A/N: Annnnnd here we are with the final chapter ! I worked really hard on this so I hope you all enjoy !
Song: Footprints in the Sand by Leona Lewis
( Victor's dream in 𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥 and lyrics in 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙠 𝙞𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙘𝙞𝙯𝙚𝙙 )
Sunday, May 10th, 6:00 PM, Yu-Topia
Darkness
That's all he could see.
It was as if he was staring into the deepest night sky with no stars in sight.
His body felt like it was made of lead, yet he was still able to move his limbs to get the feeling back into his numb hands and stiff neck.
But moving his neck...felt strange. What was tickling the back of it ? And why did his head feel so heavy ?
He reached his hand up which resulted in a collision of skin to soft, long hair.
Wait. Long ?
No, that can't be right. He cut it over 10 years ago.
But...it was there. Silvery strands cascading down his back. He could feel the feathery feeling of it tickling the edge of his ears and the sides of his face.
An image of a women suddenly flashed before his eyes, causing his breath to hitch and eyes to burn with tears.
"No..." He whimpered, "no...p-please... where are...the scissors...I need the scissors...I c-can't...do this again..."
His body wracked itself with sobs as his whole body shook. He put his arms over his head, covering his ears and looked down at the ground. Tears ran down his cheeks and dripped off his face, blurring his vision. But he still saw the lonesome, wavy piece of silver hair lying in a ribboned bend at his feet.
His eyes were wide. That...wasn't from him. Was it ?
"V-Victor...how could...y-you...?" That voice, weak and fatigued...but oh so painfully familiar.
He didn't dare look up. He knew that voice and he couldn't bare to face it. To hear it. To even think about it.
But yet his body felt like he had no control over it and it forced itself to lift his lowered head.
His breathing was shakey and uneven and his watering eyes gazed upon a trail of even more of the silvery strands. Some were piled, some were flowing like tiny rivers. Some pieces were long and wavy white other where bunched and coiled in on itself.
But at the end of the trail, he spotted a pristine white bed with and equally pristine white person laying in it that seemed to be aglow in the darkness.
So pale. So fragile. So weak.
And he couldn't do anything.
His feet had unknowingly carried him to the bed side of the weak individual.
Even when sick, she still had a defined jaw, small nose, whispy eyelashes, pale lips, and blue eyes...that had faded into a sea foam grey.
But he knew those eyes regardless of their color change. After all...he had an exact pair of his very own.
"M-mama..." He whispered.
"...why...w-why...did...you leave...?" she whispered.
"I..I'm so-" but he didn't finish.
"...you...l-left...me."
"Mama...no I-"
"You...left...me."
He swallowed thickly, his body trembling.
"M-mama. Please...I'm sorry..."
But it was like she couldn't hear him. She repeated the same thing over and over again. Same tone, same expression, as if she was a robot that had been programmed for repetition.
But the words still made his mind and body cave into themselves no matter how many times he heard them.
"You...left...me"
"S-stop...mama..."
"You...left..me."
"Stop..."
"You...left...me..."
"STOP."
"YOU. LEFT. ME."
"STOP !"
Victor's body jolted with pulsing adrenaline, his eyes popping open as he quickly sat up in bed.
He clutched his shirt with his fingers, chest extremely tight. He breathed deep, trying his best to calm down as a his other hand pressed itself against his forehead.
A nightmare. It was just a nightmare...for normal people at least.
Victor had been expecting it. He'd been waiting for that in-sleep horror story to shock in out of his slumber for the last week.
It was a nightmare he ALWAYS had this time of year. An exhausting, horrible, haunting, painful reminder that...
He gave a shaky sigh that was followed by a angered, airy laugh.
Good God what a mess he was.
Why did that day have to haunt him? Why did his mind go into a black oblivion whenever he thought about it? Why...did he convince himself over the last 11 years that he would be able to come over this on his own ?
