We reappear in a bedroom that I've never seen before.
"Drink this." Azriel says, handing me a glass of rose-tinted water. I drink it and savor the cool flavor against my lips, through my mouth, down my throat. A moan escapes. "And another. Keep drinking until it's gone."
I take sip after sip, still wrapped in Azriel's arms, still happier than I can ever recall being in my life. If I get to spend the rest of eternity like this than I am in for the journey. Wrapped in this smell, in this joy, in this warmth, and safety.
"It's hot I need to take off my dress."
"Drink the rest first." He says. I take another gulp. Then tilt the glass letting the liquid drain.
When I look back at Azriel, I still feel happy and warm but in a more muted way. Still very much unlike myself but perhaps somewhat less manic…
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I just read a beautiful novel then watched the sunset behind the mountains. Lovely. I feel lovely."
"Well, you are." He says, than looks away.
I look away too.
"I owe you a rather large apology. Before I knew it they were all kissing you, and it's an exceptional amount of venom to go into someone's system—"
"Wait, venom? They were poisoning me?"
"Physiologically, yes. You could have literally died from happiness."
"I thought you said they liked me."
He grins. I realize it's probably because of how upset I sounded at the thought of the plants not liking me. Muses.
"They liked you too much. As far as scientists can tell, it's how they show affection."
"How can they tell?"
"Because they know for sure what they do when they don't like someone."
"Which is what?" I sit down on a large cushioned piece of furniture, like a back less sofa or a day bed, except it's covered in a smooth chocolate leather. I wonder where we are. That's when I realize that this place somehow feels familiar. It feels like my vision. "This is where you, where we…Where are we?"
I know I must be returning back to myself because I was about to say "make love again", out loud, but this time was able to catch myself.
"This is where I stay when I don't stay at the house. It's my retreat, for when I want to be alone."
I twist my body a little to look into the next room, there's a very large bed, drapery hanging from the ceiling and an open balcony. The scent of honeysuckle blows in on a gentle breeze. I suddenly want more than anything to be in that bed, to be in that bed with this Illyrian. These thoughts feel rather forward. Very forward. At least I'm no longer voicing my thoughts the way I was earlier. I have a great feeling that I will most assuredly regret expressing those thoughts tomorrow.
"The others don't really know too much about it. Rhys has been here maybe once though it's probably been a half century."
I look over at him. His shadows are moving rapidly over his hands, twisting up his arms and whispering in his ear. I wonder if there really are more shadows when he's nervous, I've realized that they increase when he's like this. It's like instead of him pulling at his hand, his shadows are doing the work for him.
"What are they telling you?" I ask him. "The shadows."
His face clears of them as though they realize they've been caught. Surprise seems to flash across his features. "All manner of things."
"What are they telling you that isn't top secret?"
"All manner of things." He says again, there's a curve to his mouth though.
"Tell me. Tell me something you don't want me knowing."
He rubs his eyes. "I should really take you back."
"Why?" I thought I was being cute, no, what's that word, flirtatious.
"Because you trusted me with your safety, and the first place I took you was to get extraordinarily high to the point where your heart could have stopped."
"You planned that then? The muses kissing me, having me come on to you?"
"No. No. Of course not, I just, I thought they were beautiful and if anyone would appreciate them I thought you would-"
"So how could you blame yourself for what happened?" He stays quiet. "Is that what you do, shadow singer? Blame yourself for things that are out of your control?"
"It was in my control. It was in my control, and more to the point, it was my responsibility to make sure that didn't happen."
"I'm fine. I'm more than fine actually. I feel wonderful. And whatever you gave me to drink seemed to have saved me from any imminent danger, right?"
"Yes, of course. The antidote removes the majority of the poison from your blood stream."
"Then why are you beating yourself up about it?"
Again he stays quiet. I get up, my legs tingling as they hit the ground and take one step toward him. My hand reaches out and takes his hand into mine. His eyes follow the movement. He makes no move to pull me closer or to pull back. My gaze roves over the scars marring his hands, moving my way up his wrists to wear the scars give out slowly, washing away into beautiful muscles.
"That's just in your nature, isn't it? To take responsibility even when you're not at fault."
His gaze is on my lips, his eyes hooded. The look makes my breath catch makes me take a step closer.
"It's possible we have different definitions of what not at fault means." He won't meet my gaze.
I place one hand on each of his cheeks and gently turn his face toward me. I must still be feeling the effects of the muses kiss because his skin beneath my fingers has me holding back a groan, it's taking everything I am not to tackle him. I rest my forehead on his, the words pleading as they leave my throat. "I need you to make love to me now."
