I didn't know how long it's been since I was kidnapped, but I knew there wasn't a way out. My body was covered in black and blue, and it ached so bad. Every limb was burning if I put any pressure on it. I felt so horrible. This part of my life will haunt me forever and I don't know if I'll ever recover from it. Recover from the pain, from the memories, from the sensation of abuse. It's a lifelong stain I'll have to remember.
"Someone's become so quiet now. Is Kirika actually succumbing to my lessons? This fighter lost its fire to clash back. It was fun while it lasted, but I can't hit you any longer because we are to be wed soon and I can't have you looking all beat up because of me. You need to look beautiful again without those bumps on your face," he leaned over my shoulder and started plant kisses from the ends of my shoulder to the base of my neck.
"Stop!" I used the energy I had and pushed him away from me. Beating was one thing, but touching my body was another thing. "I don't want you to touch me… not until we're married…" I hated how I had to say that to him so he could back off.
"Awh, don't be such a sourpuss. Your body will be on fire once it feels my touch." My stomach was turning in disgust.
"Well, assaulting isn't right either. Marriage is first then intimacy is next." I pulled my top to cover my neck.
"You're too cute." He played with my hair. "I wonder what you'd be like when we become one." He giggled, and I felt like throwing up my insides. I was gonna hurt myself if it came to the point of that.
Whatever I did in the house, he would find a way to "help" me in order to touch me. He clearly knew I was vulnerable at the current state I was in, so he could pull any moves on me and I would be useless to his attacks.
"Put your distance away from me," I was going to voice whenever I could because I couldn't let him have control of me. I wouldn't want to live my life broken from an insane man.
"Why?" he whispered, rubbing his body against mine. I was dying in disgust, so I purposefully gasped in pain.
"Ah!" I bent over, holding in my ribs. "I told you to go away. All your abuse hurts my body. You possibly broke my ribs… I need you away from me." I paced my breathing as I calmed my contorted facial expression.
He laughed at me, "you got me there to believe that you were in pain. You will get used to it, don't worry." He extended his hand out to my hair, but I hit his hand back.
"If you touch me," I looked at him seriously as I wasn't playing anymore. "I will kill myself. I won't hesitate because I'd rather die than live with a psychotic person like you!" I severely warned him, tightening my fists.
"And I…" his hands were fast to choke me. "Won't hesitate to hurt you if you're being disobedient, like right now. But I'd rather not, so we are going to wed tonight since I'm eager to explore who you are." I gasped for air when he released his hold.
I coughed violently, holding my wounded neck.
"Your handmaiden will be arriving shortly to pick your wedding attire and decorate the shrine we will say our vows underneath." Then he walked away from me.
I was surprised to hear that he tracked down my handmaiden when he said she would be coming soon. As I thought back to the family pendant he told me on our first meet, he must've stolen it from her because there was no other way he could've gotten it for sure. Then a thought hit me, my handmaiden can help me escape and be free again. I prayed to God for her to help me, for her to see my terrible state, and for her to help me live.
I sat on a stool, sewing fabric together to make something. I was so bored of this place that I did whatever I pleased to touch. My needle pierced through fabrics as it created nothing. My mind was set on my handmaiden walking in— I wanted her to help free me. If I were to be imprisoned in this house, I would take my own life. I wouldn't have no idea how to live on, or to cope with this. My chest felt so empty and sad.
After making no effort of sewing fabrics, I placed myself in a corner. I recalled life of when I was happy, but everytime my eyes would falter to see the chain wrapped around my ankle, I would feel so depressed. The chain only brought memories of abuse and captivity.
"Kirika, would you like to see my doves?" He appeared out of nowhere, as he wanted me to see his possessing.
I thought for a second, to formulate an idea I could use from the doves. "Sure," I replied, already having an idea of escape to be taken place.
I would write an emergency letter to whomever gets it at the Ubuyashiki resident and be saved, because I don't know who else could help me. In order of me to do that, I'll have to do it in secret.
He was showing me his lovely doves he's been collecting since he was a child. He talked about his childhood, but I ignored it since I had no interest in listening to an abuser. Walking passed him, I opened up the cage that locked up the poor doves. "What a prisoner like me…" I pity our lives. It didn't matter if an animal wasn't human, it still has emotions and can feel pain.
I held the white dove in my hand, stroking their back with my rough hand. I brushed past the talking man and went inside the torturing house. "I hope you can save me, and when you do, I'll set you all to be free." I whispered softly, staring sadly at the dove. I had to rely my faith into the messenger bird.
"Why'd you walk away when I was in the middle of speaking?!" He finally stormed inside after realizing my action.
"Shouldn't you get yourself ready for the wedding? And also be concerned about my handmaiden for not arriving yet. You know she is the one to bring me my wedding attire, and if I don't have it, there is no ceremony." I angrily declared, glaring into his eyes. I needed him to leave so I could send a message. "Go search for her, and don't come back if you don't want to get married." I threatened him, knowingly he will go find her because he wants my hand in marriage.
He grumbled at the situation that unfolded and quickly walked out of the house, saying no words to me at all.
I waited for a few minutes to pass by, then what I felt like an eternity, I finally went into his room to write out my letter. I kept the bird right next to me as I quickly wrote sloppily but readable words.
"To whom may help me:
Follow the bird and you may see the version of me who is broken and abused
It'll be before nightfall where I am forever a prisoner and fated to die later
I will leave a trail to follow… save me before night has fallen
From,
Kirika Chiba"
I rushed myself to fold up the paper and tie it to the bird before he came back. My heart was beating from his arrival that may be coming back quicker than expected. I ran out to the back of the house and released the dove in the air. My heavy feelings and thoughts flew with the dove as I waited for someone to read the message. I hoped anyone was still there.
"Your handmaiden is here!"
The clock was ticking