Chapter 2

Months have passed since the funeral. Leah has been fucked up about it and she's taking it harder than Seth. I try to be as sensitive as I can be with her. I never had the guts to tell her that I didn't want to be with her in this way. I just settled into this … I mean I hinted to not being a couple one day a few weeks after her father died… And she broke down and cried and begged me to stay with her. I don't want to hurt her any more than she already is. So I've been playing the role of the supportive boyfriend for nine long months. I've been going through the motions of having sex with her for what it seems like way too long. I care for her… But I'm not in love with her. It's crazy where my head is because I feel stuck… But don't have the nerve to do anything about it. Either I have the biggest heart or I am the biggest fool. I'm still waiting on the verdict on that one. Well according to Ava and my sisters… I've lost my frickin' mind.

Leah is coming over for dinner tonight after she gets off of work. She never cooks for me. But Seth told me that I'm fortunate to not have tasted her food. She's not even trying to learn… Because I tried to show her how to make a few of my favorite dishes like steak and fried chicken… And she showed no interest. So when I feel like it… I cook for us. I'm not cheap… But it's better than going out. We don't go out that often anymore because the waitress always gets into confrontations with her. She always winds up saying something rude. She really needs to work on her manners. A few times the waitresses called her out to fight and didn't even care if they were putting their jobs in jeopardy. Leah finds it funny and it pisses the hell out of me that she's so immature. God I need to get out of this relationship somehow. I try to blame her rude personality on what she's going through with her father's death… but she was the same way before he died. I use to look at her from afar as the crazy chick I grew up with… Now I no longer look at her from afar because she's in my face... And I don't like it. Nothing gives her the right to treat people like shit. Crazy how she is nothing like her brother. But I'm trying my best to be there for her and hopefully have her see her flaws. Leah can be a nice person when she wants to. We do have our moments at times. But the weighed down moments over shadow the small times she's sweet. Well let me re phrase that… when she's not bitchy. I try my best to have her soften her approach to people. I swear it's like I'm her parent sometimes. It really frustrates the hell out of me. But maybe she will change one day… Or grow the fuck up. I mean she's not a teenager anymore. I wasn't even that immature when I was a teen. My father and sisters made sure of that.

I was starting to get a headache just roaming over my dilemma. I wasn't happy… But I can play that off well. Well not that well. Ava knows that I'm not happy… Even my ex-girlfriend Tyna. My sisters just try to talk some sense in me… And I appreciate that. But one day I will appreciate when I start thinking of myself and what I need. Until then… I'll be good ole Jake who wants to save the world. I donate money… help my friends buy houses… help my family out in any way I can. When am I going to start helping myself?

I sighed deeply and finished cooking dinner. Leah texed me that she would be here in a half an hour. So after I cleaned most of the dishes, I waited patiently for her to come. She no longer depends on Seth to drive her around since her mother brought her a used car so that she could go to work; a little blue Ford Focus. I made sure that it was working fine when she brought it in the shop. It was a family favor… I didn't charge her anything though the parts were costly and the time worked on it was a few hours. But I would do anything for Mrs. Clearwater. She's like an Aunt to me. So that makes Leah like a cousin? Who just so happened I sleep with a few times a week. Uhgg.

I put the TV on to kill some time. I figured I would make this a relaxing dinner and decided to light the candles on the dining room table. Maybe she would appreciate that? I heard her car pull up in front of my house and got up from the sofa and stretched. It was the only guilt free pleasurable feeling that I would probably have tonight… Stretching. Sometimes I hate myself for fucking Leah. I argue with my dick each time. But I guess that since technically I'm her boyfriend by default... I'm doing what a boyfriend should do. Leah's on birth control and claims that she's tested. For some crazy reason she always tries to seduce me to not use a condom with her. I would never do that. Plus I always wonder if she's not on the pill and trying to get pregnant on purpose. It's so fucked up that I don't trust her fully. Everything is just fucked up about the whole relationship. Leah begs me constantly to go down on her and it pisses her off even more that I don't eat her out. But if you eat someone out… It's the same as not using a condom with them. I don't see why some people don't get that? I don't wanna take any risk with Leah. I get teased enough from Embry that I will get something from her. A week ago when we were eating crabs over his house he put a wig on and placed the crab in front of his dick and said that he was Leah. I was mad… But he laughed it off and said that he was only playing. It's not a secret that she did have crabs a few years ago. I think she got 'em from this dude named Scott. He was a tourist and I guess Leah didn't mind letting him get a feel of the local life. You would think she'd learn her lesson and stop sleeping with people she hardly knows. She use to throw herself on men. I don't know if she just needed to feel needed? But that's not how a woman should act. She claims that I'm the only one she's sleeping with now… and I really want to believe her. I wanna give her the benefit of the doubt that she is growing and changing for the better.

