her before she had to go to preschool on Monday again.

She sighed with a mix of relief and anxiousness when there was finally Josh's knock on the front door. The first thing Kate noticed when she opened to let her ex in was the huge black eye. It was deep purple and swollen. Kate's eyes went wide. Just for a second it was hard to ignore the worry. She'd cared about him for a long time even if it had been only because of Claire in the past few months. Or years.

„What happened to your eye?" she asked.

Josh looked at her strangely. „Nothing" he brushed her of then. Well, she shrugged. She told herself she didn't care. It had probably been just karma for what he did at the play ground. Maybe some delirious patient had hit him or he'd gotten into a bar fight. Whatever. Kate didn't care.

„Well, you'll have to get ready to answer that question for Claire" Kate just stated. „And while we're on it: I'll do the talking. You just make sure that she knows that you love her and that you'll still spent time with her. Can you do that?" Kate instructed.

„Yeah" Josh agreed and Kate sighed in relief. Of course he didn't want to be the one who broke the news of their break-up to Claire. But since Kate didn't trust him to do it right anyway that was totally okay with her.

„Oh, and by the way I already told her about your mission last night. I thought it would be better if we don't drop everything on her at once" she told him.

And then Kate went to get Claire from her room. The girl was laying on the floor listening to a story being played in the radio.

„Can you come to the living room please? Mommy and daddy have to talk to you" Kate told her. Claire looked up and saw the serious look in her mother's eyes and immediately followed. Kate sat down on the couch were Josh was already sitting and patted the place between them. Claire hoped on the couch and looked expectantly at her mother.

„I will tell you something in a minute that you probably won't like, baby. But before I do we want you to know that we both love you very very much" Kate said and took a deep breath. This was even harder than she feared it would be. „You know that, right?"

Claire nodded but otherwise kept silent. She'd caught up on the somber mood her parents were in.

„Good. That's good" Kate told her, giving her a smile she didn't feel. Now for the hard part. Better just get it over with fast. „But mommy and daddy don't love each other anymore and daddy is going to move out"

Claire's eyes grew wide in shock.

„Why?" she asked, her voice high-pitched.

„Because we fell out of love and don't want to see each other all the time anymore. But you'll get to see daddy as much as he's got time" Kate told her and shot Josh a meaningful look.

„Yes, mommy is right about that" Josh interjected. „You are my little princess. I love you. And I'll spent as much time with you as I can"

„But mommy said you're going to Africa for the whole summer" Claire said, confused.

„That's true but when I'm back we'll get ice cream together and go skating or do whatever you want" Josh told her.

„When do you go?" Claire asked, her voice quiet and so sad, it broke Kate's heart.

„When we are done talking" Josh said. „Or we can do something together before I go if you want to? Play or read if you'd like?"

At least he was making an effort to make this as easy as possible for their daughter, Kate thought. He wasn't a terrible father. She wouldn't have stayed with him this long if he were.

„No" Claire shook her head. Otherwise she sat tense and unmoving between them. „Don't wanna play"

„Then I'll just give you a hug and go" Josh suggested. Claire nodded and let him pick her up from the sofa. She leaned her head on his shoulder and squeezed him as tightly as she could.

„I love you, Claire" Josh told her once again and kissed the top of her head. Kate heaved a sigh of relief when she watched the scene. It reminded her that Josh wasn't a bad father in general. His priorities just lay elsewhere. Namely in his work. And of course there was the incredibly stupid and dangerous thing he'd done just because work had called.

Plus Kate couldn't help thinking that he probably felt like he was finally free from all his obligations family life had brought.

„Love you too, daddy" Claire said back on a broken whisper.

„I'll miss you but we'll see each other soon, okay?" Josh said. „Now you go to mommy." He handed her over to Kate who carried her to the front door where Josh took his bags. Claire didn't say anything anymore. She just buried her face against her mother's neck, hiding herself behind a curtain of long brown hair.

„Bye Claire" Josh said and then the door closed behind him.

Claire clung to Kate who was at a loss of what to do. She just walked back to the living room and sat down with her daughter in her arms. She gently stroked the girl's hair.

„What can I do to cheer you up, baby?" Kate asked after a while. She'd never seen her daughter this quiet.

„Cuddle" Claire sniffled.