Victor had pushed away those who tried to help him. At the time, he believed help was pointless. This was his own wrongdoing so how on Earth could someones help change that ? He was the one that left. He was the one that could have done more.
He was the one that let her down.
Him. And no one else.
But now...if he had gotten help, would he still be suffering ? Would he still regret his decisions ? Would he finally be able to get through this day without crying ?
He would never know. It was too late. He didn't have the courage to bring it up know.
And that made him feel terrible. Ashamed. And so, so guilty.
Because a certain someone should know.
It's only natural that the love of your life, your mate, the person you vowed to spend the rest of your days with, should know your past.
But he didn't. Yuuri had no idea about Victor's life beside the aspect of his skating. Nothing else.
And Victor nearly hated himself because of it.
He was such a good omega. Sweet, kind, nurturing, and oh so beautiful. He told Victor everything he was feeling or anything that bothered him. But Victor didn't have the power return the favor.
He wanted to...so badly...but he just COULDN'T.
The Russian male sighed, turning his head to look at Yuuri laying asleep beside him.
Only to find his side of the bed empty.
How did it take so long for him to notice that ?
Victor had been drained ( mostly mentally ) after teaching his skating classes with Yuuri that day.
He was so happy Yuuri was feeling better and the children were estatic when he had come back on Friday, albeit a bit late since he claimed to Victor he had to run a few errands before the class began. But nonetheless, he showed up, thrilled to be back. He wasn't as active on the ice as he usually was during classes though. In fact, he had stayed on the sidelines quite a bit, but Victor paid no mind. It was probably best to start back up slow after how sick he had been.
That left Victor to do the demonstrations and physical aspects of the lessons over the last 3 days, and so the combination of teaching, coming up with plans for classes, the secretive, emotionally draining week he's had, and doing his best to keep a smile on his face through it all, had him completely warn out.
When they got home, Yuuri suggested for Victor to take a nap. He didn't think he was going too, but as soon as a combination of his head hitting the soft pillow and Yuuri joining him on the bed, running his fingers through the silvery strands of his hair was created, Victor was out like a light.
Yuuri had been next to him when he fell asleep...so where was he now ?
Victor slowly lifted his heavy body from the bed and stood up on legs that felt like they were made of thin, bendable wire.
The evening sun cascaded hues of orange and golden yellow in their room, illuminating a small, white piece of paper on Yuuri's desk.
Victor picked it up with his still slightly numbed fingers. There were a few words written on it in what he recognized as Yuuri's handwriting.
Meet me at the rink when you wake up.
Victor's heart strangely clenched in his chest and his breath hitched when he read the last three words.
Bring your skates.
Sunday, May 10th, 6:20 PM, Hatsetsu Ice Castle
Victor was beyond confused as he opened the doors to the Ice Castle skating rink.
Yuuri had left while he was sleeping, leaving behind a note saying for Victor to meet him at the rink.
Yuuri wasn't one for doing things out of the blue like this, and it made Victor nervous with worry. His brain shoved several thoughts forward of what could possibly be wrong.
But when he saw Yuuko standing at the counter, his worry slighty melted away.
"Y-Yuuko ? What...?"
She gave a sweet, tiny smile. "Yuuri's waiting for you...put on your skates and head onto the ice."
Victor didn't say anything else and just simply nodded, walking to a bench near the counter.
He sat down and quickly laced up his skates, his heartbrat thumping in his ears. Then after slipping on his guards, he stood up.
Yuuko was nowhere to be seen.
Victor's pressed his lips together.
This was very strange. But he obliged to what Yuuko had told him moments before and headed to the ice.
There had been lights on in the front, but as he got closer, the amount of light had diminished significantly. Soon it was almost completely dark, save for a collection of tiny, golden fairy lights that had been attached to the inner walls of the rink. They sparkled and winked in contrast of the white of the icy ground, allowimg Victor to make out a few more details.
