CHAPTER EIGHT

As Eren woke up the next morning he still chewed on last night's events. He knew it was wrong and beyond it, but damn him, never had anything felt as good as thinking about that man while touching himself. He started wondering what it might feel like when Levi were be the one touching him.

He might've never felt this way before, but he was no idiot. He knew what had hit him. He was attracted to Levi, that was for sure. So now he not only had to face the fact that he obviously was gay, but moreover the man he fell for wasn't. Fucking perfect.

Eren cursed himself, got up, and went into the bathroom. Since last night extracted any remaining energy in his body, he had kept lying in his bed with the dirtied sheets still wrapped around him as well as his hand covered in the sticky mess. He stepped inside the shower and washed away the lingering result of his embarrassing outcome. As he finished he went back to his bedroom, pulled the sheets from his bed, and threw them in the laundry chute.

Last night also had been the first time Eren saw an emotion crossing Levi's otherwise perfectly stoic face. Sure, it wasn't every day you caught some young guy masturbating while thinking of you, but he didn't expect Levi to react the way he did. Well, he hadn't expected Levi to do anything at all since he didn't expect Levi in person, but yeah… and then there was that thing that he hadn't let anyone come into the room. Was he trying to protect me? But why would he care? Eren was lost in thoughts once again when his eyes wandered to a stack of books at the edge of his desk. Algebra , he read preoccupied.

…

FUCK! Eren snapped back to reality, grabbed an armful of books, and ran for the library.

That had been a waste of time. Like total. Not only was he was half an hour too late for his lesson, but the entirety of the remaining time, Eren spaced out looking at the damn bookshelves. The teacher even asked him if he might have a fever since his face continuously became as red as a tomato. So Eren had a lot of catching up to do or otherwise he would lag behind the curriculum. Last time this happened on a constant level, his father had given him one of his indoctrination, and Eren surely wasn't in need for another one. So better get it going. He sat down at his desk and tried to make any sense out of his tasks, but after thirty minutes of wrecking his brain, Eren plunged his head on the desk and crossed his arms above it. That way he wasn't getting anywhere. He stood up, grabbed the book, and headed for Armin's room. He already smelled the lunch Maria was preparing as he walked down the stairs and arrived at his friend's door. He knocked, and heard Armin inviting him in. With a defeated frown on his face Eren went over to the window where the blonde was sitting and playing a game of shogi against himself.

"Wouldn't it be more fun to play against someone?" Armin lifted his head, and gave Eren a warm smile.

"True, but there's no one around who's still willing to play against me."

"No wonder, since you defeated everyone within a range of twelve to fifteen moves."

Armin laughed out loud at that. "What can I do for you, Eren? Shouldn't you be in math class right now?"

Eren sighed. "Already done, but I don't get the heck of this integral calculus thing. Additionally, I was late, so we didn't have enough time to go over it again. So I wanted to ask you…?"

"No problem, sit down and I'll help you figure it out." The blonde grinned.

"This isn't the reason I came here. I've to stop relying on you with this shit. You won't always be around to help me out, so I've to find a way to beat it by myself."

Armin gave him those large crystal blue orbs, eyeing him worried. "Then what do you want me to do?"

"I wanted to ask you whether you could recommend me a textbook for this topic. Or even better, a whole series of textbooks that helps me to understand school subjects myself. I know you probably read most of them."

Armin turned his face away, blocking Eren's view when he answered: "Sure, I can do that. But Eren," Armin paused, and his voice filled with sadness, "is everything okay with you? I don't know how to say it, but you seem off lately. Not just about our new house guest, but altogether."

Oh god, that wasn't the kind of conversation he came here for. But he knew Armin was right, being as sharp as ever, so there was no point in denying it. He was still his best friend and knew Eren better than most others. Perhaps even better than his sister since with Armin he could always talk about pretty much everything without worrying that he might think less of him. And Armin never failed to give him some kind of useful advice. Even so, Eren was a little frightened to tell him about his latest realization.

