TMNT: Lullaby for Leo
Ch.3~ Does it hurt?
"Yo fearless, you can suck it cuz I ain't gonna take any more of this smug leader bullshit!" I yelled, pointing to my crotch.
Leo glared at me, he was gonna suck it whether he liked it or not someday; I'm tired of him being such a suck up. He still likes me and he knows it. I'm gonna prove to him that he's still mine. Something he had forgotten after Splinter caught me making out with him, nothing was gonna make me give him up.
"Raph how many times do I have to tell you I'm your leader and you have to listen to what I say when Splinter isn't home! You're not sneaking out while I'm in charge, so you can put that macho ego away and stay here!"
"Oh, I'm so scared what you gonna do Splinta junior; you gonna tell Daddy, I ain't letting you lead, and hey I bet six months ago you would have sucked it! So, take that fearless!"
"I wouldn't suck an arrogant hotheaded idiot like you if my life depended on it!"
"Oh really, I bet if I did this you would change your mind."
I grabbed his arm and moved in to kiss him, as soon as my lips touched his he kissed back for only a millisecond before pushing me away. He looked away from me shaking, I grabbed his chin and forced his brown eyes to look at me. His face had a stain of terror mixed in, but then that fear turned it rage as he slapped me as hard as he could. Before I can even think I punched at him, missing I hit the brick wall behind him, the anger turned into fear and concern.
"Raph, don't do this..."
"How can you be so cold, you gave up on us like an old broken toy. You think that's how you treat someone you love after someone tells you that it's wrong."
My lips captured his in a kiss I pushed him against the wall, I could tell he was crying but I just couldn't go back not after I had come so far. He opened his mouth for me and moaned softly, I knew he had wanted this too. His hands went to my plastron and pushed me away, he covered his mouth and looked like he was disgusted with himself, but his eyes told me he wanted more.
"You know we can't do this you hothead, I... I... I hate you!"
In blind fury I pinned him to the wall, he looked terrified and apologetic about what he had just said, my anger softened. Until I felt him try to push me away again, I held him tighter, he looked at me tears falling down his cheeks.
"Don't you dare say that, don't you dare lie to yourself and me, now will you just drop this act."
"Let me go Raph! You've done enough already, I'm not doing this because I was told to, I'm doing this because I have to. And if you can't see that, then you're more of an idiot then I thought you were."
I squeezed his arms tighter I watched him whimper in pain, my hands squeezed harder, my eyes widened as I let him go. He sank to his knee's whimpering between sobs, what have I done. I hurt him, god I'm such an idiot, tears filled up in my eyes as I ran out of the lair, my mind rushed as I made my way through the maze of tunnels.
(Leo's POV)
I felt a hand gently touch my shoulder I looked up to see Don kneeling in front of me, a box of tissues in his hands. Grabbing a few I began to rub the tears from my face and the snot from my beak. Why couldn't I have just let him kiss me, I wanted it just as much as he did.
"Leo, I sent Mikey after Raph, how are your arms do they hurt?" Don said I shook my head sniffling. "I don't get Splinter, he split you two apart for no more than an idea, you two had something really great, you barely ever fought, and you were happy. It was stupid of him to break that apart, I know many people don't think it's right but all we have is each other, he's pretty much telling us we'll only have our hands."
"Donnie, you don't have to make what we had seem right," I sniffled, Don looked at me funny.
"What you think I'm a homophobe or something, I feel the same way with Mikey, we may not kiss but I was scared of what sensei would do if we got caught."
"You're in love with Mikey?"
"Yep, have been for a while, we just kept it a secret because we were scared that Splinter would find out. Now you should probably give your nose I blow after all that crying."
"Thanks."
I grabbed another tissue and began to blow my nose, me and Raph should be happy just being together. But Raph hates to be controlled, he likes to do as he pleases I think he wants to kiss me more now because Splinter told him he couldn't.
(Raph's POV)
Fear was all I had as the big man tossed me into the back of a van, I watched the doors shut. My soaked skin dripped water droplets onto the steel floor below me. I loud rumble signified the van's engine starting, a sharp turn of the van sent me sprawling into the wall. What were they going to do with me?
