Hi! wow! I was blown away with the feedback I got for the last chapter. You don't know how much your words and support meant to me! I want to thank especially those who comment on my writing and that one comment about not even noticing that english is not my first language made me so happy! :) Thank you, Thank you! I always enjoy how in the reviews there is a little war between Sparia and Arlex shippers and I am glad you are enjoying this journey :)
Even though this chapter might make some people realize in which direction this story will go, I hope you all will still join me to the end! I will continue this journey as a writer, as long as you will have me :)
But for now, feel hugged and thanked and enjoy this chapter :)
...
She looked at the tiny woman that sat on the wooden chair in the corner of the cold cell, looking ahead with a thoughtful expression on her face. Even though she was right in front of her, she looked so far away. Alex knew Aria's mind was somewhere else, probably with Spencer. Even though she didn't feel any hate towards Spencer anymore, she still felt jealous when she was once again reminded of the strong connection between Aria and her sister. As soon as Aria had stepped into the cell, Alex had noticed that something was wrong. Very wrong. When she got that phone call a few days ago and the only thing she heard was someone breathing heavily into the speaker a bad feeling had started inside her almost instantly. She had tried to call Aria's number then, but all she got was voicemail. She was surprised when Aria showed up a few minutes ago, entering the cell with no words, just a small smile as to greet her. Since then she had not said anything other then: "Spencer found out." Alex didn't need any more details as she placed the pieces together and got a quite good picture of the events that had probably happened. Just as she was about to try and say something to cheer Aria up, the shorter woman's lips parted.
"She told me to chose." Alex noticed how Aria's voice lacked any emotion and she couldn't remember another time she had seen her so indifferent. As soon as her mind registered her words, she felt her heart drop. She knew that Aria would chose Spencer over her any day. They had been best friends since they were kids and the way she spoke about her made Alex realize that she didn't stand a chance in this competition.
"Is this goodbye, then?", her voice was low and hoarse and Alex body shook with fear. She was about to lose the one person who believed in her, she was about to lose everything that had ever mattered to her in seconds and even though she didn't want to be mad at Aria for wanting to save her friendship with Spencer, she felt hurt and devastated.
Aria's hand rose as she pressed her inner palm to her head, as if to make a headache go away. "She waited for me too chose. She told me it was you or her, but I couldn't get the words out, so she threw me out of there."
Alex couldn't believe what she was hearing. Aria couldn't chose? Did that mean she had an actual chance to keep seeing her? She tried to not get too excited, but she couldn't control how her heart that jumped up and down with joy.
"I am sorry, Aria.", she began. And she truly was hurting for Aria. She didn't like to see her so sad, and she wished she could do something to make things better. "But I am really glad you came to see me." Alex wanted to be honest. She had spent her whole life lying and betraying people who didn't deserve the mistreatment and she had decided it wasn't what she wanted to anymore.
Aria gave her small nod in response and the corner of her lips formed almost an actual smile. Almost.
"I don't know why I am here honestly. I am risking everything to be talking to you. But I didn't want you to think I gave up on you - " Alex couldn't believe what she was listening to. This was a dream come true. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought of having a real chance to be with Aria now. If it meant that Aria chose her over Spencer, did that mean they had a chance now to be together? Aria surely hadn't missed the sexual tension between them and the more Alex looked at Aria the more she wanted nothing more than to grab her hand and kiss her until she couldn't breathe anymore.
"I am so happy to hear that. You don't know how much that means to me Aria. I know this must be hard, but I am sure things will get better in the future." Tears welled up in her eyes at the joy she felt.
"I can't believe you chose me."
The words left her without thinking and as soon as she spoke them she regretted them. The facial expression on Aria's face had changed and she stood, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. "Alex, I didn't chose you over Spencer. You understand that, right? I am here because I want you to get better. I want you to have a real chance at life. But being here does not mean that I chose you over her, or that she is less important to me."
Even though she would have expected them, hearing those words didn't stop her from feeling crushed. The heart that had jumped in excitement just seconds ago had dropped low and she forced herself to simply nod.
"Can I ask you something, though? No excuses. Just the truth." She had always wanted to ask Aria something that was burning in her head and now that she felt like she could lose her any moment, that any moment could be their last one shared together, she felt brave enough to ask.
Aria seemed taken aback, but she nodded. "Yeah, sure."
