Elain

Azriel inhales deeply against the kiss. I needed to do this. Even if it's just once. Even if he pushes me away and says he doesn't see me that way at least, at least I've tried. At least I'll have closure.

But he doesn't pull away.

His hand comes up to my cheek, wraps around into my hair and anchors itself there. Holding us together. He leans forward farther, escalating the kiss bringing us closer. His lips open wider and mine open in return, the kiss deepening. I lose my balance and fall into his lap but the connection doesn't break. Azriel's arms go around me and pull me fully onto his lap, my legs on either side of him with just my thin nightdress between us. The feel of his sculpted and muscular body, so huge compared to mine has me pressing closer so we're chest to chest. It's not enough though. It's not close enough. I want to know what the lines of his bare chest feel like under my fingers, I want to know if he has scars across his torso or if he's warm and smooth beneath my finger tips. I press harder against him and feel the evidence of his attraction against the notch between my thighs. An instinct, wild and primal has me pushing even harder against him, has my heart beating faster, to an impossible pace-

Then he disappears.

I blink back to myself and see Azriel's chest heaving from where he now stands on the other side of the balcony. My knees press against the cushion of the chair he was just in. My lips tingle wanting his back on mine. I don't know why he stopped but the longer the silence stretches the more worry begins to creep into my chest like the chill of the night air. I feel the need to cover myself even though I'm fully dressed. So different, this Fae body. This culture, nature. I would have sooner cut off my fingers than jump into Grayson's lap and kiss him with such animal hunger in the human realm. I break eye contact. What has gotten hold of me? Especially considering that I want to do it again. I want to go even farther.

"I need a minute." Azriel says, his words reach me on a whisper of air and hard forced breathing.

I nod but still don't look at him. Does he need a minute to tell me that the kiss was a mistake? An ache starts travelling through my chest as the impending rejection hangs over us. I didn't ask if I could kiss him. I should have asked him. It would explain how Azriel and I wouldn't end up together if he had turned me down after a single kiss. This I suppose is the least painless albeit most embarrassing way to end anything that may have been forming between us.

But he kissed me back.

"That was…" Azriel starts and just leaves the sentence out in the air to drop. For my own mind to fill in the blanks.

"A mistake?" I ask. My lips cringe as I say it but I just need him to tell me one way or another.

"I was going to say wonderful, but if you think it was a mistake I can forget about this moment." He rubs at his chest.

My muscles jump from the shock of his words. Wonderful. He thought it was wonderful. "I don't think it was a mistake. I just didn't know if you did."

"I…have," He grinds his teeth, like he's in pain. "Apologies I am not used to speaking about my feelings when they feel this personal."

He closes his eyes briefly.

"It's only me. You can tell me anything." I move back to the chaise curling my legs under myself. "Even if that's something I wouldn't want to hear."

"I know that. It's why I, why I feel this need to be around you. What just happened Elain, I have wanted that to happen for a while now."

His admission warms through my heart and shoots out through my limbs. "Why didn't you?"

"You have a mate. Or did until very recently. And I didn't…"He takes a shaky breath. "being around you has brought me more peace than I have had in a very long time. My friendship with you is something I didn't want to risk hurting. "

"And now?"

"Well it feels as though the lock has been picked on the box of Pandora."

"You mean that we can never take back what we just did."

"I suppose there's that interpretation. I was actually referring to the universe of possibilities that are now open, opportunities I will now always know exist."

"And what do you want to do with those possibilities?" I ask, with a bravery I rarely feel.

He smiles. "Explore."

Azriel

Had I just said that? Oh, Cauldron, that sounded much more sexual than I'd meant it to.

The panic rises in me like a wave swelling in a storm. "I mean explore the possibilities of this, you, us."

I just need to stop talking. I was never meant to be the person who spoke. That's Cassian or Rhys, I'm the listener.

"I'd like that." Her fingers play with the hem of her nightgown my eyes move to the fabric caressing her delicate hands. "But how do we move forward? I don't want to make it hard for the inner circle."

I think of Feyre and Rhys, the innuendos, the awkwardness of trying to have a full relationship with Elain while they're more or less down the hall. "Can we take it day by day? I'd like to take you out one night."

"Where?"

"Anywhere. To dinner. A show. An opera in the amphitheater off the cliffs is particularly memorable. Or just for a walk. Somewhere."

"Yes."

"That's it? Just yes?"

Her lips curve up and a hint of starlight shines in her eyes. "Were you expecting me to argue with you?"

