What, is this me? Back with a chapter just over a week later? You're damn right it is!
This is probably one of my better written chapters, so I'm pretty proud of it.

Warning: a few brief allusions to rape in the Loki and Laufey centric part. Angrboda was not a very nice person in the last fic.

In the last fic, a number of Asgardians, including an OC named Alfar, defected and joined the side of Jotunheim when Odin came to attack Jotunheim near the end of the last fic.

What's happened so far in this fic?
- Everyone's living in Malibu together
- Tony and Loki find Captain America
- Steve wakes up in the 21st century, he comes downstairs to find a) a room full of people (some of which are blue) b) that most of his friends are dead. Fun times! :|
- Steve and Tony have an argument because Steve wants to visit his friends' graves and Tony is worried about SHIELD finding him
- They make up and Tony decides to befriend Steve to spite Howard
- Secretary Pierce is unhappy about the Einstein-Rosen bridge being built so the Winter Soldier is woken up
- The ER Bridge is completed
- (Also, stuff about Sleipnir starting school)

Once again, a big thank you to all my readers, reviewers, followers and favouriters, you guys are all amazing!

06/08/19

Chapter Nine - Perceptions

Steve smiled weakly as he closed the back door of the unfortunately-earthbound car. He had admired it earlier, with its sleek black design and strange tinted windows in which you could see your reflection. It was very impressive, and he could certainly be happy about that.

He had decided that he was going to be excited about all this new technology, for Bucky's sake. It could be frustrating and confusing, but whenever he felt like hiding away and giving up he felt he could picture Bucky up in heaven shouting at him because Steve was alive with all this goddamn tech from the future and if Bucky couldn't admire it and make use of it, Steve had better do so. He liked to think that Bucky's spirit would be proud of him.

He barely noticed the car now, it was just a minor detail in the swirl of new information to take in that was Washington DC. Besides, he had more important things to think about, like the fact that he was going to be seeing Peggy and finally getting to talk to someone that he had known in the past. Tony and everyone else were great, but they just didn't get it, they hadn't been through what he had. At least with Peggy he'd have someone he could really connect to.

The fact that she would now be eighty-nine years old was troubling him. He tried to imagine Peggy with grey hair and wrinkles and the idea seemed laughable. To him, Peggy could only be the intimidating and indomitable woman that he'd known, the one with fire in her eyes who would never allow anything to stop her, not even the sexism (a new word that Thor had taught him) of the 1940s. Rationally, he knew he would be in for a shock, but he didn't want to face up to that, not yet. Especially as Tony had told him that her condition would be bad. Steve wasn't sure how he was going to deal with seeing her in her current condition, but he knew he would deal with it. He was a fighter, he never gave up, not even as a skinny asthmatic would he have given up. Whatever he felt at Peggy's condition he would face it head on and he would overcome it. He had fought Nazis, how hard could this be?

He turned back and gave a quick wave to Tony and Loki who were glamoured and sitting in the front seat of the car, concentrating on various screens, before walking up the steps to the nursing home and pulling open the doors.

The inside felt rather drear compared to the glass and brightness of the Malibu mansion, but Steve felt calmed by once again being inside an old-fashioned brick building. This, at least, was more familiar.

"Oh. Mr Stark!" The man behind the counter stared at him, or, at least, the illusion of Tony that Loki had placed on him, in surprise. "We were hoping to see you here again, you haven't come to visit in a while and we wondered um..." he trailed off awkwardly and the whispering coming from the earpiece helped to elucidate the situation for Steve. "That is, Peggy misses you and..."

"Yeah, yeah you'll get your funding," Steve said stiffly, trying to appear relaxed and forcing himself to remember that this was how rich people talked to others, offhand and dismissively. Or at least they did in public, the Tony he'd gotten to know seemed much nicer than that, and Steve was glad of it.

"Thanks," the secretary said, looking at him oddly.