"Do you actually care about me? Because I feel like you do. And I really hope you're not here just to prove to Spencer that I am somewhat healed again and getting better. And please tell me I am not just an unfinished project to you. Because if you are just here so that someday Spencer and I will reconcile and be one happy family, you can leave. I messed up, I know that. And I wish someday she will be able to forgive me for what I did, but it has to be at the right time. She needs to have dealt with everything first. So - are you just here to help out Spencer, or me?"
Alex noticed the surprise that shone in Aria's eyes and she felt dizzy while waiting for Aria to answer. Somehow it was so much more to her than a silly question. She wanted to know if there was actually someone who really cared about her, and not just because it might help or benefit someone else.
"I promised you the truth. And the truth is I started out visiting you as much for Spencer as for myself. I needed to deal with what happened, I needed answers and I figured you were the best way to do that. And I wanted for you to get better so Spencer could have a real chance to have another sister. But I did care about you from that night you confessed everything to me in my bedroom. I saw how much you were hurt by your own actions and I felt the urge to help you. I felt that pull towards you and I needed to know you got better."
It wasn't everything Alex wanted to hear, but it was the truth and that was the best answer she could get. She smiled "Okay."
Both women held eyes for a moment, before a ringtone interrupted the small moment between them. Aria glanced at her phone quickly and stood up then, letting it ring in the background. "I have to go."
Alex tried not look too disappointed but stood up to lead her to the door of the small room. "Will I see you again?", she asked in a timid voice and she hoped with everything in her that she would.
"Yeah." It was rather an unsure whisper than a concrete answer, but she would take what she got. Alex smiled then and bravely stepped forward to hug the girl who she harbored so much intense feelings for. Aria didn't seem to mind though as her hands moved around her too.
"Goodbye.", Aria said smiling and before they parted Alex leaned down to leave a kiss on the rosy cheek, when suddenly Aria pulled away completely. "No."
Rejected and hurt Alex took a step back, waiting for Aria to explain.
"Alex. If I am going to visit you, I am going to be here as your friend. I am sorry, but I can't." She was about to push the door open, when Alex smacked it close again, pushing her palm to the wood in front of them.
"Why? You like me. I know you do. You kissed me back the other day! I felt it! This is more than a friend coming to visit and you know it!"
"I am really sorry, Alex. I am sorry I gave you the wrong impression. I was hurt. I felt lonely because Ezra and I had just broken up, but I can't be with you like that. I will try and see you and we can talk and I will get you through this, but you need to stop doing these things."
Alex knew she should feel grateful for at least having Aria as her friend, as someone who really cared - but it hurt all the same. Every possibility of having something real with this beautiful soul shattered into air and for her that was the worst feeling in the world.
…
The day passed and Aria still hadn't heard anything from Spencer. She had tried calling her and even showed up at her doorstep once but with no success of seeing her. All Aria could see was the heartbroken face of her best friend before she had asked her to leave. She knew she was stupid for not answering her right away, but even though it was not a question who she would choose over, Aria still felt that Spencer asking that was wrong. She had never really been put in such a situation before and part of her was hurt that Spencer had seemed willing to cut Aria out of her life immediately. The hardworking writer had read enough novels and had watched enough romantic comedies to know that people who make someone chose between them and somebody else couldn't be too sure of their relationship. And still Aria tried. She had talked to Hanna for two seconds, who had basically called her a bitch and hung up right away and then had called Emily, who had called back when she was with Alex. When they finally talked, she had gone into the bathroom so Alison wouldn't know she was speaking to her as Ali was beyond pissed as well and apparently didn't want Emily to talk to her either. Emily had also given her some piece of mind but unlike the others she had actually listened to her side of the story and said she wouldn't stop being her friend just now. Aria was glad she had at least Emily she could count on, even though their conversation was cut short as Emily had to go back to Ali.
She hadn't talked to Alex since her last visit over a week ago. She did text her to check on her though and promised to visit again soon. She figured things couldn't go worse than they already were and at least she could feel like she did something that mattered. She still held a flicker of hope that one day Spencer would see why Aria so desperately wanted for Alex to get better and that they could form a relationship that wouldn't be based on mutual hatred.
Sitting in her pajamas on her parent's couch in the living room, she stirred the coffee in her right hand and wondered how she had become so lonely in such a short period of time. She had debated calling Ezra for a minute, but she didn't want to drag him into more chaos and she also didn't want other problems to rise again so she had given up on that thought rather quickly. Her parents were fortunately both on holiday, so at least they weren't being nosy and hadn't asked a bunch of question when she had told them she would be staying at the house again. She glanced at the ticking clock in front of her and saw it was almost midnight. It was a Saturday night and she wondered if her friends were out somewhere, celebrating that she was finally kicked out of the circle.