Azriel
What have I done? I had only meant to take her somewhere as beautiful as she was. Okay, maybe I wanted to show off a bit as well, take her somewhere I knew would impress her. To a place that was so quintessentially Elain that the moment the thought popped into my mind to take her I didn't hesitate. And now she's standing before me telling me to make love to her.
I've had lovers before. Plenty. It always seemed like the most straightforward way to keep my mind off of females I shouldn't have been thinking about. But suddenly I feel like a virgin. There are a thousand reasons to say no. I should grab her hand and bring her home.
She kisses me. Her lips are like silk, like liberation, like light itself. It's pure agony.
"Elain…" She takes a step back and shrugs off her robe. It falls to the floor and even though the noise is barely audible, it seems to reverberate through the room. Her hands start opening up the buttons on her nightgown. "Please. I'm begging you, please stop."
"Why?" She doesn't stop.
"Because…" I take a deep breath. Because you're not in your right mind. Because I don't deserve you. Because you're not meant for me. Because I don't know if I will be able to hold myself back if you unleash me. "Just please. You'll feel differently in the morning."
"I don't think I will, actually." She has a slight grin on her lips, the one she gives me when she thinks I'm coddling her.
Another button.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
"I need you, Az. I need you to touch me. It's almost painful."
I open my eyes. I swallow. If there's one thing I can't bear more than watching her make a mistake it's knowing she's in pain. "It really hurts?"
"It's excruciating." She releases three more buttons. A thin sliver of skin appears between her breasts. She's not the only one who's in pain. I fight to keep from adjusting myself.
I clear my throat. "I don't want you to be in pain, if you would just wait-" Too late. Elain's gown joins her robe on the floor. All that's left is a tiny pair of lacey, white underwear. "By the cauldron." I can't look away. It's impossible.
Not mine. Not mine. Not- She takes a step closer. My body acts on its own, both hands wrapping around her bare hips and pulling her ever slightly forward. Hands, my scarred, charred hands, that have spilled so much blood, taken so much life.
I release her. My eyes close and I try to take deep calming breaths. Her fingers run through my hair. "I want to help you but I don't want you to regret anything in the morning." The words sound like they belong to someone else.
"I won't."
"You don't know that. It's the muses euphoria talking." I open my eyes again and look at her, it's a mistake. I swallow. She's the epitome of beauty and I drink her in like a male dying of thirst. She bends down and kisses me. I can't hold back the groan that escapes my lips.
She deepens the kiss and I feel her bare knee touch mine. Next is her thigh. Before I know it she is straddling my hips, her bare bottom on my lap. I have half a mind to lift her up just as she is and bring her into my bed. Curse it all. Curse mates destined to be together, curse propriety, curse the canyon of history that separates us.
My arms wrap around her squeezing her to me and I hear her moan. It's the most beautiful sound and the vibrations go straight to my groin. She begins to move on me, rubbing against my erection, and my arms tighten around her. Torture. This is the best kind of torture I've ever experienced.
"Please…" She breathes the words against my lips. "I need it, need you."
I swallow then give her a shaky nod. "I'll help you, but I can't make love to you yet."
"But-" I put a finger to her lips and then softly shush her.
With my mind made up, my fingers and lips begin to explore her morning dew skin. She tastes like sugar, actual sugar and I'm addicted. I kiss every inch of her I can, starving to explore her body. She whimpers against me and cries out when I run my teeth over extra sensitive spaces. When I reach her breasts I could swear that I feel just as drugged as she is. Instead of the muses kisses though, the magic is Elain, all Elain, and I'm bewitched by her. I palm one round weight while I give the other an open mouth kiss.
"Please, Az, I can't wait. I can't."
I give her lips another kiss. "Okay."
My fingers travel down, down, down, past her waist and into the curls between her legs, and over the most sensitive part of her. She gasps as my fingertips collide with it. I caress her slowly, bringing moisture to her soft skin, making her shiver.
Then I enter her, letting my fingers curl in the most intimate caress. She begins to move on my lap, on my hand. My lips find her neck, they're not content to let me hands have all the pleasure. She moves faster, harder. Her breathing changes as she moves toward the peak I'm not sure she has ever reached. I kiss up to her pulse and then bite gently across the point. That's all it takes. I feel her squeeze around me and her entire body pulls me closer to her, into her and around her. My other arms braces her back holding her to me as she shakes.
Her eyes crack open. She looks at me with what feels like love and the gaze shoots through me like an arrow. She bends down and kisses me and then I feel a hand on my wing. She runs her fingers over it. "Again, please."