I have been asked about the timeline and whether I will be doing later episodes. It is set between series 3 & 4. I definitely will be doing up to the end of series 3 and will then either let them watch the later series or send them back and write those episodes with the changes owing to the fact that they now know Merlin's secret.
Goblin's Gold
A figure of Merlin standing in water appears as Kilgarrah speaks.
'In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name: Merlin,' Merlin's eyes flash bright gold.
Geoffrey is sitting behind his desk when Merlin walks in. Geoffrey gives Merlin a look as though he expects him to break the rules.
'He seems to always expect me to be breaking the rules,' Gwaine said.
'That's because you always are,' Elyan reminded him.
'Yes?' asked Geoffrey.
'Gaius asked me to fetch a book. The er...Bestiary of Phylum of Cambria?' Merlin asked.
'The Bestiary? I haven't seen that for many years. It'll be somewhere in the east wing. No idea where,' Geoffrey said.
'Such a great knowledge of his books,' Gaius shook his head.
'Unlike you he hasn't memorized his books from start to finish,' Merlin replied.
'If I had memorized them I wouldn't need to consult them so often,' Gaius reminded his ward.
Merlin turns to his right and starts walking.
'Your other east,' Gwen seemed to be trying not laugh.
'Idiot,' Arthur shook his head.
'Direction really aren't my thing,' Merlin admitted.
'East is that way,' Geoffrey points in the opposite direction and Merlin turns around to walk that direction.
'You should know your directions,' Hunith said.
'How you managed to make it to Camelot I'll never know,' Gaius shook his head.
'Yeah,' Merlin nodded walking down and passed the row he needs. He heads back looks in to the particular row frowning as he attempts to locate the book. He spots the Bestiary on the top shelf of a very tall bookcase.
'Just your luck,' chuckles Lancelot.
'Great,' Merlin smiles grimly.
Merlin tries to jump for it but still can't reach it.
'Did you really think that was going to work?' asked Percival.
'Got to try,' Merlin replied.
'You couldn't have just used magic?' asked Gwaine.
'What if some one in?' asked Gaius.
'Who willingly goes into Geoffrey's domain?' asked Arthur.
He then attempts to climb the bookcase and ends up triggering a secret door by standing on a shelf. Merlin finds himself in a hidden chamber.
'Only Merlin,' Hunith shakes her head fondly.
'What can I say I attract trouble,' Merlin grinned.
'Then put you with Arthur and all you have is one thing after another,' Gwen smiled.
'Add Morgana into everything and you have a disaster waiting to happen,' Gaius shakes his head.
Merlin looks around at the cobwebby messy room.
'When was the last time anyone went in there?' asks Arthur.
'Before the purge,' Gaius said grimly. 'I imagine it was hidden by some fleeing sorcerer.'
Merlin walks further in where he spots a magic book and takes hold of it and looks at it.
'Where is it now?' asked Arthur.
'Under my bed,' Merlin grinned.
'Merlin,' Gaius groaned.
'What the book you gave me is a book for beginners,' Merlin said. 'After three years it was time I moved onto more advanced stuff.'
Gaius just shook his head, 'on your own head be it.'
'It's warded,' Merlin said. 'Only you and I can get into it.'
On his way out Merlin catches himself on an octagonal box and something grumbles and pounds against the insides of it. Merlin kneels down and heaves the box upright.
'Heavy?' asked Arthur.
'A bit,' Merlin agreed.
'Weakling,' Arthur said punching him playfully.
'At least I'm not all brawn and no brain,' Merlin retorted.
'Unluc scrin,' incanted Merlin.
'Open the box,' Gaius translated for those who could not speak the language of magic.
The box unlocks and Merlin gingerly opens it without looking inside. It at first appears to be an empty dark space but then a goblin jumps out causing Merlin to fall backwards.
'It was you,' both Arthur and Gwen were glaring at Merlin.
'It was an accident,' Merlin said.
'I'm going to kill you,' growled Arthur jumping out of chair pulling out his sword.
'Heoru cierr fihl,' Merlin incanted and Arthur's sword turned to rags causing Gwaine to laugh.
'Merlin!' shouted Arthur. 'Turn it back,' Arthur ordered.
'Just promise not to attack me with it,' Merlin told his friend.
'Okay, okay, no attacking,' grumbled Arthur.
'Fihl inlagian heoru,' Merlin incanted reluctantly and the rags Arthur was holding returned to a sword.
'Boo!' the goblin grinned.
'Are you going to say something, or shall I?' questions the goblin.
'You can speak,' Merlin said in shock.
'Really that's what you say,' Arthur shook his head.
'How many times have you found hidden rooms with goblins in them have you found?' asked Merlin.
'You're a sharp one,' the goblin said.Then it begins stretching, 'ooh, ah. I can't tell you how good it feels to be able to do that. And that. And this.'
'Shh,' hissed Merlin.
'It would have looked bad surrounded by magic with a goblin,' grimaced Merlin.
'I have been squished and squashed inside that box for more than 50 years!' shouted the gobbling. 'Time to have some fun,' the goblin grinned.
'Fun,' Gwen grimaced.
'It was no fun,' agreed Gaius.
'Mortifying,' Arthur agreed.
'It was funny to see Morgana farting,' Merlin's eyes twinkled.
'Merlin,' Arthur slapped him on the back of his head.
'Oi,' Merlin grimaced. 'It's easy for you to say.'
'It did almost get me executed,' Merlin reminded him.
The goblin jumps up onto a bookcase knocking stuff off the shelf. And starts tossing objects at Merlin who catches the jug.
'I learnt with Arthur tossing stuff at me constantly,' Merlin said.
'Whoo! There you go!' giggled the goblin.
'Have fun quietly. It's just,' Merlin in an annoyed tone plopping a vase on the bookshelf furthest from the goblin. '...very quietly,' Merlin said as the goblin started to throw books and objects at him making a lot of noise.
'Goblins have worse sense of humours than Gwaine after the tavern,' Merlin muttered.
'Oi,' Gwaine said.
'Uh-oh,' the goblin said threatening to drop a vase.
'No. You are going to get us both into serious trouble,' Merlin warns.
'Like execution style trouble,' Merlin said.
'Oh, oh, oh!'the goblin drops the vase and it smashes into bits.'Oh dear, what a shame. Never mind,' grinned the goblin.
