AN: Coming back into this after finishing the first draft of my novel. And….that latest chapter holy shit that really happened. As soon as I saw that I knew I had to postpone all other projects to do this.
Chapter 11: Love and Taxes
Yotsuba was doing the thing again. Fuutarou wondered if she'd ever move past her own self-deprecation. He also wondered if he's love her the same if she had high confidence all the time. It did feel good when Yotsuba came to him with her own issues and insecurities. All five of the Nakano quintuplets spent so much time with no one but each other. That lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms for all of them.
Yotsuba always tried suffering alone. She didn't want to drag her sisters down. She felt guilty for wanting to be different, to be special, to find something she could be proud of. She had to move past all that in order to accept Fuutarou's confession. But every once in a while, she'd have a breakdown where she kept talking down to herself. Sometimes it felt like she was just fishing for compliments, not that Fuutarou minded.
This break down started with Yotsuba's period arriving again. Not only did that naturally cause her hormones to be thrown out of balance but it also meant yet another month of not getting pregnant. Then, the coffee machine broke. So before Fuutarou had even woken up, Yotsuba was already beyond annoyed with everything.
Then they were supposed to go through their taxes. Yotsuba was eager to help. She wanted to accomplish something-anything- to feel productive. So, Fuutarou was trying to help her deal with that, and walk her through it. He was extremely patient with her. He was far more patient with her than she was with herself.
"This is just so frustrating!" She slammed down on the table. "I'm so stupid." She pouted and started hitting the table. Tears dripped from her eyes. "I don't get it. I'll never get it. I'll always be stupid. Why do you even put up with me?"
"Because I love you." Fuutarou said.
"Why would you settle for a stupid person like me? Yeah yeah, I'm pretty and nice and hardworking but so are my sisters."
"But I don't love your sisters the same way I love you." Fuutarou shook his head. "Do you think I'm dumb?"
"NO!" She cried.
"Am I someone who acts foolishly?"
"You're amazing and kind and ...and…."
"Then trust that I made the smartest choice."
That always made her stop complaining, even if she kept silently sulking. If he just kept her attention on all the good things she had then she'd be fine. Mood swings, depression, general self-loathing, these were all problems Fuutarou had to help her with every once in a while. He looked over the form she was filling out. So far, it didn't have anything out of place.
"You're doing good so far." He said. He started massaging her shoulders. "Just breathe in, breathe out, deep breaths. I'm here to share this workload. It's not the end of the world. You are more amazing than you realize."
"I feel like garbage though." Yotsuba pouted.
"It'll pass." He kissed the top of her head. "Come dance with me a little."
"Okay." Yotsuba stood and faced him. His arms wrapped around her waist and she buried her face into his chest. "I wish I was in the mood for more. You're probably frustrated not being able to…"
"You think I care about that so much?" Fuutarou cut her off. "Just holding you like this is all the pleasure I need right now. I'm actually kinda glad I'm getting a break for once."
"I'm sorry." She said, rubbing her tears face into his shirt.
"You have nothing to apologize for."
"It's just so hard doing all of this and dealing with this."
"Tedious. The word you're wanting is tedious. It's not hard, you have everything you need right in front of you. It's like an open-book test. It is just the most tedious thing in the world."
"Why do we even need taxes?" Yotsuba asked.
"It's how the government pays for everything."
"Why can't we just pay for stuff ourselves? We'd have more money to pay for doctors and schools if the government didn't take taxes."
"Well, that'd be an ideal world." Fuutarou chuckled. "But not everyone can afford it without help, and not everyone is as charitable as you."
"I can't afford anything. You're the one with all the money."
"You're the one with the time though."
"I hate this. Can't you just let me be miserable for a minute?"
"Nope." He ran his hands through her hair.
"I don't know what I would do without you." She squeezed his body tighter. "I'd probably pull my hair out and scream every time I have to do something like this."
"Well, if you didn't have me, you'd have your sisters." Fuutarou said. "Hmm, I wonder how they're doing."
"Ichika has an accountant that helps her. Besides, she was always the best at math. All I was ever exceptional at was sports and Japanese."
"You did well enough to pass. All that matters is that you did your best and did well enough to move onto the next stage of your life. Of our life." He kissed the top of her head and let her go.
She had calmed down but her face was still red. Her eyes were still bloodshot and her makeup was smeared. She sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve. Fuutarou grabbed her ribbon and readjusted it to help her fix her hair.
Yotsuba's stomach growled and her face went red. Fuutarou guided her to her seat before walking to the counter. He got some stuff out and made some sandwiches. He then poured them both a glass of orange juice. They did a silent toast before taking drinks of the tangy liquid.
"Anxiety, depression, taxes, baby blues, period, and now hangry. I am a piece of work."
"Half those things are compounded from the same thing." Fuutarou said. "After we eat we should find a way to unwind, decompress."
"No, no, this has to be done." Yotsuba shook her head.
