Here is Chapter 13
I can't thank you enough for all your kind words! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
To celebrate all your feedback here comes an extra long Chapter - It's around 5000! Words - Longest Chapter I have ever written! Yey!
I apologize in advance to everyone who is waiting for Alex to make an appearance but I didn't think this chapter would end up being so long, so Alex will hopefully be in the next Chapter!
This chapter is going to focus on Spencer and her memorizing their night in DC and what happened when Aria came to visit! A lot of you asked in the reviews to have Spencer think about it and so here it is. Flashbacks are written in italics, obviously.
So enjoy a chapter truly devoted to Spencer's thoughts and her remembering what happened, all while coming to terms with her feelings..
Enjoy!
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"Aria?"
Spencer's voice laced with worry at the sight of the small woman sobbing in the corner of her room. She approached her carefully, not wanting to scare her, as she had her head buried in her arms. She moved to touch her, wanting her to know that she wasn't alone but Aria flinched, moving her body away from Spencer.
"Aria. It's me.", she tried once more, and Aria lifted her head slightly, her burning eyes starring into Spencer's and Spencer's heart broke for her best friend. She felt much better after taken the tea and the medicine Aria gave her, and felt strong enough to lift the broken girl into her arms as she was sure that the floor wasn't the most comfortable place but Aria would't move. Curling an arm carefully under the small woman's knees, she secured another arm around her back, moving them to the king-sized bed. In an instant, Aria had curled into Spencer's touch, her mouth gracing Spencer's exposed skin just below her neck and Spencer drew in a short breath at the tickling sensation.
When they reached the bed, she tucked in the crying girl, scooting next to her and tightening the hold on her, as she stroked the girl's damp hair, hoping she would soon find rest. While she tried to smooth away Aria's troubles, Spencer couldn't help the irony of the whole situation. After the reveal of Alex as AD, both her and Aria seemed to take turns in reaching breaking points. It was only a matter of time until one of them cracked again and it made Spencer realize the heavy weight of the aftermath that came with answers.
After finding out about Alex, Spencer had thought that things would finally get back to normal. That their lives were free from the pain and the devastation of events. However, every passing day was proof that she was not okay. It was proof that her best friend was not okay either, and that both of them had to tackle a long way of recovery. Still, Spencer couldn't think of another person in the world she would want by her side. Aria had become much more than just a friend over the course of the years, and while she wouldn't give up her friendships with Hanna, Emily or even Alison for anything in the world, her feelings for Aria had shifted in the last few weeks. Maybe it was the way they both held onto each other at night, in a way that there was barely an inch between them, so intimate that Spencer's heart fluttered when Aria's breath would press to her skin. It reminded her of the feelings she got when she first started dating Toby, but somehow it felt so much more intimate than anything she had ever felt before. Looking back at her relationships, she only really considered Alex, Toby and Caleb to count as boyfriends, as the other men in her life had just been flings not really worth thinking about.
Alex was in a way her first love, but all the same it was an innocent, childish kind of affection that was never supposed to last any longer than it had.
Being with Caleb made Spencer realize that the world wouldn't crash if she wasn't with Toby. It was nice to start a relationship with someone she had known for such a long time, but even though Caleb and her fit, their relationship being adventurous, and sexy and different, she knew deep down it was not forever. Caleb's true love was Hanna, and Spencer knew he wasn't hers either.
Toby, was different. He had been there from early on. Having an insight to Spencer Hastings that she granted few people to witness. He was the first to make her brave enough to whisper the three magical words, he was the first she trusted to be with in the most intimate way possible, he was the first one Spencer thought of creating a life with. There was a time in Spencer's life when Spencer imagined their future together. Living in a house he would built for her and their family, and seeing kids running around their garden. She had loved the idea of them growing old together and had been sure he was the one for her. But somehow they hadn't been able to get through this. After their pregnancy scare everything fell apart. The relief she felt when the stick told them she wasn't pregnant was almost too empowering as it made Toby's heart break and shutter in pieces. She had seen in his eyes that a part of him wanted this. A part of him had wanted to start a family at that point, but Spencer didn't. It wasn't long before they couldn't make it work anymore.