A surprise smile lifts my lips. "Maybe take some time to think about it?"

"Don't you think I've already thought about this?" Her head tilts causing her hair to fall over her shoulder. "Yes, I'm sure."

The way she tilts her head catches a hint of moonlight in her eyes. It draws to mind a place, a special place, somewhere I'm sure she would like. Love. "Well, then let's go."

"Right now?" She thinks I'm joking, I can tell by the curve of her lips.

"Yes. Right now."

She lets out a startled laugh. "What time is it even?"

"Late, I'm sure." But the thought of waiting any longer to take her to the place I've been imagining being with her seems like further agony I don't need to go through with.

"Should I change first?"

"No." My eyes sweep down her curves and for once I don't feel the need to hide my gaze from her. Now that I know what that silk feels like beneath my fingers. What the curve of her breasts feel like pressed against my chest. "But if you'd really like you can take a robe."

Her eyes narrow slightly but the grin on her lips remains. "I'll be right back."

The minute she leaves my sight my heart drops.

What am I doing? What am I doing?

I take a deep breath and pull both hands through my hair.

She has a mate. She has a mate and she is just trying to rebel against the inevitable. You are just going to get hurt here. Or she will. When she realizes that she can't fight the pull of the bond no matter how 'understanding' Lucien may seem. If she were my mate, I would wait for eternity. Hell Mor isn't even my mate and I've wait half a millennia. Mor. If I'm honest with myself I haven't thought about her nearly as much as I was expecting to. I haven't missed her the way I expected either. This is the longest we'd ever be apart, and while I'd expect the pain of not getting to see her everyday I definitely didn't expect the relief. The relief of not being the male who pines after a female who will never return his affections. And now I'm here, exploring this with Elain. Waiting on her balcony to take her away. I know this is a mistake. She is too important. Not just to me but the inner circle. And she's so young, and so innocent, more than Feyre ever was. She may want more than I can give. There are things I can't promise her. I'm the court spymaster for god sakes, she needs someone who is gentler and able to spend each and every day by her side, helping her throw parties and taking her to balls and dances, and-

"Okay, I'm ready."

And we'll take it day by day. We have to take it day by day or I will go out of my mind from torturing myself with how this will ultimately end badly. So for now all I can do is make sure she has a beautiful night.

I take a deep breath. "Than let's go."

Elain has buttoned a robe that looks more like a dress over her nightgown, a pretty matching thing with touches of velvet at the shoulders. The material flows over my arms as I lift her and shoot off into the sky. The place I have in mind isn't far. It's situated just behind the University of Velaris but still close enough to the other museums and public parks so that the rainbow can be seen from the entrance. Instead of bringing us to the entrance I fly her to the exact spot I wanted her to see first, knowing we can walk from there.

A touch her down just outside the building I want and can tell by the confusion on her face that she was expecting something else. I touch my palm to the lock on the door. Mine and Rhys's hand prints are essentially the master keys throughout all of Velaris. A perk of being the head of Velaris's security in addition to spymaster. The door clicks open and I offer my arm to Elain.

We walk into the antechamber and before opening the main door to the dome I turn to Elain. "So the university of Velaris have been studying what's been inside this room for almost two millennia. But I like to come here because, well, you'll see."

Then I pull the door open.

Elain

My breath catches in my throat and I have to blink a few times to clear my eyes. TO make sure I'm really seeing what I'm seeing.

The entire green house, no, bio dome, is filled with glow in the dark, plants, and their flowers, their flowers are dancing. Actually dancing like to their own symphony. And seedlings that look like they've been lit with their own interior moonlight, they're swimming through the air. It's like they're being blown by a wind but there isn't a breeze to be found. And then there's the music. The sounds of the brightly lit blossoms as the move through the space is like the most beautiful melody I've ever heard.

"Are they real?"

"They are very real. What they actually are, plant or animal, well that is still being debated after all of this time. But they are very rare, and very fragile and very particular."

"Particular?"

"There's a reason this exhibit is not opened to the public. Most people will live in Velaris there entire lives and not know about this place. They have preferences, the Muses, for who they will allow in their midst."

"I don't understand."

"Walk forward and find out." He says.

I look quickly at him from the side of my eye and take a tentative step forward and then another. Some of the plants closes to me stop dancing as they notice my feet on the pathway and then they lift up a few inches onto their glowing roots and take their own step towards me. And then the strangest thing happens, the flower smells me. I nervous laugh bubbles out of me at the absurdity of it all. A flower smelling me. As though I'm the beautiful scent. The flower ripples different colors in time with the vibrations of my laugh and moves closer still, wrapping a small vine around my wrist.

