He knew that he should stop coming here. But yet, every night Itachi found himself in Training Ground #3, watching a little girl cry from the shadows of a nearby tree. Itachi didn't even know who she was. She was just another faceless citizen, going through something terrible. He guessed that she was around Sasuke's age, but the only physical description he could go off of was her dark colored hair. Itachi had never looked directly at her face. Although he could easily glimpse at it without her noticing with his level of skill, he figured she at least deserved anonymity. Considering, he thought sarcastically, the fact he continually infringes on her private moments without her knowing.
Itachi knew that it was wrong to watch her and that she probably wanted to be left alone. Why else would she come to the training grounds in the middle of the night, in the winter no less, when she could cry in the comfort of her own home? He also knew that she would probably be mortified if she found out he had been watching her cry, almost daily, for over a month. But he couldn't get himself to stop coming. Many times, he had pondered why he kept coming, and each time when he couldn't find a concrete reason he vowed to not go back. But each night, without fail, he ended up here.
Itachi ran his fingers through his fair and huffed, frustrated with himself. There was not point to any of this. Stealing one last glance at her he turned around and started walking away before he suddenly froze. He had finally realized why found himself here every night. Itachi kept coming back because the little girl reminded him that other people were miserable too. In a twisted way, she reminded him that other people were also dealing with their own struggles, and it made him feel better by comparison. With his clan slowly preparing for the coup, he had begun feeling increasingly conflicted. Itachi's heart was being pulled in two different directions—one by the love for his clan and the other by his love for the village. Itachi knew deep down that the village must survive at all costs, but could he do it? Could he actually get himself to kill his cousins? His parents? Izumi? His mind turned to his younger brother Sasuke and he felt nauseous. For the first time in Itachi's life, he had no idea what to do. And, in a way, he slightly resented his clan for putting him in this position.
Turning his head back towards the training ground, he gave the little girl a bitter smile. I hope whatever your going through isn't nearly as severe as my own dilemma, he thought to himself. From what he had gathered during the past month, she didn't seem to deserve whatever it was that was causing her so much anguish. Itachi turned back around and started heading home, leaving the little girl to cry in peace. His mom was going to kill him for coming back so late. Again.
…
A few weeks later, Itachi found himself back at the training ground. He had still been going nightly, but this time, he was different. Itachi's hands were clammy and shaking as the details of his new mission echoed wildly in his mind. Danzo had just ordered him to exterminate the entire Uchiha clan, with sole the exception being Sasuke, who Itachi downright refused to kill. At first, Danzo tried to convince Itachi to kill Sasuke as well, but realizing it was a futile effort, Danzo acquiesced to Itachi's request. After all, in the end, Danzo's goal would ultimately be met. Itachi shakily inhaled and tried to will the away the tears that were welling up in his eyes up as his mind tried to come to terms with his new reality. Itachi berated his own weakness. He was a Konoha shinobi—an Anbu—and as such, he had to protect the village at all costs.
Itachi glanced at the girl sitting in the center of the training ground, crying as usual. When had he first made his way here, he was only planning to bid her a silent farewell before setting out to accomplish the hardest mission of his life. But once he arrived, Itachi decided that he might as well ask what had been bothering her, since it was his final night in Konoha. It had been plaguing him for the past two months, but he had never bothered asking because he figured he had an infinite time horizon to figure it out. He had thought that he would probably see her resolve it on her own anyway. Oh how quickly things change.
Itachi put on his weasel Anbu mask and slowly started to approach her. In a weird way, Itachi felt nervous. It was a foreign feeling for him because he is Itachi Uchiha, and Itachi Uchiha does not get nervous, but he had spent so much time watching her that actually going to talk to her felt foreign and strange. Deep down, he was also nervous she would immediately reject his conversation and he would have to commence the massacre sooner than he was ready to.
After a few minutes of slow, deliberate walking, he was finally a few feet away from her. The grass crunched underneath his feet as he came to a halt. It didn't seem that she had noticed him yet, but he couldn't blame her. He was an Anbu after all, and she couldn't be more than 7 or 8 years-old (even though he had quickly moved through the shinobi ranks he didn't hold others to the same standards). Itachi, not really knowing what to do, cleared his throat awkwardly to get her attention. It had the desired effect: the girl immediately flinched then looked up. Itachi's eyes widened behind his mask as he took in the features of her face for the first time, lingering on her Byakugan eyes and unsealed forehead. She's a member of the Hyuuga main house, he thought in surprise.