I opened the door and she was taking her overnight bag out of her trunk. "Hey Leah." I walked down to her car and carried her bag for her. She pecked me on my cheek.

"Hey Jacob… Gosh I'm hungry."

"Good."

"Oh… I can smell it from out here… It smells so good."

"Thanks."

We got inside the house and I placed her bag in my bedroom. Her bag was lighter this time. I guess she was only staying one night? That's good… I guess.

"So how was your day at work?" I asked.

"Ahh... This bitch wouldn't shut up and let me explain everything to her. I swear some people have attitude problems."

My eyes widened… was she serious?

"Well you're in customer service now… you have to have patience." Don't know how long she will stay in this job.

"Whatever."

"Aren't your phone calls recorded? I hope you didn't sound rude."

"What? Oh God come on Jake."

"Well Leah… It's not unheard of."

"I was at my best." I sighed. Oh Lord this chick won't last another week at this job. "What you don't think I can do this job?" she asked angrily.

I really didn't feel like getting into it tonight. Why did I even open up my mouth?

"Leah… I just think you need a softer approach to some things. Most importantly… People."

"Really Jake… I come here to relax and I get a fuckin' speech like you're my parent. I don't need this."

"Calm down Leah."

"Spphhh," she hissed.

"Ok… Don't take my advice. Just know that you probably won't have a job in a few weeks if you don't."

"Jake you piss me off so much."

"Then why are you with me?" The real question was… Why was I with her?

She stopped short and froze.

"No… Jake… I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry Baby."

"Really Leah… What are we doing?"

"Jake."

"You know what I mean."

"I… I… love you."

I huffed. I never told her that I loved her… And it always seems like she forces me to say it. The pressure feels like a weight crushing me. "Leah… Just relax and eat some dinner ok." I was tense and felt my muscles ache. I've been having private conversations all week to myself on how I should gracefully exit this… Relationship. If that's what you wanna call it. She walked closer to me and hugged me. "I'm sorry I yelled at you Jake." I lifted my arms and slowly hugged her back.

"I'm sorry. I just… Well… you know I need you Jake. You're so good to me. I'm not used to a guy being as good to me as you are. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you."

"Leah… Baby. You know you're important to me. I care about you… I really do. But..."

She reached up and kissed me so I couldn't finish my sentence. She uses sex to get her way a lot with me. And I guess I can say I use it to avoid major issues. We're both two totally screwed up individuals. I like to think of myself as sane and have my shit together because I have a house and a business. But how sane can I really be when I'm in this insane situation. I'm actually miserable. I broke the kiss and kissed the top of her head. I sighed and walked away from her to put the food on the table.

It was painful but we managed to eat dinner without any arguments. That's because no one said anything. You heard nothing but the clicking sound of our forks touching our plates. I think she knew what was going on in my head and was scared to speak. I was so mad at myself for being such a fucking coward… So I kept to myself. Man I really need to get it together. I'm fearless when it comes to facing the world… but shriek in a corner when I even think about hurting Leah. But how long do I expect to play this charade with her? A day… A month… A few years? My God… I hope I get the courage to walk away soon. But Leah seems so fragile. I mean she plays it off that she's tough as nails… but she's really as fragile as an egg shell. Plus I hate to see her cry… I hate to see any woman cry. I'm no licensed counselor… But I really hope I've helped her some the past few months.

We lay down after we ate. It felt really awkward. I wasn't in the mood for anything that dealt with her; especially sex. But Leah slid down my body and started kissing all over me. I sucked in a big breath of air being taking off guard by the sensation. She reached over and got a flavored condom from my night stand and quickly slid it on me and started to suck the shit out of my dick. Damn… She knew how to suck my dick. I couldn't even part my lips to tell her to stop. "Oh my God… Baby," I groaned. That just made her suck faster. Damnit why does she always go for the jugular? I really wish I could disconnect myself from my dick and my stupid heart. If I could I wouldn't be so fucked up in the head.

