Here is another tumblr request that made me laugh the whole way through! "I need a fic where Hermione buys Ikea furniture and gers Draco to assemble it-no magic is going to save him this time."
Her request caught him off guard.
"You want to go where?" Draco's nose crinkled as he stared down at her. The hard part was past him now, or it was supposed to be. Asking Granger to move in with him had been hard enough. Through weeks of failed attempts to ask, always interrupted by one of her friends, or her cat, or she wanted to jump him when she came through the Floo—
Alright, he wasn't so upset about the last one. The point was that he had no clue what she'd just asked him.
He probably should have been paying attention.
Granger cleared her throat, glaring at him while her hands were on her hips. "I told you I wanted to go to Ikea. I know it's a muggle store, but there's a furniture set I'm dying to have."
His eyes narrowed. "For which room?"
"The spare, which we agreed I could use as a personal study. You have your own, and I wouldn't complain about how you furnish yours." She grinned. "We could go this weekend? It won't be that bad."
She always said that when it came to anything muggle. "Do we have to ride in one of those deathtraps again?"
She sniggered. "Only for a little bit. Fifteen minutes at the most, I promise! And I'm a very good driver."
"I'm a very good flyer, but it's nearly impossible to get you on a broom with me."
Her nose crinkled as it always did when he mentioned flying. "That's different." She stressed. "If I fall off a broom, I could fall to my death."
Merlin, did she even hear herself? "First of all, I'm offended that you think I would allow you to fall. What sort of wizard do you take me for?" Draco stepped toward her, his chest brushing hers. "And second, if someone crashes into us, I'll be crushed to death by two impossibly large steel contraptions!"
Hermione huffed. "It's only a thirty minute trip there, Draco." Her fingers inched up his chest, fidgeting with the knot at his throat. "If you do, I'll make it worth your while." She whispered, grabbing him by his tie and pulling him down. Granger had a nasty habit of getting her way by randomly snogging him.
He had a nasty habit of letting her get her way.
"Wait!" He broke away as she steered him toward the desk sitting in the middle of the study. "You said it was a fifteen minute drive there."
She unbuttoned her blouse, smirking as he swallowed. "I happen to drive very fast, Draco."
That wasn't what he wanted to hear. "For Merlin's sake, you can't just seduce me into doing whatever you want. I'm stronger than you give me credit for.'
Granger arched an eyebrow, letting her skirt pool on the floor, leaving her in her knickers and heels. "Sure about that?"
He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "No."
"Brilliant. Ikea?" She asked hopefully, pulling the zipper of his trousers down.
He gripped the edge of his desk. "Ikea." He spat, taking the loss for what it was.
oOoOoOoOoOo
As if going to Ikea wasn't bad enough, he'd found himself on the wrong end of a bet that he didn't want to make. But the prize was enticing. She said he could do any one thing to her that he wanted.
If he could assemble at least the desk by hand.
No magic.
"It won't be so bad." He murmured, carrying the box into their flat himself just to prove a point. Hermione followed, levitating the rest of the furniture behind her while he led her to the spare room. "We're meeting Blaise and Theo for dinner tonight at seven."
She gave him a peculiar look. "You should probably reschedule that. We're definitely going to be here for a while."
He scoffed. "It comes with instructions. It will be perfectly fine, I'm sure."
Granger sat in the floor cross legged, and put her hands up in surrender. "If you say so. I think you may regret that though when I invite them over for a laugh."
"You're such a cruel witch." He muttered.
"I wouldn't do that." She laughed. "If you like, you could assemble the shelf instead. It would be much easier."
He gave her a harsh look. "I think I can manage."
oOoOoOoOoOo
Draco was not managing.
Hermione sat quietly in the corner of the room, perched on the chair she'd already assembled, and her hair was wild around her. She'd dug her fingers into her curls every time he cursed.
Admittedly, it had been a lot.
"Fuck!"
She turned around a board with 98 written across it.
"When did you even get that?" He snarled, ripping a bag of fixtures open. They went everywhere, scattering to all sides of the room. No matter, Draco would just bloody summon them back him— "Shite!"
Her marker squeaked as the number rolled to 99. "Are we going for a hundred? It's a nice even number." She attempted humour, but it fell flat. "I transfigured it. You can stop if you want. I'll still let you do whatever you like."
He shook his head. "No, this is a matter of pride now."
Granger nodded, not saying another word.
Skimming the directions, which weren't all that helpful, he knew he was on the right track. Her ridiculous desk was only half of a desk, but it was progress. "I'll just grab these…" He crawled forward, already sitting on his knees, to grab the loose parts he'd flung around the room.
His foot knocked against the partially assembled desk.
It fell apart.
There was a sharp gasp on the other side of the room, and he hung his head. "I'm going to fucking buy Ikea and fucking burn it to the ground." Draco fell back on his haunches, laughing as she held up a modified tally.
She was grinning wider than he'd ever seen.
"What is it?"
She slid off the chair, coming to stand in front of him while holding her hand out. "I didn't think you were going to really try. I'm just happy that you did. Come on, we can still make dinner if you want."
He glared at the room around him. "I was serious about buying Ikea."
She giggled, and it was his favorite sound.