Two months later…

Morning sun rose softly between the blinds of D.B's office, highlighting the dust swirling around in the air. The air conditioner sent whispers down Greg's neck giving him goosebumps as he sat across from the desk picking at his jeans. He was waiting for D.B to come back with an answer. He didn't expect to hear from him so soon, yet he'd been very proactive, annoyingly observant, with any question/request/etc. that he should have assumed he'd get his answer within the next hour. Like D.B, everyone else was treating him with kid gloves, their voices going unusually higher than normal every time they talked, tiptoeing around phrases they think might "Trigger" him. The most difficult part of his day wasn't the job he was having to relearn, it was trying to make light conversation with people he'd known for years. It didn't help that he was angry all the time without their judgements. After the second day, he'd started hiding from them, finding private rooms or seclusion any chance he could. It was working ok until today.

After 30 minutes of waiting, D.B finally arrived. "Sorry Greg, that took longer than expected," he said taking a seat at his desk. "It took some persuasion, but I have a swing shift person willing to trade with you starting next week."

"I don't want to cause any problems. I was just wondering if someone wanted to switch," Greg said swiftly.

"And I found one that did." D.B smiled. "I have to ask though, how long do you plan on staying in swing? Tyler wants to know if it's permanent or not."

"I wasn't really expecting anyone to switch so soon. I didn't think about how long. I guess I just assumed it would be permanent."

D.B frowned and crossed his arms. "That's what I was afraid of. I hate to lose you."

"I mean, it's not like I quit," Greg joked.

"I know. All the same. We like having you around." Greg smiled at him and went to leave. "How are you doing, by the way? You're first week back must be difficult."

Greg sat back down, he should've known he wasn't going to get away without 'the talk'. That conversation everyone seems to want to have except him. He understood that they wanted to show him they cared, however, when you have over 20 people asking you 'how are you doing?' a couple times a day, it was enough to make anyone want to rip their ears off. He could pull off a 'fine' when the others visited, sprinkled in individually over time. Now he was confronted by everyone all at once and it was getting less and less believable. He was desperate for normalcy. He was sure he would feel like himself again if he could just get everyone else to move on.

"I'm glad to be back. After two months, you get pretty stir crazy. Everyone's been great."

"Good, good." D.B hesitated, unsure how to ease into this topic. He leaned forward on his desk. "Listen, I hope you're not switching because of what Brass said. It was out of context-"

"No, it wasn't. Brass meant what he said even if he didn't say it to my face. And I'm not switching just because he thinks I'm too distracted by my 'issues' to be of any use," Greg said abrasively.

"He was concerned. He saw you-"

"He doesn't know what he saw." Greg clenched his fists. Earlier that day, he was called to a scene with Sara. It was a simple hit and run on a suburban street. Someone in a large red truck had blown through a stop sign and hit a small car giving the driver bad whiplash and a seatbelt bruise. Greg was put on the task to look for skid marks and before he knew it he had walked 50 feet away from the others. He was alone in the dark, the lights from the cop cars whirling around made him dizzy and he had to kneel to brace himself as he started hyperventilating. He was on the ground for a while trying to pull himself together when Brass showed up. Greg heard him coming and stood to greet him, though he supposed he must have been pale and sweaty for Brass had a pitying expression on his face.

"I'm sorry D.B I didn't mean to sound- I just mean, I'm only switching to get a change of scenery, that's all. I wanted a fresh start so to speak."

"Alright. I'm sure you're tired of hearing this," Greg held back a scoff. "But we are all here for you. What happened to Nick, I mean everyone was upset. I know how close you two were."

"It's been two months, I'm seeing a therapist about it. I'm ok, really. Look, if there's nothing else, I should clock off. I'm nearly an hour over already. Thank you, for asking around. I'll thank Tyler later."

D.B eyed him suspiciously. He knew there was more going on, he only hoped he was confiding in someone. He stood up and held out his hand. "I'll see you around then. I hope this change gives you what you're looking for."

Greg smiled and shook his hand. "Me too."

Morgan had been waiting ages for Greg to leave D.B's office. She'd been casually checking her phone in the hall or inspecting something in a nearby office to keep watch. She'd been trying to talk to him all week, nearly cornered him in the breakroom before he made some excuse and left and she hasn't seen him eat in the lab since. He was avoiding her and she wanted to know why.

