THE RAT IN THE HAT

Written by Christopher Rangel

"I don't wanna do this anymore", said Linguini.

"Shut up", said Remy.

"No, I'm serious!" said Linguini. "I don't wanna do this anymore! I don't wanna be your meat puppet!"

"Shut up", said Remy.

"No, you shut up!" said Linguini, getting out of his seat.

"I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE YOUR GODDAMN PILLS!" said Remy. He calmed himself down. "If you don't, you'll be forced to by the armed guards outside. Alexander Hamilton has asked for our assistance in the second Revolutionary Pornography War, and it is important that I comply in order to keep up relations between the United States and France. On top of that, I need to deliver some important information to a couple ships in our fleet before they make it to Washington D.C."

"I don't have a choice, do I?" said Linguini. "Even when I tried killing myself, your men were there to stop me."

"That's right", said Remy. "There's no way out, so you'd might as well just go with it."

Linguini groaned and took the pills. It would take a little while for their effects to kick in, so Remy took the time to consult his red magic ball, his Protajewel. He looked deep into it and saw Stuart Little riding on a cruise ship.

"You think you're so fucking clever, don't you you fucking mouse", said Remy. He laughed. "You cheeky bastard, taking a Disney Cruise ship to France!" He tapped the Protajewel and the scene changed to a scene of B%&%&*^$%^$&%^^&*(&^*(&^&%$%^%&*^*&(&^%&$*^&^*^&(*^&n. "What the fuck?" asked Remy. "Why is this view being restricted? What are you playing at, Godchris?"

"ME THINK PILL TAKE EFFECT!" say Linguini.

"Good, good", said Remy. "Allow me to jump onto your head."

"OK", SAY Linguini. "UM, BEFORE ME TALK 2 FRENCH FLEET, MAYBE ME HAVE FUN WITH LITTLE CHEF FURST?"

"Yes, Linguini, we can have some fun with your Little Chef first", said remy.

"YAAAAY!" SAY Linguini and Remy hop on his head and he put on chef hat and Remy grab Linguini hair like in MOVIE. Linguini pull he pants down and take out pee-pee.

"OOO, DO IT NICE SLOW LIKE WENDSDAY PEE PEE PLAY!" say Linguini.

"Yes, nice and slow", said Remy.

"OH, IT FEEL GOOD!" say Linguini as he slow pull on chicken with hand and love. "OOO, CAREFUL RATMAN, YOU TUG PUBES A LITTLE TOO HARD!"

"Sorry, Linguini", said Remy. "I'll try harder not to tug on your pubes."

"YAY, THANKS!" say Linguini. "OOO, NOT SURE WHAT BETTER, ME HANDS OR YOU ON HAIR. IT GET FUN WHEN PRECUM HAPPEN THOUGH. OOO, ALL SLISHY SLOSHY, SLISHY SLOSHY!"

"Are you almost finished?" asked Remy.

"OOO, I GET SO HOT WHEN YOU ASK DAT QUESTION. OH! OH! OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he cum big splooge that get all over room and then he slump over, unconscious.

"Finally", said Remy. He controlled Linguini to walk over to his command center and picked up the radio.

"This is a command for ships 42 and 69", Remy said through Linguini's voice. "I repeat, this is a command for ships 42 and 69. Ships 42 and 69 only. Your route should intersect with a Disney Cruise ship. I want you to board that ship and douse every deck with mouse poison. If any Disnians get in the way, just kill them. They're only fucking Disnians, after all."

"If you don't mind my asking, sir", said one of the captains. "Why?"

"Stuart Little", said Remy.

There was silence for a few seconds, then an obedient "Yes sir."

Remy put down the radio and hopped out from under Linguini's hat.

"DID IT GO GUD?" ask Linguini.

"Yes", said Remy. "It went very good."

TO BE CONTINUED