The little girl's mouth formed a little "o" and she didn't say anything for a few seconds. She just looked at him in shock and slight terror. Then, when she remembered her current situation, she let out a little squeak and her hands flew to her face to wipe the tears off her face. When she was satisfied, she looked up at Itachi shyly through her bangs. Itachi, realizing she probably wasn't going to say anything until he spoke first, sighed and sat down on the grass a respectable distance away from her. Since he had nothing to lose, he decided to be very blunt.
"I noticed that you have been coming here to cry for the past couple of months." Itachi paused and looked at her. The girls face was bright red and she looked like she was having trouble breathing. Okay, he thought. Maybe I was a little too blunt. But he continued anyway. "Would you like to talk about what is making you so upset?"
The little girl was shell shocked. What was going on? The little girl racked her brain but she couldn't think of anyone in her clan (who she interacts with) that is in Anbu. If he wasn't in her clan she couldn't fathom why he would bother talking to a failure like herself. She was already initially embarrassed that she hadn't noticed him standing a few feet in front of her, but her mortification was multiplied when he said he has been watching her cry for months! This is why father thinks I'm worthless as a kunoichi, she thought grimly. The little girl dejectedly let her head fall back into her lap.
Lost in her own thoughts, the little girl didn't even realize she had left Itachi hanging. In fact, Itachi was quite sure she had forgotten he was there. Despite her lack of reply, Itachi was at least able learn a little about her mindset through the emotions flickering across her face. First it was mortification, then quiet contemplation, before settling on despair. Itachi, not liking where her own thoughts were likely taking her, cleared his throat lightly once again. The little girl flinched and looked at him, bewildered, confirming his earlier suspicion. Itachi figured it would be pointless to ask the same exact questions, so he decided to change tactics.
"What's your name?" he asked.
The little girl's eyes widened, and she blushed. She pushed her fingers together as she answered back shyly, "H-hinata H-hyuga."
The shock Itachi had felt before when he realized she was a Hyuga main branch member was nothing compared to what he felt when he realized she was the clan heiress. Thinking back to the last annual clan meeting, which all the clan heads attend with their respective heirs/heiresses, he pieced everything together. Itachi had met this little girl before, a few times actually. He had never thought much of her, and the few times he had it was out of pity. Itachi had seen how harshly her father treats her when she makes even the slightest mistake. Unlike her father, though, Itachi never regarded her as naturally weak. Rather, he thought that she just needed a different style of training and discipline. One with more encouragement, instead of a heavy-hand approach. Although Itachi had pretty much figured out the root of her sorrow, he wanted to hear it from her. He not only wanted to confirm his thoughts, but also to gain her perspective on things.
As he mulled it over, Hinata looked at the Anbu cautiously. She had given him her name because he had seemed so nice by asking her what she was upset about. She also thought that if he wanted to kidnap her, he would have done so already, but as time passed she began to regret her decision. Even though he was dressed like a Konoha Anbu, Hinata couldn't help but to be suspicious. Although it had happened over two years ago, she still thought about the time when she was kidnapped by the Cloud ninja daily. The incident had caused so much pain for her entire clan, especially Neji-nii-san. Narrowing her eyes, Hinata gathered her resolve. Even if she couldn't defeat this Anbu, she wouldn't go down without a fight.
Itachi, oblivious to Hinata's inner turmoil, was slightly surprised by the sheer resolve displayed on Hinata's face when he turned to face her again. He opened his mouth to say something but stopped when he saw her clench her fists and then open and close her mouth. Itachi realized she was trying to summon the courage to say something, so he remained quiet until she could find her voice.
"I-If you p-plan to k-kidnap me, I-I'm not going to l-let you," she said. Scolding herself internally for stuttering, Hinata paused and then took a deep breath. She would not stutter this time. "I'm not putting my clan through that a-again."
