TMNT: Lullaby for Leo
Ch.5~ Understanding
I felt myself being pulled roughly out of my bed, I instinctively began to kick around for the assailant, I felt something hard and cold be put on my wrists. I saw the guards chaining my hands together and a cloth pressed up to my face. I worriedly stared at Vincent crying in his crib and I weakly reached out for him as I began to pass out.
(End Flashback/Dream)
I shot up in my bed, I was sweating, and I was out of breath, I felt Leo's arms drape around me. I bite my lip as I cursed my faulty memory, that bastard took me away from Vincent in the middle of the night and had his men gas me and take me away. But why, I felt Leo's fingers trace my trembling cheeks as tears streamed down them.
"Raphie are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?" Leo asked worriedly, I turned and buried my face into his chest.
"Leo..." I mumbled as I felt him hold me closer as I trembled in his hold.
"It's alright Raph I'm here you don't have to be afraid your home and I'm here with you. It'll all be okay..." He hushed, I wrapped my arms around him gripping onto him tightly.
Vincent, I'm sorry... If only I had been stronger I could have been able to take you with me, now who knows what those guys will do to you. Vincent... Vincent!
(Leo's POV)
Raph was in my arms whimpering in his sleep, what could they have done to him, I'm so glad Splinter let me sleep with him tonight he seems like he could shatter if I let him go. Rubbing his shell soothingly I saw no recognition in his expression, even rubbing his shell wasn't helping he would always calm down when I rubbed his shell. What form of hell did they put my little brother through?!
"Vincent..." he whimpered, who was this Vincent. "I... I'm sorry... Vincent..."
I held him closer as he began to sob in his sleep, I frowned and began to place gentle kisses on top of his head as he shook. How could anyone turn my strong-willed hothead brother into a scared little boy who seemed so fragile? Raph was as tough as nails, what could have happened to make him so scared and sad... I felt a few tears fall down my cheeks as I attempted to soothe my brother.
(Splinter's POV)
Raph sat in the tub as I helped him wash, he had been rather timid since he had arrived home he almost seemed like a shell of his formal self. I scrubbed around his shell, but I felt the soap slip from my trained hands and fall down into my son's shell. Wait that should not happen? Raph realized this and seemed shocked and embarrassed as he tried to act as he didn't realize it.
"Raphael, what happened to your shell?" I asked he looked away.
"It can come off now, the men who took me removed it for a bit." he explained, handing back the bar of soap.
"Well, then Raphael you are going to have to take it off so we can get you clean if that's the case, as long as it doesn't hurt you to do so," I replied he flushed.
"Okay, but close your eyes."
"Of course."
I closed my eyes as my shy son stood up in the tub, I heard a loud thunk and worriedly I peeked, I saw that Raphael had a large scar on his stomach and a more petite figure. He turned around and quickly hide out of shyness.
"I told you to keep your eyes closed!"
"Sorry, Raphael but I thought you had fallen."
"You saw it didn't you?"
"The scar..."
He nodded and quickly hopped into the tub splashing me a bit in the process, I sighed as he shifted uncomfortably in the tub. I began to scrub his back again as he looked down embarrassed.
"It feels weird..."
"Raphael may I ask how you got that scar and your figure..."
"I'm not a girl..."
"What my son?"
"..."
"What did you mean by that?"
"Promise you won't tell anyone."
"I promise now what is it."
"I'm not really a boy anymore..."
"What do you mean my son?"
"They gave me a girl part down here..."
"Is that how you got that scar..."
"Kinda, I got this from Vincent."
"Vincent?"
"He's.. he's my son..."
"What did you say, Raphael?"
"They made me have a baby father, his name was Vincent I got this scar when he was born..."
"Raphael..."
"I'm not a girl, and... Vincent's still alive father I wanna see him but..."
"But what?"
"They'll all hate me when I tell them, Leo won't love me anymore, Mikey and Don will think I'm a freak... Why did this have to happen, father, what did I do to deserve this?"
"Raphael, it is a cruel world sometimes you just happened to be unfortunate... even after all this do you still love Leonardo like that?"
"Of course I do, I can't choose between him and my baby... Vincent, I don't know what to do father..."