Finally, the door opened and she watched him walk towards the locker room. Perfect, she thought and followed him as nonchalantly as she could muster. When she walked in, he already had his locker open and was sitting on the bench staring at it.

"Oh, hi Greg," She said casually, going to her locker near his. "Rough night?"

Silence. She looked over at him to see if she heard him at all. He was still staring at his locker unfazed.

"Greg?" she asked slightly concerned. She stood in front of him now and saw with horror that Greg's eyes were completely unfocused. She shook him slightly with no response. She shook him harder and still nothing. "Greg!" she yelled with no response. Her heart started racing, she didn't know what was going on.

She was about to go for help when suddenly he pulled back from her. "Jesus, Morgan don't sneak up on me like that!" He said leaping back, grabbing his heart.

Morgan stood back shocked. "Oh my god, are you ok?" she asked worriedly.

Greg looked back at her confused. "What are you talking about? I'm fine." Greg looked down at his hands as if there might be something there.

"Greg, you were completely zoned out. Like you were paralyzed!" Morgan peered at the door as if still wanting to get someone.

Greg simply frowned and said, "Oh."

"Oh? That's all you have- What happened?" Morgan sat next to him grabbing his arm comfortingly. He pulled away, rubbing the back of his head.

"Yeah, it sounds like I was having a, uh, well a seizure."

"Oh my god, are you ok?" Morgan repeated even more concerned.

"Yeah I'm fine. My doctor said it was a possibility with a cracked skull. I've had a couple since the hospital. It should go away after a couple of months. I'm, um, really sorry you had to see that. I didn't mean to scare you." Greg stared at his shoes, his face bright red.

Morgan took a breath and turned away from him, pushing her long blond hair behind her ear. "I was just worried. Wait, how are you getting home? You haven't been driving, have you?" Her tone suddenly scolding.

"No, no, I'm taking a car service, I promise. Please don't tell the others. D.B knows because he has too but that's as far I would like it to go," Greg pleaded.

Morgan frowned. "Yeah I won't say anything. I don't see why you should hide it though. It's nothing to be ashamed about. Actually, it would probably be better if you did tell everyone so they don't freak out like I did."

"Morgan," he grabbed her hand, her heart skipped a beat. "Please. I just, I don't need another thing for people to pity me for. I think I get enough of that already. You know Sara keeps handing me snacks every hour? I don't know where she puts them. I'm serious look in my locker, I have half the vending machine." Greg smiled at her pointing a small pile of assorted chips and cookies. She smiled back, pushing her hair behind her ear again.

"I know we haven't had much of a chance to talk since I saw you last in the hospital. I was hoping maybe, you'd take me up on that breakfast now?" Morgan blushed, her palms sweaty. Greg instantly frowned, pulled his hands away, and stood up to lean against the locker.

"Please don't take this the wrong way, I want to, date you that is, It's just-I'm just complicated. I'm not myself." Greg crossed his arms.

Morgan stood up saddened. It was about as much as she expected yet it stung nonetheless. She gave him a small peck on the cheek.

"I know you're going through a lot right now. I understand. But you don't have to do it alone. I don't care how messy you think you are right now, I can be there for you. You just have to let me in." Morgan squeezed his arm and left him to his thoughts.

He wanted desperately to follow her, grab her around the waist and kiss her passionately. Something dark held him back, preventing him from finding happiness or solace in her arms. He was sure, that if he got close to her, his shadow would consume them both and a voice kept telling him she deserved better than whatever small piece he had left of himself.

"So you're switching?" Greg turned around at the sound and saw Nick leaning against the door frame, arms crossed.

Greg faced his locker. "Yeah. Change of scenery." He said simply.

"Why didn't you say anything?" He walked closer. Greg grabbed his wallet and went to leave.

"It just happened today. I didn't get the chance. I'd love to talk but I have to let my dog out."

"Greg, if you're leaving because of me, then please don't. I'll switch to swing." Greg paused in the doorway.

"It doesn't have anything to do with you. Like I said, I just needed a change of scenery."

"Then why haven't you spoken two words to me since that night. Admit it, you're avoiding me."

Greg faced him. "I'm not avoiding you. I've only been back a week, I've been busy. Again, the dog needs take a leak otherwise I'll have to replace the rug again. I'll see you around." Nick went to grab his arm. Greg flinched away with a sharp intake of breath. Nick stepped back, hands in the air like he was surrendering.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have- "

"Nick, it's fine."

Nick frowned. "Are you ever going to forgive me?"

