Chapter 4: Her Last Words

Steve found his mind wandering to the moment he found out she was gone. One minute Tony and him were back at the U.S. army base where he was made in New Jersey and the next, they were transported back to the bridge. He still couldn't believe that he and Tony had pulled the impossible off. Then, he heard Bruce's voice to his right,

"Hey where's Nat?"

Steve looked to Clint's face. He didn't think it was possible for Barton to look anymore broken than he had since he lost his family in the Snap, but now he realized how wrong he was. Barton fell to his knees and tears continued to trail down his cheeks. Steve felt time freeze and his brain struggled to process the new information.

Then, suddenly Barton is rising from his position and grabbing Steve's collar.

"This one is on you, CAP."

Huh? What did he…just... say?

"Mr. Morality,Too good for goddamn anyone, Captain Fucking America."

"Clint-I-"

"No-don't you dare interrupt because I am only saying this once. We got to vormir and this red creature shows up out of nowhere and says to get the stone we had to trade a "soul for a soul" that was the price and you know what she said? Your words, Steve, she said "whatever it takes" … your fucking words! and She willingly sacrificed herself for this stone, fought me with every tooth and nail to jump off that damn cliff. Said she was the fucking 'logical choice'. I- I tried to stop her, but she didn't… she never understood… she truly thought she didn't deserve a life, didn't deserve a family. Her last words were "it's okay". As if- as if her life was so obviously dispensable. And that- that it was "okay" that someone made her feel that her life was so meaningless that it was "okay" for her to die!?"

Steve is shocked into silence… not fully realizing the accusation being made until his next words

"And I know I've been gone, but fuck man, once I put the pieces together I almost couldn't believe it. You, Cap, it was you who made her feel that way. You never told her, did ya?" The knowing sneer on Clint's face burned almost as much as the dark chuckle that followed.

"Pathetic. She was too fucking good for you. And now she's fucking gone."

Steve's blood had turned cold. Mind reeling on the information. He conjured up his most recent memories of her. After infinity war, things were different between them, the grief from that big of a loss divided them. He was angry with the world, he had given his life to being an avenger and all it came with was pain, all his suffering summed up to zero or less than zero Zemo could argue. He was fed up with throwing his life away with all the fighting. What did they even accomplish as avengers? Did they really make a difference? Ultimately, they were coping in different ways, he needed space from being an avenger and was working with his support groups in the city. Helping in a new way, a way that honored the memory of Sam. On the other hand, she was at the compound upstate, holding together the remaining avengers. Their opinions on the avengers were different at that time...but he cared deeply for her and continued to stop by to make sure she was okay. Sometimes he would even suggest she stopped, but her response was always admirable...

"I used to have nothing. Then I got this. This job... this family. And I was... I was better because of it. And even though... they're gone... I'm still trying to be better." tears brimmed on the edges of her eyes as a smile crept across her lips.

'I think we both need to get a life.' Steve was begging her to let go, to move on with him. Begging her to stop living this life that would only ensure suffering.

"You first." the rejection stung, but he swore he would be there when she was ready.

And now it was too late. He should have done more for her. He should have told her how he felt about her. But he was hurting, hell the world was hurting. It never felt right, the timing, but now everything felt so unbearably wrong.