The next morning Rick dragged himself out of bed. His headache was a little better and his limbs seemed to hurt less too but he still would rather stay in bed than get up. But the smell of breakfast had found it's way to his bedroom and had reminded him of the fact that Kate and Claire had stayed the night. And of course there was Alexis so he couldn't just stay in bed.
When he came into the kitchen he first took sight of Kate and just observed her for a moment. She was stirring in the pan while chatting with the girls about Claire's birthday party. She was still in her sleepwear, her hair was a little ruffled from sleep and she wore no make-up. But the smile she gave Alexis when she said something was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
His heart speed up a little at the sight. He loved how accustomed she seemed to be in his kitchen. The scene was so domestic. He could easily picture a future with Kate, one where she was his girlfriend, his partner, his wife. They would raise Alexis and Claire together, maybe have more kids. Stop right there, Rick, he told himself. This was too much. They were friends. Just friends. And he was fine with that. Well, most of the time. When he saw her like this, so totally at home in his kitchen though he couldn't help but picture more with her. She was so beautiful, so strong, so kind, so perfect.
His musings were interrupted from his own cough which reminded him of his sore throat too and alerted Kate and the girls of his presence.
„Good morning, Rick" Kate smiled as she looked up but frowned when his coughing didn't stop. „I'll make you a tea" she decided and turned to put the kettle on.
„Daddy, are you not feeling better?" Alexis asked concerned. She had turned towards him too and was now looking at him worriedly. He gave her a smile that he hoped would ease her worry. He hated to see his daughter so worried about him.
Rick cleared his throat a few times so he could speak. „I do feel a little better, Alexis. Don't worry, I'll be as good as new by tomorrow" he grinned at her and came closer, refraining from kissing her on her head like he would usually do. He didn't want to pass his sickness to her, though he thought that he most likely caught it from her. He just hoped that he wouldn't pass it to Kate, or worse Claire. It would be terrible if Claire got sick this close to her birthday.
O-o-o-o-o
Later that day he was feeling a lot better. Thanks to Kate he had been able to take the whole day to rest too. Since today was her day off anyway she had insisted that morning that she would take Claire and Alexis out again so he could rest and sleep his cold off. So after a little back and forth during which he'd told her she really didn't need to do this and she'd told him that she didn't mind and was actually glad that she could pay him back for once he had retreated to the couch where he'd laid down and had almost fallen asleep before they even left the loft. Despite the fact that he'd gotten up less than an hour ago.
When they returned in the late afternoon he woke up from his third nap that day and felt a lot better, though a little disgusting. So he jumped into the shower to wash off. After that he felt almost good. Sure, his throat was still sore and his nose was still a little stuffed but the pain his limbs had gone as had his headache. Both of which was a huge relief.
So after he'd dressed he'd walked out to the kitchen where he once again caught Kate on his stove. She was cooking something with a lot of vegetables, telling him that she hoped he was up for eating since he needed to have some vitamins.
A few minutes later Kate finished her cooking and they called down the girls to have an early dinner together. After which the girls went upstairs to play some more until Claire and Kate had to go home.
„Hey Kate" Rick said after they'd loaded the dishwasher and had taken a seat on the couch in the living room. „I've been wondering if you and Claire have anything planned for summer vacation?"
When he hadn't been napping today he'd thought about what his mother had said about the Hamptons. Of course he wanted to go. He loved it there. As did Alexis. His little girl enjoyed their time there very much since usually both her dad and her grandma where there with her and took all the time in the world to play with her. She loved the beach and the pool and just everything. So of course Rick wanted to go. But then he thought of Kate and it was almost painful to imagine two months without her. He would miss her terribly which he was allowed too since they were best friends. At least that was what he told himself. Of course he knew that wasn't the real reason but he tried to push that away. That was not the point here.
And then there was another problem of course. He knew how much Kate struggled, trying to balance work and being a single mother. Who would watch Claire when the preschool was closed during summer break? He guessed that Kate probably couldn't get that much time off from work. So he wanted to be in the city to help her. He really didn't like the thought of her having to struggle finding someone she could leave Claire with while he was lounging around in the Hamptons.
„Um" Kate made. „Not really. To be honest I haven't really thought about it. I've been so busy with the break-up and settling into our new life, meeting up with you and Alexis and planning Claire's birthday party that I didn't have the time."