Lost in her thoughts, Spencer looked down at Aria. She had finally drifted off into a hopefully peaceful sleep, but Spencer couldn't stop caressing her slim frame, wanting her to feel her presence. She remembered how she was the one to pull her out off the darkness after her brutal break up with Toby. She didn't know who else to call. Somehow, it had always been Aria who understood heartbreak the most.
"Spencer?", her voice sang through the phone while Spencer could hear the surprising but excited tone in her voice. And even though she had barely slept in the last few weeks and had cried more times and in the other 20 years of her life, she felt a tiny pit of joy at hearing her friend's voice.
"Aria.", she let out, failing to say all the words she wanted to. She had barely talked to anyone since Toby had decided for them to take a step back. He felt like they weren't on the same page anymore, and he told her he didn't want to be in her way of achieving the tings she strived for. They had argued all night, but Toby's decision to end their relationship was final, leaving Spencer devastated.
"Is everything okay?", Aria's tone had shifted from joyful to alarmed and Spencer was amazed how well Aria could read her even though they were thousand miles away from each other.
"I don't know.", she spoke quietly, gripping her phone as it was the end of a life line. "No. It's not.", she concluded, forcing her eyes to stay close and preventing the pressing tears from falling.
"What happened?" Spencer could picture Aria growing nervous; she was probably biting her lip and pacing nervously around her room.
"I - ", she couldn't do this over the phone. She didn't want to end up in tears again. Suddenly she wasn't even sure why she called. How was Aria supposed to fix her anyway when she wasn't even in the same state but somewhere in the deep south? What had she been thinking?
"Aria, I'm sorry. I don't know why I called. This was probably not a good idea. I just - I'm really glad you're okay. I will text you, soon, and - "
"Spencer!", she heard Aria practically yell into the phone from the other side and she bit down a small chuckle at her violent tone.
"Do you want me to visit?", the words were rushed out, preventing Spencer from hanging up. Spencer stood still for a moment. Did she want to? Almost two years had passed since she had last seen Aria in person. They had all wanted to meet for Christmas in Rosewood last year but in the end Aria couldn't make it because she and her family had spent Christmas with Mike who was currently staged at the military in Utah. Spencer had loved seeing everyone again, and things with Toby were still perfect at that time, but she had felt the absent presence of her tiny friend.
"Are you still there? If it is not a good time, I can understand."
This was it. Spencer could tell her that she was busy with exams and that she needed time to come to terms with things but she would promise to call Aria soon and would tell her not to worry. She would just say she would like to have reunion soon, but that she was just struggling with university. And maybe those were empty promises, but someday maybe she would actually call again. Aria would probably understand, she had probably enough on her mind, and she surely didn't truly care that much about Spencer anyway, not since their friendship had slipped through the distance and the passing time. Aria could handle a No.
"Please come." This was not what Spencer wanted to say at all! The words had left Spencer's mouth in a moment of trance. Maybe it was in a moment of weakness, but the words were out there and there was no turning back.
"I'm going to book a flight and I'm coming over for next weekend, okay? Whatever it is, you're going to get through this, Spence. You - ", Aria stopped talking then and Spencer could suddenly hear voices in the background. "Listen,", Aria spoke into phone a second later. "I really have to go now. I got to finish this presentation, but I am going to book that flight, okay? And don't tell me not to, unless you're not there that weekend because then it would be pointless to visit, you know? Anyway, I will text you the details as soon as I can. See you soon, Spence. I miss you." Aria had rambled so fast into the phone that Spencer couldn't have interrupted her flow of speech even if she had tried.
"See you soon.",She spoke into the phone quickly and heard the soft click indicating Aria had hung up. She looked at the phone at a moment and sighed, but this time it was more of a content sigh, because the weight of the last weeks felt suddenly a little lighter that day.
