Here is Chapter 12 for you!
Thank you again for all the reviews! I do write this story for you guys, so every comment is gold, please remember that! I am glad when you like the story and want to see more, so please keep up sending me feedback! I read through every single review and I'm sorry if I don't always respond personally, but life is just catching up, and I have barely time to go on with writing, but I just have all these ideas and I don't want you to wait too long :)
Enough rambling...
Enjoy :)
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"I heard from Ezra.", the comfortable silence was broken, and Spencer shifted on the couch, distancing herself from Aria and pausing the movie.
"And?" Spencer grew nervous. Ezra hadn't been to the apartment for a week, and despite Aria's protest in the beginning, Spencer had stayed with her every night. She wouldn't admit it out loud, but she had grown to love the nights spend on Aria's couch, talking about life and the future, and their friendship. She had gotten used to visits from Hanna, and Emily and Alison and she felt like their friendship was never stronger. A had finally left their lives - for good this time and she was so grateful for her friends to be there for the aftermath of everything. Especially, for Aria being there for her. Spencer had found safety in the way, they would hold each other at night, both trying to cope with the previous events, and both trusting the other with everything in them. Hearing Ezra had called Aria, Spencer feared this would all be over. She was scared that Aria was going to move forward with Ezra. Technically, her friend was still engaged to him and Aria hadn't exactly made clear if she still wanted to walk down the aisle with Ezra or if she wanted to work on their – what Spencer refereed to as toxic – relationship.
"He is coming over tomorrow. And we're going to talk about things, about us."
Somehow this was not enough for Spencer. What did Aria mean by this? Would they talk and try to work things out? Would they talk and decide that it was for the better to take a break, a step back?
"I just don't know what to say to him, Spence. I don't know what he wants anymore." Aria's eyes filled with tears, and despite her clenching heart, Spencer couldn't stand the sight of her best friend hurting. She took the tiny girl into her arms, hoping to give her the same feeling she got whenever Aria comforted her.
"Aria," Spencer started, and she tried to lock eyes with her. "I think it is time to stop what everybody else wants. You should try to think of what you really want."
She nodded, more tears streaming down her cheeks, soaking into Spencer's shirt.
"Shh.", Spencer soothed. "I'm here, Ar. It's okay. We don't have to talk about this can talk about something else."
She felt the smaller girl shook her head that was still buried into her shoulder. Aria looked up then, and for the first time after everything fell down Spencer could see determination in the familiar hazel eyes.
"I want to make it work. I have to make it work."
And it was in that exact moment that Spencer heard the loud cracking of her heart.
…
Exactly sixteen days had passed since Aria had last seen Alex. She remembered Dean telling her that she could come visit her after the probation time of two weeks, but Aria hadn't managed to bring herself to even call the Byberry institution in order to make an appointment.
"Hey beautiful.", a voice beside her spoke and she turned around in bed to look into Ezra's eyes.
"Hey." She pecked him on the lips, and went to stand up, but Ezra's arms came around her waist, pulling her back to him, kissing her neck softly. Weeks ago, she would've welcomed this, she would've turned in his arms and kissed back, but now everything felt so forced between them. She kept on hoping that things would get better, but the longer she pretended to be happy with their relationship, the worse things got. And to add to all this chaos inside her, Ezra was being extra sweet, treating her like some porcelain doll that would break any minute. They still hadn't rearranged a day for the wedding and they had yet to talk about the big elephant in the room. Ezra had said it didn't matter that Aria couldn't have kids, that they would find a way – adopting or looking for a surrogate – but she still felt like this was affecting him more than he would admit.
"I have to go meet Spencer. I promised her to help her out at the Lost Woods.", the second those words left her mouth, Ezra let go of her completely, starring at her with a questioning glance.
"Seriously? You've been with Spencer this whole time! Until two days ago she basically crashed on our couch for a week! And when I woke up, you weren't even next to me in bed, but comforting her because she once again wasn't able to sleep alone!"
Aria wanted to say something then. Ezra might have been right about things, but he had to understand where she was coming from. She couldn't just let her friend be on her own in times like these.
"Ezra - "
"No! I know she is not herself right now. She needs help! I get that. But let Toby take care of her, let your friends be there for her, for god's sake send her to some therapy sessions! I know she is your friend. I know that. But if this relationship is going to work, we need to spend time together, Aria! You can't constantly choose your friends over me! It doesn't work like that!"
He was pacing around the room and had swung a shirt over his body. Aria could see he was still fuming, but so was she.
