TMNT: Lullaby for Leo
Ch.2~ He's Awake
Moaning in pain I sat up my head felt woozy and my body felt contracted and sluggish. I turned to see Leo lying next to me his hand holding mine which had thick gauze bandages around my wrist, who saved me. I turned to see his blue mask now stained red in place, he did it, he saved me. I let my head hang low as tears filled my eyes; god I'm a fucking idiot.
Rubbing away my tears with the back of my free hand I sobbed, holding onto Leo's hand tightly with my other hand. I felt his hand grip mine and I turned to see him looking at me happily, seeing my tears he sat up and wiped them away with his thumb. I bite my lip as he moved in and kissed my forehead, blushing I tried to speak but failed.
"Please don't ever do that again Raphie, I had been so worried about you! Don't you think that it's better for you to stay here so we can be able to see each other every day and not be like this than you be sent away and still not be like this? Killing yourself isn't even an option, only people weak in coping skills think as death as a solution. It is not honorable, and if you died I would want to go with you!" he cried, tears filling his own eyes, crying more I leaned my forehead against his.
"I'm sorry Leo, I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought that if I killed myself I... Hell, I don't know what the hell I was thinking all I know is that I wanted to end the pain, and if you're dead you can't feel anything. I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I sobbed, he wiped away his tears he sat on my lap.
Blushing madly, I felt him cup my cheeks with his hands, leaning in he pressed his lips against mine, for the first time I submitted to the kiss and let Leo lead. Our tongues touched and danced together as Leo kissed me deeper and with more passion. Pulling apart he kissed my lips quickly before leaning back and staring at me, his gaze was loving, soft and innocent.
"I can see why you like to lead now, that felt good and I thought you hated when I lead at anything," Leo stated I swear my face was probably as red as a tomato. "Can I kiss you again?"
"If you wanna kiss me, kiss me already," I replied.
Pushing me light down on the bed Leo hovered over me, he plunged toward me kissing me fiercely. His tongue traced my mouth searching for my tongue, our tongues met and began to dance again. My eyes opened to stare at him, his eyes were closed tight, and he was flushed a bit too. Turning away from the kiss out of breath I felt him kiss my jaw, sitting back up on my lap he shifted making me moan again. Noticing that this made me moan Leo moved on me like that again, sitting up I let my face snuggle into his shoulder.
"After tonight we can't kiss or do stuff like this anymore, so do what to do anything special tonight?" Leo asked I flushed cuddling closer to his chest.
"I wanna lay with you, talk and I want you to kiss me..." I answered, looking up at him.
"Anything for you Raphie."
(Leo's POV)
Raph has healed up pretty good, it's been almost four months since he had tried to commit suicide. He's been upset with the new rules, last night I had to lock him out of my room again, he kept knocking on my door and wanting to sleep with me. Even if he had a nightmare I had to refuse him entry, one night after I thought he had gone back to his room I found him asleep on the floor outside my room. But almost every day if he can get me alone he tells me that he still loves me, but I can never reply. I'm so scared that Splinter will send him away if I respond, one night he sang the lullaby that he sang when we fell in love outside my room.
"Leo, I know you aren't gonna let me inside but please just listen to me, I was thinking maybe we can run away. I can find us a place to stay and we can be together again, what do you think?" Raph explained, walking to the door I knelt down in front of it.
"What would we do for food or warmth Raph, we can't survive down here on our own." I rebutted.
"Damn... so there really is no escape unless he changes his mind," Raph muttered, I heard something scrape against the door and hit the concrete floor.
"Raph I'm sorry I can't respond when you tell me you still love me, but I don't want you to be sent away. But I want you to know that I miss you a lot and I really care about you, same as a did before."
"I hate this."
"I know, so do I, but one of us has to stop the other from getting you sent away."
"Yeah, maybe when we get older Splinter will let us be together, cuz no matter how long this dumb rule is in place I will still love you I swear. You're the one person I care about more than anything, and that will never ever change."
"Thank you Raphie, I promise that I'll never stop loving you no matter what too."
I touched the door sadly, I just wanted to hug him or at least be able to see his face. I let myself begin to sob, my fist light pounding on the door. Noticing my sobs, he responded by singing to me without speaking words. Continuing this manner of singing he began to pat a soft beat.
"Fleeting whispers in the dark of night, water droplets from your eyes, sleeping willows forgetting time. Night's fair moon singing a lullaby, lover of mine fall into your bed of clouds. Let your eyes close and drift into a peaceful rest, sing with the larks in the moonlight, listen to the croak in darkness, old weeping willows cry out and add to the harmony of the dead. Sleep darling sleep, for the night, has cometh, sleep for me and rest in peace."
His voice began to sing in an opera like a soprano, staggering to my feet I walked over to my bed and hid under the covers. I let his sweet voice lull me into sleeping bliss.