„Great" Rick said. „I mean, not great that you didn't have time but it's good for my idea actually"
Kate raised her eyebrows, not able to make sense of his ramblings. She didn't know where this conversation was headed. She hadn't really thought about the summer yet but now that he mentioned it she could see a lot of challenges coming her way already. Summer break had always been a little tricky. Mostly Kate and Josh had each taken off some time from work in turns and had been able to cover most of summer break that way. The remaining time Mrs Rodriguez had watched Claire but she of course wasn't available anymore. Kate should probably search for a new babysitter soon. She couldn't always depend on Castle. And he probably had plans for the summer. He had the time and the money to take Alexis on a long vacation…
„You see, we usually spend all summer in our house in the Hamptons but I think Alexis would miss Claire way too much" he carefully left himself out of this. „So I've been wondering if the two of you maybe wanted to accompany us for a week or two or as long as you can get of work"
„Oh wow, Rick, that's very nice of you to offer but I don't know. I would feel like we're imposing on your family vacation" Kate said. She bit her lip, his offer sounded very tempting. It had been a long time since she'd taken a real vacation. Last time they had gone somewhere had been when Claire was about three and both her and Josh had managed to get a few days of at the same time.
„You wouldn't be imposing. We would love to have you there" Rick assured her.
„I don't want you to feel like you have to invite us just because Claire and Alexis are best friends, Rick" Kate argued. He was being too nice to her. „I'm sure they can manage a few weeks without each other." Though Kate knew that Claire would be whiny and moody and occasionally very sad that she couldn't see Alexis for however long. She'd already been pouty because she hadn't been able to see Alexis when she'd been sick. She'd been understanding then though. Kate doubted that she would understand why they couldn't play with each other for weeks. Not to forget that Kate would miss Rick. He was her best friend and they spend a lot of time together.
„That's not it" Rick said, his heart skipped a beat at the thought about what he was going to say. He hoped he wasn't being too obvious. He really didn't want her to figure out his feelings for her and then feel awkward around him. „I would love to have you there. I enjoy spending time with you as much as Alexis and Claire enjoy playing with each other. So please don't feel like you are imposing. If you want to come then you are more than welcome to." His eyes were so incredibly blue as he said it and fixed his gaze on her that it was hard for Kate to breath. He meant what he said. He wanted them there. Both of them. Claire and herself. Out of it's own volition a smile started to break free on Kate's lips.
„Okay" Kate heard herself reply, her voice softer than she had intended it to be. „When did you want to go?"
Rick's smile was almost blinding. „Doesn't matter. Whenever you can get off work"
„You don't have a preference?" Kate asked.
Rick shook his head. „Whatever fits into your plans" he smiles and Kate smiles back.
They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes when Kate remembers something else she wanted to talk about.
„Hey" she said, a little nervous. Why she didn't know though. He'd repeatedly assured her that he wanted to do that. „You remember how we talked about you meeting my dad?"
„Oh yes" Rick replied, a softer smile on his lips, less luminous. „Did you set a date?"
Kate nodded. „Wednesday afternoon for coffee if you are up for it. Lanie volunteered to watch Claire. Will Martha be back to watch Alexis?"
„Yeah, she's got her last show tomorrow night and is coming over for lunch on Wednesday anyway. I'll let her know that I need her to watch Alexis for a while" Rick replied. Kate opened her mouth to suggest rescheduling. Martha probably had to recuperate after having been on a work trip, right? But before she could say anything Rick said „she won't mind. She loves spending time with Alexis. She usually steals her for hours after she's been away for a few days, not to talk about weeks. Then I can be happy if she returns her to me at all" he laughed.
Kate chuckled too. She could see Martha doing just that and Rick mock-pouting about it. „Great, so I'll tell my dad that I'll bring you along on Wednesday. As long as he manages to stay sober that long…" Kate sighed.
Rick put his hand on her knee and squeezed. This really was a tricky situation. He'd spend a lot of time thinking about how he could help solve this problem. But it was very difficult. Jim had to want to get sober. Otherwise they didn't stood a chance. Rick though had been thinking about reasons Kate could give him to want to get sober. Spending more time with his daughter and granddaughter surely should be reason enough, right? But how could they fit that into Kate's tight schedule?
„Why don't we invite him?" Rick asked suddenly. „To the Hamptons" he added.
„No" Kate shook her head vehemently. „No, Rick. It's one thing thing for you to invite Claire and me but you don't even know my dad. It's totally possible that you won't like him or that he doesn't like you." The thought though send a wave of disappointment through Kate's body. For some reason it was really important for her that they would like each other. More so than any boyfriend she had ever had, including Josh. It probably was because Rick was her best friend. Right?
„Okay, okay" Rick relented. Maybe that offer really was too overhasty. But he couldn't help himself. He just wanted to help Kate in any way he could and he thought that might be a manageable way.
