hey there. I am back with yet another chapter! Enjoy!

...

Silence. It was the most painful sound to Aria's ears. She laid in bed motionless, waiting desperately for her phone to ring. She had run out of ideas as to where Spencer might be, and Aria doubted she was even home as there was no light shining from one of the rooms when she had passed it earlier. She tried not to worry, tried to not think of the scenarios that normally went through her head whenever one of the girls wasn't in constant communication with them. Aria tried to calm down, telling herself that Spencer didn't want to be found because she wanted to be alone, but somehow nothing worked and she felt her heart ache more and more for the tall brunette.

Thinking back to the night, she felt shivers run through her body. She wanted Spencer to understand how confused she was. She had been attracted to guys all her life, had wanted to marry Ezra just months ago – so why could Spencer not understand how difficult it was for Aria to accept the fact that she was falling for a woman? She knew she wanted to be with Spencer. And her mind couldn't shut off with imaginary pictures and the sound of her voice - but love was something Aria had only really felt once. With Ezra. And it was so consuming, almost too consuming, that she just wasn't sure if she wanted to feel it again. Being with Ezra had meant to make sacrifices – to the point where she had almost lost her own self in the aftermaths of finding out about his book, in the way she had given up her high school experiences to date an older guy, perhaps missing out on better colleges, or more flirts or simply more fun. And she had been too involved, too clouded with emotions to ever really speak up, to fight for what she wanted. Her whole high school experience was branded by him, her teenage years didn't even feel like teenage years as she and her friends had been to busy too fight A and Aria was too busy hooking up with Ezra behind closed doors – all while being scared of getting caught, and then scared of not being good enough for someone as experienced and as educated as her English teacher. Aria sighed deeply as she looked up to the ceiling. It was simple, really. She was scared. Scared of falling in love again; scared of giving up herself in order to become part of a relationship – but mostly, Aria was scared of not being good enough for someone as driven and as perfectionist as Spencer Hastings.

…

Alex laid still. The night would soon fade away into morning and yet another day would pass that went without seeing her. She missed her, even though she didn't want to. Every time she was there, things were better, easier. Dean was trying. He really was a great guy and he could even get her to laugh from time to time with one of his silly jokes but Alex still missed the small brunette that had taken a part of her heart she didn't know existed. She knew she could never compete with her sister. Jealousy spread through her body at the simple thought of Aria choosing Spencer over her. And it evoked something in Alex she had tried so hard to push away – anger and envy. She couldn't help but think how unfair it was that Spencer had once again been the lucky one. It made her mind race and she desperately tried to keep those horrible thoughts lurking at the surface in the back of her mind. She wanted to get better, she didn't want to be crazy anymore, but she also needed some kind of motivation to move on, to go on with her treatment – she just hoped that Aria would come back soon and give her the strength she was yearning for.

…

Stepping into the dark apartment, she flicked on the lights and pushed her suitcase inside. She closed the heavy door and went to grab her water bottle out of her small bag, collapsing on the soft couch in exhaustion. Her eyes wandered over the walls and the paintings which she didn't recognize. She was glad she had found an apartment to stay in so quickly. She thanked the internet silently and pulled her legs up on the sofa, relaxing as she starred a the bare ceiling. Hours ago she had wished for nothing else than this. Silence. Being alone. She reached into her jeans pocket to look at her phone, blinking in surprise when she saw that she had more than 13 unanswered calls and over 20 unread messages. She scrolled through them, the hint of a frown tugging at her lips when she realized they were all from her friends who were starting to get worried over her quick disappearance. Most calls were from Aria. She sighed at seeing her name, but she refused to call her back. Instead, she typed in a group message to let them all know she was okay but needed some time to be alone. Not a second later though after she pressed "send", her phone rang once more. She squinted her eyes as she saw Hanna's name lighting up on the screen. For a millisecond she thought of declining the call, but then she decided she might as well talk to her in order for the others to leave her alone.

"Hello?"

"Spencer?", Hanna exclaimed, her voice mixed with both - anger and relief.

"Yeah, it's me. I told you I am fine."

"Where are you?"

She debated telling her or not. "I'd rather not say."

"Bullshit! We were all worried sick! I know what happened! I know what happened with Aria. She's been all over the place since you've been missing! Where the hell are you?", Hanna yelled through the phone and Spencer had to push her phone away from her ear.

"I am fine, Hanna. I am in Washington, okay? I just need time.", Spencer finally revealed, hoping their discussion would end.

"In Washington? Why? Spencer, you can't just flee from your problems! Are you staying at a hotel or something?!"