Greg smirked. "Relax, it was just a reflex."

"No, I mean about that day. Can you ever see yourself forgiving me?" Greg jerked his head back surprised.

"I don't blame you for what he did- you saved my life for crying out loud!"

"Well at first I thought you didn't want to see me because, well, I reminded you of what happened. Then next thing I know it's two months later, you've only visited me once in the hospital, even after I got sepsis and nearly died-again, and now you're heading to swing? I get that you're angry with me. I never should have let it get that far." Greg suddenly looked around scared.

"Jesus Nick, keep your voice down." He sighed. "Is that what you've been thinking? That you didn't 'save' me in time? It wasn't your job to save me. Look, I don't want to go into this, just don't think I'm holding anything against you."

"I'm still your friend. I know there is a reason you're avoiding me, you can talk to me I was there, I know what you went through. Greg, you can't even make eye contact with me."

Greg threw his hands up in frustration. "What do you want me to say? That you saw me at my weakest most vulnerable moment in my entire life and now every time I see you I'm reminded of how pathetic I am? Do you have any idea the degree of self-loathing I'm climbing out of daily? I look at you and I'm reminded of every mistake I made that nearly got you killed." Greg flushed awkwardly hands clenched into fists. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I just want you to know that, look, there was nothing you could have done that would've prevented it."

Nick leaned against the wall, realization flooding in. "I don't want to make it harder on you. if you need space to get yourself sorted, then I'll leave you alone. I hope maybe someday though, you'll remember the good times we had too. I-" Nick struggled, the words clung to his lips. "I need you."

Greg stared at him, shocked to hear such a vulnerable statement come from him. In all the years he'd known him, he'd never said anything so blatantly. It was like a piece of his own wall chipped a little and he wanted to share something just as vulnerable as if to level the playing field.

He stared at his feet and sighed. "I asked to switch to swing shift because I had a panic attack at the crime scene. I walked too far away and it was dark. I uh, ah hell, I was scared alright? I couldn't handle- I can't handle graveyard, I'm weak."

Nick studied him. "I know it's difficult right now, please trust me on this, what happened that day will fade eventually. Not completely. I'm not going to pretend it won't leave a scar. Someday you'll look up and you'll see all the life you have left to live. And you're not weak. A weak man would've shot the bastard and ended any chance of getting the rest of those men closure. Somehow, after everything he did to you, you still had the capacity to think of others. That's a man I admire the hell out of."

Greg quickly wiped a tear out of his eye. "You weren't going to kill him."

"Yeah, I was. And I still don't think he should be alive. Those other men he hurt…there's nothing more we can do for them."

"Thanks also for going along with uh, my version of events. I didn't mean to put you in a bind but they were asking all these questions while you were in surgery. I didn't mean to make you lie."

Nick lowered his voice to a whisper. "It doesn't matter what I saw him doing to you if you don't press charges. I'm fine with keeping it a secret but for the record, you don't have anything to be ashamed about. You are talking to someone about it, right?"

"Yes of course. But I hardly want everyone I know to know just how far he got. No one deserves to have that image in their head. Besides, it doesn't affect the amount of prison time he gets. He pleaded guilty to six counts of murder to get the death penalty off the table. He still has life. A real pity." Greg said venomously.

"I hate that you're visiting him."

Greg stared at him. "Who told you?"

"Your lawyer contacted me. She wanted me to urge you to reconsider. You're not obligated."

"He said in the sentencing hearing that he would give me the names of each of the other men in the photos, and some that we never knew about."

"But it's not legally binding. You don't have to do this. Even if we do get their names, he's already in prison for life, they can't be helped. And he didn't even give you a number, he could be stringing you along for years."

"Some of them could be dead. What about their families? And honestly, if I was them, I'd love to know that the man who ruined my life was rotting away."

"look I'm not going to try to talk you out of it- I respect your decision. I just hate the idea of giving him anything to live for. Would you like me to come with you?"

"He won't talk if you're there. You know that. He uh, likes when it's just the two of us."

Nick looked away disapprovingly. There was an ever-expanding awkwardness filling the room. Greg thought desperately for a change of subject, then Nick beat him to it.

"So, you got a dog?"

"Yeah," he replied gratefully, "a border collie mutt from the pound."

Greg pulled out his phone to show him a picture of a black and white dog asleep on the couch, grinning.

"His name is Tickles- I know, don't get me started, I didn't name him, he's three and he's blind."

