A/N

Yes, I left the last chapter there as it was the end of the scene. No-one wants to read about furniture being moved about. ;)

As for Lady Catherine: I don't know about you, but I was rather bored with all the outrageous, appallingly awful Lady Catherines. Sometimes you have to go where the character takes you - this Lady Catherine stepped out of her carriage, and like you'd expect, she took charge. I was given no chance to make her awful - I think she'd had enough of always being the bad guy.

30th November

A knock at his door preceded the footman's words. 'Mr Collins, are ye decent? You have a visitor. Some Lady come up from Kent, or so I hear. I'm to take you to her.'

Mr Collins felt his heart speed up. At last there was a chance this nightmare would soon be over. Lady Catherine would sort out her nephews and his cousin and tear up that ridiculous contract.

Maybe she would even manage to arrange his marriage to one of the Bennet girls. Not the diseased one, but one of the others. Maybe the second eldest, Elizabeth. She was a buxom eyeful who had sought his company when he had been courting her ungrateful elder sister. Having a second maiden to plunder would be fine recompense for all the trouble they had caused him.

Yes, it would be the icing on the cake. They would all have to listen to, and obey, Lady Catherine and eventually, once Longbourn was his and his cousin – he touched his jaw gingerly and scowled – deservedly dead, the authority would belong to him.

He realised his exciting musings had caused his breeches to tighten and called out, 'I will be ready, in just a few minutes, yes, a few minutes. I most certainly will not keep Lady Catherine de Bourgh waiting for long!'

He lingered until his arousal had calmed before leaving the room and found two footmen waiting to escort him to the drawing room.

The butler was waiting to announce him when they arrived. Mr Collins pasted a smile onto his face and bowed himself into the room, scanning the people and their location within, each time he straightened to move a step forward. Finally arriving in front of his patroness, he bowed low one final time.

'Lady Catherine, it is a pleasure to see you again.'

His Patroness merely grunted and gestured to a chair set to one side. He sat and looked around once more. Colonel Fitzwilliam was scowling and leaning on the fireplace, Mr Darcy, stone faced as always, was standing just behind his aunt, and Lady Catherine herself, was seated in her usual grand style on a large chair. The room itself was laid out to resemble her receiving room at Rosings Park.

'May I compliment you, ma'am, on your most excellent rearrangement of the furnishings in this room. I knew at once that only your hand could arrange things so elegantly. It is a vast improvement on the last time I had the pleasure to be entertained here. As a matter of fact—'

'You can be at no loss, Mr Collins,' Lady Catherine began in an authoritative tone. Mr Collins placed a finger on his closed lips at the interruption and bowed his head, as she continued, 'to understand the reason of my journey hither. Your own heart, your own conscience, must tell you why I come.'

'Indeed, I was hoping to see you here, Lady Catherine. I have much to tell you of my mistreatment at the hands of…' He looked about the room, noticed the glare aimed his way by the Colonel and amended his words. 'Well, maybe I should not speak of that until we have some privacy.'

'Do not feel the need to be silent on our account,' said Mr Darcy. 'I, for one, would be most interested to hear what you think you have to complain about.'

'Yes, Mr Collins,' Lady Catherine boomed. 'Do not let my nephews' presence prevent you from informing me of your actions here. They will not interrupt.' She looked pointedly at the Colonel, then gestured at her nephews to sit. 'Will you?'

Both gentlemen demurred and Mr Collins finally felt able to issue his complaints. He had waited long enough, confined to his room, and was bursting with indignation.

'I wrote extending an olive branch to my cousin, despite his poor actions toward my dear departed father which led to a long-standing estrangement – of which I do not know the whole - and arranged to visit my future inheritance, where I intended to make amends to my cousin's family, most especially his daughters, as I am to inherit this estate after his death – although that sad event may yet be several years away - by following your instructions and choosing a wife from among his daughters. It was my duty as a—'

He closed his mouth with a snap as he was again interrupted.

'Yes, yes.' Lady Catherine said, waving her hand impatiently. 'I know all this, there is no need to repeat yourself. Just begin from your arrival at this house. Why did you come to Netherfield? I understand you were told not to visit, as it was in quarantine.'

'Ah, well,' he stammered, not sure how to explain his reasoning without admitting that he had ignored Mr Bennet's instructions. 'I was expecting to meet all of my fair cousins on my arrival at Longbourn. You can, therefore, imagine my disappointment when I found only the middle Miss Bennet present, the others being scattered throughout the neighbourhood; three of them residing under this very roof. How could I be expected to choose properly, when I only met one of them? Mr Bennet informed me that his second youngest was staying with her Aunt in the village, but that the eldest, and second eldest were at Netherfield. Of course, order of precedence meant I had to first look at the eldest. He did mention a quarantine,' Mr Collins prevaricated, 'but as I was limited on time here, I needed to meet his other daughters as soon as possible.'

'So, you decided to break quarantine, and expose yourself to whatever disease they were attempting to protect you and the other people in the neighbourhood from?'