(Raph's POV)
Singing softly in an arpeggio outside his door, I could tell that Leo had fallen asleep, slowly I got to my feet. In almost a zombie-like fashion I walked back to my room, I smashed into my door to open it. Flopping onto my bed I let the rough fabric of my blanket scrape against my face, I hate not being with him. Slowly I roll over and examine my wrist, this was the evidence of about the dumbest decision I have EVER made in my life. Rubbing my face in tired annoyance let my eyes close and I sat up quickly to punch the bed hard.
I can't help not being annoyed, I almost left Leo for good because I was being a moron. Now I can't be close to him, Splinter was ruining our lives; I've been so on edge since that day I keep getting mad and doing something bad. Unlike before Leo can't run after me to comfort me, Don tries and so does Mikey, but they don't get me like Leo does. Covering myself in my blanket I buried my face into my pillow, pulling my journal from underneath my pillow I began to write.
'12:00pm, June 6;
I did it again, during practice I blew my top and I tossed Mikey into a wall, he bumped his head and it's all my fault. So, I ran away to my hideout, no one came but I didn't think they would only Leo knows where my hideout is, and he can't come get me. After an hour or so I came back home, I apologized to Mikey and now I have to wake up at 4:00 am to do extra meditation as punishment after Splinter made me do 46 back flips. Seriously I hate him so much if he wasn't my father and sensei I might actually think of killing him. (not that I could take him anyways) Leo cried tonight, he hates it too, but I guess being the older one he is a lot more mature about this than I am. The pit in the bottom of my heart won't go away, even when I think that someday we can be together again it never seems to fill the void.'
I tapped the pencil against my chin trying to think of anything I need to say about the day. Realizing there was nothing left I signed the entry and returned my journal and pencil to their hiding space. Laying down I closed my eyes and let myself drift to sleep.
(Later)
Moaning I pulled up the weights up again if I keep training maybe someday I can stand up to sensei. Every day I ask to have a sparring match with sensei every day so that when I get strong enough then I'll know. I'm far from it now, sensei can still beat me while enjoying his tea or reading a book.
But I will never give up, I'll keep trying because I fight for something I hold very dear. Everything has been falling apart though; my time is short; we argue, and fight and I hate it. I see his true colors at night though, even if I only sense them through the door I at least know that there is still hope. Hope that we can be together again; that I can stop being such an idiot and be able to be with my love.
"Raphael, I am glad you take much time to practice but I believe you should do what you want now and give your muscles a break from that heavy lifting." Splinter advised I gritted my teeth.
"No thanks, this is what I want to do and if I give my muscles a break then they won't be tough enough, which means I won't be strong enough," I replied, lifting my weights back up.
"My son you will hurt your muscles if you lift weights too long, you are still too young to lift that much weight for long periods of time."
Father grabbed my dumbbell and set it on the rack, frowning I moved over to go beat the snot out of my punching bag. He left the room knowing he couldn't make me stop doing some form of training and that my next option was the lesser of two evils. Getting into a proper stance I began to beat on the punching bag with my fists.
"Raphie please come out of the dojo; I know you're probably mad at me, but I hate to see you do this to yourself." Leo pleaded I let my arms go limp as I turned to look at my love.
"I'm not mad at you Leo, I'm mad at Sensei; and what am I doing that's so bad, is me training extra so bad." I soothed, I turned to face him completely; but he looked about ready to cry.
"You may have fooled everyone else that all you're doing is extra training, but I know you; I am asking you to please stop beating yourself up and practicing because you feel weak, just because you couldn't stop Sensei."
"So, what if I am; maybe I'll become strong enough to win you back."
"Or maybe the person I love will get so caught up in their anger that I won't get to see that side of you I fell in love with. You've become so cold, I hate it, I want you to be yourself again. I hate to see the person I love close themselves off from the world and its joys. Please, I want to see you smile again; I'm scared I'll lose you and that gentle side that loved me and that I loved."
Leo's eyes began to water up, I bite my lip and cursed on how much I was hurting the person I loved. I wrapped my arms around him hugging him gently, I don't care if sensei sees us I need to make my love stop crying. His hands gripped my shell as he silently sobbed.
"Stop crying Leo, I won't lose that side of me I swear, I'm just so mad at father; I wish I could hate him right now."
"I know; we just have to move forward and someday in the future we can be together again."
Letting go of me he moved away wiping his tears on his forearm he turned around and slowly walked away. I wanted to run up and stop him and hold him for a while longer, but I knew I couldn't; which made me mad. Spinning around I kicked the punching bag so hard it almost hit the ceiling; no matter what Splinter says I will earn him back; no matter what.
(Leo's POV)
We had another fight today, this one was really bad he left the lair in a huff and he still hadn't come home. Hoping he would come back soon I kept a keen ear out for the door opening as I leaned against my bedroom wall. Our fights had become more than us just having our voices raised a bit, I screamed at him and he yelled back; then right before he left we got into a bit of a fist fight. Gently I touched the bruise that had formed on my cheek from his last punch; Don stopped us by getting in between us and pushing us apart.