Spencer smiled at the distant memory. She had promised herself to let the memory stay far in the back of her mind, but since the day she had told Alex about Aria's visit in DC, she couldn't stop thinking about it, and a small part of her that was growing and growing throughout the course of time, didn't want to forget, but embrace it. Her fingers were still brushing through her sleeping friend's hair in a loving touch as she thought about the weekend Aria had finally come visit her.
"Spencer!", the tiny brunette squealed as soon as Spencer opened her door and moments later Spencer felt a warm feeling surround her shaking frame. Tiny arms held tightly onto her tall, slim frame and a head was pressed into her front. Spencer closed her eyes for a moment. Placing her own arms around the body that clung to her and rested her head against Aria's. She had missed this. She hadn't known how much she had missed this, until Aria was pressed against her so tightly that there was barely an inch of distance between them. Just as Spencer was about to close her eyes and fall into the comfort of her friend's arms, Aria stepped out of their embrace, grinning up at her.
"Come on, show me around!", Aria threw her bag carelessly into a corner of Spencer's room and Spencer was about to tell her to put it on the desk and not just leave it on the floor, when she felt Aria's hand reach for hers, dragging her into the hallway. And just like that tidiness didn't matter anymore.
They took the metro to get into the city and Spencer explained Aria the history of Washington and the buildings' architecture and took her to the White House. She showed her her favorite restaurant and went with her to her favorite spot in the par. Aria's arm was intertwined with hers the whole time and Spencer couldn't help but feel happy with the way Aria's eyes lit up when she talked about the city and why Spencer had grown to love it there. She had noted how differently Aria reacted to Spencer's admiration of the city compared to Toby. When he had visited her in the beginning she tried to drag him around town, but somehow Toby didn't really seem interested. He rather talked about Rosewood and how he wished they could go back together and start their lives as one. Back then, Spencer had thought it was romantic but in that moment, as she saw the way Aria smiled whenever Spencer told her about a part of the city she liked, she didn't really think anymore that Toby had been romantic but rather just annoyed with Washington.
Even though Spencer was not in a mood to go out and party until the early morning hours, Aria had practically forced her to one of the dorm parties down the hall. Spencer didn't even know the people that were chatting in the small room, filling up cups or playing beer pong in the kitchen. She stood next to Aria who was engaged in some conversation with James, the guy who had invited them to come over earlier and Spencer nervously sipped on her drink; trying to think of the last time she had alcohol burning down her throat.
"Hey, what's up?" She turned around to see a tall, blonde guy approach her with her smirk. She could tell by the way his breath smelled that he had had his fair share of alcohol already.
"I'm good. Thanks." She turned to Aria for support, clearly not interested in chatting with a stranger, but her friend didn't seem to notice Spencer as she laughed about something James had said.
"You're friend seems busy." He winked and Spencer rolled her eyes. "Yeah."
"I'm Matthew, by the way.", he offered his hand, and Spencer took it hesitantly.
"Spencer."
It turned out talking to Matthew wasn't as bad as she thought as he had just wanted to start a conversation because his group of friends had left to go to some club. Still, Spencer couldn't stop stealing glances at Aria and the way her friend leaned into her new found friend. Spencer knew deep down Aria was still hurting over Ezra, but she didn't think Aria would flirt so shamelessly with the first guy who showed interest.
"Jealous?"
"What?", Spencer turned her eyes away from Aria and looked at Matthiew.
"The way you are looking at those two is adorable. Are you into him?", he drank some of his coke, having explained that he should cut down on the alcohol and was chuckling at Spencer.
"No.", Spencer replied firmly, rolling her eyes when he raised an eyebrow.
"So you are into her then?"
"What? No! Aria is my friend. I'm not gay, or bisexual or whatever. I am not.", the way she rushed out those words defensively made Matthew laugh louder.
