Chapter Summary: Edana does a nice thing for Rick after he crashes, time stands still, Bird Person finally tells Phoebe and Morty what Rick was really saying in his language, and we get a touching family moment with Morty and Phoebe.

…

Part Three

A little under forty-five minutes had passed since Morty's party left. In that time, they'd managed to bang out more food—grudgingly sharing what they made since Summer ran out of her own—and produce more alcohol. They'd used the freeze gun on low setting to chill it, then distributed it to a cheering crowd. Rick had been by her side constantly since they rejoined the party, and she caught him watching her more than once, expression unreadable. She found herself watching him as well, running over the kiss, the conversation, and her own musings in her mind. She was still doing that when Morty rushed into the room with the sad nerdy teen, a small red sack in hand. "Rick, I got them! I got the crystals!"

Mercifully, Morty's entrance interrupted Gear Head's drunken, mournful singing about the Gear Wars as he strummed a melancholy melody on his instrument. Phoebe had been fantasizing about taking the damn thing from him and bludgeoning him with it, and so felt an immense wash of relief to see her nephew. Rick jumped up immediately and went to retrieve the sack from Morty. "All right! You did it, Morty."

"Rick, wait!" Morty cried as Rick carried the bag back to where he'd been sitting beside Phoebe on the couch.

"There's something you need to know…" Morty gave a tearful account of Abradolf Lincler's last words, lauding him as almost heroic, a lost man who saw Rick as a father figure and wanted his forgiveness and acceptance. Beside him, the nerdy teen sobbed, tears streaming down her face as well.

"Well, at least he didn't die in vain. He got these crystals," Rick replied. He stared down at the bag, a thoughtful look on his face. "Although now I don't really need them. I mean, at the moment it's kind of the opposite of wubba, lubba, dub, dub." He shrugged. "Guess I'll save these babies for later." He tossed the bag to Phoebe, whose hand shot out to catch it like lightning striking.

"All right, it's almost time to end this lame-ass party and send everyone home," Rick shouted. "Finish the food, finish the drinks, then get the hell out and go to the after-party no doubt being hosted by someone else who came to this one! But first—play something, somebody, play something."

A flurry of activity erupted as people went to get more food and drink or to get back onto the dance floor, which was essentially any clear space in the room. The music started back up, this time the Macarena of all things playing. People seemed too drunk to either notice or give many fucks, moving even more clumsily through the steps than they had for earlier dances.

Morty looked around, stunned, then he exploded. "Wait a minute. What? What the hell is this?!" He gestured angrily at the sack of kalaxian crystals held loosely in Phoebe's hand. "I got those crystals to help us get home and you're not even going to use them?"

"Oh, I intend to use them, Morty, but I didn't need them to get us home. I can do that whenever I want to. But, listen, speaking of those crystals, don't worry about what they do, Morty, just finish strong."

Apparently Morty finally snapped for the night. He started outright ranting at Rick as their guests stumbled to a halt and turned to stare at them. "Finish strong? Finish strong, Rick? Fuck you! You think I care about your stupid party? I thought—I thought we were stuck here, Rick! Y-y-you sent me on some fake quest to get some crap you don't even need, Rick! Fuck you!" He whirled around, glaring at everyone in his line of sight. "All right, screw this! Everybody, party is officially over! Forget the food and drink and dancing, just get the fuck out now! Rick, take us home now!"

Phoebe tried calming him down. "All right, maybe Rick misled you a little, but no harm done— "

"You don't get to talk, Phoebe, y-y-you're just as bad as Rick. You helped him throw this stupid party, and—and you're always conspiring with him!"

"Whoa, Morty, don't jump down Phoebe's throat," Rick warned. "Not cool, man, not cool."