„Just so you know, I'm very likable" Rick waggled his eyebrows and Kate rolled her eyes. „But let's wait and see how we get along and if we get along I can invite him to spend some time in the Hamptons"
Kate shook her head again. „No"
„Why not?" Rick asked.
„Because it's your vacation. I don't want you to stress yourself with my father's presence there. He's an alcoholic. There is no guarantee he won't start drinking while we are there" Kate said.
„We'll just remove every single bottle of alcohol from the house and won't let him leave. You or I can go out grocery shopping or just have the groceries delivered" Rick said simply.
„Why do you even want to do this?" Kate asked. „You don't even know my dad. Why do all this?"
„Because of you, Kate" Rick said, his heart thumbing faster again. „Because I care about you" Because I love you, he didn't say. Even if she liked him back the way he liked her it would be too soon for that sentence. „Because he is your father and he is important to you. And because I think we might be able to help him that way. Once he got to experience how beautiful family life is, how beautiful spending time with his daughter and granddaughter is he won't ever want to miss a second of it again. I'm sure of it"
„Oh Rick" Kate sighed. This was so sweet of him. So very generous but Kate was was still doubtful. „You are so hopelessly optimistic. What if it doesn't work? What if he breaks all our hearts?" Kate asked and Rick saw the heartbreak of the past shine in Kate's eyes.
He relented. A little. „I can take heartbreak. I've dealt with it before" he took her hand then. „But if you really don't want to try this then of course I won't make you or won't bother you with it anymore. I just want to tell you that the offer stands and that I would really like to help you. So if this is not the way you want to go I'm willing to help you in whatever other way I can. Even if it's stepping back and doing nothing."
Kate's eyes were filled with tears. This sweet man. She nodded. „I'll think about it, okay?"
„Great" Rick smiled. „Come here" he suggested and opened his arms wider. She immediately followed his invitation and leaned into his chest for the hug he offered. Rick took a deep breath to take her scent in. Oh god, he had it so bad. He felt his heart beat faster with her so close and hoped she wouldn't pick up on it.
o-o-o-o-o
„Hi dad" Kate said when she and Rick got to the table where her father was already sitting. He got up and she hugged him. She took in a deep breath and was relieved that she couldn't smell any alcohol on him. She tightened her hold on him and took another breath. He smelled like her dad again. Like he'd always smelled. Without the disgusting stench of alcohol.
„Hey Katie" Jim greeted back. When Kate pulled back from the embrace Jim's gaze fell on the young man that was standing a few feet behind his daughter. Once they weren't hugging anymore she turned to the man and he stepped forward. A smile on his lips.
„Dad, this is Rick Castle, my friend and father of Claire's very best friend Alexis" Kate introduced him. „Rick, this is my father Jim Beckett"
"It's nice to meet you, sir" Rick shook the older man's hand politely.
"Likewise" Jim Beckett replied.
They took a seat at the table, Kate opposite her dad and Rick beside her.
"How are you doing, dad?" Kate asked.
He shrugged. Which meant that he had given up on trying to get sober again. Kate felt her heart sink. She'd gotten her hopes so high up already during their embrace but it was probably just good luck. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe she should step back before she could get her hopes crushed yet another time. Especially because this time she wasn't the only hopeful one. Rick was so optimistic about this he would be deeply disappointed when Kate would once again fail to get her father out of the bottle.
Rick squeezed her knee and gave her an encouraging smile.
"How are you, Katie? How is Claire? How is being separated from Josh affecting you and her?" her father asked. How could he be so interested in one moment and start drinking in the next?
"I'm great actually. I probably should have ended this relationship a lot sooner" Kate smiled. "And Claire is doing okay. Better than I feared"
"That's good to hear. You do look very good too. Happy even" Jim said. Then he turned to Rick. "That your doing?"
Rick actually blushed a little. Kate suppressed a grin. He was. If it weren't for him and Alexis Kate was sure that both of them would be a lot more crushed about the break-up and Kate would have a lot of trouble with being a single mother since her job was so challenging and demanding too. So yes, Rick played a very big part in her being happy. But she didn't need to admit that here and now.
"Some of it, I hope" Rick told him sincerely and Kate's heart melted. Maybe she could admit it. It was his doing after all. Not only some of it.
Jim knew better than to ask if they were together, though he'd really like to know. Rick looked at his daughter with obvious admiration. If Jim would have to guess he would say that the man was even in love with her. And Katie seemed happier than he'd seen her in a long time. And there was this smile on her lips that he couldn't remember ever having seen before. Not that he was always in a state where he would notice these kind of things…
„So what's this news with Claire's new best friend? How is she doing?" Jim asked. He would love to see his granddaughter again. He really hoped he could make it to her birthday party. He really tried to not drink but well… often as soon as he was home a fresh wave of pain hit him and he couldn't refuse a drink. And a drink never stayed a drink. A drink always turned into a bottle.