"Leo, damn, I'm such a moron," I muttered.
I remembered the way I had kept him against the wall made me shiver with a small sensation of delight and arousal. I panted a bit, my hands began to fight against my chains, damn I wanted to jerk off. More than I had since I had found some porn magazines in a dumpster, thinking about Leo always made me like this.
The cold steel soothed my aching body, tears streamed down my face, I never wanted anything more then I wanted to see Leo right now. Even if I couldn't kiss him, I just wanted to give him a hug and talk to him, all I ever wanted was to be close to him. But this body yearned for him and it seemed above my ability to stop wanting to kiss him.
"Lullaby please close your eyes, I won't be back tonight, sorry my love for I could not stay, please don't cry tonight. So long my love, till again we meet, I'm scared behind the cloak of night, may I see you again." I sang softly, slowly I began to sob.
This must be a nightmare, these guys are going to rip me apart, I can't die, not yet. Leo, I don't want to die, please help me, god this must be what hell is like. It'll probably hurt a lot when they kill me, more than I've ever hurt before. I felt a strong shiver crawl down my spine and this cold emptiness in the pit of my heart. This is what it would have been like if I had really succeeded in killing myself six months ago..
(Leo's POV)
I felt like I had been running for hours, Mikey came back without seeing a trace of Raph, this can't be happening. Where could that moron have run off to, I hope he didn't go to the surface and get captured by humans. Or maybe he ran off to kill himself he always was over sensitive and told him I hated him, which I didn't, I loved him more than anything in the world. Please don't let him be dead already or let him even have tried to commit suicide.
"Raph! I don't hate you, I... I... I love you!" I yelled; falling to my knees a sobbing wreck.
My heart felt like it had been ripped in half, I had searched every tunnel I had even gone far past Splinter's boundaries for us. Choking down a sob I began to rub my tears away only to sob out buckets more. I now knew why Raph looked at his wrist so often he was hating who was becoming. Maybe death would have been easier than this, for both of us.
(Don's POV)
Splinter was furious as he dragged Leo into the lair, Leo seemed sad and a bit flustered, Mikey hid behind me scared of what was about to happen. This was not going to end well, Leo was going to start crying again and since Raph was still missing I wondered if I had the ability to stop his tears. I highly doubt I could, he looked half dead behind those sad brown eyes.
"Leonardo, you know you are not allowed to go past the boundaries, and I heard you had a fight with Raphael." Splinter growled, Leo seemed angry.
"Aren't you gonna look for Raphie, he's still lost you can lecture me later, but we need to find him." Leo cried, tears falling down his cheeks.
"Go to your room Leonardo, Donatello I want you to watch over Leonardo, make sure he doesn't leave his room, I must go look for Raphael." Splinter bellowed, nodding I watched him rush out the door to search for Raph.
Leo walked toward his room sadly, I bite my lip knowing there wasn't much I could do now, Mikey hide behind me shaking like a leaf. Splinter had become so mean since he had learned that Raph and Leo had been kissing and were in love now he took even a hug wrong and would punish them.
"Donnie, is Daddy gonna send Leo or Raphie away?" Mikey asked.
"I really don't know Mikey, I really don't know..." I replied.
(Raph's POV)
I felt my legs were spread open by these holsters, my arms strapped to the table and my legs strapped to the holsters. Feeling something cut into my crotch area, I couldn't feel any pain, this air they had me hooked to, must have some sort of numbing drug in it. Well at least this didn't hurt, a hand went into the hole they had cut, I squirmed in discomfort. What the hell were they doing to me?!"
"Seems like this boy has a uterus inside him, should we test it to see if he could bear children?" One of the doctors asked.
"Yes, get some sperm from one of his sacks, this should prove fairly useful if he could bear children." a voice replied.
Bear kids but I'm a guy, how can I have a uterus or bear kids, I mean I've jerked myself off before, how could I have a uterus. I struggled against my restraints, one of the doctors removed the mask I had now with another one, my eyes became heavy. Slowly I slipped unconscious, damn these assholes.