Phoebe stood, looping the sack strings over her wrist. Rather than yelling, her restrained, even voice seemed louder somehow. "You know, you've been petulant and angry for weeks, Morty, and I've been patient with you, but news flash: You're not the only one who almost died, that was all three of us. Rick and I are just trying to make the best of things, and you know another thing? We did this for you as much as for us, and you just keep throwing tantrums every step of the way and shitting on everything we did anyway." Her quiet disappointment did more than yelling could have at the moment. With each word she spoke Morty shrank in on himself, losing some of his fire and actually looking a little contrite.

"Gosh, Phoebe, I—"

Rick cut him off with a scowl. "All right, all right, this has gone on long enough, Morty, you party pooper buzzkill, have it your way." He addressed the room next. "Boo, boo! Morty sucks! Boo!" The guests quickly followed his example, and though quelled, Morty seemed unrepentant.

The booing continued for another minute before Rick returned them to their own world—which, Phoebe noted, was bright with the light of day, which meant they had been gone for far longer than she thought—then Phoebe found herself saying goodbye to Squanchy as he led a line of guests toward the front door. "Hey, squanchers! The party's squanching on at my place!" The proclamation was met with cheers from the exited crowd.

Phoebe followed Squanchy to the door just in time to witness him deny Summer access to his party due to her earlier bullying of the nerdy teen, who was apparently named Nancy. Nancy had a few choice words to share with Summer before she left. Phoebe sidled up to Squanchy before he could quite get out the door, then tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around, she bent down for a hug of farewell. "It was good seeing you, Squanchy. Thanks again for coming."

"Your and Rick's party was squanch-tastic, Phoebe."

Phoebe smiled. "Thanks, that means a lot coming from you."

"Remember that you and Rick can squanch on by at any time."

Phoebe nodded. "To be honest, if Morty wasn't so worked up and we didn't have to clean this place up so soon, we'd probably come with you now."

"There's always a next time," Squanchy shrugged. "I'm off now."

A few more stragglers followed him out, and then the hallway was empty. Nancy must have slipped past her while she spoke to Squanchy, and Summer must have retreated somewhere in the house, probably to lick her wounds, figuratively speaking. Phoebe returned to the living room to find her guess immediately confirmed. Summer lounged in one of the recliners looking none too pleased. "Next time I party, I'm just gonna focus on getting totally wrecked or having a good time, like you and Grandpa Rick," she grumbled as soon as she saw Phoebe. "You're both so wise."

Phoebe scoffed. "If you're going to throw a party, Summer, it should always be about you, not about impressing everyone else there." She glanced over and saw Rick face-down on the couch. "What the fuck."

Summer eyed him as well. "Oh, I think he just crashed."

Phoebe sighed, but decided to take the time to slip his shoes off, place a pillow under his head, and roll him onto his side so he wouldn't suffocate himself or aspirate. As she did so, she heard Bird Person talking to Morty, who had a plastic trash bag in hand as he went around trying to start cleanup on his own. "May I assist you with that?" Phoebe stole a glance at them. Bird Person was by the sliding glass doors. What had he been doing back there? She frowned in thought at the couch upholstery. Maybe her friend went out to catch a few insects? She wasn't sure how birdlike his species was in their dietary habits.

Morty agreed uncertainly. "Uh, sure, yeah. Thanks."

"Morty, do you know what 'wubba lubba dub dub' means?"

Phoebe's movements stilled, though Morty continued to clean. She found herself hanging onto every word, unsure of what she was waiting for or why she was holding her breath, but feeling that the information might be important.

"Uh, that's just Rick's stupid nonsense catchphrase," Morty replied dismissively.

"It's not nonsense at all." It sounded like Bird Person had moved closer, walked deeper into the room. Phoebe couldn't help turning to look at him fully, noting he had indeed moved much closer. He caught her eyes just as he told Morty, who had his back to Phoebe, "In my people's tongue, it means, 'I am in great pain. Please help me.'"

Phoebe swallowed thickly and looked down at the sleeping man in question, remembering the times that he'd said the phrase. He must be in agony, then, with how much he says it. Her fingers trembled as she stroked his hair away from his face, Morty's voice interrupting the growing bloom of pain in her chest. "Well, I got news for you. He's saying it ironically." Out of the corner of her eye, Phoebe noticed Summer getting out of the armchair.