***oooOOOooo***

I was so excited that my investments paid off in a big way. I made way more money in the past months then I even expected. My brother-in-law Steven really helped me out. I used some for newer equipment for our shop and put most of it in the bank. But I splurged a bit and set some aside for home improvements for my house and my families houses. I also bought my dream truck. I am now a proud owner of a gas guzzling black Hummer. I also gave Leah some money to pay off her bills and she bought a whole lot of expensive clothes and bags that week. I just hope she actually put some towards her bills. Her credit was really fucked up. She had a nerve to ask me for more money a week after I gave her eight thousand dollars. I never told her how much I made on my investments… But she knew most of it was in the bank for savings and to have additions built on my house. I gave her enough to pay off her credit cards and she still had her hand out. When she later told me that she spent three thousand on a fucking pocket book I flipped. I told her to sell it if she needed more money. But not many people around here even care to buy a bag that expensive. She was clutching on to that thing like it was a baby. Who knows what she did with it? The main purpose that I gave her the money was to help her pay off her credit cards. I was so pissed at her that I didn't answer her calls for a week.

***oooOOOooo***

It took a while for my house to be completed. Along with the addition, I had my kitchen and bathroom redone. Ava and Rach had a ball helping me decorate it and picked out the granite for the kitchen. Some times at night when I'm alone… I gaze at my living room and imagine my family siting on the sofa watching TV with me. My heart aches every time I think of having kids because I want them so bad. I mean I'm only twenty two… But I would like to really start a family now. Well I guess some day. I don't want to have kids with Leah. I kinda lied when I told her that I didn't want to have kids any time soon. That was the biggest lie I think I've ever said in my life. Ava is waiting to finish school before her and Eric have some. Rach and Paul wanna enjoy a few years by themselves. And Jared can't wait to pop the question to Kim to get married. Who knows how many kids they'll have? Embry wants to have kids one day too whenever he gets married. I swear he would play with his kid's toys as much as they do. He's really young at heart… Plus he lives to keep a smile on everyone's face.

If I ever found someone I wanted to marry… I would want two or three of them. Shit… even four. But I've been with Leah for what… Two years now. And like a fool I take her back when we have an argument. Just when I think I'm cleared to be a sane man for once... Some dumb shit takes over me. Then I find myself forgiving her cries of "I'm sorry… I won't do it again… Or I wasn't thinking." I've given her so many re do's it's like my life is a video game. I don't even like arguing… but I think she does. It's like she wants drama in her life.

After a few more months I made another large sum of money. I kept that quiet. But I donated some to the homeless shelter in Forks, the Quileute school, and gave some money to Embry to help him with his down payment for a house. He was living with his parents and it was taking him forever to save… or he was just too comfortable. Em was grateful and I was happy that I could help him. Leah never questioned where he got the money. She just assumed it was from his savings. But I basically paid off the house for him after a few more months. He's like a brother to me and if I got it… He's got it. I would do basically anything for him. Since his house was paid off… He used some of his savings to buy a used truck. I made sure it was in good condition when he brought it to the shop. Now all he needs to do is settle down. He's going through a stage where he's sick of being single. He dates many women… But I think he's ready for something serious.

***oooOOOooo***

Things were looking better. Leah was acting like a new person in the past few months. I was getting scared actually. We hadn't had a really big argument in a while. We still had our small ones once too often. We couldn't make it a month without something coming up. I knew that I was miserable yet I haven't decided to man up and just walk away from the craziness. I was on my way to open my door to hang out with Quil for his birthday and I saw Leah's car coming down the road. Why is she here? She knows I'm hanging with the guys tonight. Leah parked the car and got out. She looked amazing. She was really dressed up. Where was she going? Did she just wanna show me what she looked like to tease me? She hardly ever wears dresses… I mean never.

"Hey Jake," she said smiling as she walked towards me.

"Hey Leah… you look really pretty. Hanging out with your friends tonight?"

"Um…. Well… I was hoping you would get dressed up too and go with me to Wild Ginger in Seattle. I kinda promised my friend at work that we would join them tonight."

She passed by me and walked into my house. I was stunned for a brief second and just stared at my front door. I started to walk at a slow pace to get in the house. I just knew that I wasn't going to have a chill night. Leah stood in the center of the living room with her hands on her hip. I sighed after looking at her expression. It was a nonchalant look like she was just going to get her way.

"Oh… Well Leah… You know I'm going over Jared's to hang with the guys. Plus it's Quil's birthday. I have plans... and you know this."

"Oh you can celebrate with Quil on another day," she said casually.

"It won't be his birthday on another day. I mean really… You expect me to drop my flesh and blood to hang out with your friends from work… People I don't even know?" This chick is ridiculous.