"I know I've acted weird lately. But what should I tell you, Armin? It's the same damn thing as ever, it only keeps getting worse. It's been five years since I've started complaining about having to stay at home like a goddamn prisoner. While everybody else on this stupid planet is able to build up their own lives, making friends and decisions and mistakes and all this stuff, Mikasa and I are locked up in here. Even you went to high school and every time you tell me about the campus, the people, the variety of thing you learn about on a daily basis, there's nothing more I wish for than to go with you. I'm getting sick seeing this walls every day. I want to visit different countries, learn languages I never heard of, and meet all kinds of different people. Same goes for Mikasa, I guess. What kind of life is it for an eighteen year old girl to stay put in one place with nothing to do than working out and training her fighting and shooting skills? It's not like there's a war coming up to prepare for. This is not how it's supposed to be. And ever since Dad received that stupid threatening letter we weren't allowed to leave the house alone at all. It slowly but steadily drives my nuts, Armin."

Armin listened quietly, but Eren could tell he knew that wasn't all. So he continued. "I don't want anyone to chew things up for me anymore. Life has become so freaking comfortable with people getting shit done for you that it's nothing but boring. So, if it only is a dumb math topic that I can get myself busy with for another dull day, then so be it. If I let you explain it to me, it'll only be an hour till I get it, but it would be just another example for things I can't do by myself. For one reason or another."

Eren firmly hoped that his best friend wouldn't take what he had said the wrong way. It had nothing to do with him. Quite the opposite, Armin was his only window towards the outer world. The first three days of every time he came by, Eren forced him to tell him every little detail about where he went, what he did and who he met. It was pathetic.

"Is that why you took a liking in Levi?" Armin asked with a straight face. Eren flushed at his crush's bare name, and internally cursed himself for it.

"W-what do you mean?" he stuttered, and if that didn't give him away already, his red face did for sure.

Armin's expression softened as he looked down. "Well, he isn't the type to handle someone with velvet gloves. I assume that's what you like about him. Although he works for you and is here to protect you, he never did a single thing to make you feel comfortable around him or make things easier for you. Furthermore, he might be an epitome of independence and freedom to you. He does and says what he wants to, goes wherever he wants to, and doesn't waste a single thought about what others are thinking. At least, I think so. The only exceptions seems to be Mr. Smith, for whatever reason."

Eren sat there in surprise, admiring how Armin always made it sound so easy to put someone's totally messed-up thoughts back in order. If he wouldn't follow in his grandfather's steps, leading his nation in strategy questions, Eren was sure he would make an excellent therapist. He was an outstanding listener, empathetic, and had the ability to see though people. So good, it got creepy from time to time.

Both of them kept sitting in silence for some more moments as Eren thought about what Armin just said. And yes, he had to admit, he didn't find Levi attractive only in a bodily context. Levi was downright cool as fuck as well. Eren always wanted to be like that. Not so much the grumpy part, but more the "free as the sky without anyone who tells him what to do and what not to"-part.

"You might be right," he admitted rather to himself than to his friend.

The blond boy flashed his teeth. "Of course, I'm right! When have I ever been wrong about something concerning you? And I think you should use his time being here. Since last night I doubt he's as unapproachable as he pretends to be. Maybe he can show you some aspects of life the others here on this property can't."

Did Armin seriously wink at me on the last part?!

"Oh gosh, so you got what was going on?" Eren buried his face once more.

"Well, Levi isn't that tall, you know? He might've tried to block our views last night, but I got a very good glance at your flushed face. And more importantly, the fact that he even tried to keep us out says something, don't you think?"

Although their conversation had lifted Eren's spirits a bit, it all went down again. "Actually, I am pretty certain, it doesn't."

Armin cocked his eyebrow. "What makes you think so?"

"Because I saw him with a woman."

If Eren hadn't been this depressed by what he had said, he would have laughed at Armin's paled face. "What? When?"

"The night we snuck out. Beside the fear of getting caught, it was the real reason I was so irrational when coming back. I was looking for the way back to the two of you after I left the bathrooms, and by accident I landed on the streets behind the club. That's where I saw them."

"And when you say, you saw him "with" a woman, you mean…?"

"They were having sex."

The blonde looked out of the window, silent for a bit. "Maybe it doesn't mean anything. You won't know if you never try. And if you do get rejected, hey, so be it."

"That's easy for you to say… ."