"Okay, slow down. You know, it shouldn't really be about labelling things. I know you said you're not gay, but I don't know why people put a label on anything? I mean it should be about the person, right? About character and being attracted to someone and about chemistry? I had a friend who had been straight as an arrow all her life, and then boom she met this one girl on a trip to Europe at the end of college and she knows she is the love of her life. And she swears it is the only woman she has ever really felt attracted to until today. She doesn't faint over women in magazines like she might do when she sees a famous male celebrity exposed with a six pick, but her wife – she says she is the most precious thing on earth. I think that alone is proof that we have it all wrong."
"That's a really touching story." The alcohol has stopped to burn and her eyes were fixed on Aria. Somehow Matthew's words didn't leave her mind.
"It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to fall in love with a friend, you know." Spencer heard Matthew say and she had already turned around to tell him once more that she didn't have feelings for Aria when she saw him stand up from the couch they shared. "Don't, Spencer. Just think about. I actually have to go now, but it was nice talking to you. See you around. And don't be a stranger." He smiled at her before disappearing into the crowd, moving his way outside the small dorm.
"Spence!", she heard someone squeal and suddenly Aria had smashed a wet kiss on her cheek and arms circled her in. Aria nuzzled her face into Spencer and her breath tickled her on the side of her neck. Aria swayed them back and force to the rhythm of the music playing in the background, giggling at the movement, and Spencer had to stop Aria from moving as it was starting to make her feel dizzy.
"Where is James?", Spencer asked and she didn't even try to hide the cynical tone in her voice when saying the guy's name.
Aria didn't seem to notice anyway as she shrugged her shoulders and snuggled into the warmth of Spencer again. "You're warm and soft. Like a big teddy bear."
Spencer laughed, patting Aria on the head. "I am so not a teddy bear."
"Yeah! You are!" Suddenly Aria leaped up from the couch. "We need shots!" Spencer was about to argue as she could already feel the room moving, but Aria had already returned with two shots for each of them and gave her smile so wide Spencer couldn't resist.
...
"Why are boys so stupid?" Both girls were sort of stumbling into the direction of Spencer's dorm, swaying drunken from side to side, and Aria had to hold on to Spencer for support so she wouldn't fall.
"It's because they have a penis.", Spencer snorted and Aria chuckled.
"Home sweet home.", Spencer breathed out as she fumbled for the keys that were buried inside her purse. Aria was bouncing up and down the hallway when suddenly she started yelling: "Boys are stupid because they have a penis!" Spencer's eyes grew wide at the volume of Aria's voice, and in an instant opened the door, dragging Aria inside the room and closing the dorm. She was relieved that her roommate was staying at her boyfriend's apartment for the weekend and had offered Aria her bed.
She was about to say something, when suddenly she felt arms coming up from behind and a head pressed into her back. "I missed you, Spence." She smiled at Aria's words and turned to face the smaller girl whose arms were still around her.
"I missed you, too. I'm sorry I didn't call more often."
"It's okay.", Spencer had told Aria about the messy break up with Toby before in the park and Aria had comforted her in the best way she could.
Aria grinned up at her and Spencer tucked back a strand of hair that had fallen in front of her face.
"Can I ask you something?" She was suddenly nervous. Matthew's words were still circling in her mind and the way Aria clung to her made her weak in the knees. She didn't know if it was the alcohol talking or something else.
"Of course.", Aria giggled and she warmed at the bright smile that greeted her.
"Have you ever … kissed a girl?"
Aria's eyes popped up for second but then she moved her eyes around, looking like she was pondering how to answer the question.
"Yeah.", she answered then, giggling and moving her fingers slightly over Spencer's sides. Spencer could feel the goosebumps forming on her skin, her eyes not leaving Aria.
"You have?" She was surprised.
"Of course! t's fun", she chuckled again and Spencer wasn't sure what to say.
"You mean in college? Or before?"
"I kissed Hanna once. So drunk.", and there was giggling again but this time Spencer didn't like it at all.
"Hanna?! What? You and Hanna kissed? When?" Spencer's arms slipped from Aria's body, but Aria refused to let go.
