TMNT: Lullaby for Leo

Ch.11~ Persistence

I let Raph curl up to me as he slept, he's been rather sad since our chat earlier. Did it really bother him that much that I thought gender affected your personality? Frowning I pulled him closer; I mean if Raph was a girl I'd bet he'd be a bit more sensitive and less overconfident. I fell in love with Raph for who he was, and that will never change. I mean he's a boy and he'll always be one.

Sighing I rubbed my hand down my face tiredly, I guess I need to go to bed soon. Staring down at Raph I saw how sweet he looked as he slept with his head buried in my shoulder. He still slept with his hand on his stomach, although his snoring was becoming louder, and at least he wasn't as easy to wake up.

"Night," I whispered, kissing his forehead.

Laying him down by himself I crawled out his bed stretching. Leaving the room, I walked toward my own room, I'm sure he'll be fine tomorrow, Raph can be sensitive about a few things. Although that sensitivity helped him write those songs he used to sing me. Smiling I began to hum our song as I entered my room; he'll be fine tomorrow.

(Raph's POV)

I sat in bed staring at my scarred wrist; my biggest mistake has always been this. Don't let it be being turned into a girl; not something I had almost no control over. I hadn't meant to get myself dragged into this. Touching my shell above where my scar was; don't let me regret this.

Closing my eyes tightly I clenched my hand into a fist, fuck everything don't make me wish I had succeeded in killing myself. Don't make me wish I wasn't here, don't make me hate myself again. I let tears fall down my cheeks, sobbing I choked on air.

A bony hand rested on my head gently rubbing it; father. Not even opening my eyes I hugged him tightly. He began to hum an old lullaby he used to sing to us when we were small. A sad smile crept onto my face; I had sung this to Vincent when he got upset.

"Father." I croaked.

"Yes, my son." he replied.

"Have I changed a lot since I returned all those years ago?" I asked.

"No, you have only matured my son." he answered.

"Father, why do I hate what I am so much? Being like this allowed me to have Vincent; why do I hate it so much? Even if Leo won't accept me for what I've become shouldn't I still feel happy to have had Vincent?"

"You still love Vincent do you not?"

"Of course."

"Then you can hate the circumstances that he was brought into this world all you want. You can regret not having him in a better time and place because my son, that only means that you feel sorry for the things that have and are happening to him. As for Leonardo, until you reveal everything you will never truly see his point of view, views can change from a make believe the idea to reality."

"Thank you... I needed to hear that so much."

"Anytime my son, I am glad to ease your burden."

(April's POV)

Entering the guy's lair, I saw Casey make a beeline for Raph's room as always. Seeing Leo, I went over to him offer the bag of groceries I had gotten for them. He smiled and took the bag.

"Thanks, April." he thanked, I smiled back at him.

"No problem Leo, so how's Raph been doing? I doubt he's happy that he's recovering so slow." I asked.

"He's taking it better than I expected him to, although he is getting really bored." he answered as he began to put away the groceries.

"How much longer is he going to be cooped up?"

"A few more days in his room then he can move around the lair for a week or two till he can go topside."

"Leo have you tried talking to him lately?"

"Yeah, we were getting along good for a bit but I don't know what I did but he hasn't talked me that much anymore. I think he's angry at me about something, but I don't know what."

"Have you tried asking him?"

"Last time I tried that he told me to fuck off..."

"Leo, I may not know Raph that well but I think if you ever want to get along with him you have to stick to your guns on some things. If he's upset at you don't stop asking till you get an answer."

"I don't want to ruin what we have..."

"Leo sometimes you have to make someone angry to cure old wounds."

"But."

"I'm just giving advice, you don't have to use it, but I think it might help you."

(Raph's POV)

Curling up in my covers I looked around the room bored out of my skull, hearing a knock I quickly sat up. Who could that be, it's pretty late.

"Come in," I said, the door creaked open and I saw Leo enter. "What you are doing up?"

