Azriel

I am very tempted to push Cassian off a mountain. The last thing I wanted was to leave that balcony but it's hard to ignore the words EMERGENCY, being shouted into your mind. With Cassian though the emergency could be that they're out of wine and he needs me to bring more. I know that this is not the case the moment I winnow to the Illyrian camp. Flames envelop the town square and Illyrians scramble to suffocate the flames. Nesta was standing outside the house arms wrapped around herself and a couple tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

"What happened?" I yell over the scrambling chaos as Cassian flies in.

"An attack. Someone lit the entire village on fire including the house. They're sending us a message. They want Nesta gone."

"Who was it?"

"Why do you think I called you in?" Cassian yells, while giving orders to Illyrians over his shoulder.

Find who did this. Listen to the whispers. I tell my shadows and send them off into every directions. Than I send specific shadow messages to my spies in the camps. Tell me what you know.

Rhys and Feyre winnow in and a wave of darkness immediately goes out and smothering the flames. Feyre sends an army of water mice to put out any hidden flames. Illyrians screech as they run through the town disappearing into the different houses. It's a cool trick and I tip my head to Feyre out of respect for that creative piece of magic. She gives me a smile in return. Ferye and Elain have the Archeron smile, for all I know Nesta has it as well but since I've never seen her smile I can't know for certain. Elain. I internally wince as I think about how I left her on the balcony.

That's not whose company I crave, she'd said. Was she talking about mine? It would seem so. If I really push myself I think it's safe to say that I crave her company as well. She's the bright, warm, and calm presence in my world of secrets and chaos.

I'm sorry I had to leave in a hurry. I like being around you too. I send the shadow message to her hoping she can sense the warmth in my voice, the regret in having to leave abruptly. The second the shadow thought leaves me I cringe, consider calling it back. Maybe she wasn't talking about me? Maybe I should have left off that last part. A new shadow thought reports to me before I can make a decision.

The fire was started by three winged males. They flew North once the blaze began in earnest. Two banked West, one banked East. Two landed in the forest a mile south of the Alibine camp, one flew to the glades North of the Gonsain camp. All three are hiding in place.

Follow them. Pick out all wing and facial details. I want a tag on them now.

Yes, Shadow singer.

The cries of children rang threw my ears and I looked around at the devastation. Rhys had thrown up a massive tent in the town square and already an infirmary was being set up for those who had received burns and other injuries. Cassian was laying into Devlin, demanding to know where the patrols were. The Illyrians gave me a wide berth most refusing to meet my gaze but some of them, the braver or dumber ones met my gaze with narrowed ones of their own. I could read the blame in their eyes. I wanted to scream and yell. An attack in our own borders and I never saw it coming. How could the high lord's spy master not see this coming?

Because you were so busy spending every waking second you didn't have to spare for work thinking about Elain Archeron. Instead of focusing.

Rhys comes up behind me and claps a hand on my shoulder. "Whatever it is you're thinking, stop it."

"I should have known about this. There should have been warning signs."

"There were warning signs. We all knew about them. You have not failed this court. The blame for this lays at no one's feet but the arsonists."

"Easy for you to say."

"It wouldn't be easy to say it if I didn't mean it."

"Should I resign?"

Rhys let out a chuckle. "Go back to the house, Azriel."

"Rhys."

"I mean it. You're no help to me like this. Go back to the house. Get some rest. Wait for your spies and the shadows to report back."

"There's more to do here."

"We have things covered. Go. Bank your anger and focus it in the morning once we have answers."

I briefly consider defying the orders of my high lord but then I feel it. The dangerous lick of rage that is sitting in my shoulders, wanting to punish, wanting to make those who have hurt my court pay for their crimes. The moment I smother that rage, drain it into my siphons, exhaustion takes it's place. I give him a curt nod and take off into the skies.