"Hanna, I don't want to stay in Rosewood anymore, okay? It's toxic. I don't know why anyone would want to live there voluntarily. You should all just leave that horrible place. And no. I am not at some hotel, okay? I am on campus. There was a student flat free, so I took it."

"But Roewood's home.", Hanna's voice was weak and Spencer guessed that Hanna knew she was right.

"If home is Rosewood, I would rather be homeless." She sighed deeply. "I am sorry. I just couldn't stay there anymore. I need a fresh start. I need to be by myself. Please tell the others, too. And tell Aria that I am sorry, but that I can't talk to her right now. Goodbye, Han."

Before Hanna could get out another word, Spencer had hung up, shutting her phone off and enjoying the silence of her new home.

…

Days passed and even though Aria knew that Spencer was safe in Washington, she couldn't help but miss her terribly. She still hurt over Spencer's parting without so much as a goodbye and she couldn't understand how easy it was for Spencer to cut ties completely with her and the other girls. It had been over a week since she had seen her and as time went on she began to lose hope slowly. She knew that she wanted to try. The only thing holding her back from jumping on a plane that second was the fear of hurting Spencer even more.

Thoughts of Spencer continued to fill her mind as she knocked slowly on the closed door, waiting to be let in. She knew that it was a bad idea coming to visit Alex, but she had grown to like talking to her and even if the girls wouldn't like her saying it, she had missed her. Over the weeks, Alex had become a friend. A friend she wanted to help out and she couldn't back out now, even if it meant to go behind everyone's back. She hated betraying her friends, but Spencer had left them by themselves in less than a second – without a word – and for Aria that was much worse than to help out a bruised soul.

"Come in.", she heard her tired voice and Aria entered the room hesitantly. She wasn't sure what to expect and she hoped that Alex wouldn't hate her for being absent for so long.

"Hey, Alex.", she smiled briefly, letting Alex know that she cared.

Alex's eyes widened in surprise as she turned to Aria and returned the smile softly. She placed the book she was reading on the side and got up from the bed, standing awkwardly in front of her. Breaking the tense atmosphere, Aria leaned forward and hugged the other girl, squeezing her briefly before letting go to sit on one of the chairs. Her eyes travelled to the book on the bed.

"I see you're allowed to have books?", Aria was happy to know that Alex seemed to make progress.

"Yeah.", the other girl chuckled as she sat down on the bed. "Nothing too crazy, though. It's a story about friendship."

"Sounds nice."

"It is."

"How are you?", Aria dared to ask as her eyes tried to find the answer by looking over Alex's outer appearance. She was glad when she noticed how healthy she looked compared to the first time she saw her in that room and couldn't help but feel proud.

"Good. Better. Dean is really trying and he is helping me whenever I feel I could slip." Alex smiled widely. "I was allowed to go with him to the park the other day.", she proudly added and Aria couldn't help but grin at the good news.

"That's so awesome! I am really proud of you, Alex!"

Alex's cheeks turned into a rosy color and she turned her head a little, possibly to hide her blush. Aria bit her lip, thinking that maybe she had said something to make the situation uncomfortable but Alex looked back at her, nodding softly.

"Thank you. Look, I know you said you don't feel the same way. And I tried really hard to understand and I think I do. I am sorry if this is uncomfortable for you, but I want you to know that you are important to me and that I appreciate you coming here – as a friend. I need a friend. And I am so glad to have you. Like I said, you make things easier.." She drifted off then, starring out of the window with a thoughtful expression on her face and Aria couldn't help but wanting to reassure her.

"I am here for you.", she promised, reaching out to place her small hand on top of hers. "I want you to get better, and I really believe in second chances. I know there is no excuse for what you've done but I can understand where you were coming from, even though it was all very wrong. But that's the past, and you've changed, and I can't help but feel proud of you. You're so strong at fighting those inner demons and I think you deserve that second chance, a chance to make things right."

Heavy tears were running down Alex's cheeks and Aria quickly wiped them away with her free hand, wanting Alex to know that she would be there for the journey to recovery. The two stayed in silence, but finally Alex asked about the topic both of them had managed to avoid until that moment.

"Have you spoken to Spencer?" Aria couldn't help but hear out the jealousy in those words and she tried to not think about the weird feeling she got when sensing it.

"I have. She needs some time off, so she left Rosewood for a while." It wasn't a lie technically, but Aria knew that Spencer wouldn't come back in just a few more weeks. She tried not to show her frustration for it and focused back on Alex.

"Oh, wow." Aria could basically hear Alex's brain working on overdrive.

