Fear of the Walking Infinity War Deadgame: Age of Ultron: Part 1

by Shivermegingers

Thanos from the Marvel universe and Hershel Green from The Walking Dead are madly in love. But one day things go awry and Thanos loses his lover. Now he must team up with his old team of Goofy, Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys, Yoda, and Emo Peter, to get him. Join our heroes as they go through the craziest R rated adventure of their lives to get back Hershel!

Prologue

"Oh yeah, you're much more of a Thanos," Hershel called out. Although missing a leg, the old man approached the mad titan at a brisk pace. Thanos gazed down at his elderly adversary, "This day extracts a heavy toll." Looking at his surroundings, despite his glaucoma, he could see the devastation that lay before him. "Was this your home?" Hershel asked. Thanos stammered, "It was...and it was beautiful…" Filled with a sudden sorrow, Hershel bent his head down, noticing something sticking out of the titan's jean shorts. Thanos continued,"...but not as beautiful as you." Hershel's face turned a cherry-red. The purple alien then removed the gauntlet from his forearm on a nearby rock. The rock then dissipated along with the rest of what appeared to be Thanos' home planet. In its place was a rickety old barn with a well-worn mattress from Walmart. Thanos unzipped his shorts ; He struggled to slip them off, as he was so dummy thick. After 5 minutes of undressing, Hershel realized that the titan was not hiding a toy gun in his shorts but an 11 inch veiny, purple schlong. It seemed that all the blood in the universe flowed through that titan's penis. Hershel's pupils dilated at the sight of "the beast." In a state of trance, Hershel immediately unbuttoned his overalls. While his cock wasn't much to write home about, the stump indicating where his right leg used to be drove the titan wild.

Thanos brought a hand to his purple monster and slowly began to stroke, "bring it to me little one," he said to his lover. As Hershel limped closer, Thanos stroked faster. When the old man was finally in fucking distance, Thanos gripped Hershel and poured a flowing river of cum into where that man's leg should be. Seeing that Hershel was not yet satisfied, Thanos grabbed the gauntlet and put it back on.

"Now's no time at all," the titan shouted out. Using the time stone, Thanos felt the ejaculate return back to his erection. It didn't stay there for long, however. Once more he orgasmed with all his might into Herhsel's open wound. The elderly cripple moaned in sweet, sweet agony. "It hurts so good," Hershel exclaimed! "There's more where that came from," Thanos winked. He repeated the ritual about five more times until he made a fist with the gauntlet and punched through Hershel's buttcheeks. Hershel winced, "you done yet?" Almost as if rehearsed, Hershel limboed under Thanos' dick. After giving it a nice lick, Hershel removed the gauntlet for his own personal pleasure. Using the reality stone, his once unimpressive slim jim transformed into a 2-foot long pepperoni beef stick. Hershel smiled, " It's my turn now!" He then bent Thanos over like the whore he was and thrust his mile-long penis into his purple chocolate starfish. Thanos roared like Scar after murdering Mufasa in 2019's The Lion King. "DO ITTTTT!," Thanos continued. Realizing that he was all out of viagra and that he was old as shit, Hershel knew that he couldn't cum, even with the reality stone at his disposal. Like a girl on prom night, he did his very best to fake an orgasm, pleasing the mad titan as best he could. He removed his "joystick" from the alien's now bleeding anus as well as the gauntlet and laid beside his partner.

Hershel stared into Thanos' eyes and professed, "I love you." Thanos moved in for a passionate kiss but was slowed down, feeling something inside of his ass yet again. "Hershel," Thanos asked, "I thought you climaxed!?" Hershel's face flushed, "It's not me boy." Thanos recognized that sensation inside of him. It couldn't be anyone else but Antman played by Paul Rudd in Marvel's Antman 2015. Thanos paused, "oh no, The Avengers...HERSHEL GET DOWN!" KABOOM! Iron Man had burst through the barn's fragile exterior and snatched the old man. "Hey Thanos, I got your girl!", Iron Man screamed out. "BABE!", Hershel screeched. Before Thanos could grab the gauntlet to protect his honey and attack his foes, Antman reached further into the realms of Thanos' colon, sending him into a state of paralysis. Thanos could do nothing but stand idly by and watch his lover be taken away. Once the Avenger left with Hershel, Antman slid out of Thanos' slimy tush. Covered in feces, Antman grabbed the gauntlet. "Hey Banjo & Kazooie, catch!" He then tossed the massive gauntlet to the nearby bird and bear duo. Banjo (the bear), wearing a quantum realm suit, caught the glove one-handed. He let his signature catchphrase, "yuha!" Thanos attempted to run after the retro video game characters but fell short, tripping over his still erect wiener. Returning to the Avengers, Antman shrunk down with Banjo & Kazooie.