"Well that was generous of you."

"No one would adopt him. He was about to be put down. It's not that much more difficult anyways. I mean, yeah i don't have anything left to break because he runs into everything and sometimes when the sun comes through the window he gets warm and he thinks he's outside and pisses all over the floor, but other than that." And for a moment, while they laughed together, it was like nothing happened and he was free of the guilt, the shame, the anger. He was nothing more than a man with a blind dog. Then Nick winced slightly, rubbing absentmindedly where his scar was and as quickly as it had come, so too did reality and the laughter died.

Even though Greg could feel that shadow creeping over him again, he knew now, somewhere down the line he'd be ok.

Greg arrived at the prison the next day, nervous. He was standing alone outside in the hot sun, trying to work up the nerve to go inside, debating whether he was going to go through with it. The stack of photos in his hands felt warm, alive. He took a deep breath and walked in.

He was sitting in a small barred room when David walked in wearing an orange jumpsuit, shackled. His hair and beard had been shaved showing sunken cheeks and hollow eyes.

"You came," David said grinning, sitting across from him. "I was sure you would change your mind."

"You promised me a name," Greg said matter-of-factly, his leg shaking under the table. Greg pulled out the photos and showed him one of a man walking down a street. "Let's start with him."

"Straight to the point then. I was hoping we could catch up. I haven't seen you in two months. How've you been? Any nightmares? My boys always get them."

Greg glared back, anger flaring within. He couldn't stand the thought of being within his collection. "I'm rather enjoying my freedom, thanks. The name."

David grabbed the photo awkwardly as his restraints kept his legs and wrists together. "Alright, alright. We can skip the pleasantries." He stroked the photo, smiling. "This was 16 years ago, fall. I remember because he had a cute little pumpkin outside, carved into a ghost. He was odd, kept to himself mostly, hardly ever left his place. It wasn't hard to keep up with his schedule, that's for sure.

I met him in a coffee shop. We ordered the same latte and when it was called we both went to grab for it. If our life had been a romantic comedy that would've been our meet cute. So, I followed him, wanting to get to know him. And then three days later, the time was right. Just like I felt for our night." Greg flushed, his leg shaking terribly. David studied him intently. "Why didn't you tell the cops what I did to you?"

"You were going to jail for murder. I didn't need to."

"All the same, you lied, you had Mr. Stokes lie for you. Doesn't that eat at your fragile conscious?"

"Nope. Tell me this man's name." Greg bellowed. He knew there would be some dance to get the info, yet now in the face of it, he believed this was all to mess with his head one last time. He never intended to tell him anything. His heart sank. He didn't want to be wrong- he couldn't be wrong. There was no other option than to get justice for the others.

"It's just the same, now it's our dirty little secret. I won't tell. Anyways, back to my story.

I broke into his place about 2AM, it was easy enough, he had a cat so he sometimes left the fire escape window open. He was sleeping soundly, unaware. He didn't fight back much. Once I had him face down, he let me do whatever I wanted." Greg clenched his fist under the table, a nervousness that did not go unnoticed by David. "He was soft, his skin smooth. He tried to punch me at first but you could tell he'd never hit anything in his life. He was a very gentle man before he met me. I followed him a bit afterwards to see if he'd go to the cops. He never did and a week later he started a bar fight. Last I saw him he was crumpled up in a heap on the ground, covered in blood." He set the photo down and stared intently at Greg. "I do hope you're talking to someone about it, a lot of the ones who don't report it end up acting out later."

"What. Was. His. Name." Greg snapped.

"And after everything I did to you, even though I didn't get to finish-"

"I'm not going to sit here and let you play games. Either give me the name or I'm never coming back."

"If you go looking for them, it's only going to make it worse for yourself. Knowing what I could have done, that you only escaped that fate because Mr. Stokes was there to protect you. Your ego is too fragile, you'll break."

Greg stood up abruptly, grabbing the photo, and turned to leave. "Have a nice life in prison."

Greg closed the bars behind him and stalked off, angry with himself for falling for it. At the last moment David yelled, "Michael Grafferty." Greg paused, stunned. He took a sigh of relief that quickly turned to dread at the realization that he would have to come back next month, and the month after that until he ran out of names to give.

"Used to live in apartment 2B Sunshine Square."

Greg continued walking, tears in his eyes.

"Until next time."

I still cant believe i finished this. I hope you enjoyed it :)