"Just wanted to talk to you," he replied, sitting down next to me on the bed. "What did I do to upset you? I know you don't want to tell but I can't make it up to you until I know what I did. You know I would never upset you on purpose."

"Didn't I tell you to stop asking me that," I growled.

"I'm not gonna stop until you tell me what I did to make you so upset." he stated, growling I glared at him.

"Fine, didja ever think that year of being away might have changed me?! Made me different! They did things to me I can't reverse! Do you know how scary it is to think that there would be some changes that happened that I think you may stop loving me for!" I yelled, standing up I looked down at him as I tried to keep my emotions in check. "I want to tell you what they did to me but I am scared that'll you'll leave me! I didn't want any these things to happen, but they did! That I just might be... Get out! Get the fuck out!"

Leo looked at me in shock as I could no longer keep my emotions in check. Falling to my knees I sobbed heavily, why did he have to push me?

"I'm sorry, I don't what I said that made you hurt so much. I take it all back, no matter what they did to you I know who you are. You're Raphael, and I love you with all my heart." he apologized, I felt his arms wrap around me. "I love you no matter what."

"They ripped off my shell..." I started, sniffling I wrapped my arms around his neck as he held me. "They did something to me, I don't know what they did... I was so scared... I have a vagina now, and.. oh god... They made me have a baby.. I loved my son so much... They took me away from him and left me in that tunnel where you found me... It hurt so much, more than anything else ever did... All I could think about was you and my baby... Leo, I couldn't protect him... Who knows what they're doing to him!? I'm scared..."

I sobbed heavily as I clung to Leo, his arms held me tighter and I could hear him crying too. Finally, I told him, I felt a great weight lift off my shoulders as I sobbed into his chest.

"I'm sorry... You've gone through so much... Please forgive me for what I said.. I didn't mean it... No matter what I will do everything in my power to get your son back... If you'll let me.. I'll be his father..." he pleaded, pulling back enough to see his face I smiled at him through my tears.

"Thank you.. you don't how much I needed to hear this from you... When I was pregnant I always thought of him as our son, I wanted you to be his father. I wish he could have born here with you there..." I thanked, sniffling I kissed his lips.

He deepened the kiss instantly putting his hands on my cheeks, and poking his tongue to my lips. Opening my mouth his tongue explored my mouth making me moan before I met his tongue with my own. Our tongues danced for a bit before we pulled apart to gasp for air.

"I love you so much." he hushed.

"I love you too!" I cried, he pulled me into another gentle, comforting embrace.

"Does anyone else know?" he asked.

"Don figured out when we were patching me up that my shell comes off and Mikey knows I'm a girl... Father knows everything... He said we could be together, he said he felt terrible for why he broke us up back then. It was for our benefit, we wouldn't have grown up right if had kept our relationship the way it was..."

"What's our son's name?"

"Vincent... I named him Vincent."

"Please tell me how you felt when you were pregnant?"

"Sometimes it hurt really bad. Other times I was just tired, really tired; sometimes I would feel sick too. It was scary, especially hearing the doctors at that horrible place being amazed at every check-up that I was still alive. But there were sometimes when I wasn't in pain or sick, or tired; in those moments I would just lie in bed and rub my big belly. I would sing the lullaby I always used to sing. It made me feel at home, and safe; kinda like you were right next to me."

"Oh, Raph..."

"Sometimes I would imagine you there with me... Or that by some miracle you would show up and save us... At first, I thought I hated Vincent, but I couldn't. Every time I felt him move inside me my heart melted, I wish you could have felt his first kick... Or been there to see him born, he was so cute, they did things to him when he was in me. He didn't look like us, he had hair on his little head and his tail was longer like a lizard or something... But he so beautiful... I wish you could have been there when I would rock him in my arms as he slept..."

"He sounds wonderful..."

Leaning more into his chest I felt my eyelids become heavy. Closing my eyes, I leaned more into his warm chest, I felt him pick me up and lay me down on my bed. I was just about to tell him to stay as he laid down next me covering us both up. He pulled me into his chest. Smiling I let myself drift to sleep in his arms.