„It's okay to cry, you know" Kate told her. Claire nodded. But no tears came. Kate supposed she was too much in shock to cry.

They sat there for a long time, just cuddling. Or sort of cuddling. Claire wasn't really cuddling right now, she was more like holding on for dear life. Her hands were clenched in tight fist in Kates shirt, he head pressed tightly against her chest. Her breathing was pressed and slightly irregular.

„Will you fall out of love with me too?" Claire asked quietly.

Kate gasped in shock.

„No. No. Never. Never, Claire" she immediately reassured her daughter. „Parents can not fall out of love for their children. That's not possible. I will love you forever and ever and ever. Always. Nothing's ever gonna change that"

„Okay" Claire said and then sighed unhappily. „Can we watch TV?"

Kate sighed in relief. Finally she wanted to do something. „Yes, yes, we can. We can even have some ice cream if you want."

O-o-o-o-o

„Thanks for watching Alexis tonight, mother" Richard told Martha. „I'll probably be late. So if you want you can just crush in one of the guest rooms. You don't have to stay up."

He was going to meet his writer buddies for poker. Martha was glad that he was going out. The last few times she'd seen her son he'd seemed way too depressed. At least today he appeared to be slightly better.

Martha was just about to reply when his phone chirped with an incoming text message. Richard pulled the device out of his pocket and smiled upon what he was reading. He unlocked his phone, typed something, hit send and then put the phone back in his jeans pocket.

„Who's texting you?" Martha asked, curious as ever.

„Just a friend" Richard replied but with a small smile. Martha guessed the friend was a woman.

„Care to tell me about this friend of yours?" Martha asked.

„She's the mother of one of Alexis' friends" Richard told her.

Oh.

„Is she single?" Martha inquired. She already could see this one getting messy if she wasn't single. Richard and a married woman? That couldn't go well. One of them would fall in love, causing heartbreak in its wake.

„What does that matter, mother? She's just a friend" Richard told her with a slightly annoyed look. „But yes, she's single" he added though.

„Are you interested in her?"

Richard groaned. „Can't I just be friends with a woman without you thinking that I want to have a relationship with her?" Martha arched an eyebrow. Not once in his life had Richard been just friends with a girl. Sure he'd started out being friends with some of them but either him or the girl had always fallen in love with the other. Most times it had been him, causing him heartbreak because the girls often wanted to stay friends or have a friends with benefits relationship which wasn't what her overly romantic son wanted.

„No, I'm not interested in her romantically. I just ended my marriage with Meredith. She just broke up with her boyfriend. We are just friends, mother" Richard told her.

„Okay" Martha relented, though she thought things weren't going to stay that way. She knew her son too well for that. She just hoped that when he started to fall in love with that woman she'd reciprocate his feelings.

His phone chirped again and he repeated the process he'd done before. Smiling, texting back, putting the phone away.

Then he looked at his watch.

„I've got to get going" Richard said, dropping a kiss on her cheek. „Thanks again for watching Alexis."

Martha watched him go. Hadn't he said that his new friend was the mother of one of Alexis' friends? Maybe her granddaughter would be a little more forthcoming with information the next time Martha watched her when she was awake.

Now Alexis was already sleeping though. So for now Martha was just happy that Richard seemed to be getting better. He'd really been suffering over his failed marriage. Martha was glad that he'd found someone who was able to help him overcome it.

O-o-o-o-o

„Hey" Kate said after she'd watched Claire greeting her friend excitedly and running off to the swings.

„Hey" Rick replied and gave her a short friendly hug. „I brought you coffee. Latte with two pumps of sugar free vanilla"

„Wow. Thanks" Kate smiled delightedly. „You remembered my coffee order."

He just shrugged and smiled back. „Of course I did."

„I'm so glad we are doing this today" Kate said while they sat down on a bench close to where their daughters were playing.

„Yeah, I'm too" Rick nodded. „Alexis really looked forward to it."

Kate shook her head. „No, that's not what I meant. Well, it kind of is" she said, not really knowing what she wanted to say. But Rick looked at her patiently.