Phoebe's head snapped up to look at the two. Bird Person was still looking at her. "No, he's not," she said quietly, but loud enough for both of them to hear her.

Bird Person blinked his tranquil yet serious eyes at her, then drifted across the room to follow Morty as the teen walked toward the kitchen. "No, Morty. Your aunt is correct: your grandfather is, indeed, in very deep pain. That is why he must numb himself."

Morty, who had stepped through the hole in the wall directly into the kitchen rather than using the door, gave them both a look of disbelief. "Come on, Phoebe and um…"

Phoebe sighed. "Byrd Pursun," she and Bird Person said at the same time.

"Come on, Bird Person. Rick's not that complicated. He's just a huge asshole."

Phoebe shook her head. "No, Morty, Rick is much more than that, though he is also that." Unbidden, her fingers had continued gently caressing his hair, but she stopped, standing and following her nephew and odd friend.

"Then, Morty, why do you care so much if you are no longer allowed to continue on your adventures together? It appears fate has presented you with an opportunity to free yourself of Rick forever."

Morty threw down the bag as he exclaimed, "You know what? You're right. I shouldn't even care. This is probably the best thing that could have happened to me. I'm sick of having adventures with Rick."

She drew her up to her full height as she looked at her nephew, feeling oddly wounded. Maybe because it felt like Morty was rejecting her, too, or because she couldn't imagine not being able to go on their insane adventures together. "You don't mean that."

Morty stared at her with quiet defiance. "I do."

Bird Person gave Morty a penetrating stare. "My people have another saying: 'gubba nub nub doo rah kah'. It means, 'whatever lets you sleep at night.'"

A faint echo of Bird Person saying those exact same words on the night that Rick introduced her to him drifted through her mind. "Wait, Bird Person, you said that to Rick when we first met, why would you do that? What did you mean then?"

Bird Person gave her an equally penetrating stare. "You know the answer to both of those questions, Phoebe."

"No, I—"

Summer, who had been stacking solo cups on the table but stopped to look at an incoming text message, said, "Guys, mom and dad are, like, right around the corner."

"What, no, fuck." Phoebe dashed toward the kitchen.

"This is your moment, Morty. Choose wisely," Bird Person warned Morty. Then he called for Tammy, of all people, and flew off with her, a sharp avian cry ringing from his lips as he did.

Morty's disgruntlement seemed to vanish as horror slowly took its place. Through the window, Phoebe could see the car at the intersection.

"Wow. We are so screwed," Summer muttered, noting the same thing.

"That backup plan where we knock out your parents and erase their memories of this is seeming really good right about now," Phoebe commented. She looked around. "Where's Morty?"

She got an answer a second later when she heard him frantically trying to wake Rick up. She patiently filled a glass with cold water as she watched the two in the living room. Rick, eyes tightly shut, tried shooing away Morty, who kept hovering over him, shaking him by the shoulder, and trying to pull him up from the couch. "Huh? What? Wait? What? What? Stop."

"Rick, you got to do something quick. My parents are home."

Rick sat up with a groan, cradling his head. "Uh, all—all right. All right. Hold—hold on. Just let me—let me get my bearings…" His voice was already rough from sleep and thirst. As he spoke, Phoebe took the glass to Rick, who drank from it greedily. "Ahh! So good." He looked at her sidelong, sending her a pained smile mixed with a grimace. "Thanks, Phee."

Morty flailed around, panicking, his earlier conviction totally gone. "We don't have time for that, you two. Oh, my god. They're walking up the driveway."

Sitting forward and massaging his temples, Rick rasped, "Bring me the thing."

"What—what thing?" Morty wondered.

Phoebe bent low over the couch. "Come on, Rick, we need more than that, describe it to me. What does it look like, what does it do?"

"The thing. The thing." Rick groaned, closing his eyes. "The—he—it's got, like, buttons on it and lights on it. It—it—it beeps."

