MAJOR SPOILER! DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED SECURITY OF SINDRIA!

Also, trigger warning for this chapter.

I do not own magi or the characters. I do own my oc.

Chapter 21: Nightmares Pt 3

—Sin's POV—

This is on me. Entirely on me.

I keep glancing over at Leila and Zahara. The two have been sleeping peacefully as Salena and Ja'far rest in another room. After several days of caring for the two, Salena and Ja'far have earned a rest.

I still should have been here to get Leila. I shouldn't have waited.

There's a small yawn from the bed as the sunlight starts to fill the room. Zahara sits up and rubs her eyes. The same big gray eyes as Leila.

Star barks quietly as Zahara looks at him with a smile.

"Puppy!"

Zahara crawls out of bed leaving Leila restless, but I'm not sure what to do. Should I stop Zahara? Should I check that Leila is all right?

Zahara pets Star, only for the dog to lick her cheek and nuzzle against her. He nudges her a bit to hard and she stumbles still giggling.

"Hey," I snap quietly. Star stops and turns towards me as Zahara looks over. Her eyes widen and she hides behind Star.

"Zahara-"

The little girl takes off and jumps quickly into the bed and hides against Leila. Leila makes a soft groan.

"Zahara?" Leila voice is heavy with exhaustion as I start to panic. My heart is pounding. The first time I see Leila in five years and I scare her daughter.

"What's wrong, little one?" Leila sits up gingerly, pulling Zahara into her lap as the young girl hides against Leila's chest. "It's okay, Zahara."

Leila looks towards me as I stand up. She goes pale and looks away from me. Her arms are covered with bandages and there are dark scars around her neck. She's so thin and fragile looking.

"Leila-"

"It's okay, Zahara," she coos to the young girl. Reluctantly, I go over towards her.

"Hi, Zahara." Leila seems to get a bit nervous as I crouch next to the bed. I smile at both of them, hoping to calm Leila down. Her hands are shaking, but Ja'far told me that I can't touch her. "I'm Sin. I've known your Mama for a long time."

"Mama?" Leila hesitates, but smiles gently at Zahara. I can see the fear in Leila's eyes. She's on the verge of tears.

"It's okay. Come here." I reach over and tuck one of Zahara's curls back. "You're absolutely adorable. Like a mini-me or your Mama." I smile as Zahara seems to relax a little.

"How old are you," I ask her quietly. Zahara holds up two fingers. "Two? Wow."

"How old you?" She points at me as Leila looks at me for answers.

"Twenty-five. Same as Mama."

Zahara turns as Ja'far comes into the room. She smiles really widely and gestures for him to come over.

"Everything okay," he asks, letting Zahara grab onto his hand.

"It's okay." I look at Leila as she watches me. She still looks scared. "We can talk about it later."

Reluctantly, Leila nods as Star jumps onto the bed. This startles Leila, and I reach to steady her but decide against it. I need to be here for her, but I'm not sure how.

—Later That Night—

I continue to splash water on my face. I need to clear my head. Even with that gut feeling that this was coming, it's hard to face.

"Where?"

I turn and find Leila shaking in the doorway. She's on the verge of crying.

"And why? Why aren't you reacting?"

"Easy, Leila." I wipe my face off quickly before stepping closer. She whimpers and steps back. "You're okay. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Why aren't you mad? Or shocked? Or yelling? Or-"

"Deep breaths," I whisper. Leila's lip trembles as she stops moving. "Start from the beginning."

I hold my hand out, but Leila shakes her head.

"Why aren't you more upset about Zahara?"

"Because neither of you are at fault." I have never seen her trembling so badly. "Leila, you look ready to collapse. Can we sit down and talk?"

Leila nods weakly. I offer her my hand again, but she shakes her head. This hurts. I just want to hold and comfort her. I nod and stay close as we go to sit down.

Leila veers away from me towards Zahara. She tucks the two year old in snuggly and just check that's she's sleeping okay. I don't know how to tell Leila that this is one of the worst things I've been through. Leila kisses Zahara's forehead and whispers to her before coming over. She looks down at the ground when she realizes I was watching.

"Are you cold?"

Leila shakes her head and sits in a plush armchair. She pulls her knees up silently.

"Ask me anything?" I sit on the table in front of her. My hand twitches to hold her hand, but I'll only hurt her. "Just try to breathe and stay calm."