"Oh come on, Spencey! It was some dare at a party. Don't be jealous, teddy bear!", she laughed as she cupped Spencer's cheeks in one quick move with both hands and pressed without warning her lips against Spencer's. Before Spencer could understand what was happening, Aria had drawn back her lips, giving her an amused look.
"There. Now we kissed, too." To say she was surprised was an understatement. She could still feel Aria's soft lips on hers, her strawberry lip gloss leaving a sweet taste on her mouth and the way Aria's lips fit to hers astonished her. She had never even thought about kissing a woman before and now that she had, she wanted more – but she didn't want just any woman to kiss, she wanted Aria.
"Yeah. We kissed.", she repeated in awe and Aria raised an eyebrow at her.
"Are you okay, Spence?"
Spencer didn't know what came over her in that moment, or where the sudden impulse came from. She rarely did anything spontaneous, or daring but in this moment alcohol and desire seemed to take over her brain and Spencer's lips crashed down on Aria's without warning. Aria was quick to react, snacking her arm around Spencer's neck, drawing her closer into her. She could feel Aria's lips moving on her own and felt her lips part as Aria's tongue slipped into her mouth, making her moan into her. Spencer's hand cupped Aria's cheeks, tracing her fingers over the porcelain skin. Tongues battled and hands wandered and Spencer's feet shifted towards the bed, never letting go of Aria. Even though the alcohol made her room spin, she was careful not to crush her tiny friend's body when she lowered Aria onto the bed. The need to breath finally won over the desire she had discovered and she could see Aria's chest moving up and down in panting breaths.
Spencer's hand moved to the side of Aria's head, caressing her cheekbone and tracing her fingers over Aria's rosy lips.
"This is new.", she heard Aria break the silence and a smirk formed on the smaller girl's lips. She wanted to say something, her brain tried to communicate with her but Spencer couldn't understand what it was telling her, so she followed the desire that once again rose inside her and reconnected their lips again. Aria's soft moans filled her ears like music and Spencer swore it was the most adorable sound she had ever listened to. The way Aria mumbled her name against her lips let her feel all the butterflies moving inside her and she couldn't grasp on the feeling she got when Aria softly bit on her upper lip. Still, Spencer wanted more. Thoughts of Toby or any other man were long forgotten and all Spencer could see was Aria. Still kissing her with everything in her, she moved her fingers to the garment of Aria's dress, reaching the end of it, and slowly lifting it, so she could trace her fingers along Aria's long legs. She stopped when her hand came in contact with Aria's underwear but Aria didn't seem to notice as she was to busy leaving kisses on Spencer's neck, her fingers scratching along Spencer's exposed back. Spencer's hand travelled further then and reached Aria's abdomen, tracing incoherent words on the soft skin and humming softly as Aria's lips moved against her. She felt Aria's hand reach for her dress, and helped her remove it from her body, before removing hers. Both dressed in underwear only Spencer couldn't help but feel captivated by Aria's beauty.
"I want you, Spencer.", she heard Aria softly say. Suddenly, Spencer was aware of the weight of those words. The alcohol had worn off and Spencer wanted nothing more than to slip off Aria's bra and panties and experience something she never thought she would even think about with a girl. But as the alcohol left her system, her brain seemed to be put in function and even though she still wanted this to continue more than anything else in that moment she wouldn't risk their friendship over this. Everything until this point they could explain as friends experimenting in college. They could blame it on the amount of alcohol they had drunk and their problems of dating the wrong guys. Everything until this point was innocent. There was only so much of a step to cross the border.
"Spencer?", Aria's lips moved teasingly down her neck, to the top of her chest, just above Spencer's bra, and Spencer bit down a moan as she felt Aria's tongue make small movements on her bare skin.
"Aria.", she moaned and forced her hands not to rip off the last barrier of clothes.
"Stop.", she whimpered suddenly and Aria drew back instantly, rolling away from underneath Spencer. Spencer felt the warmth of Aria's body leave her and she turned to Aria who was now sitting on the end of the bed, covering her body and looking around the room in the dark, probably for her dress.
