The next morning, I woke up, took my medicine, and got ready for the day. I braided the front part of my hair to open up my face, as the rest of my hair flowed down my back.
"Kirika," Aoi called me. "Did you take your medicine like you were told?"
"Yes, I did. I'm trying to recover, not re-live the suffering again. I'm going to garden since I have nothing else to do." I skipped out of the room and into the hallways. I was in a good mood. My heart was at peace, my mind was calm. I was feeling really good about this day.
"Hey," my hand was suddenly pulled back by none other than Giyu. "You've been ignoring me all day."
Remembering the scene playing through my mind, I yanked my hand from him. I felt more guarded lately. "Well, I've been busy…and I was thinking about a lot of things." I stepped back to give me and him space. "I'm stuck in the past and I should let it go because we're not the same people. I'm embarrassed that you never told me you had someone." My voice started to get cracky and dry due to my personal reasons. "And I think I shouldn't be close to you anymore," I took a bigger step back. "We should limit our interactions…." And another big step I took back as I was trying to make my exit. "Go talk to your…" my eyes started to get hot from saying the word. "Go to her." I twisted on my heels and walked off with my head hanging low.
Small tears streamed down my face and I patted my eyes dry. "Geez, I didn't think it would be that hard to break it off." I was hurting a bit, to know that maybe I shouldn't have known my childhood friend was alive or not.
At the garden, I picked out the ripened fruits and vegetables into a basket. I didn't want to be in the estate anymore, I wanted to leave and start fresh.
"I'll always protect you, Kirika! I will fight anyone who will bring harm to you or your family!"
I started to cry a bit when I recalled the past when young Giyu would ramble about things of our future, as if we would still be close. "Shit, I need to stop being a crybaby and stop thinking about the past. It's the present time now. The past is gone," I stood up, shaking my legs from squatting for a long time.
"Kirika, we need to talk." My heart stopped beating for a second. I didn't want to face the person who wanted to talk to me. I knew damn well it was Giyu but I wasn't ready to see him at this moment.
"I… I don't want to talk to you right now. Go talk to Shinobu." I continued to do my job despite my eyes making it harder to see through the cloudy tears forming. It hurts me to say that to him. "Please just go. I want to be alone." I raised my voice for him to see I was serious about my words.
"...fine," it took him awhile to form any words out. The struggle in his voice shaking was because of me.
"I can't stay here," I muttered to myself, finishing up gardening and harvesting.
After that, I tried my best to avoid anyone in the halls. I didn't want to see people. I wanted to be by myself. I went to my room and started to write my notice. I brought nothing, so I had nothing to bring with me when I leave.
"To whom is reading this:
Don't worry about my whereabouts. I'll be fine. Thank you Shinobu for taking me in, thank you Aoi for taking care of me, thank you Zenitsu for saving me, and thank you for the rest for protecting my town and future victims.
And if you're reading this, I would probably be far now. I don't know where I would be, but I'll be okay.
Yours truly,
Kirika Chiba"
I inhaled and exhaled deeply to control my tears from falling. I was doing this for my own personal issues. I gently folded the letter, putting it underneath my pillow I slept on.
I stared at the window and I knew it was this time where the three boys were training and Giyu wasn't around, so it was a perfect time to leave without anyone stopping me. I poked my head in the hallway to see it dead, it was my cue to leave. When I did encounter staffs, I smiled and moved along with my day without making me seem suspicious.
I was able to get outside the estate without any complication. I didn't look back; I kept my head forward.
"Kirika!"
"Oh shit, he found out too quickly." I muttered, quickening my speed.
"You think you can get away with this letter without us even knowing? Everyone knew something was off until a letter was spotted under your pillow." Giyu's voice was loud and clear as he was chasing behind me.
Hearing him speak made my eyes watery again. "I'm having a personal crisis. Go back to Shinobu! Stop following me!"
"Why is Shinobu's name always in our conversation? She has nothing to do with this."