Thanos crawled to his nearby cloth dresser. He then threw on his battle armor (as seen in Marvel's Avengers Endgame 2019). He looked up at the decimated ceiling and a wave of emotions overcame him. The endless void of space brought with it indescribable loneliness. But, Thanos wasn't alone. As he stared into the aether on this beautiful summer night, he clenched his fists and said aloud, "I'm getting the boys back together."

Chapter 1: The Boys Are Back In Town

Our heartbroken titan finds himself hitching a ride with Green Day, Weezer, and Fallout boy on their Hella Mega tour bus. Rivers Cuomo, the lead singer of Weezer, or as Lil Wayne calls them "Weezy," really appreciated Thanos' support during the release of their shit album,Ratitude. Upon its release, Thanos purchased 6 million copies (give or take) of this critically panned record. Cuomo met with Thanos to personally thank him and that he "owed him one." On the bus, Thanos wouldn't shut about his affinity ( get it…like infinity! Like the war!) towards this fucking horrible album. With the help of the fat guy from WALL-E driving the bus, the gay titan and the three bands trekked to Disneyworld to meet up with the first member of the Thanos' squadron. "Who wants to play spin the bottle?" Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day asked. Thanos sighed, "I would love to William, but my heart yearns for another." "I'll play!" Patrick Stump of Fallout Boy joyfully proclaimed. The fat guy from WALL-E turned his head. "Fuck off Stump!" Everyone laughed, including Patrick Stump.

Three hours of dark belly laughing pass. "We're here!",The fat guy from WALL-E shouted out. As the Marvel version of Grimace hopped out of the tour bus, Rivers went in to kiss him goodbye. To everyone's shock, it was a long and passionate kiss, with a lot of dick grabbing. Those motherfuckers hit third base by the time the bus drove away! Walking towards the security gate to Magic Kingdom, Thanos wiped a spot of purple cum oozing from his pants and said aloud, "It's time to meet with Goofy."

As he was going through a security check, one of the guards jumped out and tackled him. "What?! Ya didn't think I would notice you, you stupid purple cunt!", The security guard proclaimed. Thanos looked up with astonishment. He knew that over-the-top British accent from anywhere. This guard wasn't a typical Disney employee; it was none other than Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys. Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys grimaced, "You Should have killed me when you had a chance, cunt!" , "It would have been a waste of parts," Thanos retorted. "The fuck does that mean...cunt?"

Getting into prime BJ position, Thanos fell to his knees and begged. "Please Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys, you need to help me get the old crew back together!" Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys grabbed Thanos by the throat, "And why would I help those sorry sacks of cunts anyway?" A tear dramatically dropped down Thanos' eyehole, "Please...it's Hershel." Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys released the mighty titan, helped him up, and sighed, "Fucking love that cunt! Come on, Goofy's not far!" Thanos laughed, "The Boys are fucking back!"

Chapter 2: No More Goofing Around

The purple titan and his companion strutted their way to the nearby Disney castle in slow motion as "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5 played in the background. In the past, the two had spent many long karaoke nights wailing to the tune, so to them, this was fucking badass. Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys rocked a pair of shades and bobbed his head to the subpar pop tune. Thanos grinned like a flock of school girls at a One Direction concert. He was decked out head to toe with Disney swag, from mouse ears to boxer briefs.

Goofy was close. Thanos sensed it in his left testicle. Just as the last chorus of the song was approaching, Goofy ran up to them, put his floppy arms around them, and, unfortunately, sang along to what would otherwise be a middling tune. "I Got themooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooves like Goofy," Goofy belted out. Thanos and Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys winced in pain. Goofy laughed, "Ugh hyuh, gorsh, what're you fellars doin here?" Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys looked at his oldest friend. "We're getting the FUCKING boys back together you cartoon cunt!" Goofy was so ecstatic, he flew up into the sky, like literally up into the stratosphere, and parachuted down with his giant obnoxious, goofy-looking Goofy hat. "Looks like the goof troop is back together again," he said.