„Alexis - that's Rick's daughter - and Claire met at a playground. And now they are almost inseparable. You should see them together. It's so adorable" Kate told him with a wide smile on her lips.
„What's she been up to lately?" Jim asked.
„All kind of things" Kate said. „Last weekend I went to the zoo and to the museum with them. Usually we meet at the playground though or at Rick's place. They are really into building forts right now."
„I bet she's very excited about her birthday too, right?" Jim asked and Rick was positively surprised by the eagerness he showed about all information concerning his granddaughter. Kate was happily answering all his questions, glad that her father was sober and showing interest in their life.
"Of course she's excited. She's been talking about it nonstop. But enough of us now" she said. "We had an idea. Actually it was Rick's but I have some questions first." She'd turned more serious and the lightness which had been in her voice when she'd talked about Claire was gone now. Without really thinking about it Rick put his hand on her knee, squeezing it in support.
Jim looked at her questioningly. He had picked up on the change in mood and was now patiently waiting for his daughter to speak again.
"Do you want to get sober, dad? And please be honest" Kate had pulled her wall up. She was prepared for every answer. She wouldn't break down here. She could do so once she got home. When she was alone in her bathtub. Or maybe at the loft in Rick's arms. But definitely not here.
"Would you be willing to try for real? Try really hard?" she asked.
Jim looked sad and shook his head. This was the picture of a man who no longer believed in himself anymore. Rick couldn't imagine how it must be like to feel so defeated. To not have the slightest believe in oneself anymore.
"Katie" Jim sighed the most heartbroken sigh Rick had ever heard. Jim Beckett was a broken man. Rick didn't even want to think what it must feel like to fail your daughter up to this degree. He never wanted to disappoint Alexis like that. To disappoint himself like that. "We tried this already so many times. And I keep disappointing you all the time. I'm so sorry but I don't think that I have it in me to do it"
Kate's face fell. That was exactly what she had feared. But at least he was telling her now before she could get her hopes up too much.
"Mr Beckett, I know we don't really know each other. But Kate and I came up with a plan and maybe you are willing to try when you hear it" Rick said. He wasn't ready to give up yet. He believed in their plan. It was going to work. He would do everything in his power to make it work.
"What plan?" Jim asked skeptical. He was looking at his daughter again.
"Rick and I…" Kate started to explain but thought better of it. She didn't even know how to tell what she and Rick were exactly so that probably wasn't the best start to explain. Sure they were friends, best friends even. But Kate had never had a friend she trusted that much, felt this comfortable with. "Claire and Alexis are very close friends. Best friends forever like they say and Rick and I have made it a habit of spending a lot of time together and with the girls. We would like to include you. But that's where you would have to promise to try for good this time. Because it's not only my heart on the line but Claire's and Alexis' and Rick's too."
Jim stared at her in wonderment. Spending more time with his daughter and grandchild? That sounded like heaven. But was he really able to stop drinking and live with the constant pain? Then he looked at Rick. This man had to love his daughter for agreeing with this, right? What other reason would he have to even try getting along with an alcoholic? Even introduce him to his daughter? Rick seemed open-minded and supportive rather than prejudiced and derogatory like Katie's ex-boyfriend. So maybe…
"I think I'd like to try. But Katie, I'm so scared of failing you" he told her, tears shining in his eyes.
Kate took a deep breath, allowing hope to flood her once again. She swallowed hard when she saw the tears in her father's eyes. They almost prompted her own. God, she so hoped that this time they would succeed. She felt Rick's hand squeezing her knee once more and she was grateful for the contact. He was so supportive and just too good.
„You know my offer still stands, right?" he whispered. Kate looked at him. He really was serious. Her heart beat faster in her chest when she looked into his deep blue eyes. They were so full of generosity.
„Okay" Kate answered him, her voice quiet because his eyes were so full of… she didn't know what it was but the look in his eyes made it hard for her to breathe. As did the smile that started to illuminate his face when she agreed to his offer, like he was really happy about it. He wasn't doing this out of pity for her. He really wanted to help in every way he could. Kate didn't know how she got so lucky, finding a friend like him.
Kate took a last deep breath, sending Rick a thankful smile before she turned back to her father, who he composed himself and was watching them. The look in his eyes thoughtful.
"We kind of came up with a plan that will prevent you from drinking for two weeks if you would like to try it. You could bond with Claire and even Alexis but they'll get fond of you too so you can't just start drinking after these two weeks" Kate told. She couldn't believe that she was actually inviting her father to impose on Rick's vacation too but she was. And Rick really made her believe that it wasn't an imposition at all.