'Right. That's it. You are going back in that box while I work out what to do with you,' Merlin said.
'Probably why the sorcerer captured it in the first place,' Gaius said.
'Oh. All right. If I really must,' the goblin sulks towards the box.
Merlin smiles relieved that no permanent damage has been done, 'in,' Merlin said sharply.
'Did you think he'd really do that?' asked Percival.
'It would be easier if he had,' muttered Merlin.
'It's not in a goblin's nature to do as he's told,' Gaius said.
'What is it about magical creatures?' asked Arthur. 'They all seem to be evil.'
'Not really,' Gaius said. 'Most just avoid humans.'
The goblin climbs onto the box and then jumps onto Merlin's head.
'At least it knows Merlin's place,' laughs Arthur.
'Shut it,' Merlin snapped.
'Ha-ha! Fooled you!' laughed the goblin before it takes off.
'Stop messing around!' snapped Merlin.
The goblin searches through the room. Merlin sneaks up behind it with a blanket while it rifles through a trunk.
'Nah. Nah. Nah. Maybe. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah...' the goblin said whilst chucking stuff out of the trunk.
'Got you,' Merlin said.
'Don't warn it idiot,' Arthur said.
Merlin grabs it with the blanket. The goblin struggles and then the blanket goes flat. The goblin appears as a little yellow ball of light and squeezes through a crack in the secret door.
'No!' Merlin shouts.
'It would be Merlin who let the goblin escape,' Arthur scowled.
Merlin exits the secret chamber by twisting the bookshelf back around. The goblin hits him in the back of the head with a book. Merlin twists around to look at it.
'Bull's-eye!' the goblin grins.
'Someone's going to see you!' warns Merlin.
'Really? I'm just having a little tidy up!' the goblin said pushing more books down forcing Merlin to bring his hands up as a shield.
'It's got a worse idea of tidy than Arthur and Merlin put together,' Gwen laughed.
'Oi,' the Once and Future King and the Last of the Dragonlords said together.
'Look here you want to get rid of all of this. Nasty mess up here. Nobody's had a brush up here for years! Look at it all old and...right, that's enough, I'm off. Heehee,' the goblin said chucking books at Merlin one of which is the Bestiary Merlin had originally came for then leaves.
'Geoffrey is going to kill you,' taunted Arthur.
Merlin picks up the Bestiary, which the goblin knocked off the shelf, and runs to find the goblin. He stops in the aisle where Geoffrey is standing. Merlin grins at Geoffrey attempting to act casual.
'For someone with such a big secret you can't act natural to save yourself,' Gaius said.
'Good thing Geoffrey is a little oblivious,' Merlin replied.
'Be careful Merlin I've known Geoffrey for years and he is no where near as oblivious as he appears,' warns Gaius.
Geoffrey turns to look at him.
'Found it,' Merlin said cheerfully gesturing to the book.
'Found what?' Gwaine's eyes twinkled.
'Ah,' Geoffrey said nodding.
'Do you reckon he knows?' asked Arthur.
'Probably,' agreed Gaius. 'We learnt magic together.'
'I didn't know that,' Merlin said.
'Nobody knew about Geoffrey,' replied Gaius. 'He did it on aside of being a knight.'
Merlin walks at a more sedate pace out of the hall of records. Exiting the hall of records Merlin sees a trail of wall ornaments lying on the floor of the corridor and hears the goblin making noise. Merlin follows the trail to Arthur's chambers.
'So that's what caused the mess,' Arthur glared at Merlin. 'You know it's still your fault.'
'And I cleaned it up,' Merlin replied.
Merlin entered the chambers warily trying not to alert the goblin to his presence. He looks around for the goblin.
'Ugh! No!' the goblin said.
'No, no, no, no, no, no, no,' Merlin pleaded.
'Honey wishing it to be different won't change anything,' smiled Hunith.
'I know mother,' Merlin replied.
'No! No! None here! Argh,' the goblin shoves a boot out from under Arthur's bed that Merlin ducks to avoid. 'None under here either!'Merlin looks under the bed for the goblin as another goblin chucks another boot out.
'What's he looking for?' asked Percival.
'Gold,' Merlin says.
'Goblins love gold,' Gaius added.
'Hence why there was a spate of thefts at the time,' Merlin said grimly.
'And why Gaius started charging for remedies,' Gwen added.
'But Gaius never charges for remedies,' Hunith said shocked.
'I was possessed,' Gaius defended his or rather the goblin's action.
'Merlin,' Arthur comes in and Merlin looks up at his master. 'I really hope, for your sake, you have a good explanation for this,' Arthur said as Merlin continues looking around for the goblin.
'I...do have a good explanation,' Merlin said standing up whilst thinking about what to say. 'I'm spring cleaning,' Merlin lied.
'Merlin you do remember it was summer?' asked Gaius.
'Well I had to say something,' Merlin replied.
'It isn't spring, and it certainly isn't clean,' Arthur retorted.
'That's because I've only just started,' Merlin laughs nervously as the door opens apparently by itself. 'Yeah, you wait until I've finished. You'll be able to eat your dinner off the floor. Not that you want to,' Merlin said quickly.
The goblin makes a clattering nose outside Arthur's chambers that Arthur hears.
'What was that?' asked Arthur.
'Why don't I go and see,' Merlin said rushing passed Arthur pushing the heir of Camelot back, 'and you can make yourself comfortable,' Merlin said running out of the room closing the door behind him leaving a bewildered Arthur behind.
'Comfortable,' Arthur said incredulously, 'in that mess.'
'It's not that much worse than when you chuck your clothes all over the place,' retorted Merlin.
Merlin rushes out into the corridor beside Morgana's room looking into the witch's room as bracelets are tossed out.
'Nearly, nearly, nearly,' the goblin mutters.
Merlin sees the goblin tossing bracelets out of Morgana's jewellery box.
'No,' hissed Merlin.
'That's all Merlin needs,' muttered Lancelot darkly. 'To be found in Morgana's room.'
'She never caught me,' Merlin said cheerfully.
The goblin picks up Morgana's bracelet end begins sniffing it.
'No,' Merlin said.
The goblin sees Merlin and jumps out the window with Morgana's healing bracelet. Merlin hurries to put Morgana's jewellery back in the box. Gwen enters behind him and clears her throat.
'Why is it always Gwen who catches me?' asked Merlin.
