TMNT: Lullaby for Leo
Ch.6~ Passing Time
"Raphie are you okay?" I asked he looked up at me from the newest book he had borrowed from Don.
"I'm okay Leo." he replied, "I'm not crying am I, if so I blame it on this book."
"No, it's just... You've been muttering a name in your sleep, I've just been worried about you..."
"What I have I been saying?"
"You keep saying your sorry and muttering the name Vincent, I'm just worried that you're in pain and you won't let me help you."
"Don't worry about it Leo, I'm fine." he replied, but his eyes told me he wanted to tell me.
"Liar."
He got quiet and placed a piece of paper in the book to mark his place. Setting the book down on the coffee table he turned and hugged me. He didn't cry he just hugged me and as soon as I began to hug him back he just let me go and leaned into me as I held him.
"If I could bring myself to tell you I would trust me, Leo, I want to tell you, but I can't."
"Why can't you tell me?"
"I feel I could lose you if I told you."
"What would make you think that?"
"I can't tell you, I'm sorry I just can't."
"If you ever feel you can tell me what's bothering you, tell me and I'll look after you and do whatever I need to do to take your pain away. I swear I won't judge and I'll always love you."
"I know Leo, I wish I could tell you I want to tell you but I'm scared and I can't say what I want to say to you."
"I love Raphie."
"I love you too Leo."
I held him close as he sadly let a few tears roll down his cheeks, my lips gently kissed his cheeks soothingly. How could I have let anything like that happen to him? No matter what I won't let anything like this ever happen to him again, he's seen enough hell already.
(Raph's POV)
Everyone was training I stood on my shaky legs attempting to walk. I've been home for over two months and I still can't walk more than a few feet. Taking another step, I steadied myself, damn it I will walk. I'll never be able to save Vincent if I don't walk! I began to move faster forcing my muscles to support my weight, when did the dojo ever seem so far away. My feet felt like they were made of lead and my legs were made of string.
"Raphie!" Mikey, Leo, and Don yelled in sync as I finally reached the dojo.
"I may not be able to join practice yet, but I sure as hell can walk on my own now," I stated proudly, Splinter went over and patted my head.
"Good job my son, we are all very proud of you." Splinter congratulated.
"That's awesome Raphie you did it, I knew you could do it." Leo cheered, hugging me happily.
"Of course, I did it, give me some credit Leo I'm not Mikey." I teased, Mikey pouted and Don and Leo chuckled.
"Once you can run we'll have to race," Mikey stated.
"I'll race you now." I boasted, I went to run but I fell down on my stomach.
"You okay Raphie," Leo asked, helping me up as Mikey laughed hysterically and Don chuckled.
"Shut it!" I growled embarrassed.
(Leo's POV)
Since he can walk again he had convinced me to talk him through the sewers on a walk. I held onto his hand tightly, what if whoever took him is searching for him. I'll never let them take Raphie again, he still looks so fragile even after all the progress he has made.
"You worried?" Raph asked I sighed and stopped.
"Yeah, I just got you back I'm scared something will happen to you again," I stated, Raph leaned up and kissed my lips quickly.
"No need to be such a worrywart, after all, you're with me." he soothed, looking up at me his eyes seemed bigger like he had two roses for eyes.
"And you said I looked like a girl," I mumbled, he flushed.
"Don't make me hit you." he hissed, holding up his fist.
"I was just kidding."
He put down his fist to stare at his open hand shyly, he stepped closer to me and began to lean on me. I have to say this about the sweetest I've seen Raph, look at him he's leaning up against me blushing. The innocent little Raphie being watched by the strong and charming me. Okay, when did I get to Mikey's level of self-praise...
"Promise me you won't leave me."
"I promise Raph... I'll love you and stand by your side no matter what."
(Raph's POV)
Father pulled me and Leo farther apart as I healed not long after I began to walk again father put Leo back in his extra leader training. Once the nightmares dulled Leo had to sleep in his own room by the end of one year of me being back father had put the walls back up between us.
It's now two years since I got home, I had a really bad fight with Leo and had run off. I was in the tunnel where they had dumped me, this had become a hideaway for me only Leo knew where it was, but he wasn't going to come get me.
"Hello Raphael." that voice cruely greeted.
Grabbing my sais I held them out in the direction of his voice, I felt my heart speed up and my body trembled a bit. No, I can't be scared, or I'll never see my family again.
"Bastard." I hissed.
"Do you know what day it is today?" the man asked from the shadows.
"What do you want?"
"Always impatient, and how forgetful I thought you'd remember that today was your own son's birthday."
"Hey, you think I had any concept of time in that hellhole you bastard!"
"Vincent come and meet your... father."
"Vincent..."
I saw my small two-year-old son walk up beside that bastard, looking at me he smiled and ran to my side hugging me, I dropped my sais. Hugging him back I kept one eye on him as I picked my son up. He was pretty big now, he hair was short and messy, and his eyes had dulled a bit and were a shade darker than mine.
"Daddy!" Vincent cried happily.
"There must be a catch," I stated, holding Vincent closer in fear.
"A catch, of course, you'd think I'd just give him back to you; no that kid is still of use but I know I'll be able to check up on you if I give you this offer. I'll let you see him on his birthday every year, of course, you'll have to show up and don't even think of running away with him. I would catch you." he answered coldly.
"You bastard!"
"I always make sure I keep my prey in checkmate, so I can get my use from them. Now you have two minutes with him, thanks for your time."
"Vincent, I love you."
"I love youz too."
"Vincent promise me you'll be a good boy and stay safe."
"Uhuh... Daddy why you cryin'?"
"I'm just so happy to see you, I'll miss you."
"I miss you too."
"Love you, Vincent, I'll see you next year."