Morty pulled at his own hair. "Rick! That describes everything in your garage!"

Phoebe tried to fight her own rising panic as she rubbed his shoulder. "That's a good start," she murmured patiently, trying to sound encouraging. "Anything else?"

"It kind of looks like a walkie-talkie." That did it, that was enough. She straightened to go search for it, only to see Summer come into the room with it clutched tightly in one hand.

"Do you mean this?" Summer asked frantically.

"Summer for the win," Rick drawled, still sounding rough. He raised his arms in weak celebration, then took the device from Summer and hit a button.

"All right, that should do it."

Morty looked around expectantly as Rick once more cradled his head. "Whoa! What did you do?"

"Uh, s-see for yourself."

Summer and Morty ran off, but Phoebe came around the couch offering him a hand. He let her draw him into a standing position, leaning heavily on her as they followed after their younger companions. It wasn't until they were already in the hallway that Phoebe remembered she'd taken his shoes off earlier and that he only had socks on his feet. "Are you really that hungover?" Phoebe murmured to him.

"Mm, sort of. I took something before the party, too, and I'm coming down. Hard."

Phoebe peered at him critically just as they reached the door, the sound of impressed exclamations reaching her ears. "You're crashing and you look like death." He had bags under his eyes and seemed a few shades lighter than usual.

Rick scowled at her as they stepped outside. "I'd flip you off but that would take too much effort."

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Don't get your boxers in a twist, I'll help you when we're done dealing with this." She looked away from him to see Beth and Jerry walking up the path to the house, seemingly frozen in place. "Did you—?"

Rick leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms low. "Yeah, e-everything's frozen in time." he let his head rest against the frame as well, his eyes closing against the light. "Yeah, and Slow Mobius thinks he's all that."

As cool as the time thing was, Phoebe really did want to get Rick taken care of soon. He looked even paler outside, his skin dry and thin in appearance, his eyes cupped by dark circles that looked like deep purple bruises. She was afraid he might keel over right then and there.

From where they were examining their parents, Morty asked, "For how long?" He and Summer were poking and prodding them, waving their hands in front of their faces, the whole nine yards.

Rick exhaled tiredly. "I don't know. How long do you guys want? A week? A month?"

"Is this safe?" Phoebe whispered to him. He shrugged one shoulder.

Summer gave a tentative answer. "Can we start cleaning the house and see how we feel?"

Phoebe considered it. "I think we should all get a little sleep first. I mean, they're not going anywhere anyway, we're all exhausted, and this is going to take a little while even with some Meeseeks working their magic." She eyed the three of them, subtly putting her arm around an unsteady Rick so he could lean into her, though a moment later she nearly stumbled when more of his wait than she expected pressed against her. She looked down to note the mildly worrying fact that he was close to passing out if he hadn't already.

Morty rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, yeah, I like the sound of that."

"Yeah, sounds good," Summer agreed. She shot a look at Morty. "I'm using the upstairs shower first. You can wait or use Grandpa Rick's." She disappeared inside without waiting for an answer.

Phoebe sighed. "Morty, you can get your things and shower down here if you want to get it out of the way now. I'm going to—well, I was going to try to get some food and electrolytes into Rick, but I don't know if I can. I'm pretty sure he's not up for taking a shower right now, at least not unassisted, which is...yeah."

Morty grimaced. "Aw, geez…"

"Yeah, anyway, I'll let him do that himself later, but I'm probably going to keep an eye on him right now to monitor him until he can take care of himself again. He took something before the party and I have no idea what, but he's having it kind of rough."

"Yeah, gee, I can see that." Morty seemed a little worried. He stepped forward with an outstretched hand. "Would you— do you want me to get Edana to help you get him inside?" He seemed contrite.

"Yeah, that would be nice, Morty."

Morty went and banged on a now reattached and whole garage door, shouting for Edana. "Edana, Phoebe needs some help with Rick. He's like, passed out or something."