The squad then went over to Galaxy's Edge to find their old buddy Yoda, I mean where else would he be, fucking Sesame Street? And their old chum Peter Parker was literally right outside of Disney World. As the team moved to Peter's location, Goofy opened up his arms and ran towards him. "Peter, am I glad to see you!"

Peter, however, wasn't so glad to see him. The mild-mannered, timid kid from Queens that the Boys knew and loved seemed different, off even. His hair was pulled down, covering a single eye, like an eye-patch. His once adorable nerd attire from the 80s was replaced with a black suit. His legs and wrists were completely slit-open like a circumcision gone wrong. Peter swatted the anamorphic dog away. "Beat it, chump," he snarled. Goofy fell on his flat-Brie Larson ass and screamed his signature "AAAH HOO HOO HOOEY". "You're one of them fucking killjoys now?", Goofy asked, referencing the latest My Chemical Romance album, Danger Days:The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys. Peter flashed his Hot Topic membership card confirming Goofy's suspicions. He then flipped his hair back and sighed, "you bet your flat Captain Marvel ass I am." Emo Peter then turned to his former teammates, "And the name's not Peter anymore, it's Emo Peter."

Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys grabbed the angsty Spider-Man by his neck, "You're coming with us cunt." Thanos stammered, "We don't have time for this, Hershey needs us!" Emo Peter's eyes widened. He hadn't realized the gravity of the situation. Hershel was THE guy. He was the one who calmed him down when Uncle Ben was shot. Acting with extreme emotion and passion (as emos usually do), Emo Peter spun around, kicked in the air, and waved his arm up, replicating a move that he saw in a Michael Jackson video...god. He loved all things MJ (from weed to trans-racial pedophiles). "No time to waste kiddos, Hershel needs us!" Thanos said aloud.

Throughout the entirety of this conversation, Yoda had been silent, dining on a delicious cheeseburger. Finally folks, he's about to say something. The green space wizard cleared his throat. Everyone in the Boys stopped what they were doing and eagerly anticipated what their comrade was about to say. Oh fuck, nevermind, he burped. "Excuse you," Goofy exclaimed. "Back the fuck up or smack the fuck up, I will," Yoda called out. Everyone laughed, including a nearby Patrick Stump riding on a kiddie ride featuring Dumbo.

Chapter 3: Avenging Hershel

"Careful with that gauntlet, we don't even know what it can do," Bruce Banner warned. "Don't turn green on me man, everything will be fine," Tony Stark replied back. Things didn't seem fine from Hershel's perspective. The old geezer was locked away in a confined cell, not dissimilar to the one that most prisoners in the United States get ass-raped in.

"That don't belong to you, you know," Hershel cried out. "When he finds you, and he will, y'all will be sorry...AND DEAD!" Steve Rogers approached the heartbroken cripple and asked, "How could you even defend that monster?" Hershel's face turned a period blood red, "HE'S NOT A MONSTER, HE'S MY BOYFRIEND!" Everyone gasped, including a nearby Patrick Stump, who was taking a tour of Avengers Tower.

In a rather homophobic turn of events, Rogers completely ignored Hershel's plea for love and gathered the rest of the Avengers for a meeting. They moved to the corner of the room so that Hershel wouldn't be able to hear them. Little did they know that Hershel had his hearing aids in. Iron Man paced back and forth, "Alright team, each one of us will take a stone and hold onto it." Being the angsty shit that he is, Hawkeye protested, "The stones are way too powerful! Why would we do that?" A mysterious figure then emerged from the shadows, "Because Robin Hood, it's all part of the master plan." The figure stepped forward, revealing his true identity. Hershel gasped, "Oh shit, that's Ultron!"