"What is it?", she prompted, wanting to understand.

"I just think it's a little ironic. You chose her over me and now she left the both of us here in Rosewood to get away.", her remark didn't hide the bitter undertone and she sighed deeply as soon as she had realized the meaning behind her words.

"I am sorry, Aria. I know she is your best friend. And she is my sister. I just had hoped, wished even, that maybe she would come around."

The writer couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor girl in front of her. She could only imagine how hard it was for Alex to not being able to talk to Spencer but she could understand Spencer's side as well. She squeezed the hand beneath hers a little tighter, wanting to comfort Alex in the best way she could.

"I am sorry, too, Alex. I had hoped that, too. But like I said, I am here. You are not alone in this. And I know that sooner or later, Spencer will be here, too." She wasn't sure if she could promise anything, but seeing her this sad and hopeless she couldn't help but add: "I promise, Alex. I promise to try my best for the two of you to at least talk things out."

An hour later Aria stepped into her parents house. Talking to Alex made Aria feel a little better, but on the other hand it made her miss Spencer even more. Before she could even rationalize what she was doing she had thrown some of her clothes into a duffle bag and was out of the door, determined to find Spencer before it was too late for her to change her mind about leaving her behind. How hard could it be to find someone living on campus?

…

The loud knocking on the door made it impossible for Spencer to go back to sleep. As much as she tried to ignore it as it was probably just a neighbor or even the landlord, she couldn't anymore. As it was well past midnight she looked into the peephole first, and immediately regretted her action. In front of her door she could see Aria swaying from side to side, a bottle of what looked like tequila firmly pressed in her hand. She grew angry, because even though she wanted nothing more than to ignore her and go back to her bed, she couldn't leave her drunk friend outside. She pulled the door open with every intention to rant out at Aria for not leaving her alone. However, she didn't even have a chance to open her mouth as Aria let the empty bottle fall to the floor and ran into Spencer's surprised form. The taller girl barely caught her with her arms, so they wouldn't both stumble to the floor. Aria's arms snuggled around Spencer's shoulders in seconds and soon Spencer could feel a head being pressed into the curve of her neck. She secured the hold onto the smaller woman as she let out a sigh of relief when the tequila bottle didn't actually broke but was coming to a stop at one of the walls. She was about to bend down to force Aria out of her grasp, when she felt legs tangling around her knees and a wetness on her exposed skin. She heard Aria mumble something along the lines "I missed you". It took her a minute to realize that Aria was crying into her neck and as angry as Spencer should be at her friend for coming to see her in that kind of state, she couldn't help but grow soft when she heard the heavy sobs escaping her friend's lips. Without another word she used her left foot to kick the empty bottle inside the apartment and carried the crying girl into the room with her, not letting go of the hold on her once.

Struggling to hold them up both and keep them from falling, Spencer had managed to reach the bedroom. She lifted Aria up a little bit more to sat her down on the bed. Clearly not being aware of her surroundings, the smaller girl was swaying from side to side, trying to keep her balance. Spencer reached an arm around to steady her and began to unzip her jacket. "Aria, you need to change." The other girl responded briefly, so Spencer could take off her jacket and placed it on top of the nightstand. Looking down, she bend down a little to untie Aria's shoes as the intoxicated girl reached for Spencer's shoulders in order to hold on.
"Spence? Your room is spinning really badly.", she let out and as soon as Spencer had removed the shoes she looked up at Aria again. "Do you need to be sick?", she asked in a rather calm tone and Aria shrugged her shoulders, probably not really knowing what was happening. Not wanting to risk anything, she placed an arm around Aria's shoulder to help her get up and lead her to the bathroom where she sank down on the floor with her. It was then that she noticed how shaky Aria was. She was shivering all over her body and it made Spencer worry how much she had really drunk. Not being able to stand the sight, she reached for Aria to pull her into an embrace to rub a hand over her arms in order to calm her down a little and warm her up in case she was cold. Aria snuggled into Spencer in response and the brunette let out a sigh at the close contact. "Are you okay?", she whispered into wild locks of hair and she could feel Aria's head moving slightly. "I am now."

They stayed there for what felt to Spencer as hours, until Spencer decided Aria wasn't probably getting sick. "Let's get you into bed, okay?" She tried to stand up, but Aria kept holding her back down, shaking her head wildly. "Don't leave me."