Hinata winced at her slight slip up on the last word but overall was proud at herself for managing to get through most of the sentence. Itachi, on the other hand, was completely bewildered, What on Earth is she talking about?
Then, the word "kidnap" clued him in. Hinata was referencing the Cloud Kidnapping Incident 2 years ago, when Hizashi was killed in place of Hiashi. Slowly, Itachi asked, "The Cloud Kidnapping Incident…is that why you have been crying?"
Hinata sharply inhaled and looked at him in horror. "H-How do you k-know about t-that?" she asked quickly, not even attempting to stop her stutter.
"I'm an Anbu," he said simply. It was a lie, he knew because of his position in the Uchiha clan, but she didn't need to know that.
Hinata nodded in acceptance but then sighed dejectedly. "W-While the i-incident s-saddens me…t-that's not why I-I've been crying…" Gathering her strength once more she said, "Ne, H-Hamster-san…have y-you ever felt h-hopeless?"
Itachi's initial compulsion to lecture her about how his mask is NOT a hamster it's well… a weasel was immediately silenced as her final words brought him back to the reality of his own situation. Letting out a strangled laugh, he replied quietly, "Yes. I have."
Byakugan eyes silently searched for something, any kind of expression, even though she knew it would be impossible to see through his mask. Hesitantly, Hinata asked, "R-Really? E-Even a strong A-Anbu like you h-has felt hopeless?"
They were silent for a moment. "Actually," Itachi began, "I feel hopeless right now."
Hinata's mouth dropped open as she looked at him in utter shock. She felt her voice contort as she let out a loud but strangled "W-w-why?"
Itachi smiled and leaned his head back, letting his hair rustle in the slight breeze. He glanced briefly up at the night sky. It was pretty cloudy, even a little stormy, but he could see a few stars poking through. That's what this conversation was, he realized. A little star in his otherwise stormy night.
"It doesn't matter." Itachi said, suddenly. He turned back towards Hinata and looked her in the eyes. "I want to know why you are feeling sad."
"T-that's…W-Well…" Hinata nervously broke eye contact and started poking her fingers together, before berating herself and stopping. She knew of course, why she was so upset, but saying it out loud to Hamster-san would make it real. Sighing, she decided that she needed to come to terms with it eventually. "You see… I-I'm a… f-failure. I-I'm weak and a d-disgrace to my c-clan."
Now that she had finally let it out, Hinata was terrified. She closed her eyes and waited for Hamster-san to laugh and agree with her. When he didn't after a few seconds, Hinata peeked one of her eyes open and looked up at him. Although she couldn't see his face, she quickly determined that he wasn't looking at her with derision. Rather, Hamster-san seemed almost…angry?
Itachi couldn't help the wave of loathing that washed over him when he heard the root of her troubles from her own mouth. While he had correctly guessed it earlier, hearing it from her made him seethe in rage. She couldn't be older than Sasuke, and yet she already had such a low self esteem. What has Hiashi been doing in his training? Hiashi must be even worse with her than father is with Sasuke, and father is already too harsh. Itachi tried to calm himself down so he could politely reject her statement without scaring her. Once he gathered himself, he firmly said, "No. You are not. I haven't seen you in combat, but you are not a failure. A true failure doesn't care about failing, but you care and want to succeed. The simple act of crying shows how much you care, and consequently that you are not a failure."
Hinata lost her breath as she stared at the Anbu in wonder. For the first time in her entire life, someone didn't think she was a failure. She didn't even know how to begin processing what the Anbu had said, but she would do that later. At the moment, she too elated with the thought that maybe she wasn't a failure after all. The mere concept of it made her eyes sting with tears of joy, and Hinata couldn't hold in her tears as she started crying again—loudly this time.
Itachi was immensely distressed when Hinata started crying again, but after she flashed him the brightest smile he had ever seen through her tears, he realized that her tears were happy tears. They were the tears that came with finally being acknowledged. Smiling to himself, Itachi patiently waited for her to calm down before continuing the conversation. Although Itachi had gotten the information he needed, there was one burning question that had formed during the duration of their conversation. When Hinata referenced the cloud kidnapping, she had mentioned that she couldn't let down her clan specifically. It intrigued him that despite the emotional (and he was sure, in the form of harsh training, physical) abuse she suffered because of her clan, she still cared deeply for them. It made him wonder what she would do if she was put in his situation.