(Leo's POV)
I sat in bed, Splinter had come home without Raph, he told me this gave me a big lecture on how my feelings and behavior with Raph had been wrong. I pounded my fists against my mattress, I was so scared that Raph could be dying or already dead. Splinter punished me so search for my own brother. I would have done the same if it had been Mikey or Don, what did I do wrong?!
Before Splinter had found out about us Raph always told me as much as possible that he loved me, I had been a bit mean to him. He gave me all his love and then when Splinter found out, I dumped him like an old toy, I even rejected him from coming to me after he had a nightmare. Even after all that he still loves me, I had been a horrible lover to him, yet he still gave me all the love in the world.
"I'm sorry Raph, please come back I want to kiss you, I don't care about what Splinter thinks I just want to kiss you and hold you again." I sobbed, hugging my knees to my chest I began to cry again.
(Raph's POV)
The pain hit me like a train as I tried to sit up, those bastards did something to me, cringing I began to examine the room I was in. All the walls were pearly white, even the bed and sheets were white, I could see what looked like a crib and a dresser across from my bed. This all must be my imagination, there is no way I can or could be having a baby, I'm a guy, not a girl.
"So, you're awake, in a few weeks we shall find out if you're going to have a child." a voice said, I scanned the room but saw no one.
That's when I noticed it, there was a speaker on the ceiling and cameras viewing the entire room. This can't be happening, I'm going to wake up back home with Mikey jumping on me to wake up for practice, not in some lab apparently waiting to see if I'll get pregnant. Growling I stuck my tongue out at a camera, this better be a dream, I'm a man, not a woman, and only women can have babies. God how the hell is this happening!?
(Leo's POV)
It's been a few weeks since Raph disappeared, I spent almost every night in Raph's room. His blankets and pillows still smelled like him, it made my sleep come easier when I was surrounded by his scent. Raph was the love of my life, he meant everything to me, and now it looks like I may never see him again. Curling up in a ball in his bed I began to sob, his comforting scent couldn't fill the empty gap in my heart his disappearance had created.
I turned teary-eyed to the clock, it was about 1:45 am, I wrapped my arms around his pillow and began to sob into it. Most of my nights were spent like this, crying in his bed, and others I would sleep and have terrible nightmares. These were the nights I preferred, my nightmares made me unable to function, I wouldn't eat, or sleep, terror crept up behind me all throughout the day.
The door creaked open and I heard footsteps approach me, a large furry hand gently rubbed my head. Splinter must have heard me crying and come to check on me, I looked up at him my tear-filled eyes blurring my vision. He looked down at me sadly, Splinter had stopped lecturing me about sleeping in Raph's room after I had fainted from exhaustion during practice.
Before I began to sleep in here, I spent all night training and almost all day, one day I just collapsed; I woke up in here. Now almost all my free time is spent in this room, I sleep better in here, all Raph's things helped me cope with him being gone. One day I spent all afternoon reading through Raph's journal I had found hidden under his bed. It had been about how he felt when we were together and how he felt when we were split apart, somehow this had made me feel closer to him.
"Leonardo it's late you should be asleep..." Splinter soothed, I frowned.
"I want Raphie back, if it wasn't for your stupid rule we would have never fought and he never would've run away..." I sobbed, Splinter frowned.
"Leonardo, you and Raphael were fighting about my no kissing rule..."
"Uhuh, Raphie kissed me, but when I tried to obey your rule I got upset and I told him I hated him, he got really mad. He ran off after he had squeezed my arms so tight that he almost cut off the blood flow. If it wasn't for that dumb rule I wouldn't have to stop Raphie from kissing me, cuz he loves me and I love him, we were happy till you broke us apart!"
"My son..."
"I want Raphie back, I want the person I love back, I hate this! What if he's dead, what then?! I don't want to live without him, he's all I want, I want my Raphie back!"
I pulled the blankets over my head, I knew Splinter was mad at me, but it was all true, Raph and I had been happy. Now he was gone, and it was all because of that stupid rule, if he was dead then I didn't want to live. I would rather die than live in a world without my Raphie, at least if I died I would get to be with him.
"Leonardo please don't think like that, if Raphael was dead do you think he would want you to die. I think he would want you to live a long happy life, not end it. What would Donatello and Michelangelo do without you, especially if they have already lost Raphael."