He could see a trail of rose petals scattered along the ice, leading to what looked like tables covered with white table cloths that were placed in a smooth zig-zag fashion. He could see that objects were placed on top of them, but they were too far away to make them out.
Now that his curiosity was more than piqued, there was only one way to satisfy it.
Victor used one hand to balance himself on the rink wall while removing the guards from each of his skates, setting them down on the floor.
He looked up and placed one bladed foot on the ice and pushed his body forward.
As soon as he did, the soft, meliodic tune of a piano began to play in the back ground, followed by female vocals as he slowly skated up to the first table.
You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I'm going
You walked with me
When I was all aloneYou
With so much unknown
Along the way
Victor's eyes moved over the surface of the table, inspecting the items that lay upon it. There were more rose petals scattered over the top, a tiny candle burning with a soft yet bright glow...and a few different pictures that made his heart jump into his throat.
He reached out a shaky hand to pic them up and bring them closer to him, studying them more closely.
Victor gasped, his other hand going to cover his mouth.
The first one was a picture of a women that looked exactly like him but with longer hair and more delicate features. She looked to be standing in front of a curtain, clad in a dark blue, lacy dress. Her gaze was casted downward to stare at the large mound of a heavily pregnant tummy with hands pressed against the surface, sparkling adoration and love present in her eyes.
The other photo was the same women but this time she was laying in a hospital bed. Her hair was slightly disheveled but she was still so beautiful as she held a tiny bundle in her arms, smiling down at what was inside. A tiny baby boy wrapped in a blu blanket with whispy, silvery hair sticking out of the the hat on his head with pale skin and chubby cheeks.
Victor caressed the women's face in the picture with his index finger...
He missed that face.
He missed that smile.
It had been so long since he had really seen it...but he could never forget it.
He could never forget the face of his mother.
I heard you say
I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow
And despair
And I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand
Victor slowly skated to the next table decorated the same as the last...the only difference was the picture.
He picked it up and looked at the image, a breathy laugh leaving his lips despite the tears that were rolling down his cheeks.
Though it was such a long time ago, he remembered this day so vividly.
The picture consisted of his mother ice skating whilst holding onto the hands of a little boy no older than 8 years old. Their bright blue eyes were open and bright with excitement, heart shaped smiles wide with what he rememberee as laughter.
That had been the first time he ever set foot on the ice...and his mother had been right there to witness it.
He fell in love with skating that day because of her.
I see my life
Flash across the sky
So many times have I
Been so afraid
And just when I
Thought I lost my way
You gave me strength to carry on
Thats when I heard you say
Victor arrived at the next table and peered at the photo laying before him.
Him and his mom with huge, happy smiles as Victor held a bouquet of flowers in one arm with the other draped around his mothers shoulder holding her close. A strap hung around Victor's neck with a large, golden circle at the base.
He choked back a sob.
This was the day Victor had one his first gold metal.
He had been so happy that day. And he remembered the proud look in mother's eyes when he came to her after his performance.
That was something she always was when it came to Victor.
Proud.
I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
And I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand
When I'm weary
Well I know you'll be there
And I can feel you
When you say
He arrived at the last table that had no flowers or candles or any type of decoration.
There wasn't any room...
Because the entire surface was...completely covered with pictures.
So many different ones from different points in his life that he had experienced...
...all with his mother
There were some when he was an infant and little boy. Some where he was older.
Some showed he and his mother dancing and skating together on the ice. Other with him just holding her close.
There were ones of her doing his hair for competitions.
He used to love it when she did that. The feeling of her fingers running through his hair was always such a comforting feeling. He could sometimes still feel her doing so, weird as it was. It was that vivid of a memory.
He missed the feeling of it. It was calming. Soothing...and she was the only person who could really do it right.
Well...until Yuuri came along.
Victir never let anyone else touch his hair, especially after he cut it...but that day when Yuuri had poked him on his part...