"Don't speak of 'this', so lightly as if it isn't crystal clear." I quoted with my fingers. "You…" my voice cracked. "You have a great life ahead of you! I don't want to be in the picture anymore. Gosh I should stop being curious, maybe I wouldn't be in so much pain? Ughhh! I don't even know why I'm even feeling this way." Hot tears rolled down on my face, as I wanted to rip out my hair from my head. "Shit," I used my sleeves to wipe my sorrowful tears away.
"Dammit Kirika, just look at me!" Giyu finally caught up to me and forcefully turned me around, but I couldn't let him see my red eyes. I used my hands to cover his eyes from seeing me in a worse state.
"Don't look at me." My voice was very shaky. "I'll tell you straight and clear about my thoughts without running away." I took a deep breath before telling him. "I wished you told me about her at the beginning. It's taboo to engage any talks with a taken man—"
"What are you talking about?"
"Shhhh! I'm not done yet. I told myself that I will be happy if she can shoulder all your sorrows and bad times, like it's great of you to find a beautiful girl like her." More tears formed in my eyes and dropped to the ground. I couldn't hide the fact that I was crying through my tough sniffing. "I don't know why you keep coming to me when you have someone like her, because I'm pretty sure she'd be jealous right now if she knew where you were, and—" Giyu removed my hands covering his eyes and clamped my mouth shut for him to interrupt.
"Who's this girl you're talking about?"
I blinked so slow, as I stared at him in confusion and moved his hands down. "When did you get so dense? You clearly said her name and I told you the reason why. It's Shinobu… That's the girl I'm talking about… Don't you remember when she was on top of you when I opened the door? I ran off?" I tried to make him recall.
"You've got it all wrong. I don't know why you're crying." It seemed like Giyu didn't understand the situation at all. My explanations went to one ear and never came out the other ear.
"No, you've got it wrong!" I pressed my index finger into his chest. I didn't care if he saw how bad my eyes were because I was so confused about his thinking. "You clearly didn't understand my words and comprehending the situation. To me, it was plain and simple. Maybe Shinobu could tell too when I encountered her." I felt more vexed and confused than sad.
"Why would I want to date Shinobu?" Giyu said it in a distasteful manner, like her being his partner would be the end of the world.
"I don't know, why would you? I'm not you. And to answer your second question, the reason why I'm crying is because I felt stupid during that situation, thinking you guys were together. I thought about the last few days where we were just interacting casually, and how close we were because you cried on me, I almost died, we talked about our past, and all that other stuff. I felt disgusted with myself that's why I distanced myself from you. Do you finally get what I'm talking about?" I knew I said a mouthful of words, but I was speaking from my part of the misunderstood story.
"If you felt that way, then what do you think I felt when you pushed me away? I felt hurt because you already know I lost two important people in my life, and if I had distanced yourself from me, I wouldn't know what to do. Losing a childhood friend would pain me so much, it's like an equivalent to losing my sister or Sabito." His words touched my heart because it showed that he cared so much for our friendship, and to know that I was being a dumbass who jumped to conclusions.
"Same goes for me." I patted my dried, heavy eyes. "But I'm not staying, I'm leaving still. You can do what your heart desires because— Hey! Don't carry me off!" I yelled, swinging my arms and legs. Giyu swung me over his shoulder and walked back to the estate. "Let me down! This is not what I meant," I cried out loud.
"I'm doing this for your own health, that's what my heart and mind is telling me. You're not fully recovered, you're straining yourself." Giyu carried me back to the estate and strapped me into bed, tying ropes over the blanket and under the bed stand.
"You're crazy!" I couldn't move an inch of my body at all. I felt more stressed than I ever did.
"I'm wanting you to rest well. I'll stay here until you get better." Giyu dragged a chair right next to my bed and sat there staring at me.
"This is so not creepy…" I heavily sighed, knowing I can't do much about him.