"What is that secret masterplan of yours?" Jim asked.
"It's not mine. It's Rick's" she nodded at him to explain.
"I've got a house in the Hamptons. Alexis, my mother and I are spending our summers there and this year I invited Kate and Claire to join us. I'd like to invite you too. It's very spacious there and you'll have your own room" Rick explained and Kate joined in.
"I've got two weeks off from work to have a vacation and when we go back to the city I could really need a regular babysitter for Claire since things will get very complicated without Rick who has jumped in every time to take care of Claire since my separation from Josh. And he will be still in the Hamptons. And I will have to go back to work" Kate told her father. She'd talked to captain Montgomery and he'd agreed to her taking two weeks off. She'd told Rick that and they'd decided that they would go to the Hamptons then. After that they'd gotten into a bit of a fight since Rick had wanted to come back to the city at the same time so he could help Kate with Claire. Kate of course had told him that she would get a babysitter and that she wouldn't let him cut his vacation short because of her. They hadn't come to a solution yet. Though Kate suspected that he would just come back to the city with her. Which she didn't like but couldn't change. In the end it was his decision. She would feel very bad though.
"You'd really take me with you to your vacation?" Jim asked in wonderment. Maybe this time he could make it. Maybe this time he could get sober.
Rick shrugged and nodded as if it wasn't a big deal at all. "Sure. You are a part of Kate's family and since we are spending a lot of time with her lately it's only fair to let you participate."
"That's very generous of you" Jim told him.
"So?" Kate asked. "Do you believe you can do it?"
"I'm willing to try really hard, Katie" Jim promised. "I would love to be a part of your life again" A few tears slipped free and Kate left her place beside Rick to embrace her dad.
"I'd love that too, dad" Kate told him, not caring about the few tears that slipped free now.
Rick let them have their moment. This was going to work, he could feel it.
O-o-o-o-o
„Sullivan" said the voice on the other end of the line.
„Hello, this is Jim Beckett" he paused for a moment but then said the next sentence in a rush. He'd rehearsed the sentence over and over again before calling. He could do this. „I'm an alcoholic and I want to get sober."
„That's great, Jim" the man was calm, a call like this didn't seem to be out of the ordinary for him. „So, I guess you want to join one of our groups?" Sullivan asked. Jim had researched support groups right after he got home from having coffee with Katie and Rick. In the end he'd decided he would try the one that was just a block away. He'd figured it would be good to have support right in front of his doorstep.
„Yes" he answered. He was going to make it. This time he would make it. His hands were shaking with withdrawals but he was going to make it. The instant he'd gotten home he'd drained every bottle in his house. The last time he'd done that had been back when Katie had first told him that she was pregnant. To this day he didn't understand why he hadn't been able to hold it together on the anniversary of his wedding day that year. But when he'd then missed Claire's birth because of it he hadn't been able to look Katie into the eyes. He hadn't been able to face the disappointment he'd brought to her. And he had never been able to forgive himself for it. He had been so ashamed. Still was. And of course there had been Josh's visit a few days after Claire's birth. The mans had been livid. Had shouted at him, blamed him for Kate's misery. Jim couldn't even blame him because Josh had just spoken aloud what he'd been thinking all the time. He'd broken down right in front of his daughter's boyfriend. He had started to shake and sob. Josh had looked at him disgusted, told him what a looser he was and had left. Really, Jim couldn't blame him. But he still didn't have to like him.
„Great. Which days may we expect you? Most people go for three times a week in the beginning" Sullivan interrupted his dark thoughts.
„I was hoping for every day if that's possible" Jim said. He was going to make it. He was. He just had to repeat it to himself some more.
He negotiated some more with Sullivan before they hung up. Then he opened his desk drawer and searched it until he found the tiny black box. He took a deep breath and opened it. He stared at the golden ring, his throat tight, the need for a drink so bad but he swallowed it down. He wouldn't drink. He touched the wedding band while he held his breath. He couldn't breath, he couldn't swallow.
„I'm gonna make it, Jo. I'm gonna make it. Please give me strength" Jim whispered, tears spilling down his cheek. He wouldn't disappoint his wife again. He hoped that he would feel worthy of wearing this ring again one day. But right now it only reminded him of what he had lost, of all the ways he'd disappointed his late wife, of all the ways he'd failed their daughter and granddaughter. But one day he hoped that he would be able to make it up to Katie, to earn her forgiveness and be able to wear the ring again without breaking down every time he saw it with the heaviness of all his failures. One day.