Armin laughed again. "I thought that was what you wanted? Getting to know people and gain new experiences, acting on your own and stop relying on others. Making mistakes. Although in my opinion it wouldn't count as the latter. In any case, he seems to be your only possibility while you're caged up here. Better give it a try as long as he stays. If you make a fool out of yourself, he'd be gone and no one would care anymore."

It was a harsh way to put it, but Eren had to admit that his friend had a point. There wasn't much for him at stake.

"Sooo… you don't care that I am gay?"

Armin's face was answer enough already. "Oh please, as if I would care about such a thing. By the way, if you would've laid your eyes on me, I'm sure it would've happened a long time ago."

True enough.

"Oh, and the textbook series you asked about. I can recommend you one or two. But after you go grab them, make sure to come back to me. Now that you finally spoke your mind, I want you to keep me company for my time being here. I don't come here to be all by myself, you know? And after hammering integral calculus or whatever in your head, we're going to play one or two rounds of the new video game my grandfather sent me. I waited for you, so I haven't even touched it yet."

Eren left his friend's room, thinking about how selfish he had been. He was so caught up in his own stupid self-pity that he hadn't recognized how his actions affected those close to him. Armin was right. He came here to be with Eren, and Eren hadn't anything better to do than grumble. If he was honest with himself, even the whole sneaking out story wasn't meant for Mikasa's sake at all. She hadn't wanted to leave the house, and would've been fine with them going in the city with their father when he came back, and Eren knew it. Even so, he dragged her into some filthy and crowded club. He wanted to punch himself for it, but it wouldn't change a thing. The best he could do now was to get his things straight.

Starting with figuring that stupid math subject out, and interacting with Levi in a more healthy way. No more of the crazy stuff that happened the past days.

He went to his father's office, and knocked. "Dad, you in there?"

"Sure, come in, son."

Eren stepped in, and saw his father working on some documents. "What can I do for you?" Grisha asked.

"I wanted to ask you if I may drive into town. Guarded, of course. My math lessons didn't go well, so I asked Armin about a textbook he would recommend. I'd like to get it before we continue with the next subject or else I'll lag behind."

"Why not order it online? Wouldn't it be easier?"

"True, but in all honesty, I also want to take a break from nonstop sitting in this house. You know, to breath out even if it's just for a little bit."

"You know exactly why I don't want you kids to stay away from here."

Eren heard someone behind him clearing his throat. "But it shouldn't be a problem if I escort them all together, would it?" Levi approached so soundlessly, he seemed to be coming out of thin air. Which was kind of funny considering his powerful presence as soon as he marched into the room.

"Mr. Levi," his father addressed him, "you might be right, but I still think that we should cut the possibilities to a minimum."

"If you aren't confident in my skills, you shouldn't have hired me in the first place. But since I'm here, I don't see a problem in going out with them. Furthermore, you should consider that if you're trying to lock them in here for eternity, they might get the idea to sneak out, and end up totally unsecured. It'd be better if you let them run on the long string from time to time than losing them completely."

"My children would never," Grisha started, but Levi disrupted him.

"Yes, they would. Everyone would, especially kids their age. Already heard, already seen. And since your son had the guts to be honest with you, although he knew how you would respond, you should take his request serious."

Grisha stayed still for a moment, reconsidering. "Fine, but I want them to stay together, and you won't allow more than ten feet of distance between you."

Levi nodded and left the room. Eren followed, but as he was about the close the door, he addressed his father once more. "Oh, one more thing. You seem to have forgotten what you've promised Mikasa in exchange for not being here on her birthday. I just wanted to remind you."

With that, he left.

Eren caught up to Levi, trying hard keep his eyes away from the older man's backside. "Hey, thank you for your support. I couldn't have convinced him if you hadn't been there."

Levi stopped in his tracks, causing Eren to almost bump into him. "You aren't the only one who's bored as fuck, brat. There's nothing for me to do if you aren't attacked by some scum. So it's a relief for me, too."

"Even so, thanks." Eren scratched the back of his head, a shy smile on his lips. "So, is it okay if we leave in half an hour?"

Levi nodded, and then he was gone. One moment, he stood right in front of Eren and in a blink of an eye he was gone. Eren didn't even know in what direction he'd left. But he hadn't time to think about it too much.

I better get going and tell Armin and Mikasa.