'Because you always seem to be in Morgana's rooms,' said an amused Gwen.
Gwaine snickered at this.
'Shut up, Gwaine,' snapped Merlin blushing.
'I'm really not sure it suits you, Merlin,' Gwen said not commenting on Merlin's appearance in her mistress' chambers.
'Didn't you accuse him of stealing?' asked Leon.
'It's Merlin,' Gwen said, 'if he was in Morgana's room there would be a reason. Just because I wasn't aware of it yet didn't mean anything. If your close enough to Merlin you have to get used to odd occurrences when Merlin is around.'
'Tell me about it,' Gaius shook his head.
In Gaius' chambers Merlin and Gaius flip through a book where a picture of the goblin appears.
'That's it,' Merlin said pointing.
'Seems you've unleashed a goblin,' Gaius said grave faced.
'I know that face. That's not good, is it?' Merlin asked.
'When is it ever?' asked Arthur.
'Goblins are the most mischievous of creatures. Mischievous and dangerous,' warned Gaius.
'Didn't seem dangerous,' commented Merlin.
'Never does,' Gaius said.
'Believe me, Merlin, goblins will stop at nothing to get their hands on the one thing they value above all others,' here Gaius pauses, 'gold.'
Arthur enters the room, 'you're needed, Gaius, for a matter of great urgency and extreme delicacy.'
'What is it?' asked Gaius worriedly.
'It's my father,' Arthur explains.
Merlin snickers slightly at this.
'Merlin-'Arthur said.
'Shut up,' Merlin grinned.
'You got it,' Arthur agreed.
In the corridor outside Uther's rooms Arthur stops them.
'I should warn you, if you value your lives, do not even think about laughing,' warns Arthur.
The three men enter Arthur's chambers.
'Father?' asked Arthur.
'I'm behind the screen,' Uther said sounding annoyed.
Gaius and Merlin find bald Uther hunched down in a chair behind a changing screen with his arms crossed.
Gwaine and Merlin start snickering at this.
In the corridor Merlin and Gaius are talking.
'Only an enchantment could cause Uther to lose his hair like that. I've no doubt the goblin is to blame. We must catch it before it does any real damage,' warns Gaius.
Merlin starts laughing, 'did you see Uther's face?'
'Merlin,' Arthur growls.
'Keep your crown on,' laughs Merlin.
'Merlin, what do you think Uther will do to the person responsible for releasing the goblin?' asked Gaius seriously.
'Did he find out?' asked Hunith worriedly.
'No one ever does,' replied Harry.
'We need to catch it,' Merlin said at once serious.
'How you can go from joking to serious in the space of a few seconds I'll never understand,' Lancelot shook his head.
'How do we do that?' Merlin looking confused once more.
'We need to set a trap. And for that we need gold, and plenty of it,' Gaius said.
'Where did you get the gold from?' asked Arthur suspiciously.
'Sorry, sire, it was a matter of urgency,' Gaius said.
'I gave it back,' Merlin said defensively.
In Arthur's chambers Merlin pulls a money chest out from under Arthur's bed while Arthur's asleep.
'It was you,' Arthur said incensed.
Merlin knocks over some dishes on the table on his way out and Arthur wakes.
'Brilliant time to be clumsy,' Gwaine shook his head.
'Who's there?' Arthur demandsstanding up on his bed and drawing a sword.
'Oferbrædels ahries,' Merlin whispers.
'What did that mean?' asked Arthur planning to remember the spells that Merlin had used upon him repeatedly.
'Coverlet, fall down,' shrugged Merlin.
The spell drops the canopy on top of Arthur and Arthur falls to the floor. Merlin laughs to himself as Arthur flails under the canopy.
'Guards!' Arthur shouts.
'I wonder what the guards thought was happening,' laughed Gwaine.
Merlin leaves in a hurry before the guards come in.
In the palace corridor Merlin tosses a gold coin down the corridor for the goblin to find.
'Lovely gold,' the goblin picks up the coin and licks it,
'Lovely,' grimaced Gwaine.
Then the goblin follows the trail that Merlin and Gaius have laid out into a storage room. The goblin rejoices at the sight of the chest of gold coins.
'He's a bit thick isn't he,' Gwaine said.
Gaius closes the door and Merlin grabs the goblin with a blanket. The goblin turns into a little ball of light again and buzzes into Gaius's ear.
'That's how you got possessed,' groaned Arthur thinking of his donkey ears.
'Gaius, did you see where it went?' Merlin asked stressed.
'You let it escape you stupid boy! Now you just stand there like a sack of potatoes. Go after it! Go! Shoo! Shoo!' Gaius shooed Merlin off.
Merlin leaves and the Goblin using Gaius's body licks the gold in the chest.
'Do you like gold, Uncle?' laughed Hunith.
In the Court Physician's chamber the Goblin in Gaius' body tosses objects from the shelves.
'I've searched the entire palace. There's no sign of the goblin any...what happened?' asked Merlin surveying the mess.
'It's that pesky goblin!' the goblin said.
'Well at least it's honest,' laughed Gwen.
'When it suited the goblin,' Gaius said with a frown.
'You let it escape and it's ransacked my premises! You've got some cleaning up to do. Clean! Clean!'
'Where you going?' asked Merlin.
'I'm going to the tavern,' Gaius suddenly said.
'You never go to the tavern,' Merlin said in baffled voice.
'Then I shall see what I've been missing,' Gaius the goblin said brightly leaving a confused warlock behind.
Gaius enters the Rising Sun Tavern as the tavern folk are cheering over arm wrestling match. The winner takes the gold on the table and the Goblin licks Gaius' lips. Gaius places his gold coins on the table in front of the winner.
Hunith groaned, 'please tell me he – it's – not going to do this.'
'He did,' Leon said amused.
'Shall we arm wrestle, or do you require a moment to recover what little strength you have?' asked Gaius the goblin.
The Goblin wins the match and takes the gold, licking his lips.
'How did that work?' asked Percival.
'The goblin's magical strength,' Gaius explained.
In the physician's chambers the Goblin belches as Merlin exits his chamber.
'Oof, you look terrible. How much did you drink last night?' Merlin asked.
'You don't look so good yourself. What's your excuse?' retorts the goblin.
'What?' Merlin asked shocked.
'Shh. Too much talking. I have a head like the inside of a drum, and a mouth like a badger's armpit,' Gaius said.