A few seconds passed, then the door rose and Edana emerged from the garage. She took one look at the slumping figure of Rick, then immediately moved to help Phoebe with his weight. Despite her slight figure, she was as strong as any android, and easily lifted Rick into her arms as a mother might carry a sick child. If he were fully conscious, he might protest against the indignity, but as it was he could only feebly push against her arms with one hand before he gave up with a groan, his head lolling slightly and his eyelids squeezing tight.

"Where would you like him?" Edana looked at Phoebe expectantly.

Phoebe had already worked out what she wanted. "If you would, could you take Rick into his room and lay him onto his bed? He's gonna want to be someplace quiet and dark for a bit. I'll...set up an IV." Phoebe thanked every god whose name she thought of off the top of her head for the foresight of her past self. She made sure to keep IV bags and Pedialyte stocked when she noticed that Rick liked to keep a constant supply of alcohol in his system, taking sips throughout the day rather than binge-drinking all at once (not that Phoebe would recommend either; part of the inspiration for the nanobots had to do with worry over his liver, even if a large majority of the inspiration came from experiencing mortal peril). She knew at some point that he would inevitably be hungover, and she figured now, when they were the only unfrozen inhabitants in their frozen timeline, would be one of those times.

Edana acquiesced without argument. Phoebe watched her until she turned the corner by the stairs, then went into the garage through the still-open garage door. Morty followed her, watching her as she went to where she kept the IV bags. She got one out, along with some sterile equipment, alcohol wipes, and gloves. "Do you mind closing the door, Morty?"

"Uh, sure, Phoebe." He pressed the button, then returned to her side. "I'm really sorry about—about everything." He scuffed his shoe along the floor, head bowed.

Phoebe turned and gave him a one-sided hug, supplies held against her chest with one arm. "It's okay, Morty, you were upset. That doesn't mean I don't still love you." She squeezed him into her side. "Favorite nephew, remember?" She released him.

Morty nodded with a small smile, gesturing at the things in her arms. "I guess you have to go take care of Rick now, huh?"

"Yeah." She smiled and ruffled his hair. "I'll see you in a few hours."

He left the garage just as Edana returned. Without being asked, her android friend got the IV pole and—once Phoebe grabbed the Meeseeks box for good measure—accompanied her back to Rick's room, where it was immediately evident that Rick had either passed out or fallen asleep. She held Rick up as Phoebe carefully slid his lab coat off of his shoulders. She hung it off the back of his chair, then went to pull off his socks. With Edana's help, she exchanged his blue sweater for a loose t-shirt and pulled his belt free from the belt-loops. She drew a line at changing his pants, however, and allowed Edana to ease him back down into a comfortable position. She grabbed a spare blanket out of the hall closet, shook it out, and draped it over him, noting that the bathroom door was closed, with the light on and the shower running: it could only be Morty. He must have come down and started while they were getting Rick situated.

"I've got everything else," Phoebe told her, looking down at Rick for a moment. She didn't mind the help, but she really just wanted some down time herself to recharge after the long night of hosting. Edana left but came back five minutes later to set a glass of milk and a plate containing two sandwiches and chips down on Rick's dresser. By that point, Phoebe had already set up the IV drip next to the bed. She lunged gratefully at the food, but not before first embracing her friend, who had been rather quiet. "Thank you," Phoebe murmured into her cool neck. "You didn't have to. I know Rick's not always kind to you…"

"I didn't do it for Rick," Edana said, holding her loosely and awkwardly patting her back. "I did it for you. You have always attempted to treat me with as much dignity as you treat your own people."

That only made Phoebe hug her harder. "Still." She let her go with a sigh, falling on the food without any further ado.

Edana made an amused chirp. "I can bring your clothes down and stay with the rude scientist man while you shower, if you would like. I know where you keep everything."

Phoebe paused from hungrily devouring the food to answer her. "You really don't need to…"

Edana hummed. "It would be my pleasure."