"Seriously? Ezra, she just lost her mother to prison, and the twin sister she didn't even know about is treated in some psych institution right around the corner! She doesn't feel comfortable around Toby after what happened with Alex and the other girls don't know half of what she has been through! If she wants me to be to be there to help her get through this, then I will! She would do the same for me. I'm getting tired of defending my friendships to you with the girls that have been there in times you abandoned me!"
Aria had stood up from the bed as well. She might be small but she was steaming with anger, and she was furious Ezra couldn't understand that she had to be their for her friend. She was still a little mad at him for disappearing for a whole week after that fight when she wanted to talk to Alex alone and if she was honest with herself she still wasn't sure if their relationship would survive all the drama that they had been through.
"Just go, Aria. If this is what you want, just leave. But we will never be able to fix anything if we never see each other."
His tone had changed and Aria could see the frustration and sadness in his eyes. She felt bad for yelling at him and stepped forward, moving her arms around him and she laid her head on his chest for a moment. She still felt safe with him, but something had changed and she was not sure what had. He didn't say anything, but he moved his arms around her small frame, holding her there and pressing a tender kiss on her head. She stood on her toes then and reached his cheek to kiss him softly.
"I'm sorry. We will talk later. I won't be late. Promise.", she spoke into his ear, and turned, grabbing a towel on her way and closed the bathroom door.
When she was finished and was ready to go, she spotted him on their bed reading, his back turned towards her. She sighed. He was too focused on his book to even look up or turn. She walked towards the door and left, her heels clicking on the hardwood floor. She didn't look back.
…
"Spencer?" She had let herself in, when she didn't got a response after ringing the doorbell, but there was no sight of her brunette friend.
She stepped further into the small complex, looking around the place to spot if someone had been there. She had already checked the stalls, and realized the horses hadn't been fed so after finishing that she went through the building to look for Spencer, but she still hadn't found her. She tried calling her again, but it went straight to voicemail. Aria was about to give up, as she was currently walking through one of the halls. She was ready to leave in case Spencer might be at her place in the barn, when she heard something. She could barely make out the noise, but as she got closer, she could hear someone whimpering. Panic kicked in and Aria rushed to where the voice came from, opening the door without so much of a knock. The sight broke her.
Spencer was lying on the king-sized bed, eyes closed, but she was shaking uncontrollably, and Aria noticed the drops of sweat lingering on her pale skin. She rushed to her friend's side. Caressing her hand over her cheek in a tender touch, she used her sleeve of the other arm to stripe off the line of sweat that had formed on Spencer's forehead and replaced it with the back of her hand. Shocked, she pulled her hand away. Spencer was burning. She rushed into the bathroom, letting water stream onto one of the washcloth and returned to Spencer's side, carefully dabbing her skin with the cool water. Spencer's eyes opened heavily and a small smile tugged her lips when she made eye contact with Aria.
"Hey, sleepyhead." Aria chuckled, despite worrying about her friend.
Spencer nodded, clearly not able to speak. Aria knew then something was definitely wrong. Normally, Spencer would have bolted out of bed, apologizing numerous times for having lost track, but all she did was looking at Aria, as if she was waiting for Aria to fix her.
"You're burning, Spence. I think you have a fever. Do you have some Tylenol in here?"
Spencer slightly nodded her head towards the door and Aria knew she wouldn't get anything more out of her. She rushed through the complex into one of the bathrooms, and was relieved when she found what she was looking for. She was a little relieved that there were no guests as a cold wave had hit Rosewood and it wasn't the most appealing weather to stay at a ranch.
She went into the kitchen, filled a glass with water and returned to Spencer, who had closed her eyes again.
"Spence, come on. Sit up a little." Aria helped Spencer to a sitting position, adjusting the cushions so she would still be comfortable and handing her the medication. She was glad when Spencer succeeded in swallowing it and helped her to take some sips of water with it.
"I'll make you some tea, alright?"
She was about to stand up again, when she felt a hand around her wrist.
"Horses.", Spencer let out and Aria smiled. "I took care of them. And I will have someone call to help me out in here today, okay? All you are allowed to do is rest."
A few hours later Aria had managed to organize and take care of most of the stuff around the ranch and she decided to check back on Spencer, who had fallen into another deep sleep after drinking some of the tea Aria had prepared.
When she entered the room, Spencer was breathing normally and Aria was glad that she could feel the fever had dropped. She was about to stand up again to tidy up a bit and clean some more around the house, when she felt Spencer grab a hold of her arm.
"Stay, please.", her voice sounded a little bit stronger and she had gained back some color as well.