"Well Jake… I was hoping we could go. It would mean so much to me. Hell… I even got in a dress."

I just shook my head and started walking back to the door. I knew the last few months were too good to be true. The old selfish Leah is back. Lord help me. I'm not gonna be late for this shit.

"Where are you going?" she whined.

"Leah… You knew I was going out for weeks. You knew it was my cousin's birthday. Why are you trippin' now?" If you got here a few minutes later I wouldn't even be here. You didn't even call me to give me a heads up once you knew you were invited. Not that it would change much. I'm not trying to be a dick I'm just side blinded and it's not even that deep. If you want I can take you out to donner another night. Plan it and see if your coworkers can come."

"Jake I told her that we would come to her party."

"That's not my fault. I'm sorry Leah but I'm going to my cousin's football birthday."

"Please… Whatever you were planning to do… You can do some other time. It's just a silly night out with the guys."

"No… It's plans that I had all week. My fams birthday. Something I want to go to. Plus you can't speak for me. I'm sorry Leah… But I'm going over Jared's to watch the game and hang out with my cousin. If you gotta problem with that… I can't help you. You're just gonna have to deal with it."

I heard the anger in my voice and couldn't calm down. It was like I wanted to tell her off and bring up all the shit and lies and manipulation she dragged me through all of these years. I was stating my case of why I was going to my cousin's party and wanted the words to transform into why I wanted out and wanted to be happy.

"But I wanna go out with my friends tonight. Why are you being so difficult?" Leah yelled.

"Oh my God… You're gonna make my head split the fuck open. I'm not the one being difficult here. I'm not making out of the blue plans. I'm… Going to Jared's… See ya. You know how to lock the door behind you."

I started walking towards the door. I wasn't gonna stand here any longer and go through this ridiculous dance with her tonight. I mean really. I swear she's gonna make me go grey prematurely.

"Jake!"

"Spshh."

Just break up with her just break up with her. I don't need this. Matter of fact I don't even want her in my house. She has to go.

"Leah come on… I'm locking my door. I need you to go to your car."

"What! No… I'm sick of this Jake! I'm supposed to come first."

"What is your problem?"

"Ahhh!" she yelled.

Leah stomped over to the bookcase and started throwing my movies at me. "What the Fuck… Leah. You need to chill the fuck out!" I put my forearm up to block them. She has lost it. I tried to stay calm… no need for me flipping out. That's what she wants. Then she threw a season I guess… Because it was hard as shit when it hit my cheek. Then she threw my cherished photo album of my mother. Some pictures slid out and I watched them glide to the floor. It looked like I was watching a slow motion scene in a movie or my rage just fucked with my vision. My entire body heated up instantly. My eyes stayed on one picture for a few seconds before I looked up at her.

"Oh shit… I'm sorry," she pleaded.

"Woman… Please… Leave… now," I growled.

"Oh… I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. Oh my God I didn't mean to throw your mom's… your mom's photos."

I could just see my mother looking down on me devastated that I'm stuck in a relationship that I never wanted to be in.

"I'm really sick of this shit. You have no ideaof how sick of this shit I am."

"Jake." She pleaded.

"Don't Jake me. Just… just fucking leave. And I suggest you do it soon."

Leah squinted her eyes at me and huffed. Then she balled up her fist and stomped past me to go to her car.

What the fuck just happened? One minute I'm trying to leave to have fun with the guys and the next minute Leah goes ape shit because she wants me to jump at her every need. This is… So fucked up. I can almost hear my father saying I told you so. He's one of the biggest supporters of the 'Drop Leah's ass and move on group.' I think everyone's in that group except for Leah and her mother. Hell… Even Seth asked me why I stayed with her so long… And that's her own brother. The crazy thing is… There is a Facebook page set up in honor of our relationship not lasting. I can thank my sister and Ava for that. I heard her speed off and just plopped on my sofa feeling completely numb as I stared at the mess on the floor. I closed my eyes and laid back running my fingers through my hair then just held my head in disbelief.

I arrived at Jared's house and everyone did a double take when they looked at me. Hell… I forgot that I could have had a bruise on my face. I didn't really look in the mirror. "What happened to you?" Quil asked. I was pissed off and really didn't want to think about it.

"Man… Nothing. Leah just..."

"Huh… Leah did that?" Embry questioned.

"Yeah… She threw some movies at me because I didn't want to ditch you guys and go to dinner at the last minute with her friends at work."