'Ugh, badger's armpit,' Merlin grimaced.
'Make yourself useful. Go to the market and fetch my breakfast. Away! Go!' shooed Gaius.
Merlin leaves and the Goblin pulls out the chest of gold and jewellery as Morgana enters.
'Why do I think nothing good is going to come of this?' groaned Gwen.
'Because we have a goblin possessed Gaius and vengeful Dark witch in the same room,' Merlin suggested.
'Gaius?' asked Morgana.
'Yes, yes. What is it?' Gaius snapped.
'I couldn't sleep last night. My healing bracelet's been stolen,' Morgana explained.
'I think the goblin knows that,' snorted Percival.
'Oh, tragedy. Travesty. Whoever stole it should be hanged, flogged, and hanged again,' Gaius said.
'What would be the point of that?' Arthur asked incredulously.
'Humiliating the body,' Merlin suggested.
'I was hoping you could give me a sleeping draught?' asked Morgana.
'A sleeping draught?' Gaius suggested. 'Can't you count sheep like everyone else? Why are you bothering me with such things? Shoo!' Gaius said.
'Morgana's not going to like that,' Lancelot said amused.
'I don't know why you're being like this, Gaius. I'm the King's ward and you shall do as I ask,' Morgana said arrogantly.
'Ooooh, shall I now?' Gaius asked mockingly.
'Don't tell a goblin what to do,' Gaius said. 'They'll likely do the opposite just to annoy you.'
The goblin walks closer to Morgana and looks into her eyes.
'I can see deep into your heart, and it's cold. Cold as stone. You play at being Uther's loving ward. You play it so well you fool him, but you don't fool me. You would see Uther dead and Camelot destroyed,' the goblin said dangerously.
'Telepathy?' asked Merlin frowning.
'Goblins are good with auras,' Gaius explained. 'She'd likely be able to protect herself from unwanted mental intrusion.'
'Why would you say such a thing?' Morgana said looking flustered.
'Because it's the truth. There is evil in your heart,' the goblin said softly.
'I don't know what's come over you. You were always such a good friend to me,' Morgana seemed genuinely hurt.
'Until you betrayed us all,' snorted Arthur.
'Don't give if you can't take,' Merlin added.
'I see the truth frightens you,' the goblin said softly.
'It's you that frightens me,' Morgana said and walks to the door.
'Do you not want your sleeping draught after all, Lady Morgana?' asked Gaius.
Morgana stops and looks at Gaius.
'One moment,' Gaius said.
The goblin magically creates a potion and hands it to Morgana.
Gwen blushed burying her head in her hands knowing what the goblin had just caused. She couldn't bear to look at the man who was courting her. The donkey ears were at least sweet. But farting in front of the whole court including the man she loved was in no way sweet.
'Sweet dreams. Do come back and see me anytime,' Gaius said.
Morgana takes the potion and marches out with a scowl.
Gaius is making his rounds in the lower town where he holds up the arms of a man who is lying in bed.
'Say "Ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah, oooooh!"' Gaius told him.
Gwaine snorted, 'the goblin is clearly no physician.'
'He's just out to cause trouble,' Gaius explained.
'Ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah, oooooh!' the confused man said.
Gaius drops Tom's arms and turns to his wife.
'He's certain to die,' Gaius said.
'Right,' Merlin said unconvinced.
'I don't feel like I'm dying,' the man said.
'He's not,' Gaius said.
'You must have had loads of apologies after you were un-possessed,' Hunith said.
'And gold to return,' added Merlin with a laugh.
'It's not funny, Merlin,' snapped Gaius.
'Especially considering you released it,' Arthur added.
'If you value your life, you won't say another word, it could kill you instantly. Shh,' Gaius hissed.
'Though if you are seriously injured your advised not to say anything as it may tire you out as you have little strength left but it won't kill you,' Merlin rolled his eyes.
'I believed he had a broken rib,' the wife said.
'A broken rib that's become infected with the most severe and terrifying infection that can only be treated by this remedy,'Goblin Gaius pulls out a potion bottle.
'Ah,' said a relieved looking wife.
'Alas, it's very expensive,' Gaius said with a fake sigh.
'Oh, we do not have any money to spare,' the poor wife said.
'In that case, your husband will die, and you'll spend the rest of your life in poverty and misery before dying a lonely, cold death, which is no less than you deserve,' Gaius said unpityingly.
'Or you'll not have to deal with whatever tricks the goblin plays on you,' scowled Arthur.
Tom makes noises with his mouth shut and motions for Rose to pay Gaius. Gaius continues visiting townspeople and demanding payment.
In Gwen's house Gaius enters.
'What can I do for you?' asked Gwen.
'Gold,' Merlin said simply.
'It's more a question of what I can do for you,' Gaius said.
Goblin Gaius grabs Gwen's face and looks her over.
'Ah, it seems you're developing the symptoms already,' Gaius informed the maid.
'Symptoms for what?' Gwen asked worried.
'The most severe and terrifying infection that is sweeping through Camelot like a plague,' the goblin said.
'Probably not the best thing to say considering that we had a plague,' Leon said darkly.
'I haven't heard anything about an infection,' Gwen said confused.
'That's because those who catch it are immediately struck dumb. Fortunately I have developed a very effective cure,' Gaius explained.
'Did you actually believe that?' asked Elyan'
'I've known Gaius for years,' Gwen said. 'He's not known to lie especially about something as serious as a plague.'
'It is yours in exchange for a gold coin,' Gaius said.
'Very funny,' Gwen said with a smile clearly thinking that it was a joke.
'Is it? I don't hear anyone laughing,' Gaius said.
'Probably because they've all been struck dumb by the infection,' Gwaine said eyes twinkling.
'You've never charged me for remedies before,' Gwen said.
'I try not to charge the poorer classes. They wouldn't be able to afford it otherwise,' Gaius said.
'Then I've clearly been a fool,' the goblin said.
'No kind and fair,' smiled Hunith, 'we don't even have a local physician. We have to travel for two days to get to a physician and that's if we've managed to scrounge enough money to pay.'
'Do you wish for a cure, or do you wish to walk around with a face covered in boils and your nose dripping with snot?' snapped Gaius.
'Boils?' Gwen asked.
'That's what made you pay gold?' laughed Elyan. 'Ah little sis were you frightened that your dear prince wouldn't like you with boils?'