He had tears running down his cheeks and he looked at me for the answers for all his problems. I placed my hand on his head and rubbed it gently, out of all my son Raphael has always been the most caring and loyal this must be breaking his heart. How can I solve a problem like this, I know he and Leonardo are too young for such a relationship but it seems to be the only thing Raphael is gripping onto for support now.
"Raphael, I do not know the answer my son, I'm sure the answer is in your heart. Keep in mind that I do not want you running off wildly to look for Vincent but when you are older, and you feel you have to do this and have your brothers help and support then I will not stop you. Till then I'm sorry that I can be of so little comfort for you."
"Father..."
"Come on finish washing up so you can go spend time with your brothers."
(Raph's POV)
Father had been understanding and kind when I told him the truth, I watched all my brothers as the practiced in the dojo. I know if I tell Leo he'll probably have the same response but.. I still can't tell him. If I love him why can't I trust him with this, I buried my head in my legs a few tears falling down my cheeks.
"Raphie are you alright?" Leo called, I looked up to see all my brothers gazing at me worriedly.
"I'm okay," I replied, they all looked at me a bit longer before turning back to their training.
Splinter has seemed less harsh with me and Leo being close, we still sleep in the same room, but I think it's because they all know about my nightmares. We always sit close and hold hands, he can even kiss my forehead with little fear of what father will do. I'm glad it's like this, without Leo being there for me and comforting me I think I would have gone down the same path that I went down before. Tracing the scar on my wrist I gazed at Leo as he moved through his kata's.
"Raphael, you do not need to sit there during practice feel free to go sit on the couch and watch television or do you need help?" Splinter asked I shook my head.
"I like sitting here," I replied, he nodded and turned his attention back to my brothers.
Everyone is so worried about me, not that I can blame them I have been gone a year and I came back weak and scared. Mikey is always trying to make me laugh, Don will lend me all his novels to read and will read them to me if I want. Leo is almost always by my side he constantly cheers me up and keeps me feeling safe only when they are all busy like during practice do I feel lonely and a bit frightened of our home.
"Yamen, alright class is over." Splinter stated.
"Hai Sensei!" my brothers replied in sync.
"Raphie what do you want to do?" Leo asked, running to my side he noticed my tears and rubbed them away with his thumb. "Don't worry Raphie you're safe..."
"Leo, can we play cards?" I asked, he smiled and helped me to my feet.
"Of course, come on let's go to the living room."
He helped me over to the couch where I plopped down happily, he ran off to the toy box to grab a deck of cards. Shifting to get more comfortable I cleared a portion of the coffee table for our card game. I had begun to like playing cards, Leo and I played it since I couldn't play many other games and I kinda liked it. Splinter walked up next to me and knelt down.
"Raphael later I want to discuss with you about what you told me." he whispered.
"Hai sensei," I replied, he got to his feet and rubbed my head before leaving.
"What was father talking to you about?" Leo asked he looked at me worriedly as he knelt at the other side of the table shuffling the cards.
"Nothing just told me that I didn't need to sit outside the dojo that if I wanted I could sit next to him during practice." I lied, he looked at me questioning if I told him the truth.
"You know you don't have to lie to me." he stated.
"Fine... he wants to talk to me later, don't go and nag him about it though, I think he's just worried about what happened to me that's all."
"You know you can talk to me too if anything is bothering you, I wanna help you too."
"I know Leo, honestly I doubt I'll tell him anything, I just wanna forget what happened for now."
"I understand, what you want to play."
"Go fish please."
He dealt out the cards, why can't I tell Leo he'll probably see Vincent as his son too. I'm still scared that he'll hate me or am I scared he'd run off to save Vincent for me and get killed or be in that hell I was in. Looking up Leo smiled at me and I smiled back, how long can I ignore this nagging feeling in my chest. I'll come for you as soon as I can Vincent.
(Leo's POV)
Raph seemed quieter today, he seemed deep in thought every time I asked him what was wrong he told me it was nothing. Maybe it has something to do with that Vincent person he mentioned in his sleep. Should I really bring it up, he told me he's rather forgotten and I don't wanna bring back bad memories for him.