"I know I didn't hear that correctly?" Jared said while turning down the TV with the remote.

"Yeah… You heard right."

"What tha…" Quil said leaving his mouth open in disbelief.

"Man why don't you just end it… It's long overdue. That shit ain't healthy," Embry said frustrated.

I sighed deeply and took a seat on the sofa. Seth wasn't here yet… But I'm sure he would be shocked that his sister went this far.

"Don't tell me that you're really in love with her," Jared asked sounding as if he was scared to hear my answer.

"No… I'm not in love with her… But I do love her." I must love her to put up with her so long?

He sighed. I knew he was calling me every stupid name in the book in his head.

"Yo… It's hard," I admitted.

"What's hard?" Embry asked.

"I... I… just feel like she's gonna crumble into nothing if I really leave her."

"Oh my God Jake… Seriously. So you wanna torture yourself… Cheat yourself… 'cause you don't wanna hurt someone's feelings?" Embry said looking dismayed. "Mother fucker you got a bruise on your cheek. Wake the fuck up!"

"Man… I seriously think she's bi polar or something," Quil said.

"Boss Man… No disrespect… But you're a fucking idiot for staying with her this long," Eric said boldly. "You're more than my employer… You're my friend. And you really don't need this type of shit in your life Jake. I mean… Really."

"Yeah that bitch is crazy," Paul said.

"Don't… Don't call her that," I mumbled.

"What crazy… 'cause she is," Paul blurted out.

"No, don't call a woman a Bitch," I said agitatedly. Paul flung his arms up in the air then squinted his eyes at me.

"Hey Bro… You know I don't like her," Paul said. "It's time to end this shit now. You're even stressin' your sister out because of this. When you stress my wife out… You're stressin' me out. And we both wanna see you happy Man. And Jake… You ain't happy."

"Don't you think I know that?!"

"No… No… I have no clue of what you know."

"Paul."

"Yo… I don't fuckin' get it. You… You don't have to be some savior. I think that somewhere in that brain of yours… You think you're doing some enormous good deed by staying with her loony ass. It's not worth it man… It's not worth it."

I felt like I was in some intervention. I guess I am. They all made perfect sense. It's true that I wanna try to make her a better person. And I do care for her. Pretty soon it sounded like everyone was talking to me at the same time. It was hard to focus on one person.

"Man… she's making you age," Embry said.

"Think of yourself for a change," Eric said.

"Jake what the fuck?" Paul said.

"You're wasting your life on her," Sam said. "I got out on time. Don't get yourself sucked in that black hole."

"I think it's her black hole of a pussy that's keeping his ass with her," Embry said.

"I hope it's not the sex… You can fuck anybody you want," Eric said.

"Man don't you wanna have kids one day… You need to find someone else," Quil said.

"She's mentally abusing your tall ass on the daily," Embry said.

"Get her a self-help book and get on your way," Jared said.

"What you don't think you can do better… Actually you can't do worst. She's a frickin' mess," Sam added.

"Hey is Tyna single again? You should hit that. Maybe it will make you come to your senses," Paul said.

"Yeah her fine ass will definitely make ole Jake here come. Kick that praying mantis to the curb so she can chew on some other poor soul," Embry said.

"GUYS… GUYS… I get it. I'm stupid as hell. I get it. I've wasted two years on her. I get it," I blurted out trying to end the constant stream of attacks on my judgment… or lack of.

I just gave up and held my head as I felt tears starting to form. I just need to give up. I'm pretty sure that my mother would want me happy. I'm probably breaking her heart right now.

I promise mom… Someday I will wise up for you. Hey since you're in heaven… Please send me an angel so I could love her. Someone that will unconditionally love me back. I really need that in my life. I need you in my life. You know the girl I want… Well need. If you find her… Give me a sign and I swear I will listen. I love you mom. I miss you so much. Even though it was years ago since I held you... I can still feel you holding me. I can still hear your laugh. I can still see the tears in your eyes when you told me that you loved me. You were my world… And now you're… Well… You're in my heart forever. I will never stop loving you. I will never forget you. I promise one day when I look into my daughter's eyes… I'll be looking at another Sarah. God I wish that I was in love so I could honor you that way. I promise you that when I find her I will never let her go. And she will know every single day just how much I love her and how special she is. I know you know who she is… Just help me find her. Please help me find her. I love you.

A/N:

If you're not a Tempted Fate reader by now... I would be honored if you checked out the 1st chapter. (That story is in Nessie's POV)

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