Leila nods and shifts nervously.

"Why aren't you upset about Zahara?"

"I am." Leila seems to grow more nervous. "I'm upset that someone did that to you. I'm upset that she spent the first two years of her life there. I'm upset that she isn't my child. None of that is on either of you though."

"Still, you're calm and it's scaring me."

"I knew about Zahara before I came." Leila nods a little and seems to relax.

"Ja'far and Salena told you."

"No." Leila goes to continue, but pauses. I can't tell her the whole truth. "Yaffa paid off a guard to give us updates. He told us that you had a baby. We didn't know what your plan was, so didn't tell anyone else."

"You knew?" Does she have to look so hurt?

"I tried to find a way to get the two of you out, but I didn't have any options. Nothing I tried or asked about would get Reim to budge."

Leila looks down. She's overwhelmed and terrified. I can't imagine telling her about that damn nightmare from when we were teens.

"Where did you go after the battle?"

"That's…hard to explain."

"Oh."

Damn it. Why can't I say anything that makes her feel better right now?

"The thing is, I don't remember everything that happened at the end of the battle." Leila looks towards me. My hands are starting to shake. "This medium-"

"Ja'far told me about the thing that started attacking everything."

"It was Serendine." Leila eyes widen a bit as she shivers. "Her Rukh has been corrupted and I ended up absorbing it. Then I black out and wake up in the palace with Falan on the floor dead. I start coughing up blood and my body feels like it was attacking itself. I couldn't even stand up right."

"Wait." Leila moves to lean closer. I touch her hand lightly, stopping her. She tenses a bit, but doesn't panic quite yet. "Sin?"

"There was this voice in the back of my head," I continue, pulling my hand away. "I couldn't figure out what was happening and just left to figure something, anything out. I ended up with a clan that studies Magoi Manipulation for a year to try to stop what was happening. A young magician saved my life."

Leila's eyes are wide and she looks ready to cry.

"I actually waited a few days to come home," I whisper looking anywhere, but at Leila. "I was terrified to face you, but then I saw you standing at the docks and just was so relieved."

I clench my fists ready for Leila to lose it. After five years in a Reim prison, she's earned it. The chance to yell and scream at me.

"Fuck it all." I look up at Leila as she speaks quietly. She's given up not crying and has tears streaming down her cheeks. "Fuck Partevia. Fuck Judar. Fuck Serendine and Vartan. That damn bastard. Fuck it all."

"It's going to be okay." I reach over, keeping my hand close, but not touching her. "Please, just calm down."

"I'm mad at you," she whimpers. I nod quietly as she wraps her arms around herself. "I thought that if you had a reason for not coming back..."

Leila covers her mouth and chokes back a sob. I want to hold her so damn badly. I never wanted to make her cry.

"I'm sorry." I pull a small cloth from my pocket and hold it out to her. She hesitates but takes it and wipes her eyes. "More than you know. Everything that has happened-"

"Stop." Leila won't look at me. "I'm mad at you, but don't apologize. You did what made sense then. I did the same."

"I know."

"Did you read it?"

"A thousand times." She glances at me. "Probably more. I cried every time. I know that I've hurt you, but I will fix it."

"Just promise that you won't take it out on Zahara."

"I promise." Leila nods, still shaking. "You're family, which makes her family. I'd put my life on the line for both of you."

"I don't want that. Just promise you won't hate her."

"Okay. I promise." Leila nods. She's still shaking. "Why don't you get some sleep?"

"Yeah."

I stay close as Leila gets up. She unsteady and nearly collapses back down. I know that these are old clothes of hers, but they practically drown her.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper. Leila doesn't even look at me.

"Don't be. I made this decision."

"Can I help with anything?"

"Not right now."

I watch as Leila goes over to the bed. She stops though. Her shoulders are tense and her body is shaking.

"Sin…"

I step a little closer and nod as she glances at me.

"Sin, I've never been this scared before. It's like…well…"

Leila stops and takes a shaky breath.

"I don't know how to explain it."

"You don't have to know. You're coming home and everyone will help you realize that you are safe. That you're back with the people who care about you most and will always fight to protect you and Zahara."

"Sin, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Leila. You're the last person who deserves the blame."

She nods reluctantly and settles into bed. She fighting to not cry as Zahara immediately snuggle against her and Star jumps in to comfort her.

This is my fault.