„See, I told Claire yesterday that Josh and I broke up and that he is moving out. And of course it was very hard for her. And she was so sad yesterday and all morning. But once I told her that you'd asked if we were free for a playground date she basically lit up. So I'm very glad we are doing this today" Kate ended her explanation. She'd texted back and forth with Rick about nothing in particular ever since they swapped numbers. His text messages had made her smile and feel good. Or at least they'd made her less sad and feel better. Which was all she cared about right now. But when he'd said that Alexis was bugging him every five minutes about scheduling a play date and she'd told Claire about it her daughter's sadness had been blown away instantly and replaced by excitement. And that was even more important to Kate.

„It was very hard for me too" Rick told her. „Telling Alexis that her mother was moving out and going to live in another state. She cried the whole day and it broke my heart. But since Meredith never had been around that much she soon was okay again. Of course she misses her sometimes but not as much as I thought she would."

„I wish I could say the same" Kate sighed. „I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. Claire was so devastated when Josh left yesterday. And despite my apprehension he's done great when we told her that we broke up and that he's moving out. It's no excuse for what he did but still… I feel so bad for ripping our family apart. It was my decision to break up."

„So you think you made a mistake breaking up with him?" Rick asked carefully.

Kate shook her head vehemently. „No, it really has been time. I haven't been happy in our relationship for a long time. I just…" she took a deep shaky breath. „I just feel so bad for Claire. I never wanted her to ever be hurt like this. Especially not by something I did."

„I know it's very hard. But it's gonna get better, I promise" Rick told her. He had about two weeks more of experience with being separated from your significant other with whom you had a child.

„I hope so" Kate said. „I don't think I can take watching Claire look at pictures with us as a family and cry more than once without starting to cry myself. Yesterday evening when I made dinner Claire was in her room. When I went to get her she was sitting on her bed with a picture of the three of us skating in Central Park. She'd picked it up from the wall behind her bed. She was sobbing and talking to the picture, asking it why it couldn't be that day again. And it just…" Kate stopped to take a deep breath. „It just broke my heart."

„I'm so sorry, Kate" Rick sympathized. Kate's eyes were glassy and shimmering with suppressed tears. Without even thinking about it Rick put his hand on top of hers and squeezed, hoping to comfort her with the gesture.

She took a deep breath in an attempt to compose herself. She hadn't wanted to tell him that much. But something about him made her spill all her secrets, it seemed.

„Sorry for unloading on you again" Kate chuckled embarrassedly.

O-o-o-o-o

„Look Claire, I made a cake" Alexis announced proudly, pointing at the sand cake she'd made.

„Oh, I love cake" Claire stated. „I love birthday cakes the most. My birthday is soon. I'm going to be five then"

„Really? That's so cool. When is it? It's still sooooo long till my birthday. It's in fall" Alexis complained.

„Don't know exactly" Claire mused. „I have to ask mommy. She knows how many times I have to sleep until my birthday."

„Are you having a party?" Alexis asked.

„Of course. It's gonna be awesome. Mommy said I can invite whoever I want. We'll write invitations soon." But then Claire's excitement turned into sadness. „Only daddy won't be there. He's gone a long time to help sick people in Africa, mommy said. He's making them healthy."

„Can't he take a break to come to your party?" Alexis asked.

Claire shook her head. „I asked mommy that too. She said Africa is too far away to just come back for a party" she sighed.

„I didn't know that" Alexis said. „But I've got a book about Africa at home. There are so many cool animals in Africa, did you know that?"

„Yeah" Claire said, her mood lighting up again. „My favorite animals are elephants. Mommy said they live in Africa. I wonder if daddy gets to see them"

„My favorite animals are monkeys. They live in the jungle. That's so cool. They are climbing around in the trees all day" Alexis said and soon they were talking animatedly about animals and started to play that they were monkeys in the jungle.

They climbed as high as they could go and then sat there and watched around.

„Hey, look my mommy is laughing" Claire observed from their place on top of the jungle gym.

„That's because she is talking to daddy" Alexis concluded. „He's the most funny person I know"

„Then mommy has to talk to him more often. She was sad yesterday, I think. I was too but I'm not now because I'm playing with you" Claire said.

„Why were you sad?" Alexis asked.

„Because my daddy moved out. And my mommy and daddy fell out of love." Claire explained. „Did you know parents can do that? Fall out of love?"

„Yeah" Alexis said. „My daddy and mommy fell out of love too. Do you think it hurts? Like when you fall out of bed and hit something and it really hurts?"