"You're welcome," Steve said automatically. He heard Tony sigh in his ear. "Well. I'll just be off to visit her then." He turned quickly and started his way along the corridor to the right.

"Hey, um, Mr Stark." The secretary grimaced. "Are you sure you're alright? I mean, you just walked the wrong way to Peggy's room and your voice, or your accent is off or something, and you seem a bit... nervous? Sorry to ask, Mr Stark, but have you been on drugs again?"

"Drugs?" Steve demanded, appalled, ignoring Tony's insistent chattering in his ear. "Tony wo... I would never do drugs."

"Mr Stark, I'm afraid I can't let you put one of our residents at risk. I'm going to have to ask you..."

"No wait!" Steve interrupted, he couldn't give up now, not when Peggy was so close. Tony was rich right, and if Tony was telling the truth this establishment really cared about getting funding. "What if I gave you an extra..." what would be a lot of money? "40 dollars."

The secretary stared at him, unimpressed. "Mr Stark, you're a billionaire."

"Fine, you can have - a million dollars? Yes, one million, you can have that."

The man looked torn and in last ditch attempt Steve leaned forwards and whispered. "Listen, this is a matter of national security, I need to know what happened in Vienna in 1944, Peggy is the last living person who can give me information about that." He thought quickly. "Yes. I have been drugged. And I need this information to help me find the cure."

The secretary sighed. "Fine, yes, you can go up, but I'm warning you..."

"Everything will be fine," Steve promised, before adding on the prompt of Tony. "You'll see your million in your bank account by Monday!"

He headed off in the right direction this time, guided by the earpiece. When he was climbing a staircase, safely out of hearing range he whispered:

"You take drugs?"

"Steve, I took d..."

"What would Howard say?"

"It was his fault I got addicted in the first place." Tony snapped back, making Steve's earpiece crackle. Steve's stomach turned to ice. No, that couldn't be true. Tony was lying. He couldn't believe he'd say something like that about his own father.

"Bullshit," he hissed. It seemed like the only word that properly expressed his feelings on the situation.

"Steve," Tony snapped. "Can you just get on and find Peggy's room so I can disable the electronic surveillance SHIELD and the US government have put on her and Loki can drop the glamour. Because it's very difficult holding an illusion onto someone you can only see through security cameras, and I swear, if my boyfriend faints because of you, I'm gonna lose my shit."

"Fine," Steve said, and, somewhat childishly he knew, disabled the earpiece. It wasn't like Tony couldn't turn it on again if he needed to, he consoled himself.

-Q-

Steve knocked softly at the door to Peggy's room and felt the prickling feeling on his skin dissolve as he did so. So, Loki had let the illusion fall and he looked like himself again, that must mean that Tony had disabled the nearby tech.

"Come in," a voice called, it was wavery and had changed slightly in pitch. If Steve hadn't known it was Peggy speaking, perhaps he wouldn't have realised that it was her.

Steve opened the door and closed it softly behind him, only turning round to look at Peggy properly once he had done so. She was grey, and lined, and her skin sagged around her face and bluish veins decorated her arms. But it was Peggy. His Peggy. He could see it in her eyes. She squinted it him, her eyes widening in recognition, and she gasped.

"Steve," she whispered. "They told me you were dead. You were lost, I heard your last words before the plane hit the ice."

"Yeah," Steve said, smiling weakly and trying not to cry. "Well, I couldn't die and leave my best girl without her dance now could I?" Internally, he grimaced, and he could hear Bucky taunting him for how corny that sounded.

"Oh Steve," she said softly, "I can't, I'm married n... oh no, no I'm not anymore am I, he died, didn't he..."

Steve surged forwards and clutched her hand, rubbing his thumb along her knuckles in an attempt at comfort. He'd known Peggy was bad, Tony had warned him. But seeing her, like this, it was almost too much. His heart screamed for her re-remembrance of the loss of her husband and the slow decline of her once sharp mind. He wondered if she'd end up like the old woman who'd lived two floors above him, whose mind had slowly declined until she sometimes screamed because she didn't know where she was, and she always repeated the same stories about the Irish potato famine. Not that Peggy would find much interest in potatoes.

