Disclaimer: So Myra in this chapter refers to her sexuality as a dilemma. I just want to make it clear that this in no way reflects my personal beliefs. I just aim to write a believable character who was born at a time where non-heterosexual sexuality was not accepted and about the lingering effects of internalized homophobia.
I was accepted into the Volturi because of my ability to not get burned by fire, which theoretically meant I could not be killed.
But only theoretically; if someone really wanted to get rid of me, they could pull me apart and spread my pieces so far apart that it would be impossible for me to assemble myself. A lot of effort on their part, but probably effective.
I was content with my gift. As gifts are supposed to be an extension of traits you had as a human, my gift made total sense.
However, in a coven like the Volturi, my gift was 'interesting' at best.
I was lucky enough to have Haneul orient me when I was first brought here and the subsequent arrival of Dane quickly filled the gap of having someone from my generation to engage with.
Despite all being the same age physically, the fact that Haneul grew up in the 14th century Joseon Dynasty made it hard to relate to him, and I was sure that it made Haneul annoyed at me and Dane's "loose and chaotic" behavior and morals.
Those were his exact words.
Despite gaining two friends, whose company I truly enjoy and I could see myself enjoying for the rest of eternity.
I still struggled with a single dilemma from my human life.
The generation I grew up in despite being more 'loose and chaotic" than the previous, was still conservative compared to now.
I knew from an early age that I was supposed to like boys, and desire all the things that my relationship with one would bring, but as I grew older, I only felt a feeling of dread every time I thought of life as a wife to a gentleman.
I was secretly praying to become a spinster. That no gentleman would be interesting enough in me to propose marriage.
I was turned before I had to enter society as a lady. My curse also came as a blessing.
The vampire world was way more liberal when it came to my dilemma, which I was grateful for, but all my prior years of hiding could not be overridden by a change in environment.
My tact for gauging when someone else was like me was still intact as a vampire. Hence, why I could tell that Dane was like me, and we bonded so easily and then Jane.