Aria moved to sit on the bed next to Spencer, stretching out her legs, as the older girl squeezed over slightly, having her head turned to Aria and moving so her hair was brushing against Aria's thighs. Aria trailed her hand through Spencer's long locks, trying to sooth the troubled girl. Somehow she knew it wasn't just the cold that was bothering her.
"Are you okay?", she whispered and she could feel Spencer's head moving against her.
"Not really."
Aria didn't stop to brush through her friends hair, but she looked down at her with a concerned look, waiting for her to continue.
"I dreamt about Alex again. That she took me, and that she took you, too. And then she - and I couldn't save you and nobody knew I was in there and I - "
"Shh.", Aria soothed, lowering her own body, so she could adjust Spencer's body to move her head to her lap, running one hand over her back, while the other one played with strands of long hair.
"You're safe, Spence. I'm here. And Alex can't hurt us anymore. She is locked away."
"You don't know that. You don't know if she still there – or if she escaped." Spencer was shaking under Aria's touch, and even though Aria pulled the thick blanket tighter around the slim body, she wouldn't stop.
"Spencer, she is there. I don't think she could've escaped when she is under observation 24/7."
"Mona escaped. Cece escaped. Even I managed to escape.", came the broken whisper, followed by sobs.
"I will call, okay? Right here. I will call Dr. Clarkson and ask if everything is okay. Sounds good? I will stay here with you, Spence. Don't worry ok."
Spencer's eyes widened and Aria couldn't tell if she saw fear flickering in her eyes, but Aria brushed it off when Spencer didn't protest and pulled out her phone, dialing the number she had somehow memorized.
"Hello?", a nurse picked up and Aria grew nervous.
"Hi. This is Aria Montgomery. I'm calling to check on a patient."
"Patient's Name?"
"Alex Drake."
"What was your name again?"
"Aria Montgomery, I'm here with Spencer Hastings, her sister. We were there when she was admitted.
"Hold on a second."
From her spot on Aria's lap Spencer looked up, signaling without words that she wanted to listen to this, and as Aria hit the speaker button, she hoped nothing would happen that could bring her into trouble.
"Miss Montgomery?"
"Yes?"
"I spoke with Dr. Clarkson. I'm not allowed to give you a detailed statement about her condition, but I can tell you that Alex Drake is being treated and is allowed to receive visitations if desired. You can make an appointment any time and he would run through the details with you. Do you wish to make one now?"
"Ehm, no. No, thank you. I – I will call."
"Okay, that is fine."
"Thank you. Bye."
Aria hung up the phone quickly and wasn't surprised when she saw the way Spencer's forehead wrinkled in confusion.
"That was odd. Why would she ask you if you wanted to visit? Does they not know we don't want anything to with her again?!"
Aria tried not flinch at Spencer's tone. "Spence, calm down. This is probably just a routine. Don't worry about that. The point is, you are safe – she is not going anywhere and you don't have to fear of her ever laying a finger on you again, ok?"
Clearly too exhausted to come up with a witty response, Spencer nodded, snuggling into the warm of the mattress, looking up at Aria as to tell her to continue to run her hand soothingly through her hair again.
"Thank you.", she heard Spencer whisper and her free hand was cupped with one of her friend's. "Thank you for doing that. I know it must have been a little hard."
Aria gave the other hand a light squeeze. "It's okay, you focus on getting better, okay?"
When she was sure Spencer was asleep, she left the room as quietly as possible and sat down on one of the sofas in the lounge room, playing with a loose end of her shirt.
"Aria?", he picked up at the third ring. "Where are you?"
"Ezra, I -"
"Don't tell me you're still with Spencer. Aria I thought you said you were going to be home early! I thought we could order in and watch a movie or talk! Come home!"
"Ezra, I can't. Spencer has some kind of flu. I found her burning up earlier this morning and I need to take care of some things here at the Lost Woods."
"Call Alison. Isn't she supposed to run this whole thing together with Spencer, anyway? Or call her mother – or Toby! I don't really care who you call – just call someone to take over for you and come home. Now, Aria!"
"You cannot tell me what to do! You cannot just order me around, Ezra!"
"Aria if we want this to work, we have to talk about things! If you're not here in the next thirty minutes I will pick you up with my bare hands!", he started screaming again and for a moment Aria was afraid that he would really show up there and drag her all the way back to their apartment.
"Don't be ridiculous, Ezra. It's one night. I will be home tomorrow."
"Aria, you just don't understand, do you? It's not going to be done tomorrow - next thing, Spencer's nightmares start again and she is back on our couch! I dealt with it for a week and I held my tongue, but Aria this has to stop! You're going to be my wife Aria! You belong here – with me!"