…
"Spencer I don't think you should drink any more of these." Emily remarked as she tried to reach for Spencer's shot of tequila. Spencer didn't really comprehend what was happening around her but she did know that in that moment alcohol was the one thing that numbed the pain in her heart so she wanted more of that. As Emily took her glass away she reached for it again, giving Emily an angry look.
"Hey, that's mine, Em! Get your own!"
She saw how the tanned girl shook her head. "Spencer, you've had enough!"
"No! No!", she whined like a small child, reaching again for her treat. "Mine!"
Suddenly a blonde girl appeared next to Emily, and it took Spencer a second to realize it was Hanna. "Hanna!", she excitedly screamed and evolved her in a tight hug. She could hear her whisper something into Emily's ear that sounded like "What's up with her?", but Spencer was too intoxicated to fully grasp the words. Soon another blonde stood next to her friends and Spencer's mind felt dizzy.
"Hanna, you have a twin!", she observed as she pointed to the other blond in shock.
"Spencer, it's me Ali.", the other blond explained with a shaking of her head and Spencer laughed loudly, forgetting for a moment that she needed more booze.
She felt an arm grab her waist and jerked around to see Emily slowly guiding her away from the bar. Understanding what was happening she stopped and firmly pushed her feet to the floor in order to stop moving. She looked to the bar and smiled wildly, thinking of shots of Tequila and Margaritas. "I want more of that!"
"Spencer we are taking you home!", Hanna chimed in and dragged her across the dance floor as her head was spinning and her vision blurred.
She felt a little sick as she opened her eyes again and recognized the house they were parked in front. She turned sideways to find Emily and Alison on either of her sides and turned to see that Hanna was sat in the front seat.
"I've got her.", she recognized Hanna's voice say and saw how the blonde walked out of the taxi and to Spencer's door. She felt too sick to move and thought she might throw up on the spot but Hanna managed to get her out of the taxi and with a quick goodbye to Ali and Emily she helped her to the barn.
The flickering of the lights hurt her eyes, but it was soon forgotten as she felt her stomach grumble and she sprinted towards the bathroom, heals clicking behind her. She felt her hair being pushed away, and heard Hanna's comforting voice. Half an hour later, after cleaning up and drinking lot's of water she felt slightly better and a little more sober. Hanna had not left her side and was now rubbing circles on her back.
"Are you better?", she asked motherly and Spencer slowly nodded.
"Yeah, thanks for taking me home."
"Of course.", her blonde friend gave her assuring smile and Spencer felt lucky to have such caring she son friends by her side in moments like these.
"You should get some sleep, Spence. I will stay with you, all right?"
As much as she appreciated her help she wanted rather to be alone.
"Han, I am really glad you've been here to help me but I think I would like to be by myself for a while."
Hanna's eyes softened at the tiredness in Spencer's voice. "Are you sure? I don't feel good to leave you here by yourself."
"I'm sure. And if I am not anymore I will call okay? Text me when you're home. The Uber is on me."
Hanna gave in and with a soft kiss to her forehead and one last smile she disappeared to the door.
When Hanna left Spencer took another bottle of water finished it half and popped a paracetamol into her mouth for the pain in her head to decrease. She was still feeling tipsy as she made her way through her kitchen. She wondered what had made her drink so much in the first place when suddenly Aria's name rushed through her mind.
Subconsciously she reached for her phone pushing through her contacts to find Aria's name blind her on the bright screen. She knew that calling her was irrational and stupid but the alcohol clouded parts of her brain and she suddenly thought it wasn't such a bad idea. She wanted to get her anger out and she concluded that it wasn't fair for her to be so heartbroken when Aria was probably on the phone with Alex. In one swift motion she grabbed for her jacket, glad that Aria's house was just around the corner. Earlier in the evening Emily had slipped that Aria was staying with her parents again even though they were away again and that had earned quite a look of disbelief from Ali who wasn't very happy about the obvious conversation they had shared.
After stumbling over her back yard and making her way towards Aria's house in one piece, she stormed to Aria's door. Wide awake and confident she let her fist hammer at the wooden door, waiting for an answer.
...