Ultron shifted his attention to his elderly prisoner...and ex-boyfriend. "That's right my former lover, it is I, Ultron!" Hershel scratched his scraggly beard, "Why would you ally yourself with the Avengers? You're one of them villain folk!" Ultron let out a typical bad guy laugh which then led to a rather embarrassing robot fart, "Excuse me, guys." Anyways, the reason I have joined the crew of Disney's beloved cash-cow franchise was because…you see, I'm like a pilot. I have a plane with a lot of valuables and persons on board, and I need them to get to their destination safely. The Avengers are like my co-pilot, they're the light that guides my plan. When all the chips are down, The Avengers are the ones that go to the vending machine to purchase more chips."

Hershel looked puzzled," The fuck? This is why we broke up." Ultron laughed, "I don't have time for your PS4 games old man. The Avengers and I will commence with the planning of our planned plan as written down in my planner. As for you my one-legged former lover, I have a friend that will take special care of you." Ultron moved towards the Avengers, "Ride on my dear compatriots, while the night is young!" Despite being the smartest people in the room, Tony and Bruce looked at each other in absolute confusion. The fuck Ultron meant, they may never know. The plot however had to progress somehow, so they all left the room with the infinity stones at hand, ready to do Ultron's bidding. Hershel reached into his back pocket, thank christ The Avengers didn't take away his phone. In a frantic frenzy, Hershel dialed Thanos' number on his mobile device. It was a miracle he was able to text with the ancient Blackberry he'd had since like a thousand years ago. The old man began to type, but not too fast, remember folks he's old. "Listen Babe, I don't have much time. I'm trapped at Avengers Tower! They joined forces with my ex, Ultron, for some fucking odd reason, and they're about to send in the big guns on little old me. Help me cutie, I need you, the stones need you, the world needs you, my asshole needs you. Who knows what they're planning…..oh fuck, who's that? Oh god, they brought him?! I'm fucked, Thanny! Ya gotta save me! FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!"

The text abruptly ended with some crying face emojis, eggplant emojis, and water emojis Hershel looked up before him was a massive bulge covered by tighty-whitey underpants and a red cape blowing majestically behind it.

Chapter 4: The Rape Chapter :(

"Tralalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," the massively erect figure spouted out. "Captain Fucking Underpants, I've heard the stories about you," Hershel muttered, tightly clenching his buttcheeks. "Llllllegend has it you rape everybody, including Clifford that stupid big red asshole in his big red stupid asshole." Captain Underpants smiled, "Gave that dog a bone, that's for sure." Hershel's jaw dropped, "you ssssick ffffffuck." The half-naked vigilante moved his hand to his chin and reflected on the many (sexual) adventures that he had as a crimefighter/notorious rapist. "I've fucked things with eight legs (as seen in Captain Underpants VS Dr. Oc issue #72), four legs (you remember Clifford, right?), plenty with two legs (Frank Castle, Ben Shapiro, the list goes on) but you, my slutty little amputee, you'll be my first one-legged fuck."

Captain Underpants licked his lips (that won't be the only thing he's licking tonight), removed his signature cape, gave Hershel a little whip tease, and tied his 50 Shades inspired cape around the old man's neck. Although clearly a little choked up, this scenario reminded him of Thanos and what they would do every Wednesday night after a long hard day of streaming Yoshi's Wooly World for the Wii U. Thanos would always shout at Hershel that Yoshi's Crafted World was the far superior game while strangling the living crap out of him. Hershel would always gasp for breath. "Harder daddy," he would say. "I want to be as purple as you."

Moving back to the less consensual, present choke scene, Hershel was actually kind of enjoying himself. Call him an optimist, but Hershel didn't mind a little hand-on-neck action. Using his empath powers, Captain Underpants sensed Hershel's immense pleasure. He knew that he had to dial it up a notch. As if he were a caucasian Chris Brown, the captain started to beat the everloving shit out of Hershel. He went from passionately choking a surprisingly kinky old man, to savagely, ruthlessly, and carnivorously kicking, slapping, and stomping on his open wound. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW," Hershel shrieked similar to our old pal Goofy when he ejaculates into his cow-wife's black and white vagina….but of course, this wasn't out of pleasure. The tighty whitey mule freak slumped down and chomped onto the old man's scrotum. "Oh mah gawd," Hershel whimpered before he passed out from the pain.