'I knew I was safe, as you, yourself,' He stood and bowed deeply, 'have advised me that only the weak-willed and immoral succumb to these diseases of the body.' He tried to ignore the snort of laughter from Colonel Fitzwilliam.

Lady Catherine glared at her nephew, who subsided, and then turned back to him. 'Mr Collins, I am most seriously displeased that you chose to ignore your cousin's words.'

Mr Collins drooped, then rallied. 'But I was to have my pick of the young ladies. I chose the eldest as the most appropriate, however her younger sister, Miss Elizabeth, and a Mr Bingley kept distracting her from me. It was most unfortunate.'

Lady Catherine heaved a large sigh and shook her head. 'Choosing a wife is not like going into a shop and selecting one from the shelves. From what I understand, Mr Bingley and Miss Bennet already had an understanding before you arrived and were soon after engaged. Even you should realise that when a woman is attached to another man, there is little point in trying to change her mind.'

'She was not engaged when I arrived, so I cannot see why I would not have had an equal chance of attaching her,' he replied, then realising his attitude was rather sulky, he added, 'She has little dowry and it seems more likely that a man of substance would only be interested in her as a mistress, not a wife. At least I would have made an honest woman of her and she would have been mistress of her childhood home in time. She seemed interested enough in me when I did manage to speak with her.'

'Hmm.' Lady Catherine stared at him for a few seconds leaving him disconcerted and wondering what she was thinking. Unconsciously, he extracted his handkerchief to mop his damp brow and upper lip.

She turned to look her nephews. 'Tell me what you saw.'

The two men looked at each other, the Colonel gestured, and Mr Darcy spoke first. 'Miss Bennet was not interested in anyone but Bingley - who, I might add, has nothing but the most honourable of intentions for Miss Bennet. Miss Bennet's smiles were only genuine when speaking with Bingley, and not with Mr Collins. If anything, I would say she was upset by his excessive attentions.'

He nodded to his cousin, who added, 'I aided Miss Elizabeth, she is the second Bennet sister, in her attempts to distract Mr Collins away from Miss Bennet. Miss Elizabeth had recognised that her sister was obviously unhappy with Mr Collins' attempts to infiltrate himself between her and Mr Bingley.'

Lady Catherine nodded and looked back at her erring clergyman. 'I see. Well, it seems your understanding of the matter was faulty, Mr Collins.'

Mr Collins bowed his head to hide his anger. How dare they imply he was nothing but an irritant to that ungrateful madam. He clamped down on his emotions and selected his next words to pacify his Patroness. With a meek smile, he said 'Yes, Yes. I see that now. I should have chosen the one who showed me preference. Miss Bennet was almost engaged, and I should have turned to her sister, as she did seem to want my attention. Miss Elizabeth would make me a fine wife.'

Mr Darcy exploded. 'Do you seriously think you still have any chance with that family?'

Lady Catherine raised her hand and he subsided, frowning, and a sly smile passed over Mr Collins' face to see him instantly obey his aunt. He may yet get his inheritance, with a warm armful as part of the bargain.

She turned back to Mr Collins. 'Shall we move on and see where else you might have been at fault?'

At fault? Mr Collins frowned.

'Mr Collins. Explain to me your actions the evening of your visit to Netherfield. I understand the weather prevented your return to Longbourn?'

Lady Catherine took him through the events of that evening, discovering that he had hidden to see which room Miss Bennet had been allocated, and then returned once the house was quiet.

Finally, she held a hand up and a look of intense displeasure spread across her face. 'To reduce your actions to one simple statement, you crept into the bedchamber of a sick, very young woman, climbed into her bed, and then forced yourself on her while she was unconscious, and all this to coerce her to marry you?'

Mr Collins remained silent, although he shuffled on his seat in discomfort. To hear it summarised in such a way was uncomfortable. Sullenly, he muttered, 'It was not worth the price I paid.'

'Ah, yes. My nephews have explained what has happened since. Your actions have cost you your inheritance, is that not correct?'

He nodded. 'It is not a fair trade.'

Lady Catherine glared at him. 'It is a more than fair trade. Women in our society have only one thing they can try to control, and that is who they choose to give themselves to. You stole that choice from her. It is an action that will remain with her for a lifetime. It is only fair your punishment should do the same.'

Lady Catherine stood, as did her nephews. 'I have heard enough! I now know what I must do. Ring for the footmen and have this miscreant returned to his room.'

As the Colonel moved to pull the bell pull, Mr Collins panicked. This interview had not gone at all the way he had planned. He was no better off than before and now his Patroness was displeased with him. Her nephews had obviously told her their versions of the events before he had been given a fair chance.

He fell to his knees in front of her and clutched at her gown. 'My Lady. Please. I am your most devoted servant and I beg of you—'

She cut him off. 'Mr Collins! Desist immediately. Nephews, remove him from my person!'

As Mr Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam strode forward and pulled Mr Collins away and onto his feet, the door opened, and the butler and footmen entered.

'Take him away,' growled Mr Darcy, and Mr Collins was dragged, at first pleading, but then cursing, from the room.