"Go away."
I listened as Splinter left the room, my heart began to break again, sobbing was all I could do. How could I live my life without Raphael, he was my love, my first and only one? Curling up into a tight ball, I smelled the blankets. Raph's scent kept me from grabbing a kunai and killing myself right now, I could almost hear him singing to me.
"Lullaby please close your eyes, I'm all alone tonight. Where are you, please don't be dead. I need my lover tonight, come back home, where it is safe, I really need you tonight." I sung, hugging my knees as I sobbed.
(Raph's POV)
My legs were spread apart on the holsters again, they had me pee in a cup earlier now I could feel a metal stick poking me in my lower region. I wanted to see Leo even if he was a suck up and didn't want to be with me anymore, I just wanted to be near him. This place was like hell on earth, I was constantly watched, and I never dared to say anything. No way was I going to let them know there were others like me, it was bad enough they had me in here.
"Will you please say something young one, I know you can speak," the voice said.
Well if I was going to say anything it would be to tell this fucker off, but I guess that wasn't the best thing to do. Squirming as something entered me, but it didn't feel like it was in my ass, the hole seemed tight around the small metal stick. Was I getting a vagina now, maybe that's why I had woke up one morning my sheets covered in blood?
"You talked when we caught you, talk now." the voice growled.
"Fuck you!" I shouted the doctor looked at me shocked that I had responded to the man.
"Such a tongue on you, we'll have to clean up your vocabulary."
"Well I wouldn't be so pissed if you didn't have a metal stick in me, or could ya at least tell me what you want with me, you spineless punk!"
"Well, at least we know you can speak..."
"Now can you tell this bastard to get this fucking stick out of me, I'm starting to get a pedophilic vibe from you people."
"He has to do some test to make sure everything goes alright; do you have a name kid?"
"I ain't a kid I'm thirteen years old and my names Raphael, you spineless little shit!"
"You have such a foul mouth, but I guess you would talk well enough for the barracks."
I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen, I shot up and the doctor stood back in almost feared motion. Panting I gripped my knees to keep myself sitting up, the doctor didn't dare move close to me again, slowly I began to unhook my feet from the holsters.
Humans fear what they don't understand that's why we couldn't live above ground with normal people, I had learned this long ago. But I knew men who could do me harm would turn their fear into hate, this doctor couldn't fight me, so he was scared but I won't leave the room. An armed guard would kill me in a second, but there was no way I was letting this guy keep probing me.
"Please let me go back to my room, I'm sick of having someone shove a metal stick inside me. You can check me another way, you creeper fuckers," I hissed.
"Dr. Johnson calm down, he won't hurt you he is just a child having a temper tantrum." the voice soothed.
"But sir," the doctor started.
"He is only a child; don't tell me you're scared of a child." the voice mocked.
Damn these fuckers. I want to go home!
(Mikey's POV)
Leo was falling apart, it was almost as bad as Raph being gone, Leo was fading away right in front of us. He refused to eat dinner today and when I tried to bring him leftovers he was curled up in Raph's blanket teary-eyed reading Raph's journals. I swear he was like a zombie, his skin was getting a grayer tint to it every day and he refuses to talk to Splinter. I'm scared that he's just gonna fade away and I can't do anything to help.
"Mikey, are you okay?" Don asked, sitting down beside me.
"Donnie, I'm scared, Leo's fading away and we can't do anything, and what about Raph what if he's really dead!" I sobbed, he pulled me close, shushing me gently.
"It'll be okay Mikey," he soothed.
"No it won't, Leo's fading away and we can't do anything! We need Raphie! Leo needs Raphie! I hate this!" I cried, Don hugged me closer.
"I know Mikey, Raphie will come back I'm sure that moron loves Leo too much to stay away long, even if he's trapped that hothead will find a way back home. You'll see Leo will be able to smile, laugh and play again soon, now come on a smile, for me."
I smiled weakly for Don, smiling back he kissed my forehead, I wrapped my arms around his neck and clung to him. He gently held me close, his hands rubbed the back of my head soothingly. Closing my eyes, I felt myself drift to sleep in his warm embrace.