Captain Underpants sneered, Hershel was right where he wanted him. He spread like butter, the decrepit old man's buttcheeks. Immediately, cobwebs and dust blew out from his flabby fanny (or "Titanic Tush" as Thanos called it). Captain Underpants then unzipped his tighty whities and pulled out his huge anime penis and whipped it around a few times. Once a surge of pre-cum dripped down his legs, he knew he was ready. The captain backed-up into the corner of the massive cage and then charged forward, as fast as he could, and hip-thrusted so fucking hard, permanently rupturing the old man's poor, poor anus. Faster than Usain Bolt, Captain Underpants thrust back and forth, in and out of the cripple's rear end. He felt a tingle in his lower stomach; The time for cum was nigh. The super-powered rapist's creamy life-juice gushed out into Hershel's backside like a fucked up fire hose (emphasis on fucked up).

Captain Underpants crawled off the old man and brushed himself off. The deed was done. He looked to his cameraman, Freddy Benson from iCarly and asked, "Was that good?"

The teenage web personality thought for a moment, "A few more takes and we should be fine. You know how Carly likes it." Captain Underpants cracked his knuckles and got ready for his sloppy seconds. If only Hershel was conscious to know what was in store for him next.

Chapter 5: What Are You Doing in My Swamp?

Thanos felt a strong buzz come from inside his leggings. He pulled out his Zune and saw a rather disturbing text from his elderly kidnapped lover. "BOYSSSSS," the mad titan called out. Goofy looked up with excitement, "What's up Thanos, can't find your vibrator?" The humanoid-dog thing revealed something that looked like a pink microphone covered in My Little Pony Stickers. Thanos blushed, "No no, it's not that." He continued, "I know where Hershel is." Everyone looked up with anticipation. "He's being held at Avengers tower, and he's probably being ass fucked by one of Ultron's lackies." Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys smoldered, "I'll kill every last one of those bloody cunts. Let's get the fuck out of here." Before they left Disney World, they went on the Frozen ride five consecutive times and had the time of their fucking lives!

The team stepped one foot out of the capitalistic theme park. Immediately, their surroundings turned into a swamp. Emo Peter smugly brushed his hair back, "It's all swamps and gators in this state, man." Goofy shuddered, "Listen fellars, we left Pixar territory and entered into a place much worse." All their faces turned a cumly white, they knew they were somewhere they shouldn't be. Keeping a brave voice, Thanos ordered The Boys to push onward. As they continued to walk, they began to feel the ground rumble underneath their feet. Right before their eyes, the ground beneath them began to break apart. Ascending from the depths of hell rose a huge-ass stage. What Thanos saw next, he sure as fuck was not ready for. On the stage stood a jolly green giant, dressed to the nines in all black. Thanos gasped,"No..""WHHHHHAAAATTTTTTARRRRRRREEEEEYOUUUUUUUUUDOINNNNNNGNNNNNNNNNNINMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMP," the ogre cried out. Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys laughed, "Better lay off those cheeseburgers Yoda, or you may look like that green cunt." "We didn't mean to trespass upon your land Shrek, we'll take our leave." Thanos cried out. "Oh you bloody well will laddie" Shrek replied, "OPEN UP THE PIT DONKEY!" Directly in front of our crew, a massive mosh pit filled with fairy tale creatures rose from the swamp water. The pit hastfully circled around our heroes, awaiting Shrek's command.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS UP SWAMP! LISTEN UP YOU MAGICAL MOTHERFUCKERS! IT'S TIME TO TEAR THIS CHEATING TITAN AND HIS GAY CREW APART! GO APESHIT AND CHHAAARRRRGGGEEE! "Oh gorsh!" Goofy said in fear. This is it, The Boys vs the cast of Shrek, Shrek 2, Shrek the Third, and Shrek Forever After.

Pinocchio charged at Emo Peter with his nose penis fully erect. "Let's see if you're a squealer you depressed fuck!" Before the wooden puppet and his wood could reach him, Emo Peter slid backwards gracefully with such debonair that Pinocchio just gave up and went home.

Yoda's fight was quick and without mercy. He used the force to electrify the three little pigs, turning them into bacon. He then picked up each strip from the ground and applied them to his 87th cheeseburger this afternoon.

With a quick pull of the trigger, Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys blew Donkey's head clean off. "Fucking mule freak cunt" he spat.

