The End of the Beginning, arc 2: Inferno

by SuperiorDimwit

Some matches are made in heaven, some in hell: and some, quite rare and quite peculiar, are made on earth. The tale of the blue exorcist began long before the Okumura twins were born, when two men met who would change the course of history for Assiah and Gehenna alike. The question is: how did that history change them?

67. 119: If you hear me

A/N: I do not own or profit from any of what Kazue Kato has created.

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…hi.

I'm supposed to practise calling upon you in prayer. If you exist.

I don't know which would be worse, honestly. If you did exist and heard me, or didn't and I was just talking to myself in my head.

I kinda wish you did hear me. I haven't got much other people to talk to – I'm sure you know why. And even with free will and all that, I'd appreciate if you did step in sometimes and stopped us from doing stupid things. Wouldn't be as fun, I suppose, but…

I keep thinking it makes you a bit like Samael. Sorry 'bout that.

…does it ever go away? Can feelings like these go away?

Sheesh, I'm supposed to be honest, right? Like some sort of confession?

Sometimes I wish I could just crawl out of my own skin. Shed everything and be reborn as someone else. Sometimes. Other times I wish I could turn back time and make it all undone. I don't know… I just don't… see how I could ever set this mess straight.

…if they're there, could you tell them I'm sorry? Agari-chan and Katsu-san and- …you know which ones. Tell them I'm… so fucking sorry. I'd swap with them, if that were possible – hell, I'd… I just wish I could change everything.

I don't know how to repent more. I don't know what to do. If you're God and all, I hope you can just scan me like a barcode on a bottle of ice tea and know what I mean, 'cause I can't put words on it. It's too damn big. It's like I'm gonna explode, only I never do. I keep doing these meditation exercises Sen-chan taught me, but I think I build up tension faster than I can get rid of it.

I get what she meant with emotion rotting inside. That's exactly how it feels.

I wish things were different. If I could have one wish in the world, I'd wish I never ran down to Deep Keep.

Dreams and wishes get the plants through winter, if you believe Moriyama-san.

…I'm gonna miss her, aren't I?

Will she miss me…?

If you hear this, God, I've got some advice for you: make more women like her. Especially women that are gonna have kids.

I'm just babbling random stuff now. Might as well get started on the homework instead.