'Elyan!' Gwen said blushing
'Big, pussy boils. Bigger than you've ever seen,' the goblin said.
'I'll fetch a coin,' Gwen said.
'Come on, come on, I haven't got all day,' Gaius said impatiently.
Gwen hands him the coin and Goblin Gaius hands her the fake remedy. She catches him licking his lips.
'A most wise decision,' the Gaius said happily.
In Uther's chambers Uther is still bald.
'You're sure this treatment will work, Gaius?' asked Uther.
'I'm quite certain of it, My Lord,' Gaius nodded.
'Is it really necessary to slap my head like that?' asked Uther.
'Your all so gullible,' snorted Gwaine.
'Completely and utterly necessary. We must restore the circulation to the scalp. You wish your hair to grow back, My Lord?' Gaius checked.
'Of course he does,' Arthur said hoping that he wouldn't go bald.
'Get on with it, then,' snapped Uther.
The goblin returns back to Gaius' chambers and an angry looking Emrys.
'You're the goblin!' Gaius said.
'Have you lost your mind?' demanded the goblin.
'No, but you have,' Hunith said.
'I can see where Merlin gets it,' Gaius said amused.
'No, but you have!' Merlin said.
'Awww,' cooed Arthur. 'Is Merlin like Mummy?'
'Or at least it's been taken over,' continued Merlin.
'Not completely lost,' Gaius agreed.
'It only took poisoning you to get you back to normal,' Merlin muttered.
'That will teach you to open strange containers,' Gaius said sharply.
'Don't be ridiculous,' the goblin said.
'I know Gaius as well as I know myself, and you are not him,' Merlin scowled.
'No he's not,' agreed Hunith.
'Ah, you've got me,' the goblin admitted. 'How d'you like my new body? It's a bit old and creaky, but it's ever so much fun.'
'Tell me about it,' Gaius said darkly.
'It's not your body, it's Gaius's. What've you done with him?' demanded Merlin.
'He's still in here somewhere,' the Goblin said nonchalantly.
'At least you know he's not gone permanently,' Hunith said.
'Unlike Cedric,' agreed Merlin.
'Gaius has done you no harm. Leave him,' Merlin ordered.
'Not going to work,' Gaius warned his grand nephew. 'My body is to useful for his pranks.'
'I know,' sighed Merlin, 'but I've got to try.'
'All right. You've convinced me,' the goblin paused for a second. 'On second thought, I think I'll stay where I am. I like it in here. The freedom, the gold, the beer. Did I mention the gold?' asked the goblin.
'Only a few times,' snorted Hunith.
'If you hurt Gaius...I will kill you,' threatened Merlin.
'Empty threat,' Arthur said.
'You'll be killing him. You see the problem? I'm him, he's me. We're all jumbled up in here,' the goblin grinned.
Arthur is standing before the king in the council chambers.
'There have been instances of vandalism around the palace, as well as a number of thefts. I, myself, was a victim. Unfortunately, the thief managed to elude me,' Arthur said.
Gwen farts and the court stares at her then Morgana farts.
Gwaine burst out laughing whilst Gwen buries her face in her hands once more refusing to look at Arthur. Elyan bites his lips trying not to laugh at his mortified sister knowing that she would bloody well murder him if he did.
'That serves you right for making me dress in a dress – twice!' Leon said.
'Double the guard. I want the perpetrator found,' Uther says as he farts.
'Yes, My Lord,' Arthur said making no mention of the flatulence that had occured.
'The council is dismissed!' Uther says as the flatulence continues. 'Now!'
Everyone rushes out except Uther, Gaius, and Arthur.
'Gaius, is there anything you can do to treat this?' asked Uther.
'Not when he's the one causing it,' muttered Arthur.
Back in the physician's chambers the goblin is in stitches as Merlin watches on unamused.
'Tell me you didn't think that was funny?' the goblin laughs.
'It was,' agreed Gwaine.
'Not in these circumstances,' Merlin retorted.
Merlin gives Goblin (Gaius) a stone-faced glare.
'Not even a little bit? Just a teeny-weeny bit?' begged the goblin.
'No!' Gwen said glowering at the glass box. 'It was in no way even the tiniest way funny.'
No one was stupid enough to disagree with the would be queen.
'If you carry on like this, you're going to get Gaius killed,' Merlin warned.
'Merlin, you underestimate me. I have cured Uther of his farting and his baldness. He is, he tells me, forever in my debt. I am a genius,' the goblin boasted.
'Pride comes before a fall,' Hunith warned the goblin.
'This has to stop,' Merlin said.
'I see no reason why. Now, if you're quite finished, I'm going to the tavern,' the goblin announced.
'Bord, wiþ stende hine,' enchanted Merlin.
'You shouldn't have revealed your magic,' worried Gaius. 'It makes you a threat which has to be got rid of.'
'It didn't try and kill you?' asked Hunith.
'The goblin never attempted to kill me,' Merlin said.
'Just get you executed,' muttered Arthur.
'Not again,' muttered Hunith wondering how many times her son's head was on the chopping block.
Merlin's spell shuts the door so Goblin Gaius can't leave.
'Well, well, well. So you have a secret of your own, Merlin,' Gaius said.
'Is he trying to blackmail you?' asked Lancelot.
'Leave his body or you will regret it,' Merlin warned.
'So say's the mighty Emrys!' laughed Gwaine.
'Your magic may be powerful, but I have an advantage,' the goblin said.
'What's that?' asked Merlin.
'I can hurt you...' the goblin said simply.
The Goblin magically throws a dagger at Merlin.
'Culter, ic þe hate!' Merlin returned.
Merlin's spell stops the dagger and he sends it back at Gaius, stopping just before it reaches Gaius's face.
'Whereas, you cannot hurt me without hurting Gaius,' the goblin said.
'It's true,' agreed Hunith worrying her lip.
'We had to hurt Gaius to save him,' Merlin sighed.
'I won't rest till I've found a way to force you out of Gaius's body,' Merlin vowed.
'You shouldn't have said that,' Gaius groaned. 'Now you've become even more of a threat.'
In the Hall of Records Geoffrey and Gaius meet up.
'Ah, Gaius. I've been meaning to come and see you. I've got this terrible pain in my leg,' Geoffrey said.