"We have time. I'll handle the rest. You relax and…"
"I can't relax knowing I'm burdening you with all this stuff."
"You're obviously not in the best place to do this. Don't overextend yourself ...please."
"You're right." She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Just why does all this stuff have to happen all at once?"
"I don't think fate ever gives us more than we can handle. Or at the very least, it takes us where we need to be."
Fuutarou put his hands on her shoulders. Her muscles were sore and tight. She hadn't been doing her usual stretches and workouts the last day or two. It was clearly a vicious cycle. She wasn't motivated to exercise because of depression and the lack of exercise just added more to her depression because of the lack of those post-workout endorphins.
"Let's go for a jog." Fuutarou said.
"I'm not feeling well enough."
"Come on, the fresh air will do you some good and you'll feel much better." Fuutarou said. It was a strange reversal of roles for them. It was usually Yotsuba saying that sort of thing to him. But with her mood, he had to make up for it. If he didn't, he'd only be dragged down with her. And if she noticed that, she'd only feel worse.
"You're probably right." She grumbled.
After finishing her lunch, she cleaned up her makeup and put on her jogging suit. Fuutarou gave her a warm smile when she emerged from the bedroom. His beaming face was a nuke to all her negativity. When he smiled, life felt so much easier, like all her suffering was a small price to pay for the true joy of being married to the only man she had ever truly loved.
They didn't stay out long. They jogged around the neighborhood for about thirty minutes. Fuutarou was still nowhere near as athletic as Yotsuba, but he had enough stamina to make it through the light jog. Yotsuba certainly lightened up.
When they arrived back at their house, Yotsuba kicked off her shoes and sat back down at the table. She looked over the tax form and started working on it again. The frustration she felt before was gone. Going on that run refueled her confidence. It was like restarting a computer. All he had to do was turn her off and back on again. And as she worked, Fuutarou swore he saw her ribbon pulsating. It was generally unnerving, especially after Yotsuba told him she thought it was alive.
Fuutarou looked over everything and made sure it was filled out correctly. Just like schoolwork, it was so much easier when everything was right. It all checked out so he filed it away to be mailed off on his way to work.
"We did it, our first time filing taxes as a married couple." Fuutarou said.
"Yay." Yotsuba planted her face on the table. "So accomplished. I wish it improved the way I feel."
"You are going to feel absolutely amazing when everything balances back out and you wake up in the morning without needing to worry about this for another year."
"I'll still be worrying about all the other stuff though." Yotsuba said.
Fuutarou shook his head. He was starting to get irritated with how mopey Yotsuba had become. He kinda missed the days where she would bury her pain and sadness under thick layers of fake smiles and genki energy. But he got it. He understood why this meant so much to her. He had to do his best to be there for her.
"Yotsuba." He said. He took a seat directly in front of her. "Yotsuba." He repeated. "Yotsuba Uesugi."
"Hmm." She looked up. Their faces were extremely close. Had they not already been married it would be an embarrassing moment.
"You finally looked at me." Fuutarou chuckled, thinking of the day fate brought them together again. "We have each other. We have love. We already have an amazing family. I have a great career and you are a beacon of light for the community. We are healthy and we are successful. There's no need to dwell on what we don't have, when we'll get it eventually."
"I've tried being happy with all this. I just want so much more."
"Aren't you girls the ones always talking about fate? I'm not exactly religious but if you cling to that ideal so much, can't you see it might be better to wait until things happen and be happy with the way things are for now?"
"Nothing you say can change my mind Uesugi-San." Her face reddened and she hid it from his view. She was trying to be standoffish but she had oversold it and addressed him in a way she hadn't in years.
"Maybe the kid we'd have if we got pregnant now would be a pain in the ass like his mother." Fuutarou teased.
"HMPH!"
"Maybe you'll regret not taking it slow. I don't think that matters." He leaned forward. "Because fate has taken us this far. So can't we just leave it up to chance?" He punctuated his remarks by planting a kiss on her head.
"You're right." Yotsuba sighed. "Maybe I'm not trying hard enough to enjoy this time. Stupid lady hormones."
"I don't blame you. I could never be mad at you under these circumstances. It's just sometimes I worry that, if too much time passes, I'll lose that side of you forever. It was the light inside your soul that I fell in love with."
"That light is still there Fuutarou-Kun. It's just not feeling so hot." Yotsuba's words were reassuring. And as further reassurance, she grabbed him by the collar and pulled him into a kiss. That kiss, more than anything, helped them both relax.
"Let's lay down and watch TV." Fuutarou said.
"Good idea." She whispered. "Shishishi, just because I'm not really in the mood doesn't mean I can't give you some love."
"Whatever you say." Fuutarou rolled his eyes.
Love itself can be taxing when one's mind isn't in the right spot. And days like that just reassured the both of them that they made the right choice. Yotsuba needed someone who could shoulder her burdens and Fuutarou needed that kind of supporting light. That's why they were able to deal with things like this without much problem.