„I think so" Claire mused. „Luckily parents can't fall out of love with their kids. I don't want to fall out of anything. I fell out of bed once and hit my head very hard. Mommy even took me to the hospital because she was worried I had a concussion."

„Are you sure parents can't fall out of love with their kids?" Alexis asked.

„Mommy said so" Claire said. „So it has to be true."

„I think my mommy might have fallen out of love with me. Because she's gone to California and is not coming back and it hurts here" Alexis pointed to her chest. „when I think about her."

„We can ask my mommy again if you want. She usually knows everything" Claire told her.

„Okay" Alexis agreed. „Let's do that."

O-o-o-o-o

Kate watched her daughter talking to Alexis on top of the jungle gym. They had been playing some game where they were running around, climbing up and down, run again and so on. But now they just sat there and they seemed to have a serious conversation. At least it looked like that from Kate's place on the park bench.

Rick was currently speaking to his editor on the phone. He had gone a little away, asking her if she could watch Alexis for him for a few minutes. Of course she'd agreed.

Now Alexis and Claire climbed down from the jungle gym again and made their way towards her.

„Mommy?" Claire said when she and Alexis stood in front of her. „We've got a question for you." But before they even got to the question Alexis noticed that her father wasn't sitting beside her anymore.

„Where's my daddy?" she asked, looking around frantically.

„Over there" Kate pointed to the far end of the playground where Rick was standing, talking on the phone. He saw them looking over and waved. „He got a call from his publisher and had to go over there because it was a little loud because of all the kids."

„Okay" Alexis said, relaxed again now that she could see her dad again.

„Was that the question you had?" Kate asked.

Claire shook her head. But it was Alexis who asked the question.

„Can parents really not fall out of love with their kids?" she asked and Kate's heart clenched together at the innocent and yet so difficult question.

„Why don't you come sit with me?" Kate asked, took Claire in her lap and turned to Alexis who had climbed up on the bench to sit beside her. „Are you worried your daddy is falling out of love with you?" she asked Alexis. Not thinking Rick had given her any indication that that could be happening.

Alexis shook her head. „Not my daddy. He's the greatest. But mommy"

Oh my. Kate glanced over at Rick but he was still talking on the phone.

„Why do you think that?" she asked carefully. She hoped she could stall a little time so Rick would come back and be able to reassure his daughter himself. Kate didn't really know what to say. She didn't know that much about Meredith and her relationship with Alexis.

„Because it hurts when I think about her. And falling out of love has to hurt, right? Like when I fall out of bed. That hurts too"

Kate suppressed the small smile at the comparison. Sometimes kids made the funniest connections between things. But nothing about this conversation or the topic was funny.

„Yeah, falling out of love hurts. But it'll get better. Like when you fall out of bed and hit your head. It hurts very bad at the beginning but it will go away." Kate said, using their comparison. Then she went back to the problem at hand. „What do you think about your mommy that hurts you, Alexis?"

„I don't know" Alexis shrugged and looked down unhappily. Kate really wished Rick's phone call would end soon. „She's not there anymore. So she has to have fallen out of love with me, right?"

„Oh no" Kate said. „It's not like that. Sometimes one of your parents doesn't have that much time for you. That doesn't mean they don't love you anymore though. Like Claire's dad. He's going to Africa for a long time but he still loves Claire even if he isn't here and doesn't have time" Kate explained as much for Alexis as for Claire.

„So you think my mommy still loves me?" Alexis asked skeptically.

Kate nodded and gave the little girl a smile. „I'm sure of it. She might not have that much time to show it but I'm sure she hasn't fallen out of love with you. She's probably just very busy with her job and getting settled in in her new home."

„Like my daddy" Claire concluded.

Kate nodded. „Exactly. And until you see him again I'll just love you twice as much, Claire. And your daddy will surely do the same, Alexis."

„Or we can share, can't we?" Claire asked innocently.

„Share what?" Kate asked confused.

Alexis though immediately understood what her friend had suggested. „Yeah, we are just gonna share. Awesome idea, Claire" Alexis smiled at her friend.

„Share what?" Rick asked as he came back, having finished his phone call. He'd overheard his daughter's words.

„You" Alexis said.

„And my mommy" Claire added.

Rick shot Kate a confused look who looked back at him wide-eyed, a little dumbfounded. He arched an eyebrow questionably.

„I'll tell you later" she mouthed.