Of course he played it off as a joke, scaring Yuuri silly when he collapsed into a heap on the ice...but really, the touch had reminded Victor so much of his Mother.
Victor had only ever found that comfort in his mother...but Yuuri coming into his life was nothing short of a blessing.
His touch and his mother's. Different. Yet so similar at the same time.
I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sadness and despair
"Vitya..."
And his voice. Soft and sweet...just like his mother's had been.
Victor looked up and could see someone emerging from the gold tinted darkness.
It was Yuuri.
Victor couldn't hold back any longer.
He rushed over to his husband. His mate. His love of his life.
And let the tears fall.
And I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand
"Y-Yuuri..." Victor choked out.
But the Japanese male didn't say anything.
Instead, he smiled and handed Victor a small envelope that was slightly yellowed with age.
With a nervous gulp, he accepted it with shaking fingers and slowly opened the tab of it, taking out what was inside.
Another photo from the looks of it.
But when he turned it around, his breath hitched in his throat.
When your heart is full of sadness and despair
It was the only picture he had seen that contained his mother all by herself in a portrait like fashion.
Yes the picture with her pregnant with Victor was her by herself as well, but she had het face down and eyes nearly closed so it wasn't the same.
But this photo. This one was new. And simply beautiful.
It was his mother, but she looked like angel.
She wore a lacy, white dress with pearls scattered across the boddess and around her neck as a necklace. Her hair was lightly curled and flowed down her back and across her shoulders. A glittery, white vail sat on top of her head and flowed out to her sides, stopping at her waist. She wore very little makeup, but it was enough to enhance the blue in her eyes, the pink of her cheeks, and the glossiness of her lips that were pulled into a graceful smile. In her hands, she held a bouquet of blue and white baby's breath, white stargazer lilies, and baby blue hydrangeas.
Victor couldn't stop the hot tears from rolling down his face.
This photo was a treasure. A beautiful moment captured by the click of a camera of his mother on her wedding day
He hadn't seen her full faced with beauty and happiness in so long.
It was like she was right in front of him. Like she had never left.
But...
Victor broke from his trance when he felt a hand on his cheek and looked to his right.
Warm, chocolatey eyes that were shiny with tears as well met his gaze, causing Victor to clench his teeth as more tears fell from his own eyes.
Yuuri put his hand on Victor's waist and pulled him close, letting Victor's body rest against him as it shook and trembled against his own. Yuuri could feel the tears soaking his shirt as Victor let out the gasps and broken sobs that he had been holding back for the last week.
He stroked his hair, rubbed his back, and pressed featherlight kisses to his temple. His scent gland was tingling as Victor nuzzled against it, probably longing for the the soothing effect it had on him.
The song he picked spoke true as the final lyrics echoed in his ear while he continued to hold Victor close, shushing him and whispering sweet nothings into his ear.
And I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand
It was awhile before Victor separated from Yuuri, but even when he did, he was still only a nose's length apart from him.
His eyes and nose where red from crying and the tears weren't entirely gone. But he was definitely more calm than he had been several minutes before.
Victor attempted to speak, but it was broken with slight hiccups from his crying, "Y-Yuuri...how...w-what?"
"I know..." Yuuri smiled, "Your probably confused. But.. I had to find some way to help you."
Victor stared at him with an expression longing for more details.
"I...I knew something was going on, Victor. You tried your best to act like you were okay, but I knew you weren't. Every time I tried to ask you what was wrong you say you were fine...but you tensing up, when your hands would shake, or when your eyes would go wide and lose their sparkle...it worried me."
Victor grimaced, looking away. But Yuuri grabbed his face to prevent him from doing so.
"But it was okay. Because it meant I needed to do something. I had to help you. No matter what. So I...got some help from a few friends."
"I talked to Yurio first...but then he recommended that I talk to Yakov since, well...he's one of the only ones that know everything right ?"
Victor nodded, staying silent.