When Hinata's loud sobs had subsided into quiet hiccups, Itachi decided it was time to ask. "Even though people in your clan have called you weak, and have hurt you, you still seem to want to protect them. Why?"
Hinata lifted her head and gazed off into the distance, avoiding eye contact. "B-because even t-though they too h-harsh sometimes, they are s-still my f-family." Hinata looked into Itachi's eyes through his mask and gave him a small smile. "T-they make m-mistake sometimes, but that's o-okay and I f-forgive them. I c-can't imagine my l-life without t-them." Pausing and thinking over her words, Hinata said quietly, as an afterthought, "...I would b-be so l-lonely."
As soon as she finished speaking, the world froze. Itachi felt like he had been punched in the gut, hard. After talking to Danzo, he had felt immense despair, but also resolve. Now, after having a discussion with a 7 year-old, he was beginning to question everything. A tiny fleck of hope bloomed in his chest—that there was another way, that it didn't have to be like this. But Itachi also feared this hope. He feared what the hope represented. Inhaling shakily, he tried to control his nerves as he asked his final question.
"If you had to choose between your clan and Konoha, which would you choose?"
Hinata's face contorted with horror. "W-why would I e-ever have to c-choose that?"
Itachi gave her a grim smile. "It's not realistic, I'm just curious. If you had to choose to save one and sacrifice the other, which one would it be?"
He watched her mull it over. She was really expressive, so it was easy to tell what she was thinking. After a seemingly intense internal debate, Hinata's face displayed resolve. It was the same steely resolve she displayed earlier when she had declared that she refused to be kidnapped. Looking at him in the eyes, she said, "I would save them both."
Itachi sighed. He should've figured she would say that. She is only around 7 after all. Itachi had gotten so wrapped up in their conversation he had forgotten that she's 5 or 6 years younger than him, and consequently more idealistic. "Unfortunately," he said quietly, "That's not an option."
For the first time since he had met her, Hinata actually looked angry. "No!" she yelled. Hinata paused for a second and blushed at her outburst, but then continued on, albeit in a quieter tone. "I w-would not s-sacrifice either of t-them. There h-has to be another w-way. The H-Hyuga aren't the H-Hyuga without Konoha, and K-Konoha isn't r-really Konoha if the Hyuga aren't there."
They were silent for a few minutes after Hinata finished, and Hinata nervously wondered if she had taken it too far. It was a hypothetical scenario, but she had gotten so worked up about it. Hesitantly she looked at Itachi and silently willed him to say something. Itachi, on the other hand, was silent because he couldn't believe he had been so stupid. Thinking about everything now, he had no idea how he had rationalized killing off the entire Uchiha clan for the sake of Konoha, when the Uchiha was one of the founding clans of the village. Itachi squeezed his eyes shut and he felt a frustrated tear slip down his face. He never cried, but in this situation, he thought he deserved to let out a few tears. Never before had he been so thankful for his Anbu mask.
Eventually pulling himself together, Itachi turned towards Hinata, who at this point had been reduced to a nervous mess. Making eye-contact with her, Itachi learned towards her. Once he was within an arm's distance of her face he whispered, "Thank you," before tapping his fingers against her forehead. Flustered, Hinata put her hand on the spot he had touched and watched in silence as he stood up.
Itachi brushed the dirt and stray pieces of grass off his pants, before glancing down at Hinata one last time. "I have something I must do. But really, thank you. You just saved me."
Hinata, flabbergasted, watched in stupefied silence as that Anbu's body melted into a flock of crows and he disappeared.
On the other side of Konoha, Itachi materialized near the entranceway of Hokage tower. Taking a deep breath, Itachi entered the building. Despite the insane situation he was in, Itachi couldn't help but smile. Fate had just been altered by a 7-year old who thought she was a failure. She wouldn't feel that way for long though. Since she had saved him, he wanted to save her when this was all over.
A/N: I just went back to edit some grammar! I plan on updating this story sometime next week, since I'm almost done with the next chapter! :)To everyone that has reviewed the story so far: Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement! I love reading the reviews. I hope you continue to like the story!