"Spencer?", Aria was surprised when she saw her friend stand just inches away from her and she didn't know weather to feel thankful or scared.
She moved slightly to let her pass.
"Why?", Spencer asked in a desperate tone and searched with her eyes for an answer. Aria was confused.
"Why what?"
"Why did you chose her? Why did you chose her over me? Why does it hurt so so much? Just why?"
She saw tears streaming down Spencer's face and wanted nothing more than to hold her. She could see that she was trying hard to keep a balance and that she had probably been drinking. Her heart ached for her and she wanted to step closer. But it wasn't the right time. At least not yet.
"Spencer I didn't chose her over you. You know I could and would never do that. But you took me by surprise by even asking me to chose. Like it didn't matter to you if you lost me at all."
"Like it didn't matter?! Aria I've been trying to hold on to you since the day I got thrown into that gutter by that stupid creep! You were the one who got me through it! The thought of you being save and you coming to my rescue! And then you did and I - I just. I really tried, Aria. I tried not to, but I couldn't help it."
Aria was confused. There was something that Spencer was holding back, something that she wasn't fully saying. "What? What is it?"
"It doesn't matter anymore. There is Alex now and you - so I will try and forget.", Spencer half slurred. Aria blinked. She didn't know what Spencer meant with that.
"Spence, I told Alex -" Spencer didn't even let her finish the sentence as she pressed a cold hand to her mouth.
"Stop! Stop saying her name!" Aria could smell the alcohol on her breath and she grew concerned as Spencer's eyes seemed to wander dizzily around the room.
"How much did you drink, Spencer?"
"Now you care? I am a grown woman! If I want to get drunk, I can!", she had never seen Spencer this way. She was normally the responsible one, the one in control and see her lose that side made Aria realize that something was really not okay.
"Spencer. What's wrong? Talk to me. What is it that you can't tell me? Please. Maybe I can help."
"Don't you get it? You cannot help me! You cannot help me because you are the problem, Aria!"
The small woman blinked as Spencer's words hit hard. "What?"
"God. Are you really that blind?"
Silence took over the room for awhile as Aria was to dumbfounded to say anything.
"I am in love with you!" The world stopped and all Aria could do was stare into the dark brown eyes of her friend. Her heart pounded wildly. She wanted to say something, but Spencer beat her.
"And I don't want to be because all it does is hurting me! I've been hurting non stop because I can't think about anything else than you!"
"Spencer. I -", she tried again. Emotions swirling in her body. She didn't know what to think of this, but she couldn't ignore the warm feeling she felt.
"I have been so stupid all this time! All this time this tiny part of me felt hope. All I can think about is Washington. Do you even remember that night? Or has Alex succeeded to brainwash you fully now?!"
"Listen - " She needed Spencer to listen, so they could both talk and figure this out. Just the two of them.
The other woman shook her head, clearly not wanting Aria to explain.
"I don't want to hear it! I am in love with you, Aria. I love you. But I hate you all the same. For making me feel that way, for making me forget everything around me and for doing all these dump and irrational things - like showing up here in the middle of the night because my stupid heart misses you!"
"Spencer!", Aria begged one more time but it was no use. She felt her heart ache as Spencer moved to the door. She wanted so desperately to hold on but she felt her slip away in seconds and she could do nothing to stop it from happening.
"Don't. I will forget. It will take time but I will get over you, eventually. So don't. Just please. Leave me alone. Don't call. Don't text. Because you're making it so hard not to love you, Aria. And I can't. I just can't keep loving you. It's killing me."
She was gone before Aria could say anything else and Aria's mind went blank for a moment.
It took Aria a second to realize what was happening and then her feed took over her body and she was sprinting after Spencer.
"Spence! Spencer, wait!"
She rushed to the street, trying to catch up with her friend as she saw her back in the dark. The only light illuminating her tall body were the few street lights. She grabbed hold of the first thing she could catch, an elbow, and didn't let go. She felt an electric jolt rush through her as Spencer's body turned and Spencer's eyes burned into hers.
...
I hope you liked it :) I have already the next chapter half written, but I am curious about what you guys think will happen :) Also, even though it seems that this story is going into the direction of Sparia, Alex will not disappear! I have some plans for her, so be patient please!
I am going away again for a few weeks, but I wanted to finish this before I leave because you were so awesome at reviewing that I just had to give you another chapter and a direction before this little break :)
So - Spencer deserves some happiness, right? Let's see how long she has to wait for that...