'That's hardly surprising when it has to support that enormous gut. Lose some weight, fatty,' snipes the goblin.
Gaius groaned, 'I didn't even know I'd done that. Merlin told me everything he knew I'd done so I could repair the damage but obviously didn't know that I'd insulted one of my oldest friends.'
The Goblin enters the secret chamber and takes the magic book Merlin discovered earlier.
'Why didn't he just use your own spell book?' asked Lancelot.
'He would have if he'd known,' Merlin said.
In Arthur's chambers Merlin searches for Arthur.
'Arthur,' Merlin said.
Merlin finds Arthur in the central corridor, followed by two guards.
'Arthur, I have to talk to you,' Merlin said seriously.
'You were about to tell me about Gaius?' Arthur asked.
Merlin nodded, 'I might not reveal my secrets straight away,' Merlin said, 'but I will eventually tell you the truth – eventually.'
'Arrest him,' Arthur ordered.
'What? Arthur, what are you doing?' asked a confused Merlin.
Back in the council chambers Merlin being held by the two guards his brought in front of the three Pendragons.
'Is it true? You were responsible for the afflictions that I and other members of the court have suffered?' demanded Uther.
'He's blaming you?' Hunith asked angrily.
'And this is nobility,' sneered Gwaine.
'What? No,' Merlin defended himself.
'Gaius,' Uther calls.
'I found this in your room. It's a book of spells and enchantments,' Gaius said holding up the book that he'd stolen from the library.
'He's lying. That's not Gaius,' Merlin said.
'What are you talking about?' Arthur asked.
'At least Arthur gives Merlin a chance to explain,' Gwen smiled.
'I know Merlin,' Arthur replied.
'He's been possessed by a goblin,' Merlin tried to explain.
'It does seem a bit far fetched,' admitted Merlin.
'No more than anything else we've faced,' Arthur shrugged.
'The boy is reduced to making the most desperate and ridiculous accusations,' Gaius said with a sigh.
'You seriously expect me to believe that Gaius is a goblin?' Uther looked incredulous.
'It's, it's controlling him. Gaius is still in there...somewhere,' Merlin said desperately.
'Do you have any proof of these accusations?' demanded Arthur.
'No!' Merlin admitted.
'I fear that magic has corrupted you,' sighed Gaius.
'Magic doesn't necessarily corrupt you,' Merlin said angrily. 'No more than any other form of power.'
'It pains me more than I can tell you,' sighed Gaius.
'Sure it does,' spat Hunith angrily on behalf of her boy.
'I really doubt that,' Merlin said.
'My Lord, I have been harbouring a sorcerer. For that I offer the most sincere apology,' Gaius said with a bow.
'You were not to know, Gaius. He's fooled us all,' Uther said.
'That parts true,' scowled Arthur.
'I didn't have much of a choice,' Merlin said softly.
'No you didn't,' agreed Arthur.
'It's not me that's fooling you,' Merlin retorted.
'Technically it's both of you,' Gwen said.
'Silence! You've been found guilty of using magic and enchantments. In accordance with our laws, you will pay with your life. Take him away!' the king ordered his knights.
In the Risking Sun Gaius bumps into Sir Leon.
'Clumsy oaf,' muttered Gaius angrily.
'Gaius? I will pretend that I didn't hear that,' Leon said insulted.
'Are you deaf as well as stupid?' retorted Gaius.
'I am a knight of Camelot and you will show me some respect,' Leon said angrily.
'Fool, then I'll show you none,' the goblin said.
'You will learn some manners, or I will teach you some,' threatened the knight.
'You can't threaten an old man,' Gwen said.
Gaius spits his drink in Sir Leon's face and Sir Leon draws his sword in response.
'You may be old, but I cannot let this pass! Arm yourself!' warned Leon.
'I'm just a foolish old man who's had far too much to drink. Please accept my apologies. A flagon of ale for my friends!' Gaius said.
'Then I accept your apology,' Leon said accepting the offer of a drink.
The Goblin puts a potion in a flagon of ale and brings it over to Sir Leon's table.
'Gaius?' Leon asks.
'My apologies again. Don't know what came over me,' the goblin said.
'A goblin,' muttered Gaius.
'It is forgotten,' Leon reassures his friend.
In the dungeons Merlin is awake whilst the guards are a sleep.
'What is the point of having guards if they can't stay awake on the job?' groaned Arthur.
'Cæga cume her,' Merlin said.
Merlin floats the cell keys off of the sleeping guard's belt. Merlin escapes and tries to sneak past the drawbridge into the lower town. Guards spot him when the warning bells sound. Merlin runs from the guards.
In Gwen's house Gwen wakes to the sound of the warning bells. Something creaks in her house and she grabs a candlestick as she climbs out of bed to investigate. Merlin grabs her from behind to muffle her scream and turns her around.
'Brilliant way to reassure you that you are not a thief or a murderer,' Gwen snorted.
'Shh!' hissed Merlin.
The guards run past outside of Gwen's house.
The sun has risen Arthur is reporting to his father.
'Merlin has escaped. It seems he somehow managed to obtain a set of keys,' Arthur explained.
'Escape?! How is this allowed to happen? Incompetence!' the goblin said angrily.
'He is right,' Leon scowled. 'That was Herewald and Bartholomew. I think we shall have to have a word with them about sleeping whilst guarding dangerous prisoners.'
'Hey!' Merlin said insulted.
'You can be scary at times,' Gaius pointed out.
'The rest of the time you're a complete idiot,' Arthur added.
Uther and Arthur stare at the man they think of as Gaius in shock.
'I think that was when I thought that Merlin was telling the truth,' Arthur said.
'I didn't mean to speak out of turn, My Lord,' the goblin said quickly.
'Gaius is right, this is unacceptable. The guards should be punished,' Uther said.
'I won't need to speak to them, then,' Leon nodded.
'I'll see to it personally,' Arthur promised.
'Search the town, I want Merlin found,' ordered Uther.
'How come the only time he remembers my name is when he wants my dead?' asked Merlin.
'That's probably a good thing all things considered,' Gwen said.
'Yes, Sire,' Arthur nods and walks out.
Gwen and Merlin are speaking about the goblin problem.
'We need to force the goblin out of Gaius,' Merlin is explaining.
'And how do we do that?' asks Gwen.
'Wish I hadn't asked,' Gwen said.