"So...I did, and he told me everything. Things about your dad, you, and...your mom. That for the last 11 years... you've suffered from the emotional pain you went through with her every week before Mother's Day. He told me how much it hurts you, how much regret you have...and how guilty you feel because of what happened."
Yuuri caressed Victor's cheek, "Is that true ?" he whispered.
The Russian male sighed in defeat, "...yes. It is."
Yuuri's eyes widened slighty as Victor spoke.
"...ever since that day...I felt as if I made a huge mistake. I didn't notice she was sick until the day she told us...and I was so angry with myself. She always noticed how I was feeling...and yet I could never do the same for her. She was always...my hero in a way, and I never thought anything bad could happen to her. But I guess I was wrong."
"I was...aware she didn't have much time left. So I did my best to make the time I spent with her worthwhile. I did my best to take care of her...like she always did for me. But she was slowly disappearing from me Yuuri...I was losing her...and... I didn't want to admit it."
"That day it the hospital...it's haunted me even to this day. She was fine...she was completely fine when I left. It was Mother's Day...and she was stuck, terribly sick in a dull, white room. So I wanted to get her some flowers. They were one of her favorite gifts on Mother's Day."
"I'd never regret something I'd done more than leaving her that day. Because when I came back...she was...a-and I w-wasn't there to.."
Victor's voice broke again as more tears spilled over the edges of his eyes and ran town his cheeks, dripping onto the ice below. But he was able to whisper something almost unintelligible.
"I-I'm a terrible son."
Yuuri had heard it, and he could feel his heart clench tightly in his chest.
It was horrible that Victor had felt that way for do long. Not being there when his mother took her last breath had permanently and painfully bruised him.
But he wasn't a bad knew that for sure.
"No," he said firmly, yet his voice was still soft, "You weren't."
Victor sighed, " Yuuri-"
"I'm not going to stand here and let you say something that's not true. Don't do that to yourself Victor. I know you weren't a bad son, so does Yakov...and so does your mother."
Victor looked at Yuuri with slight confusion.
The Japanese male moved to reach into his pocket, talking as he did so, "Yakov also told me something else and I'm not sure if he mentioned anything to you...but a couple weeks after your mother passed away, he was looking through her things and..."
Yuuri pulled out a white piece of paper, "... He had found an envelope that contained all of those pictures," he gestured to the tables on the rink, "and this note. He was afraid to show them to you, thinking that it would have made you more depressed than you already were so he hid them for you in concern of how you would react. He didn't want to put you through more than you already been through. So instead I asked him to send them to me so I could give them to you instead since...I think it's important for you to have them now more than ever and..."
Yuuri handed the piece of folded paper to Victor, his next words coming out in a whisper, "I don't want you to feel guilty anymore Vitya...and I hope that whatever this says shows you that you don't need to be."
Victor ran his fingers over the piece of paper, reaching an edge to begin unfolding it. After doing this a few more times the full piece of paper was in his view with a lengthy letter on its surface.
But the handwriting. Small and neat. Letters looping in some places.
He recognized it immediately as his mother's handwriting. With a shaky sigh, he began to read.
My dearest Victor,
If you are reading this, I am probably already gone from this world and have been reborn into another.
I cannot say nearly enough in times like these, but I'll say what I believe is important for you to hear from me. What you need to know over everything else.
And that...is thank you.
Thank you for bringing my life joy and happiness. Thank you for making me laugh and smile. Thank you for staying by my side through everything and being the absolute light of my life.
I know that things have not been easy for you and they haven't been for me either. I can see the smile you try and put on your face for me when I know that you are truly breaking on the inside.
I can see the tears before they fall down your cheeks. I know you are hurting my sweet boy...in more ways than one. But I want you to know that you don't have to.
You have done your very best for me and I will forever be grateful for that. You have made what time I have left the very best because I got to spend that time with you. I couldn't have asked for anything more.
I am so very proud of you Victor and even when I'm gone that will never change. I am truly blessed to have you as my son and I will love you endlessly as much as my heart allows.