"Yes, yes. I'll show you him." A shaky hand picked up a photo-frame and she gestured to the balding man who was seated beside her in the picture. "You saved his life, did you know that?"

"No, I didn't," Steve said. "But I'm glad I did, I'm glad you found someone to share your life with." He was surprised to find that he meant it, he wanted Peggy to be happy, even if a small twinge of jealously for all he had lost slithered around in the back of his mind. Everyone had been supposed to lose him, they had been supposed to move on with their lives. Steve hadn't expected to wake up years later and to have to deal with the consequences of that. Everyone had been supposed to lose him, he hadn't been supposed to lose everyone else.

"Look," Peggy said, pointing to a blonde haired teenage girl in the corner of the frame, one grinning face from the twenty or so that seemed to include Peggy's extended family in this picture. "This is Sharon, I'm not supposed to tell anyone outside of SHIELD this, but seeing as it's you... how do I know it's you though, you've come here on your own, no one told me about you, what have you come here to do?"

"No, Peggy, it's me, it's me, I promise," Steve almost begged. "Tony Stark found me, but he didn't tell anyone because he wanted me to stay out of the way of people who just want to use me for my serum. And, I think I like staying out of the way too. It's nice not to have to kill people, it's nice not to have to see your friends dying beside you." At this point he successfully pushed the image of Bucky falling from a train out of him mind. "What would you like me to do to prove that it's me, I'll tell you anything!"

Peggy shook her head. "Everything's so hazy nowadays, I don't know what to ask." She sighed. "I suppose I'll just have to not reveal any state secrets. Dance with me?"

"What?" Steve asked, surprised.

"Dance with me, then I'll know it's really you. Well, I might do," she smiled, "but at least we'll have had our dance."

"Okay," Steve said, and helped her gently out of bed. "Is this alright?"

She smiled, and he held her in his arms and whirled her slowly around the room, softly humming one of Peggy's favourite songs from before the war.

-Q-

"How did it go?" Loki asked as Steve slid into the backseat of the car.

"Yeah, it went well," Steve smiled. "It was really nice actually."

"You were there for a while," Tony said tersely and Steve bristled.

"Don't start," Loki warned both of them. "You can talk out your issues later, when I'm on Jotunheim, and I don't have to hear you two. I can't deal with this right now."

He took a deep breath and gestured to Tony to start the car. They would have to drive a few miles to drop it off at the car hire centre before Loki could teleport them back to Malibu. Still, despite the tense atmosphere and the fact that his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest, Loki allowed himself a small smile. He had managed to be assertive again in a situation that made him uncomfortable. That was definite progress.

-Q-

When they arrived in the living room of the mansion Loki's eyes widened.

Sleipnir was in the middle of the room, tottering about in his horse form and giving his three siblings a ride on his back.

Now this was progress.

Up until very recently Sleipnir had been afraid to turn into a horse for fear that he would find himself trapped again and unable to turn back. But here he was, seemingly having the time of his life and letting his siblings ride on him. A part of Loki had thought Sleipnir would never let anyone do that again, and small blame to him. The times when Odin had ridden the horse had often been painful and had sometimes involved going into battle. Sleipnir was his own person and well within his rights to never allow anyone to do that again.

The triplets slipped off Sleipnir's back and ran forwards to wrap their arms around Loki.

"We are three brave adventurers who have been exploring the ancient forests and looking for dinosaurs with the help of our magical steed!" Fenrir explained.

"Well that sounds very exciting!"

Sleipnir changed back into his human form and walked over to give Loki a hug. Loki could almost feel his eyes welling up with tears. "I am so, so proud of you, you know that, don't you?" he asked, placing a kiss on the top of Sleipnir's head.