"They like you." I hear Azriel say behind me. "I thought they would."

Sure enough small floating seedlings begin to hover around my shoulders, while more plants still in varying colors glow ever brighter as they more closer and closer to me. The original plant that smelled me is now making it's way up my arm. My heart is pounding in a rapid cadence like the wings on a hummingbird. I look to Azriel to make sure it's safe, that they're not all gearing up to start feasting on my skin.

Azriel is beaming. I've never seen a smile as wide or as genuine as the one currently gracing not just his lips but his entire face. There's a light in his eyes that I can't turn away from. I decide in that moment even if it's only for a short time, even if this ends in the worst kind of heart ache being with him. It will be worth it. A peel of laughter flies out of my mouth. Another and another. The plants have me surrounded. And then the strangest thing of all happens in this surreal night, the plants kiss me.

One by one they each kiss me and a euphoria, the likes of which I've never experienced in my life begins to course through my body. It's a high so great that the only thing I can imagine is that there is some sort of drugging property in their kisses because the whole room seems to become the inside of one of Feyre's painting, bright and addictive, and I won't dare close my eyes.

Another peel of laughter escapes my throat this one longer, farther, and I double over from the hilarity of the moment. From the genuine joy that seems never ending. I don't even remember what sadness feels like, what pain feels like, which is the strangest sensation since I'm still cognizant that I have felt those emotions in the past, I felt them in large proportions for quite some time.

A caress warm and sensual touches my skin and I gasp from the pleasure of the feel of it. I turn towards its source and Azriel is looking at me. He doesn't not share my smile. His face is now cautious frowning.

"I've never seen them do that to anyone. I've heard of one taking a particular interest in a male or female but never so many toward one. Are you okay?"

"I am perfect. I am the heavens and the clouds. I'm peace and love and beauty-" My breath catches as a vision shoots through my eyes.

Arms and legs and lips and teeth and tongue. This beautiful female is wrapped around the body of her lover. A male with dark wings and blue siphons. She tips her head back in euphoria and the male places large open mouth kisses up her neck. Closer. She needs to be closer.

"You're going to make love to me." I tell him on an alluring cloud of diamond dust and pure happiness. Azriel's eyebrows fly up his forehead like they have sprouted their own set of wings. Somewhere in the semi-forgotten recesses of my mind it occurs to me that telling someone about an erotic vision is not something that people say to each other. It's most assuredly not something that I would ever say to anyone. But I'm too happy to care, my lips spread wide at the hilarity of it. Azriel's cheeks have developed a pink tint that must be quite red if it has the ability to show up in this darkness. My fingers find his cheeks and my eyes flutter closed at the otherworldly sensation of his smooth jaw beneath my finger tips.

"I could touch your face all night. All year." I tell him. But suddenly I don't want to just touch him with my fingers, I want to touch him with all of my, my whole hand, my arms, my face. I rub my nose against his cheek to see what it feels like. Then my lips.

Azriel clears his throat. He's breathing hard and his arms are wrapped around my waist. "I think it's time for us to go."

"Oh no, I think we should stay. We should stay forever." I say, letting my tongue taste his jaw. He's delicious.

"I've only ever experienced a muses kiss once and it was only from one plant, I can't fathom the level of drugs that are currently in your system."

Something about that word makes me pause. "Drugs?"

"The other reason Muses are not on display to the public is for their more unique properties. Their kiss. It creates a euphoric high, an ecstasy so pure, I knew they would like you but I never thought they would grant you a kiss on your first visit and multiple kisses at that form multiple plants. I have half a mind to take you to the hospital."

"But I've never been better." My hands have begun touching his Torso, I want to know what his skin feels like, I need to know what lies under the fabric of his tunic. I feel Azriel's gasp against me as my hands find the plane of his abdomen. I feel short of breath myself, the warmth and scent of him, it's driving me crazy. My mouth finds his neck again and then his ear. Azriel groans.

His arms pull me tight against him halting the trajectory of my mouth. "Elaine. I want this. Badly. But not like this. I'm sorry."

There's a burst of air, the muses by my feet and still playing in my hair and on my shoulders are flown several feet away from me.

Then we vanish.

Thanks for your patience this week! It's been crazy! there's only one more chapter before the end of the story. I will be doing nanowrimo during the month of November and encourage all of you to do it too! Anyway after nano I will hopefully be back with the sequel to this story.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please don't forget to leave a comment to let me know you're out there :)

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