"No. Aria, no. Babe.", Spencer's hands moved to Aria's slim frame. Softly encircling her and drawing her close, kissing her head and shifting her so that both of them were lying down on Spencer's bed again. Feeling the cold she pulled up the blanket, covering their almost naked bodies. She could see Aria's tears through the dim room, as lights from passing cars flashed into the window. She kissed them away in a light touch, moving her arms up and down Aria's body. Upsetting her was the last thing she wanted to.
"It is not that I don't want you, Aria. It is not that. Because I do."
She felt Aria move closer, her eyes locking with hers and a small smirk formed on her lips. Spencer let out a sigh of relief at seeing her smile.
"Then what is it?", Aria's hand had moved to caress the side of Spencer's face and she felt the tingling from her touch all down to her toes.
"I don't want this to be a drunken mistake, Aria. We are hurt and we had had alcohol and we live in different parts of the country." Spencer didn't know why she said that last part. Was she thinking for even a second to make this a long term thing? Either way, she knew she wouldn't let an one time incident ruin their long time friendship. Aria's mind felt probably as dizzy as hers, and she had probably had even more alcohol than Spencer had and she sure as hell wasn't going to take advantage of her best friend.
"I'm not drunk anymore.", came the soft whisper as Aria played with the straps of Spencer's bra, making it hard for Spencer not to lose control.
"We still are. A little bit. And that is okay." She kissed Aria's nose playfully making her giggle softly. "I don't want this to be some one night stand. I want to think of this as an experience I made with my best friend. Something I could have never done with anyone else."
"Yeah." She could feel Aria's head nod against her. "I like the idea of that."
Spencer could feel how Aria's breathing slowed down a little and she knew it would not be long until her friend drifted off to sleep. She brushed her fingers through her short locks with one hand, caressing Aria's arm with the other – the need to physically touch her not wearing off as she felt herself being lulled to sleep by Aria's pattern of deep breaths.
"I am really glad you came. I love you, Aria.", Spencer whispered quietly and closed her eyes, believing the other girl had already falling asleep.
"Love you, too, Spence.", Aria mumbled, her lips tickling Spencer's neck as they moved in speech. Spencer sighed contently, tightening her hold on Aria as she kissed her tiny head once more before closing her eyes; feeling truly happy for the first time since before she broke things off with Toby.
Spencer's hand didn't stop to move through her friend's hair. She smiled at the distant memory. When they had woken up the next day, Aria had kissed her cheek lovingly before moving to take a shower and get dressed as she couldn't be late for her flight. After she had packed everything she had sat on the edge of the bed, where Spencer had laid motionless for a moment, just starring up at her. She had said that she didn't regret what had happened and that she would treasure the memory in her heart but that it was for the best to keep quiet about it. Spencer understood where she was coming from. She didn't want that night to affect their friendship either and it was too risky to bring up the memory again in case someone listened. So they decided to let it be what it was. A memory between two friends experiencing one another before taking the final step. Having a sleeping Aria tightly in her arms, she kissed the bridge of her nose softly, snuggling into the warmth of her body and closing her eyes, thinking about Matthew's words. Maybe it wasn't the worst thing in the world to fall in love with Aria. Maybe it really wasn't.
"Aria?", Aria had already passed security and waited patiently in line with the other passengers as Spencer's mind began to burn with an unanswered question.
She saw Aria turn and raise an eyebrow in confusing, but not without smiling at her through the slim walls of glass.
"I kiss better than Hanna, right?", Spencer asked a little nervous and waited patiently for Aria to answer.
"Of course you do, Spence.", Aria laughed and waved her hand in a goodbye one more time.
Spencer grinned in satisfaction. She really enjoyed being on top of her game.
...
I hope you liked the Chapter and are not too disappointed that Spencer stopped them, I just thought it something Spencer would do and following the story of Pretty Little Liars up to the point where AD is revealed as Alex Drake, I think it would have changed the relationship between Spencer and Aria in a much more drastic way if they had in fact slept together.
Leave some words please, feedback brightens my day! see you next time!
Much love.