Chapter Nine: Access

It didn't matter who he looked at, or how hard he searched. There was never anything about him, not even a hint. Brainy did his best to cope with the overwhelming flood of information that each smurf bestowed upon him by mere virtue of existing – he was determined to at least make it all the way through breakfast without running off again. What was the point of having new powers if you weren't able to handle using them? He'd just have to get accustomed to it. He'd demonstrate to Roesia that he was MORE than able to look into his own essence. Who could possibly know the brilliance of Brainy Smurf better than Brainy Smurf himself? It was insulting to be denied access to his own soul. It was unfair that he could see how all the different dynamics amongst Smurf Village worked, but there was nothing about how he fit into it all.

He successfully made it through breakfast with little fanfare, went to go back to his home to rest. It was taking everything out of him. He caught sight of Clumsy on the way there, and a pang of guilt went through him. He would normally confide in Clumsy, so why not this time? Hadn't he pledged to tell Clumsy all about it? Was he unwilling… or unable?

And Papa Smurf… He probably wouldn't approve even if he hadn't just forbid visits to Roesia. He'd probably have his new abilities taken away if Papa found out, and Brainy would never have a chance to learn more about… himself. (Not that he needed the insight to perceive of the true depth and greatness of his own potential, of course. But it would be a nice confirmation of what he already knew.)

It struck Brainy that he hadn't even had a chance to see the village leader since his return from his fateful encounter with Roesia. Hadn't had a chance to see him… Oh, he could peer into Papa Smurf's brilliant mind! There was so much for Brainy to learn, and he could learn it all, and then no one would ever be able to argue that he wasn't just as wise! He'd just arrived at his own door, but he turned right back around again and headed to Papa Smurf's lab instead. He'd been busy working away at something recently, taking his dinner late and now even his breakfast, apparently.

He walked into the laboratory, prepared to announce his presence with a "Well hello, Papa Smurf!", but seeing the much older smurf through his new vision promptly left him speechless.

Well, he probably should have expected as much. Brainy had known every other smurf in the village since they were all young. When he could see into their psyches, naturally there was plenty to learn, and sometimes quite surprising revelations, but it was for the most part embedded in the familiar domain of smurfs he already knew quite well.

But Papa Smurf had lived a long life, and his existence stretched back long before Brainy had ever known him. The weight of what there was to see was that much greater as a result. Brainy was suddenly being confronted with dimensions to Papa he'd never known – how he'd grown into the smurf he saw before him, each previous version of Papa leading into the next. It was terribly difficult to process.

He could see Papa Smurf as a child, back when he hadn't been called that. He could see Grandpa Smurf, several hundred years ago, as he was seen through young Papa Smurf's eyes.

It was intrusive, wasn't it? He'd been given no kind of permission to see what he was seeing, had no right to look into Papa Smurf's soul, someone's soul, anyone's soul. With the other smurfs it just felt like… like reading a secret diary, but this…

"Brainy?" Papa Smurf's voice came to him, sounding concerned. Brainy was staring at the ground now. Sitting on the ground. When had he gotten there?

Brainy found his voice. "S-sorry, Papa Smurf…" (What else could one possibly say, upon prying into another's business like that?)

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Brainy. Is there anything I can help you with?" Papa Smurf reached out a glowing hand. Yes, Papa glowed, too. That, Brainy really didn't understand. Why did some of the smurfs in the village glow? What could it possibly mean? It didn't smurf any sense to him.

He wanted to tell Papa Smurf everything. But he didn't. "No, Papa Smurf," Brainy said. He looked up at Papa again without thinking, and just like that, he was being assaulted by all of his personal information once more. He couldn't control it – he would see when he looked at someone, whether he wanted to or not.

So his eyes quickly moved to the surrounding laboratory instead. He wondered what Papa Smurf was currently working on, was ready to ask him just that – but oh, right; Papa Smurf was working on what one would call counteraction potions. It was something that required a lot of time, care and precision, as it was an attempt that Papa was currently making at trying to see if he could perfect potions that would only counteract parts of particular spells. Because if he managed to find a way to do that, it would open up a whole range of other possibilities for exploration and be able to expand his knowledge greatly. But it was also a very delicate balance – counteracting a spell as a whole was a comparatively very simple task. But parts of a spell? That was something else entire… entirely…

Now he noticed, he noticed that Papa Smurf was looking at him, wide-eyed.

"Well, yes. But how did you know any of that, Brainy?"

Huh?

"How did I…? Um." Brainy took off his glasses, pretended to clean them. That was better. He could see nothing like that, and perhaps it was better this way. "I am your apprentice, am I not?" he laughed unconvincingly.

