[ note ] surprised? me too. i just wanted to write something short and silly after completing kenhina + i was reminded of my spice!actor au from a long time ago that i never got around to writing (other than a drabble i posted to tumblr in 2017). since i lost the original drafts, this is basically an au of the au – in which len didn't get sucked into his role as a playboy and rin was a little more secure in their relationship. an attempt at characterisations was made. cheers!

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fuelling the fire

(i don't need to lie to you, you'll never break my heart
you'll find the truth here in my arms)

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'So,' Rin begins, though she's not sure where to begin, exactly. She's sprawled over the couch in Len's fancy little studio apartment, head propped up against the armrest and laptop sitting on her stomach. 'I heard a rumour floating around that you'll sleep with anyone who asks.'

'Incredible,' Len deadpans from the bathroom. 'We truly live in a time of fake news, huh.'

Is it really fake news, though, Rin wants to ask. Where there is smoke, there is fire, after all, and it's not like the rumour is that hard to believe. I mean, have you seen yourself in the mirror?

For all the years that she's known him, Len has always been pretty. And not just any kind of pretty, either, but ethereal, you've-got-to-be-out-of-your-mind pretty. Practically everyone who's seen him wants a piece of him – even before he became an actor he had a part-time modelling gig back in high school, and even before that he was the poster child for a popular milk brand, his smiling face plastered across billboards and television screens alike. It's incredible.

It's overwhelming.

'What is it? What are you reading now?'

Here's your Best Newcomer of the Year, ladies and gentlemen: freshly showered and casually draped over the back of the couch as he reads questionable headlines off Rin's laptop. '"Hatsune Miku spills: an inside look into her relationship with Kagamine Len"? "Rising star Kagamine Len and J-pop sensation Shion Kaito spotted leaving a hotel together in Shinjuku"? Wh – are these tabloids?'

'Gossip forums,' Rin corrects. She sits up properly to place her laptop on the coffee table before giving her back a good stretch. 'They drop links to articles here from time to time.'

'Are you seriously that bored?'

Rin shrugs. 'They're spilling the tea.'

'Tea, my ass,' Len gripes. 'Why would you need the tea when you have a reputable source who can verify everything right here?'

'You could be lying too, for all I know,' Rin points out. 'You can pretty much just – wait. What are you doing. Why are you looking at me like that. What are you – oof!'

The world around her spins as she takes an unexpected tumble, and the next thing Rin knows, she has the air knocked out of her lungs and Len's hands on either side of her head, effectively pinning her to the couch with nothing but his body and his gaze.

This isn't the Len she's always known, Rin realises dimly. No, this is the Len that everyone else sees: the Len whose transcendent, fey-like expressions could tug at your heartstrings without even trying, the Len whose slim figure and magnetic stage presence could put even the greatest to shame –

And the Len who doesn't just survive in an industry so heartless, but thrives.

'"You know I wouldn't lie to you, right?"' He smiles, a fleeting winter flower. Closes the distance between them, lips just a breath away from hers, and whispers, '"I love you."'

Rin stares at him for the longest time, eyes wide and heart caught in her throat. And then:

'Did you change your cologne, by any chance?'

'... My cologne?'

'Yeah. You smell different.'

Len sags against Rin with the longest why-are-you-the-way-that-you-are sigh she's ever heard. 'You're impossible.'

'You're impossible – impossibly heavy, that is. My lungs are dying here, bro.'

That startles a laugh out of him, bright and breathless, and after all this time she never gets tired of hearing it. It reminds her of simpler times, of childhood memories and unforgettable summers, of champagne kisses to the smallest of victories and eyes like moonlit tide pools.

'Was I that obvious?' Len wants to know. He moves to sit on the far end of the couch, running a hand through his still-wet hair as his legs tangle with hers.

'Like a brick to the window,' Rin says, and it's not a complete lie. She's watched and re-watched so many of Len's shows over the years that she can probably recite most of the dialogue in her sleep, so it's only natural for her to recognise the lines from his more obscure role in Sugar and Spice! –

And yet somehow there was still a small, traitorous part of her that had taken him at face value. That had believed in a trap so honeyed, she couldn't even tell if it was real or artificial sweetener. It's impressive.

It's disconcerting.

Len shakes his head. 'Still can't believe my own cologne would do me dirty like this.'

'I was serious about the cologne thing, though?' Rin leans over to sniff in his general direction. 'Yeah, no, I wasn't imagining it. You really do smell different.'

'What do I smell like normally?'

'Oh. You know.' She gestures vaguely. 'Like yourself, but not as polished.'

'Wh – Who are you calling unpolished, you heathen – '

'No, wait, I mean – it's like, the best version of you but in reverse – '

'How is that supposed to sound any better – '

It's light-hearted banter like this that makes the heart of the fire all the more obvious. Of course, Rin can see his face everywhere she goes and hear about him through the grapevine and trick herself into thinking that yes, this is enough. She can do it; she's used to it. She's done it for the fifteen years that she's known him, and she can do it for another fifteen, twenty more. For as long as it takes.

But this smoke that keeps seeping into the cracks of her heart, overwhelming and disconcerting and nothing short of exhausting, is one that only he can clear away, and Rin wants to be selfish, even just for a little while. Rin wants him to stay here with her, not just on a rare day-off like today, even if she knows it's a hopeless wish.

He's the Len that everyone else sees, but at least for this moment, at least for now, he's just the Len that she's always known. He's all she has.

'Hey. Rin. Rin. Earth to Rin. Are you even listening to me?' Len nudges her calf with his foot, but still no response. Wryly, he adds, 'Actually, are you sure you're even my girlfriend? Maybe that's the real fake news here all along.'

'Oh?' The light in her eyes returns briefly at the potential for mischief. 'Allow me to verify it, then.'

Before Len can react, Rin gives his shirt front a sharp tug, pulling him in for one of the sloppiest kisses they've had since their last time together in bed. Len makes a noise of surprise, but doesn't pull away; after a moment, he relaxes and threads his fingers in her hair, bringing her closer to deepen the kiss and allowing his hands to wander.

When they finally part for air, Rin leans back to regard him with half-lidded eyes. Len has always been pretty, but by god, she loves him, from his mismatched pyjamas to the swell of his lips to the look on his face right now, dazed and flushed and head over heels. She's always loved him, and no rumour in the world can ever take that away from her.

'How's that for a reputable source?'

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end.