An hour later, Velaris comes into view but even the lights of my city can't bring back the warmth I feel like is missing in my chest. Banking my rage so quickly was a mistake because all that repeats through my mind is one thought, you failed your court. The river front estate comes into view and I slow over to the balcony closest to my bedroom. Elain is no longer on her balcony. She's likely asleep. I consider sending my shadows out to listen to her breathing peacefully but pull back. She deserves her privacy and deserves to be left alone. It's a problem with the house. I need to get my own place. She's too close here. Her scent over everything. honeysuckle and vanilla mixed with sorrow and potting soil. It's even in my room, It hits me as soon as I walk in.

Because she's sitting on the sofa by your bed. My shadows whisper.

My eyebrows rise at this. My feet tread across the thick blue rugs Feyre selected for my room and round the corner to see her.

"I thought you'd be asleep." I say, in an attempt not to scare her.

"I wanted to know what happened. When you left I went to find Feyre and Rhys and they were just winnowing away. So, I thought I'd wait."

He considered asking her why she decided to wait in his room but refrained. He didn't want her to think she wasn't welcome to come in and if he were being honest having her hear warmed something inside of him. Something he didn't want to look too closely at.

"There was an attack at Devlin's camp. Someone lit fire to the whole town." Her lungs inhale a quick breath and I hold back the urge to go and comfort her. "Everyone is safe though. And the fires under control."

"Who did it?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out." I try to make light of it but my words come out harsher than I mean them too.

"I'm sure you will." She says. Her trust in me feels like sand paper grinding against my skin. It's almost painful.

"That is not a given. I didn't even know there was talk of the attack. I have no leads and it's my fault." I sit down on my bed.

Elain stands and I expect her to say something like, it'll look better in the morning, then wish me a good night. She doesn't though. She sits beside me. On my bed.

"What I heard you say was that this was your fault. You started the fire?"
"You know I didn't start the fire."

"Then I fail to see how you get to shoulder this blame."

" I'm the spymaster of the night court. It is my job to know everything that happens in this court and in the other courts. I need to hear all of it. Know all of it. It's the only way to keep us safe."

"Is that even possible?" Elain asks. "Can you and your shadows actually here everything?"

"There are limits to my power of course but I have an intricate spy network who is supposed to fill in those gaps. And I haven't been growing that network of late, I've been distracted."

"Distracted how?" she asks, like she's trying to understand what could possibly be on my mind now that the war with Hybern is over.

You, I want to scream. You. But I can't lay that at her feet. "The refugee crisis on the border of Spring, the autumn court and protecting the human realm. That sort of thing."

She pivots her body to face me completely. "I'd hardly call those things distractions. If I recall there has been a lot of talk about the Illyrian threat and Cassian and Nesta were meant to be handling that."

I keep silent. There's no point in arguing with her.

"Can I ask you a question?" She continues. I nod. "Do you feel like this a lot? Whenever something goes wrong that you don't know about, do you blame yourself? Every time?"

"Well it doesn't happen that often."

"When it does?"

"Yes. Every time."

"Why?"
"Because whatever I do, it's never enough. I'm never enough."

"No man, male, can stop every attack. It's not like you can predict the future. That's my job remember?" She's grinning at me. I can almost see her eyes begging for a smile. I give her a small one.

"That's your gift, not your job."

"I want it to be my job. I want you to help me. Train me. Would you?"
"If that's what you want it'd be my pleasure. Not that I have any idea how to teach a seer."

"Who taught you to be a Shadow singer?"

"Touché'."

"So it's a yes? Whenever you have free time of course." I give her a nod. She stands up and starts walking to the door. "Oh, and Azriel?" She says turning back.

I lift my chin, giving her my full attention.

"For whatever it's worth. I think you're always enough. You're more than enough." She smiles and then cringes almost like she regrets the words. But they lift me up, make me feel lighter, make me feel seen. I open my mouth to thank her, to tell her I feel the same about her, she's more than enough, she's everything. But she's already slipped out the door and disappeared. I lay down on my pillow and close my eyes, still imagining that she's next to me.

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