He sat next to me snuggled up in a blanket as we all watched cartoons, he seemed easier to get cold since he came back. Which was odd because Raph had been the most resilient to the cold out of all of us, he leaned onto me as I gazed at him. He seemed so different I mean he was smaller than me and his body were smaller, and all his muscle had almost completely disappeared. His arms were thicker than his legs, this has to be one of the only times Raph has ever been smaller than me he had always been taller and stockier.
"Leo can you hold me?" he asked in a hushed voice, I complied and wrapped my arm around his small frame.
"That better Raphie," I replied, he nodded and smiled at me softly.
He looked so cute like this, I mean I always felt like the girly one but now I felt like the man and wanted to protect him. He needed me now unlike before when I needed him, he does all the things I used to. Seeing Raph like this so easy to cry and need help was so unfamiliar and sad yet at the same time it made me fall for him a new way then it had been before.
"Raphael, may I speak with you now?" Splinter asked Raph left my embrace.
"Hai father, be back soon guys," Raph replied Splinter, held Raphael's hand as they headed toward his room.
If he does one thing to make Raphie scared, I swear I'll never let him near Raphie again. I don't want to see Raph all scared again or sad, not now not ever.
(Raphael's POV)
"Raphael, I wish to know what plans you have for finding Vincent?" Splinter asked I put a hand on my stomach biting my lip.
"I don't know father, I want to run out and rescue him as soon as I can walk but.. I don't wanna hurt my brother again by running off without saying anything. Vincent needs me I know he does but I doubt I could save him now, I keep trying to tell Leo, but I can never say it no matter how much I want to. I feel if he doesn't hate me he would run off to save Vincent and get hurt, die or endure the hell I went through. I feel like a part of me is dying slowly every day I am away from Vincent. I don't know what to do father, I almost find myself wishing I never returned..." I explained, he sighed and looked at me sadly.
"Raphael, I can understand how you are feeling being away from Vincent; when you were gone I felt a part of me dying as well. But I cannot just let you run off to save Vincent, my son you must understand that you would most likely die or be recaptured if you did that. I know it may sound cruel, but I want you to keep Vincent a secret from Leonardo and forbid you to run off to rescue him till I feel you could succeed."
"I know your right father, but it scares me that he may not have that much time or that he could already be dead or abandoned just like me and left for dead. All these what if's running through my head I can't take it. If Leo wasn't comforting me I'm sure I would try to kill myself again."
"Please be strong Raphael I promise when the time comes if you need my help I shall help you in any way I can but till I feel your ready I want you to try and move on as much as you can."
"I'll never move on father, I'm sure I'll think about Vincent every day till I have him in my arms again."
"Please don't do anything rash, my son, no father wants to bury their child, I'm sure you understand that."
"Yes, I feel the same way, but I feel I may never get to see his body if he his dead or get the bit of closure a burial could give me."
"I hope that doesn't happen, my son."
(Flashback Raph's POV)
I feel like I am slowly understanding father but honestly, I still wanna hate him, being with Vincent has helped me see it through his eyes. He was worried that if anything broke me and Leo up beside a forced on would cause us to hate on another or that in battle we would forget about Mikey and Don. I would die to protect anyone of my siblings, I can only imagine how much it pains him that I'm gone. I can't imagine how I would feel without Vincent.
Turning to look at Vincent asleep in his crib I smiled, I cared for Vincent with all my heart, right now he was my world. I'm sure he's the only reason I have given more thought to the value of my life and how I wanted to not take any risks to escape here. If I die who knows what they would do to Vincent or if they killed him, I would probably be unable to move on if he died.
"I love you, Vincent," I said softly, reaching down into the crib I stroked his soft cheeks.
"Who knew you could be so sweet." the man teased over the speaker, I shook off his insult as I stared at Vincent.
(End Flashback)
(Leo's POV)
Raph curled up to me he had developed odd sleeping habits, he liked to keep on hand on his stomach and his snoring had softened. Also, he had become a fairly soft sleeper, I could wake him up with ease, but I learned ways to keep asleep when I shifted or just watched him sleep when I couldn't. He also developed a habit of rubbing the scar on his wrist when he was deep in thought. Before he tried to cover it up and try to forget about it as much as possible. How much have you changed Raphie and what the hell happened to you?