Sensing Aria's tense body, Spencer decided to slip a hand under Aria's knees and lift her up. "I am here, okay? We're just going to tuck you in so you're more comfortable." Aria's head once again moved into Spencer's neck, as Spencer walked the two of them out of the bathroom. Spencer tried to ignore the tickling she felt as Aria's breath came in contact with her skin, but it was nothing compared to the feeling she felt, when she suddenly felt Aria kiss her neck. "Aria.", she warned as she entered the bedroom. But Aria wouldn't listen. "I am sorry. Spence, I am so sorry.", and she felt wet tears again. She let Aria down onto the bed, and tucked her in, covering her body with a blanket and decided it was best to let her sleep in her clothes that night. She noticed how Aria struggled to keep her eyes open and she stood from the bed when she felt Aria's hand reach for hers. "Stay. Please."

Probably sensing how conflicted Spencer was, Aria added: "You make it easier to sleep." And Spencer couldn't help but feel her heart warm up at Aria's words. She nodded, knowing fully that she was risking her heart to be broken again. But in that moment she didn't care. It didn't matter how Aria had found her, it didn't matter that Aria had shown up in the middle of the night, unannounced and despite Spencer's pleads to be left alone. Somehow, it just mattered that Aria was okay. She slipped into bed next to her and as Aria turned to her and snuggled into her, tightening the hold on her hand, Spencer felt at ease.

"Spence?", she heard Aria whisper after a few minutes and she opened her eyes to stare into Aria's brown orbs. "You should get to sleep, Ar."

"I know, but I just wanted you to know.", she spoke timidly.

"Know what?", Spencer whispered curiously.

"That I won't give up on this, us. You're the one that I want."

Hearing those words, made Spencer's body shook with emotions and her heart beat rapidly. "Let's talk tomorrow, okay? When you're sober."

"I am not so drunk anymore.", Aria argued, lifting her free hand to cup Spencer's cheek as a lonely tear fell from Spencer's left eye.

"I want you to know that I want to love you, Spence. I do. But I am scared."

Spencer grew confused and moved closer to Aria, despite wanting to protect her own heart. "Scared of what?"

"Scared of love, scared of loving you too much. And I know if I will let myself fall, I will fall so deep... Because you are this person, Spencer. You have the ability to make me forget the world when I am with you and when you look at me sometimes I get this feeling that there is no place I would rather be other than with you."

Spencer's heart pounded wildly in her chest and she wondered if Aria could hear it, too. "And that is bad?"

Aria sighed. "I just - With Ezra...He was so consuming; loving him was too much for me. Our relationship was never balanced, I know that now. And I lost myself in that relationship. He dominated our relationship. I wasn't myself anymore. I was too fragile, too scared, of not being good enough because he was older, wiser. I was scared of being left alone. And now, with you. I am feeling these things I've never felt before. I feel safest when I am with you, I always have. And I want to be with you, I want to let myself fall and love you like I've never loved before, but I am scared. Scared of not being good enough for you."

Aria moved her head slightly, away from Spencer and Spencer guessed she felt too vulnerable to meet her gaze. She wouldn't let her though, as she carefully reached for her friend's chin to turn it back to her. Smiling shyly at Aria, Spencer moved forward and pressed a loving kiss to the bridge of Aria's nose, lingering there for a second before drawing back. Her hand however remained and had now cupped Aria's cheek. For the first time, Spencer felt like she knew what was going on in Aria's head. She knew what she was thinking and why she had acted that way and she couldn't help but want to believe everything she said. She wanted Aria to know that she didn't need to be scared and that she was there to catch her.

"Thank you for telling me." She whispered, moving slightly to kiss her forehead. "For trusting me. I feel like I finally know what's going on in that little head. But I don't ever want you to feel that you're not good enough." Spencer paused then, taking time to make Aria understand how serious she was. "Because you are. You are the one person that takes me as I am. And when you're scared I want you to know that I will be right here. I am here, Aria.", she spoke softly, caressing Aria's cheek and wiping away silent tears that had managed to find their way down Aria's face. "I love you.", she said the words with certainty and Aria looked into her eyes, smiling and covering Spencer's hand on her cheek with her own. "Promise to catch me when I fall?" Spencer laughed lightly, letting go of Aria's hand that was still tucked in hers to wrap her arm around her, drawing her closer. "I promise.", she vowed and Aria grinned, daring to shift her face closer and connect their lips. And for the first time in years maybe, Spencer felt that hope was not such a bad thing at all.

..

I hoped you liked the chapter and all of your Sparia hearts can rest a little for now :) Thanks for the support! Please leave me some words weather or not you liked the chapter! Also, I was thinking of introducing Mona to the story and have her pay a visit to Alex? What do you think?

Until next time! x