Raph looked horrified at what he did when we had gotten calmed down, Don was just about to lecture us a bit when Raph ran out of the lair. I could tell father knew me and Raph were fighting but he never once came up to stop us, he left it all up to Don. After I apologized to Don for making him have to stop us from fighting I went to my room. He told me later through the door that he wanted me to try to get along with Raph again. Could me and him ever get along again without us sneaking behind father's back again?
I heard the main door open, I froze up how can I apologize to him; his footsteps padded up the stairs and headed towards my door. A light rap at the door made my heart skip a beat, getting shakily to my feet I opened up the door. We just stared at each other in silence, neither of us knew how to start.
"I'm sorry." we said in sync, we stared at each other and he pointed at me as if telling me to start.
"I'm sorry, please tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can stop and make me and you be able to be happy again. I hate fighting with you." I sobbed, he frowned and wiped my tears away with his thumbs.
"It's not your fault Leo, I'm just... I'm sorry I've been so mad that I aimed it at you, I'm so sorry, I want us to get along again, I hate fighting with you too. Forgive me, Leo, I should never taken my anger out on you, I never wanted to hurt you, not ever." he apologized, he looked so hurt and sad.
His hand stroked the bruise he gave me, grabbing his wrist I held his hand in place. I pulled him into my room, he shut the door and I leaned against a wall as Raph came close rubbing my injured cheek. Kissing my cheek he moved in to kiss my lips but I moved my head so he just kissed my other cheek, he sighed.
"I get it no kissing you on the lips." he sighed, he gave me a kiss on my forehead before moving away.
"I doubt we'll be able to stop from fighting with his rule in place, but no matter how much we may fight I'll still love you," I muttered, he moved over and kissed my cheek again.
"That's what I hate about all this, it makes me mad and I hurt you when I'm mad and that makes me more mad which makes me hurt you more. I hate it! Why can't I stop hurting you?" he sobbed, he turned away from me, he must be crying.
"Raph you only hurt me when hurt yourself," I stated, quickly he snatched me up and pulled me into a tight hug and he held me close as he sobbed. "I love you."
"Me too, I'm sorry if I ever, EVER hurt you again." he cried as he pulled me tighter into his loving but rough embrace. I let a few tears roll down my cheeks as he held me, and I buried my head into his shoulder gripping onto him tightly.
(Splinters POV)
Walking into Leonardo's room I saw Raphael holding Leonardo in his arms; they were not obeying my rule. They both had tears in their eyes and Raphael was holding Leonardo tightly. Just tonight I will leave them be it's just the face that Raphael has on is just so.. tragic. Covering the two sleeping boys in a blanket I walked off and shut the door behind me, for my sons I will forget this night ever happened...
(Raphael's POV)
I awoke to feel Leo shifting in my hold, opening my eyes I peered over his sleeping form to look at his alarm clock. 2:12 am; why did I wake up this early? Gazing down at Leo's sleeping form I saw his smaller body cuddled against mine, his head lay on my shoulder. I wish this was how I would wake up every day, but Splinter's damn rule was preventing that dream. Sadly, I slipped out of the bed, careful I didn't wake Leo and snuck out of the room.
"I hate father and I hate being angry; maybe if stopped caring about anything or anyone I could be free from all this pain. Who am I kidding I couldn't stop caring about people, Leo was always right I'm just a big softie underneath. I'm just too weak of a person, I kinda wish he didn't save me but just seeing him makes me so glad and to be alive. God, I'm so hopelessly in love." I sobbed, tears ran down my cheeks like waterfalls as roughly tried to wipe them away.
Knock! Knock! Shit, that must be one of my brothers, maybe Leo woke up or Mikey or Don had a nightmare. I tried to regain my composure only to fail miserably maybe if I don't respond they'll leave. Silently I crawled into bed and curled myself under my blanket; give me one gift right now karma, don't let my brothers see me like this.
"Raphael it's okay my son, it is only me, I wish to know why you are crying?" Splinter asked, getting up my blankets wrapped around me I opened the door.
"Dad, why are you doing this to us? I just wanna be able to be happy and not feel pain because I love someone, Dad please it hurts." I cried, he hugged me close and picked me up rocking me slowly and softly.
"My son pain always has a meaning, you may not realize it now but I only want what is best for you and your siblings, even if it hurts at the start is has to purpose. Now stop crying my little one, calm yourself and go to sleep." he hushed, I gripped onto his robes grabbing a bit of his fur along with it.
"Dad, am I bad?"
"Of course not Raphael, you have done nothing bad you have only tried to grow up too fast. Now time for you to go to sleep young one..."
Sniffling I snuggled into father fur, even though I want to hate him, I want to be mad I still need him to calm me down. Please let this pain go away, I want to be able to love again, to feel again without all the pain. Daddy take away my pain, I don't want to hurt anymore; Daddy save me!
Author's Note: When I wrote this chapter I cried or choked up a few times so I hope you like it and wrote one comment!