Forever.
Love, Mama.
Victor couldn't see through the tears that clouded his vision. His body trembled and his eyes burned...
But he finally felt...at peace.
He looked up at Yuuri to see him staring at him with great concern, but that soon changed to shock when Victor threw his arms around him and buried his face in his neck.
Yuuri froze from the sudden action, but his arms looped around Victor's backside, one hand going up to place at the base of his neck, fingers slightly in his hair.
He could hear Victor sobbing apologies into his ear.
"I'm sorry... I-I'm sorry I didn't t-tell you. I'm s-sorry."
Yuuri ran his hand up and down Victor's back, tears now burning the edges of his eyes as well, "Shhhh...no Vitya. Don't apologise. I understand. It fine...don't worry... everything is okay now...at least...I hope it is..." He murmured the last part in worried whisper, but Victor still heard it.
He pulled away from Yuuri, and was relieved that despite everything, Victor was smiling. And...it was a real one.
Victor wiped his eyes, " Of course it is. After... everything you did for me...to help me..." he caressed Yuuri's cheeks with his hands, " How could everything not be okay ?"
Yuuri chuckled as Victor brought their faces together, lips connecting in a sweet, loving kiss.
Their scents combined with eachother, creating a sweet, minty aroma that engulfed the air around them. It was a warming feeling to have eachother in thier arms with no distress or worry to be found.
Just romantic, passionate, and comforting bliss.
But there was still one thing Yuuri had to do.
He put his hands on Victor's shoulders, gently pushing him away to break thier kiss.
Victor looked at him, confused, "Is everything okay Yuuri ?"
The Asian male smiled, "Yes. Everything is fine. But...I have one more thing I need to give you."
Victor tilted his head to the side, "What is it ?"
"Okay uhm...get on your knees for me so that you level with my stomach."
Victor raised an eyebrow, but obliged to Yuuri's wishes and lowered himself onto his knees right in front of Yuuri's midsection.
"Like this ?"
Yuuri nodded, "Yes. Perfect. Now...o-one second."
Victor could see Yuuri take his phone out from his pocket and lift it to his face. He tapped around on his screen before lowering it to the side of Victor's head.
The Russian male peered at the screen. It looked like he was going to play a video. Which is exactly what he did
In the beginning, Victor heard a few hushed voices and some jostling around. He looked up at his husband.
"Yuuri-"
"Shhhh." He interrupted, "Just listen."
Victor put his head back down and closed his eyes, listening to the video. There was nothing to be heard for a few more seconds until...a rather strange sound emerged from the speaker of Yuuri's phone.
It sounded like drums...that were being played underwater. But with some other distinct sound to it.
He couldn't quite...wait. Was that...?
He looked up at Yuuri again, who was simply smiling with sparkling eyes.
"D-do you hear it ?" He asked.
Victor had a look of disbelief on his face...but he shook his head, a grin soon making his way into his face. He could feel his eyes begin to water with tears...but this time, they were happy.
He was still on his knees as he pulled Yuuri's body closer to his by his waist, burying his face into his tummy, smiling, laughing, and pressing kisses to it's clothed surface.
Yuuri had his hand pressed softly to the back of Victor's hair, running his fingers through it as tears ran down his cheeks as well.
The noise from the phone was still playing in the background, echoing in their ears.
But it was such an uplifting sound. It was a miracle. A light...in all of the darkness over the past week.
It made Yuuri smile when he first heard it at his appointment.
It made Victor smile when had needed it the most.
It made both of them smile as they held eachother close.
That sound...
Was a heartbeat.
A/N: And that's it ! Omg guys this chapter was 5,000 words ! But it was so worth it in the end.
I really hope you guys enjoyed this story. I had so much fun writing it even though I cried a few times 😉
Thank you all so much for reading and I'll see you guys next time.
Happy Mother's Day !
Bye Byeee !