"Bye, bye Daddy."
I held my son close, I slowly let him go after kissing his cheeks, he walked back to Bishops side. I saw a man exit the shadows he put a cloth to my mouth and I fell out of consciousness crying.
Waking up I choked back a sob, why didn't I do anything. Even if there was no chance I should have tried. Who knows what the monster is doing to him, Vincent... Getting to my feet I rubbed tears from my eye, the I heard footsteps approach from behind me. I grabbed my sais ready to attack seeing Leo round the corner I dropped them.
He looked at me exhausted a sigh left his lips, looking up at me relieved. Oh no how long have I been gone now, he must have thought I was gone again. New tears filled my eyes, but I hurriedly tried to wipe them away.
"Don't do that Raph I thought you were gonna disappear again." he cried, still out of breath.
"I'm sorry Leo, I'm just frustrated..." I replied he hugged me tightly.
"I know... I hate it too, all this arguing is so dumb…"
"You know I don't mean to pick a fight I just lash out..."
"I know, trust me I know, you know I pick fights too."
"Do you still love me?"
"Of course I do Raph, my feelings for you are still the same, nothing will ever change that."
"Thank you"
(Leo's POV)
Raphael slowly formed a hard shell around his heart, he never says anything with as much emotion as he used to. All these fights must be getting to him, I can barely go a day without me and him butting heads. Don and Mikey have gotten used to it and they stopped trying to stop us, not that I can blame them. We've gotten more violent it's just like before, I hate this he keeps running off and I always wonder if he'll be coming home. It's scary.
"Leonardo is something bothering you my son?" Splinter asked I looked up at him sadly.
"Worried about Raph, he's been distant lately..." I replied.
"I've noticed that too, I've asked him what ails him but he wouldn't answer me. Maybe you would have better luck."
"I doubt it, all we do is fight now, he won't tell me anything."
"What is the worst thing that could happen if you asked him?"
"Getting into another fight..."
"Does Raphael aggravate you that much?"
"No, it's not that, it's just he gets frustrated and he lashes out, usually at me. No offense but that rule is probably half the reason he lashes out, he never lashed out when the rule wasn't in place."
"Everything I do is for your benefit Leonardo"
"Tell that to Raph he's the one who is frustrated."
"But you are the leader, make him understand."
"I can't make him do anything, he won't listen to me anymore you've seen how he is when you leave me in charge of practice."
"Sounds as though you are frustrated as well."
"Why wouldn't I be, I'm always wondering if he'll come back when he runs off he won't tell me anything then I got you telling I need to try harder and be perfect! I'm not a perfect father, I know I'm not the son you thought I was but all I want is to be close to Raph again..."
"I never said you couldn't be close to your Raphael..."
"You keep pulling as father away from each other I think that is you telling us we can't be close. Raph saw hell when he was gone; when he came back almost broken. That's why he's like this he needed me so much he clung to me like he would shatter if he let go and you pulled us apart."
"Leonardo someday you understand why I did this."
"I doubt I ever will."
(Raph's POV)
Leo seemed angry at father today he wouldn't look him in the eye all during practice and once his leader training was over he seemed irritated. Soon he gave up watching TV and began to beat the shit out of the punching bag. Looks like fearless turned into a hothead, that is so wrong and slightly ironic. I should go talk to him, but all we'll do is fight, that's all we ever do now...
Dropping my magazine, I leading toward the dojo, leaning I against the door I watched him swing his fist at the punching bag hard but with no technique. This is definitely odd Leo behavior what could be bothering this much.
"Leo, what's the matter?" I asked, he stopped hitting the punching bag but grabbed onto it.
"I don't wanna talk about it Raph..." he answered taking another swing at the punching bag.
"I ain't leaving till you tell me what's eatin' ya," I stated, standing in between him and the punching bag staring him down.
"Mess off Raph.."
"You know I hate to see you like this, being a hothead is my job, what you are missing me that much. Hm Leo?"
"I... I do miss you but I'm just mad at Splinter."
"For splitting us apart again, I knew that was going to happen. I'm surprised he let us stay close as long as he did."
"Raph why have you been so distant I feel like your becoming an empty shell again..."
Frowning I hugged him, he hesitated a minute before hugging me back. I nuzzled his chest, I hate doing this, I'm so scared he'll find out that I've stopped being myself. I'm hiding my heart, so he won't find out and I won't lose his love. If he learned the truth he'd a hate me and if he didn't hate me he would never let me out of his sights and I'd lose my connection to Vincent.
"I'm sorry for making you worry."
"If I could have been there for you more this would have never have happened, I hate all the fights we have. I want to go back to the way things were."
"You told me that nothing would ever change your feelings for me, Leo, so don't worry my feelings won't change either we just have to wait this out. After all, that's all we can do..."
(Leo's POV)
Raph came into the lair this is the second time he came home and has almost completely lost the ability to walk. It's like when he arrived after disappearing, last time it went away in a few days. But tonight, after having to piggyback him to bed and lay him down, I mean I'm terrified. He fell asleep almost right after I got him in his bed, I don't care if I get in trouble with father I'm not leaving his bedside tonight.
He was so sweet when I was piggybacking him here he kept muttering thank you and told me he loved softly. As I laid him down he looked at me smiling and right before he fell asleep got me lean down so he could kiss my cheek. Even now as he sleeps he looks so sweet and innocent, just like when he came back.
"I love you," I muttered, I slowly began to rub his cheek.
Stopping for a moment I kissed his cheek then went back to gently rubbing it with my thumb. Four years it's been, four years since he got home, I still find it hard to believe we're fourteen... Somedays I wish we were still ten, that all this shit never happened. I want that time back to be that little kid who could follow Raph around and kiss him like I used to. Why can't we love freely...?