'I don't know. I'll try to sneak back to Gaius's chambers. Maybe I can find something in one of his books,' Merlin suggested.
'What can I do?' asked Gwen.
'Well, we need to convince Arthur. Maybe if you speak to him, he might listen to you,' Merlin suggested.
'I was already coming round to your side of the story,' Arthur admitted.
'No, I can't,' Gwen looked horrified at the prospect of speaking to Arthur.
'Why?' asked Merlin confused.
'After what happened in the council yesterday, I'll never be able to look Arthur in the face again,' Gwen said.
'I know, it's embarrassing,' Merlin tried to console his friend.
'It's more than embarrassing, Merlin! I cannot face him, ever,' Gwen decreed.
'Come on, Gwen. It's not that bad. All girls do it, don't they?' Merlin asked.
'In private,' Hunith said.
'Not in public! And certainly not in front of the man they have feelings for!' Gwen said.
Hunith shuddered at the idea of farting in front of Balinor.
'You still have feelings for Arthur?' asked Merlin.
'Not that it matters now, because he will never be able to look at me in the same way again,' Gwen said.
'I can and I do,' smiled Arthur as Lancelot looked on in pain.
'Gwen, if Arthur likes you, he likes you. Warts and farts and all,' Merlin said.
'Merlin!' said Hunith exasperated. 'Never imply that a woman has warts even if they do have warts!'
'Merlin, I haven't got any warts,' Gwen said.
'Then...you'll talk to him?' asked Merlin.
Gwen can't resist his adorable smile and sighs in defeat.
'You can't say no to him can you?' Gwen said.
'No,' agreed Hunith, 'even when doing things he shouldn't be doing.'
In Arthur's chambers someone knocks on the door.
'Ah, Gaius, come in,' Arthur calls.
'I believe you wanted to see me,' Gaius said.
'Probably looking for payment in gold,' scowled Gaius.
'I wanted to thank you in person. It couldn't've been easy for you exposing Merlin like that,' Arthur said quietly.
'My loyalty to Camelot and your father comes first,' Gaius replied.
'And it is much appreciated. I should also thank you for ridding me of the most incompetent, rude, and lazy servant that Camelot has ever known,' Arthur said.
'I'm just sorry you had to suffer his ineptitude for so long,' the goblin said.
'And when we catch him, you'll see him hang,' assured Arthur.
'Ah, I shall look forward to that,' the goblin said with a smile.
The Goblin lifts the drink Arthur poured for him. Arthur stares at the body of Gaius.
'Is something wrong?' asked Gaius.
'He's not very good at impersonating you,' Hunith said.
'The Gaius I know would never look forward to seeing Merlin hang no matter what he'd done,' Arthur said quietly.
'Especially as his magic isn't something he can help,' Gaius said.
Arthur draws his sword on the Goblin.
'Merlin was telling the truth,' Arthur said.
The Goblin magically smashes a vase over Arthur's head, knocking him unconscious and casts a spell on him as he exits.
'What did he do to you?' asked Percival.
Arthur just groaned and refused to look at Gwen. Well that made two of them at least.
'Donkey ears,' Merlin mouthed.
In the Phoenix corridor Gwen walks purposefully towards Arthur's chambers as the Goblin ducks into an alcove to avoid being seen.
Gwen approaches Arthur's door hesitantly. She raises her arm to knock, starts to run away, stops, returns to the door, and finally works up the courage to knock. Something makes a honking noise on the other side of the door.
'Arthur? Arthur, it's Guinevere. Can I come in?' asked Gwen.
'No,' Arthur begged.
Another honking noise comes through the door. Gwen enters and walks towards the bed.
'Arthur? Arthur?' Gwen calls.
Gwen rounds the corner of the bed post and sees Arthur hunched down on the floor with donkey ears and gasps.
'What's happened to you?' asked Gwen.
Arthur brays in response.
'He can only speak donkey,' Merlin said too gleefully and had a cushion thrown at him.
'Did Gaius do this to you?' asked Gwen softly.
Arthur brays clearly meaning "yes".
'He's a goblin,' Gwen said.
'Well I know that,' Arthur said.
'Not any more,' Merlin pointed out.
Arthur brays what is taken to mean "I know".
'Poor thing,' Gwen said petting one of Arthur's donkey ears. Arthur leans into her hand in pleasure, then brays indignantly.
'Sorry. Merlin's working on a plan. We'll figure out what to do. Stay here,' Gwen orders.
'What else was I going to do?' demanded Arthur. 'When I had donkey ears and could only bray?'
In Gwen's house Merlin looked like he wanted to burst out laughing and was only holding it in for Gwen's sake. True he was grinning from ear to ear.
'Arthur's a donkey?' asked Merlin.
'He has the ears of a donkey. And the voice. He- he's braying,' Gwen said.
'He's...braying,' Merlin said barely containing his laughter.
Merlin gave up trying to be serious and bursts out laughing.
'It's not funny, Merlin,' scolded Gwen.
'No. No, no, of course not. Arthur with the ears of a donkey, what's funny about that?' asked Merlin eyes twinkling.
'He just looked so pitiful. I've never seen Arthur look like that. Did you find anything?' asked Gwen.
'I think so,' Merlin said nervously placing his hand on a book from the physician's chambers.
'If the host body dies, the goblin dies with it. So, if Gaius is dying, the goblin will be forced to leave him,' Merlin said.
'You want to kill Gaius?' Gwen asked shocked.
'Just briefly. Once the goblin's out of Gaius, we have to trap it in a box lined with lead. It's the only container that will hold it,' Merlin said.
'Why do all your plans end up with someone briefly dying?' asked Arthur remembering the troll incident.
'Where do we get a box lined with lead?' asked Gwen.
'From where it was originally,' suggested Gaius.
'Leave that to me,' Merlin replied.
In the hall of records Merlin is sneaking in.
'Where to go when you're a wanted fugitive?' asked Gwaine.
'Oþfiel æstel!' Merlin's spell pulls and object from a shelf and drops it on Geoffrey of Monmouth's foot.
'Ow!' yelped Geoffrey.
Merlin runs past unseen and enters the secret chamber to grab the Goblin's octagonal box.
In the King's passage Gaius is talking to Leon who is covered with boils.
'Remind me to never challenge a goblin again,' Leon said.
'It is the same for all of us who were in the tavern last night,' Leon was saying.