He didn't see Papa look him over suspiciously, didn't stay to chat. He just turned around, slipped on his glasses and left. If he could have made it back to his house without them on, then he probably would have foregone the spectacles altogether.

And even as he flopped back onto his bed, so much of the new information had already dissipated from his mind. That was another thing, wasn't it? Much of what he'd discovered about the other smurfs refused to stay in his head, floating out with ease as it were, only to return when he saw them again… Given the sheer volume of information, it was probably no surprise. And everything was getting jumbled. It seemed like the only time he had a clear view was when a smurf was right in front of him.

He felt ashamed, going back to Roesia so soon.

So he wandered the forest aimlessly for a while, debating with himself, acting an awful lot like Flighty in the process, trying to make a decision. At least it was a lot more safer to do so these days, now that Gargamel was gone, and the other unsmurfy creatures of the forest… Well, suffice it to say that they tended not to really bother the smurfs anymore.

It was probably best for Roesia to remove his Insight into the other smurfs. Surely she would understand, right? He was starting to realise that, perhaps it wasn't right to have free access to everyone's inner selves. Access to his own inner self, now that was another thing entirely. Wasn't it obvious? Roesia should do the trade with him. Allow him to see into himself, but not into anyone else. This willing sacrifice may just be the proof that Roesia needed in order to grant him that.

But… Roesia could see into him, and he didn't want her to have any indication that he was having some difficulty with it, with anything. Maybe she would take it in quite an opposite manner and consider it proof that he wasn't ready, wasn't worthy, couldn't handle to see his objective self. (Which made no sense, of course. He was Brainy Smurf, after all. He was more than competent at so many things.)

And did he really want to lose the insight? Surely it couldn't hurt to keep it a little longer. Just long enough to see himself through the eyes of the other smurfs! He, Brainy Smurf, with his highly analytical and objective-based mind, surely already knew himself well enough. The other smurfs, with their terribly subjective minds, however… Through what lens did they view his greatness?

The glowing… he also needed to ask Roesia about the glowing. That was reason enough to pay her a visit. Was it any cause for concern? Was there cause for concern for the majority of smurfs that didn't glow?

He'd be disobeying Papa Smurf again. And he was alone this time – he didn't fancy Vanity's recent antisocial antics, and needing to guide him around anyway since the flower-adorned smurf no longer cared to look where he was going.

Perhaps he should just go back to the village already. He laid down on the grass, exhausted. Interesting aspects of and information regarding other smurfs in the village were still bouncing around energetically in his mind, on top of everything.

It was all a little bit too much. He wasn't equipped t-

"Brainy?"

He sat up quickly. It was Roesia. Had he really, truly just thoughtlessly walked into her little domain without even realising it? Augh, now her eyes again would rob him of his mind's privacy. Great.

"Don't worry about the glowing," Roesia said.

"Didn't even say anything. It's like you really see everything."

Roesia closed her eyes. "Oh, not everything… there are things I can't see into."

"Like what?"

Roesia smiled strangely. "Time."

Now that she was right there in front of him, Brainy wasn't saying or asking any of the things he wanted to. What was the point? Chances were, she already knew. All of it. Just what had he smurfed himself into…

Helping others psychologically. It was something that Roesia was very skilful at thanks to her insight into the minds of anyone around her. She could map out the best paths to take when approaching someone, whether it was to disarm, if that was what they needed, and then to gently prod them in the right directions.

Well, it was not always necessarily used for helping others.

But that did make up the bulk of how she put her talents to use. To help others was a very useful thing that just made things easier. Getting to know them, gaining their trust, extending connections and finding new individuals in turn… It was a largely harmless endeavour for everyone involved. In fact, the vast majority of her encounters involved people that benefited from it, from her intervention, if she were able to carefully draw an individual's attention to an area of themselves that they needed help with, and, given that she had the time, provide some sort of guidance of how to make it better. At times, it was a sort of idle hobby of hers, one that could be woven into her career. There were always so many people at funerals who needed a little assistance.

So there was no denying that she could wield her insight to help people and was quite adept at doing so, but it was not her ultimate goal.

Ultimately, Brainy did not get the insight removed. He had been at a kind of stalemate with himself – he didn't want to go back to the village with it, but he refused to ask Roesia to remove it. His desire to have full access, if only for a little bit, was too strong, and he didn't want to risk jeopardising that.

And so it was, with a newfound determination to prove himself and to get better at handling the power that he'd been given, that he returned to the village.

Why, he'd be able to see everything about himself in the mirror in no time, just like Vanity…