Sleipnir shrugged. "Yeah, I guess I do."

Loki snorted, his son was becoming more like a Midgardian teenager with each passing day.

-Q-

Loki stared at the jagged ice blade on his arm.

It wasn't perfect, in fact, it might shatter if he applied the slightest pressure to it. But it was there, and if he looked at it from the right angle, maybe, it was just a bit beautiful.

"Well done," Laufey said as Loki melted the blade, allowing the water droplets to drip down onto the snow.

"Thanks," Loki replied, watching the puddle of cool water quickly reform back into ice due to the freezing temperatures. "I know it wasn't very good."

"You should not put yourself down," Laufey said, and Loki frowned. "Your ice magic has been kept hidden from you for almost your whole life, you have made excellent progress these past few months, especially as you have not been able to visit very often and you are still afraid of your power."

"I'm not!" Loki said defensively, he couldn't let his father think he still harboured fear and resentment for the frost giants, not after everything he and his family had done for him.

"You are lying." Despite the amiable tone Laufey said this in, Loki couldn't help his sharp intake of breath and drawing away from his father slightly. Nothing good had ever followed a statement such as this. Laufey sighed. "Loki, I did not mean t-"

"I know you didn't," Loki cut across. "But it seems this fear response is so ingrained in me that I cannot even feel safe when those who mean me no harm say things such as that. But... and I mean no disrespect... surely you are not okay with me lying to you. You could not let that slide." Loki internally cursed himself at his question, it was like he wanted his father to cut him with cruel words (Laufey would never hurt him physically, Loki knew that now, logically, even if his reflexes hadn't quite caught onto that fact), but he had to know what Laufey would do, he had to know the consequences for lying so he could be prepared.

"Of course I could 'let that slide'," Laufey replied. "Loki, you are not a child, and it is not my place to punish you, nor do you need punishing. But still, you are my child, and I would not hurt you with fists or magic or words. I understand why you would not want to tell the truth, and though I am irritated that you did not, it does not suddenly mean I have stopped liking you, that I have stopped caring for you."

Loki shook and collapsed into his father's open arms.

"Why do I always feel so pathetic?" he asked, trying to hold back sobs.

"Because there have been many people in your life who have twisted your mind to believe that you are, when in fact they are the pathetic ones. We will get past this, Loki, my son."

"Sometimes I wonder," Loki muttered.

"You have a lifespan of 5000 years do you not?" Laufey said fondly.

"Something like that."

"Then there is plenty of time to heal then, is there not?"

"Not if I want Tony to see me as something other than a broken wreck!" Loki choked out.

"What happened to the plan of getting him an apple?"

"What if they no longer exist!?" Loki was well aware he was acting a little hysterically now. "What if he gets bored? I can't give him what he wants, I know I can't."

"We are talking about the same Midgardian who stood up to Odin, broke into Asgard, and fought in a war against Odin's forces for you? I have seen the two of you together. He loves you Loki, indeed, he is nearly a second father to your children. And what do you mean you can't give him what he wants, what does he want?"

If Loki's blue skin had allowed him to blush he would have been scarlet. "That- that doesn't matter right now. I spoke in haste, it was nothing."

"You realise that I have had two sons, and that I have had to explain the goings on of nature and answer their questions a long time ago now."

"Oh, father, no." Loki begged, covering his eyes with his arms. "I cannot do this."

"Loki," Laufey said seriously. "He is not forcing you into anything is he? If so, then I take all my earlier assessments back and I will not rest until his head lays outside my palace."

"No, no! By the Norns, no!" Loki protested, trying to get the words out quickly in the hope that this would make the situation less embarrassing. "It's quite the opposite, he says it's totally fine if we go at my pace, if we never, well, sleep together at all. It's just... when he was younger he used to be what the mortals term a 'playboy'. Has the Allspeak translated the last term correctly?"

"I believe so."

"You know why I am scared, you know what Angrboda did to me. What if Tony gets bored waiting?"