'That is most unfortunate,' Gaius said.
'Please, can you treat it?' begged Leon.
The goblin sighs, 'the infection has no cure.'
'Don't you mean curse?' Leon said.
'Potion,' corrected Merlin, 'curses are a type of spell as it came from a magical potion it cannot be a curse.'
'The itching will become almost unbearable,' warned the goblin posing as a physician.
'Itching? There is no itching!' Leon said.
'Panicking there, Leo,' grinned Gwaine.
'There will be soon enough. Itching so severe it has been known to drive men to madness,' Gaius warned.
'Gaius, please, there must be some remedy. We will pay whatever it takes,' Leon promised.
In the Physician's chambers Gwen keeps a lookout while Merlin makes poison and an antidote.
'Hurry up!' Gwen said.
'I'm doing my best. Gaius normally deals with anything to do with poisons,' Merlin said.
'Why does that not fill me with confidence?' asked Hunith.
'How many times do you use poisons?' asked Percival.
'Enough,' Gaius replied.
Merlin pours the poison over the gold and jewellery in the stolen money chest.
'Hope you washed it off before returning it,' frowned Arthur.
'Of course we did,' snapped Gaius.
'As soon as the goblin's out of Gaius, you must give him the antidote. We only have a few seconds or Gaius will, you know, die,' Merlin ordered.
'He's coming!' Gwen calls.
Merlin hands Gwen the antidote and puts the chest back into hiding. Merlin and Gwen hide in Merlin's chamber and watch as the Goblin takes out the chest and licks the gold coins.
'Ugh, that's disgusting,' Gwen said.
'It really is,' Hunith said, 'gods knows how many people have handled that gold.'
Goblin Gaius begins to stumble and Merlin exits his chamber with the octagonal box.
'You've poisoned me. You poisoned Gaius!' the goblin said.
'Leave his body while you still can!' Merlin ordered.
The goblin exits Gaius's ear as a little ball of light and buzzes around the room as Gaius falls to the floor.
'Give him the antidote!' Merlin ordered Gwen.
Gwen rushes towards Gaius, but the goblin buzzes past her and she stumbles into a table. Gwen drops the antidote and sends dozens of other potion bottles to the floor with it.
'Can't anything go right?' asked Hunith.
'Back in the box,' Merlin struggled with the silver box.
'You'll have to catch me first!' the goblin squeaked.
Merlin chases the fully embodied Goblin. It turns back into a ball of light and flies into Merlin's mouth.
'That's all we need,' groaned Arthur, 'Emrys possessed.'
'Don't worry I wasn't possessed,' Merlin said.
Merlin spits it into the octagonal box and locks it in.
'Oh, no let me out, I promise I won't do it again,' begged the goblin.
'I don't know which one's the antidote! Which one is it?' panicked Gwen.
'I don't know,' Merlin said.
'Potions and poisons isn't my greatest skills,' Merlin admitted.
'Tell me about it,' Gaius said.
'He's dying!' Gwen aid.
'I think it's this one,' Merlin said.
'You sound so certain,' Gwaine said.
Gwen gives Merlin and "Are you sure?" look and Merlin keeps searching. He picks up another bottle.
'Er...this one,' Merlin said.
'You have no idea, do you?' asked Hunith.
'Obviously not,' muttered Arthur.
Merlin turns Gaius over and pours the potion into his mouth.
'Are you sure that was the antidote?' asked Gwen.
'No. Gaius! Come on! Please! Come on, you stubborn old goat!' Merlin shouts.
'Who are you calling an old goat?' asked Gaius weakly.
In the council chambers Merlin, Gaius, and the box containing the goblin are standing before the king.
'You mean to tell me it was you who was responsible for the, er...baldness, the flatulence, the boils, and Arthur's donkey ears?' asked Uther.
'I fear I was, My Lord. Or at least the goblin was while I was possessed by it,' Gaius said.
'I'm still not sure what I did,' admitted Gaius.
'Magic has the power to corrupt even the most honourable of men,' Uther said.
'Or at least a goblin was,' Merlin said rolling his eyes.
'Indeed. Though, I must assure you that Merlin was entirely innocent,' Gaius added.
'Then he is pardoned,' Uther said.
'That was quick,' Gwaine said surprised.
The goblin struggles and grumbles inside the octagonal box.
'May I suggest it is kept where no one will ever open it?' Gaius asked.
'See that it's placed in the vaults. Gaius...do you know who was responsible for releasing the goblin in the first place?' asked Uther.
'Merlin,' Arthur said exasperated.
'I'm afraid I've no idea, My Lord,' lied Gaius.
'Shame on you Gaius lying to the king like that,' Gwaine said with a grin.
'Now. Secure it now,' Uther ordered the guards.
In the Phoenix Corridor of the palace Gwen and Arthur stop awkwardly when they see each other.
'My Lord,' greeted Gwen.
'Guinevere. The, er...events of the last few days, I, er...I think it would be best if we...never spoke of them,' Arthur said embarrassed.
'I don't even know what events you're referring to,' Gwen said.
'Quite. It's...it's been entirely uneventful. I need to train my men,' Arthur hurried off.
'That was awkward,' Gwaine laughed.
'I must see to the sheets,' Gwen said.
Arthur and Gwen walk past each other and sigh in relief.
In the training grounds Merlin and Gaius watch Arthur and his knights train.
'I see you've been busy undoing the goblin's magic,' Gaius noted.
'As usual, I get no thanks whatsoever,' Merlin said.
'You never do, do you?' Lancelot said softly. 'I still think you're the bravest of us all.'
'Since releasing the goblin was entirely your fault, Merlin, I'm not sure you deserve any thanks,' Gaius scolded him.
'Wha...Arthur doesn't know that,' Merlin said defensively.
'I do know,' Arthur pointed out.
'For your sake, you better hope it stays that way,' Gaius said.
'Or not,' Arthur said.
Arthur knocks over the knight that he's fighting and laughs. Onlookers laugh with him. Arthur's laugh becomes a bray. The other knights stop laughing, but grin silently as Arthur clears his throat.
'Merlin,' Gaius reprimanded.
'Just one more day. It's too good,' grinned Merlin.
'Are you saying that you could have stopped the braying at anytime!?' Arthur demanded angrily.
'Erm,' Merlin said.
'Merlin!' shouted Arthur lunging at his servant.