"Oh, um, all right." Phoebe had her room key hanging around her neck, but knew it would be faster to use the portal gun, so opened a portal to her room on the far wall. Edana flitted over to and through it before Phoebe could say another word, returning quickly with clothes and her bean-bag chair. She dumped the clothes in a different spot on the dresser and dropped the chair onto the green carpet.

Phoebe couldn't be bothered to sit despite now having a chair. She continued standing as she finished eating, reaching for the Meeseeks box. With one hand she pressed the button three times. She met their greeting with a list of chores. "I need you lot to start cleaning up the house. Pick up any trash—empty bottles, discarded paper plates and plastic cups, that sort of thing, then clean up any spills on the floors and walls, put up any leftover food, wash the dishes, clean the chocolate fountain and put it up, things like that, then you're free to disappear." The Meeseeks filed out to complete their tasks, each happy to be of help but eager to get through the work and die once more.

Phoebe didn't touch her milk until nearly the end, when she gulped down most of it in one go. "Ah, fuck, I must have been hungrier than I thought," she muttered when she was done, glancing sheepishly at a spotless plate and empty glass.

"I could tell you needed sustenance." Edana still sounded amused.

Phoebe blushed. "Eh, maybe."

Edana waggled a finger at her. "It is important, if you wish to take care of others, to take care of yourself first."

Morty, now wearing blue pajamas, stuck his head into the room just then. "The bathroom is all yours. I tried to be quick." He waved at them, then walked off in the direction of the stairs.

"Have a good rest," Phoebe called after him.

"Yeah," he replied. "You too."

Phoebe picked up her dishes and carried them into the kitchen, where one of the Meeseeks saw her and took them from her. When she got back to the room, Edana was examining one of the discarded items Rick had sitting in a box on the other side of his room. Phoebe snagged her clothes off of the dresser where Edana left them, hovering uncertainly in the doorway.

"Are you sure, Edana? You don't have to, especially since it's just a precaution. I honestly think he'll be fine and just needs some rest now…"

"Yes, he will be fine. Don't worry, I won't suffocate him while you shower, no matter how tempting."

Phoebe snickered. "I appreciate that. I know how difficult that must be for you."

Edana waved her away one final time. Phoebe slipped into the bathroom, closed the door, and gave herself a moment just for breathing deeply, then she laid her night clothes on the counter. First she disarmed herself, laying all of her daggers on the counter next to her bag, then stripped off her cheongsam and boots with care. She let the water adjust to the right temperature, stepping under the warm stream when it was to her liking. She looked around the shower until she found the body wash, then set to work, moving as quickly as possible. She trusted Edana not to hurt Rick, but she didn't want to inconvenience her more than she already had. One wash, two, then she was getting out and patting herself off with a towel from the cupboard by the door. She took her hair out of the crown braid and restyled it into a single long plait, opened a still-packaged toothbrush from the drawer, brushed her teeth, and pulled on her clean clothes and satin cap. She carefully gathered all of her things to her chest and made her way back to the room, where she laid everything on top of Rick's dresser. She noticed with a flood of fondness that Edana had put both of their phones on the charger and laid them on top of the stand Rick had next to the head of his bed.

"All right, that's it, I'll take over from here—for real, this time." She could feel tiredness dragging at her own body, but she still wanted to make sure that Rick would be all right, and she could do that best if she stayed nearby. There was another spare blanket in the closet that was calling her name.

Edana chirped fondly, touching her hand as she stood beside her. "I will leave you and the asshole to your own devices, then."

Phoebe hugged her again, then watched as she exited the room. With a sigh, she went to fetch the other blanket and a pillow, shaking them out carefully in the hallway before using them. She closed the door and set up the bean-bag chair so that she could sit close by the bed. She fluffed the pillow and slipped it behind her neck, covered herself with the blanket, and settled in to wait, one hand reaching out for one of Rick's. She tried staying awake for as long as possible, constantly checking the IV, but eventually she dozed off with his hand still in hers.