"I'm not going to let you badmouth my friends. Calm down and we will talk tomorrow. I'm getting sick of you acting like a four year old who wants his stupid toy back. I cannot believe you are jealous of my best friend."
"I'm not freaking jealous, Aria!", she heard him yell into the phone. "It just feels like you give a crap about me and this relationship! Ever since I came back to the apartment you are so freaking distant! I know I should've come home earlier, but I was pissed that you didn't listen to me and talked to that psych! You told me, you want us to work this out, but as time passes I feel like you don't even care about moving on! I'm tired of constantly having to reach out to you! I cannot fix this all by myself!"
"Maybe I'm done! Maybe I don't want to fix this anymore!", she yelled into her phone, anger swirling through her body and it was in that moment that the world stood still. She could hear Ezra's heavy breathing on the other end of the line.
Silence. Nobody spoke, and Aria could not believe the words that left her mouth. Did she really feel that way? Did she not want to try and save their relationship? They had been together for as long as she could remember. He was her first in so many ways and she feared to give up the memories they shared. But on the other hand, she hadn't felt truly connected to him since long before the Alex-Drama had started. Hearing the news of her never being able to get pregnant had only been an additional weight to things, and Aria wondered if between the stress of preparing the wedding and her attempts to look for a second and third opinion she hadn't paid attention how her relationship with Ezra had suffered from all the A-drama, from her having kept that file a secret...
It was after a long pause that she heard rustling on the other line. And then she heard his voice again.
"Aria.", and his voice was extremely calm all of the sudden. All traces of anger gone, fear lacing through the way he spoke her name and she could picture him as he sat down, running a hand through his short hair. She knew him in and out. She knew everything about him and she knew she loved him. She did – with all her heart. She just didn't know if it was the kind of love that made you want to get married, grew old, spend the rest of their lives together. And that scared her, more than anything, because even though there had been heartbreaks, and fear and loss – she knew that Ezra Fitz was the one constant thing in her life – but now she wasn't so sure anymore.
"Aria.", she heard him say her name again. And it broke her heart a little to listen to his desperate pleads. "Do you even want this to work?"
There it was. Give or Take. And Aria had never thought she could make such a decision over a phone, in a time slot of seconds – and she settled then that she couldn't. Too much had happened for her to make such a bold move.
"I don't know.", she answered honestly. "I need time. I need time to think about things. Really think about things. I'm sorry. God, I don't know what I am doing. I just - Can you give that to me? Can you give me time?"
Tears were streaming down Aria's face and even though nothing was decided yet she heard her heart break, she felt a part of her life vanish and she feared she would be feeling this hollow for the rest of her life.
"Yes. As long as you need. I love you, Aria. I want this to work. We can start slow again. Whatever you want, but please don't give up on us. Don't give up on me."
Her whimpering had transformed to loud sobs and she tried to breath properly.
"I love you, too, Ezra. I just – I need this. I need to know what I am feeling. And I have to do this on my own. It is not fair to you to stand by and hope. I have to try and figure this out by myself. I do love you. I do. I just need time to find myself again and see where I wanna be. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, Aria. I love you. Just please, don't shut me out. I will give you as much time as you need, I will leave the apartment if you want, but - "
"No! You should stay. I – I can grab a bag tomorrow and – God, why is this so hard?"
"I don't know, Baby. I don't know what is going on in that head of yours but I understand. I will be at work tomorrow, so you can – you can take whatever you want, just please let me know you're safe."
"I will. I will talk to you soon. I love you. I do.", even though things were falling apart she still felt the need to say this. She wasn't sure it was because she felt like she needed to reassure him or herself.
"Aria. I'm scared. I can't help but feel like I'm losing you."
"I'm scared, too, Ezra. And – I'm sorry. You have to believe me. This hurts me as much as it hurts you. But maybe this is for the better, maybe after this things will be better for us. I hope so. I really do."
"I will give you space, I will try to understand. Goodnight, beautiful."
"Goodnight.", and somehow this felt so much heavier than ending a phone call.
…
I hope the strong Sparia shipper can forgive me that there was a lot of Ezra/Aria talking in this, but weather you like his character or not Ezra has become such an important part of Aria's life that it would not be fitting and so out of character for Aria to just break things off with him without being emotional about it.
Next there will be definitely more Spencer/Aria interaction, and I will try to include the other girls :) and soon Aria won't stand it anymore and will pay Alex a visit!
Leave some words. Good / Bad – Just tell me what you think.
Much love.