"Well, it seems as if he has already had enough for several lifetimes, I think he can wait, forever, if needs be." Laufey smiled. Loki shook his head in despair.

"I hate Angrboda," Loki said bitterly, kicking into the snow with his heels. "I wish- but no I cannot wish because then I wouldn't have the triplets. Argh. Three days ago Sleipnir asked me to teach him how to teleport! I can't! I just can't! Because after Angrboda had taught me that she... I cannot risk having a panic attack over it, I cannot risk him finding out what happened. He is just a child, he is not meant to know things like that yet!"

"Loki," Laufey placed a hand on his shoulder and Loki jumped slightly, but then leaned into the touch. "You should teach him. You should build new memories and associations. If he finds out, he finds out. He is what, half a millennia now, I am sure he has an idea of what happened already. You know he will be safer if you teach him. I know you worry about people trying to harm him, this way he will be able to escape."

"I suppose you're right," Loki sighed. "I will teach him, I want to teach him. I'm just scared of screwing everything up, scared of dredging up old memories. Say what you want but I am a coward."

"Loki that is not true," Laufey's voice was stern. "You have been through more than most, bodies take time to heal from injuries, but so do our brains, our souls. You have had such a terrible life, and I am so, so sorry that Odin took you as a child, but you are not a coward, and you will heal."

And with that Loki could bear it no longer and collapsed sobbing into his father's arms.

-Q-

Several hours later found Loki at the entrance to the Malibu mansion.

He had stayed and chatted with his father for a while, talking about lighter subjects, before going to meet the rest of his family. They had eaten Jotunheimian delicacies and played their equivalent of board games, and, overall, he had passed a very enjoyable evening.

He had come back from Jotunheim via the Bifrost because if Loki was honest, Bifrost travel was still a lot simpler and worked better than travel by the E-R bridge, which still came under the category of 'experimental technology'. In the observatory he'd met with Alfar, one of the bravest soldiers who had defected and fought for Jotunheim in last year's battle, and had now taken over from Heimdall and been given his powers. Heimdall had been sent into exile by Frigga due to the part he had played in covering up and helping in Odin's abuse of Loki. Loki felt bad that such a fuss was being made over him, despite the fact that Tony had muttered that Heimdall deserved a lot worse than exile, but he was glad that he no longer felt like Heimdall was watching and passing judgement over his every move.

Darcy had been waiting for him at the observatory, they had hugged tightly and Loki had congratulated his honourary sister (Loki was fairly sure that Frigga had adopted Darcy in all but name now) on the progress she had made in Asgard. Darcy had happily told him about the latest developments towards democracy in Asgard and Loki had caught her up to date with everything that had happened over the past few days.

Eventually he had decided that he should probably get back home or risk not being awake enough to drop the children at school the next morning.

"Hi Jarvis," he said, upon opening the front door.

"Good evening, Loki," Jarvis replied. "Your children are all in bed and are fast asleep. Sir told them all a story and made sure they were snuggled down. You should also note that he was very considerate and he did not start his current activity until eleven minutes ago."

"And this current activity is..."

"Sir and Captain Rogers have been screaming at each other in the workshop for the past eleven and a half minutes!"

"What!?"

"Sir told me to tell you that if they were still arguing when you got back that he is absolutely fine and for you to go hang out with the others. He was most concerned about you having a panic attack."

"To hell with that," Loki muttered, storming towards the workshop. He was either going to put a stop to this or he wasn't going to let his boyfriend deal with this alone. He. Would. Be. Fine.

"What?" Loki asked, almost running down the stairs. "In the nine realms? Is going on in here?"

There was dead silence.

Heya, I hope you all enjoyed that!

Next up: What happened while Loki was on Jotunheim, aka Steve and Tony argue about what kind of man Howard Stark was. They have very different opinions as to what he was capable of.

Please review, whatever they say reviews feed my soul and give me 200% more motivation.