Thanos fought the bulk of the battle due to his incredible size. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs proceeded to jump the mad titan like it was round 100 in Call of Duty Zombies. Peter Dinklage began biting Thanos's ear…not a nibble, a BITE. Gimli from The Lord of The Rings and the five other dwarves held him down as Snow White attempted to feed him the poisoned apple. Thanos managed to throw the dwarves off of him, cut the apple into wedges (while wearing his chef's hat), and force them down their throats. Thanos used to cut up apples every Passover, it's about time that arbitrary skill got some use.

Serving only as comic relief, Goofy was not much help. However, he did manage to take down one member of Shrek's army. "Aw gorsh, don't you look mighty tasty!" Goofy scooped Gingy the gingerbread man by his gumdrops and had himself a delicious snack.

"THAT'S ENOUGH SHREK! I DID NOT CHEAT ON YOU!" Thanos hollered. Shrek was pissed the fuck off. "OF COURSE YA DID YA STUPID BASTARD, I SAW YOUR VENMO FEED, SELLIN' YA COCK TO WHO THE FUCK KNOWS! HOW COULD YOU?! Thanos paused. "My cock? What are you talking about?" Shrek became more aggressive. "YOU PAID FORTY FUCKING DOLLARS TO HAVE SOMEONE WET YOUR FUCKING EGGPLANT! I SAW IT!" Thanos took a deep breath. "Shrek, those eggplant emojis, were just that, eggplants. I went to the quickie mart and bought them from my good friend Apu." Shrek retaliated "BULLSHIT! I KNOW YOU'RE LYING!" Thanos reached in between his buttcheeks to reveal a receipt. "I saved this to show to you after our fight, but you just up and left." Shrek took the slimy receipt and was now in a state of shock. "Oh my god, how could I have been so wrong laddie." Before the two could make up (maybe make out) and hug, a piano from the sky fell onto Shrek's weird alien-looking head.

Chapter 6: Incoming

"SHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK," Thanos screamed. "Holy fucking shit," Goofy cried out. The Boys were aware that they were now under attack, but they were in too much shock to do anything. All they could do was stare at a lifeless Shrek with his squashed head underneath a Casio Grand Hybrid piano. Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys' eyes lit up, "I'd know that fucking piano anywhere. It's from that blind cunt, Stevie Wonder!" The Boys gazed up to see a jubilated, blind African American hailing from a helicopter with an "A" logo spray-painted onto it." Thanos grimaced, "I don't think that 'A' means ass, Boys."

Stevie Wonder cackled maniacally, "Did I get him, my Cherie Amour? (a reference to his song "My Cherie Amour") Iron Man peered down at the fallen ogre and gave the blind musician a thumbs up. This of course meant nothing to the musical prodigy because he couldn't see shit. The rest of the Avengers jumped out of the sky, falling down onto the swampy floor, and posing like they were filming the trailer to one of their many movies. The Avengers consisted of, of course, Iron Man, Captain America, Antman (still covered in Thanos' feces), the Hulk, an angsty looking Hawkeye wearing an MCR shirt, and Randy Marsh. The Boys huddled behind Thanos awaiting some sort of battle strategy.

"Iron Man, Avengers, I will do everything in my power to reduce you to atoms and get my man back. I swear by it, for my name isn't…" Iron Man quickly cut the titan off like some foreskin at a bris and said, "I have a better idea. I'm gonna send you far far away and let my little anti-pets take care of you." As the Stark boy rambled on, our favorite little green boy, with a cheeseburger in hand, captured Randy Marsh from underneath the swamp and took him to his team. "Get some fucking good kush, I will," Yoda giggled. A portal opened behind The Boys and sucked them in (much like the Chipettes did to Alvin and the Chipmunks), leaving the Avengers alone in the swamp.

They all felt proud like they won until Hulk started hyperventilating. "Where's our weed guy," he cried out. The Avengers were noticeably high and for some reason and couldn't stop freaking the fuck out….well except for a composed Hawkeye who grabbed a razor from his trusty razor from his bowstring and turned his scarred wrists into a bloodbath.

Chapter 7: Anti-Pussy

"AHHHHWHOWHOOOUUUU!" Goofy cried out as he plummeted 1,000 feet to the ground in an unknown location. Emo peter fell slowly and with grace through dark clouds and a hellish sky. When he landed he took a deep breath and said "oh yeah, this place is happening!"

Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys did the superhero landing right onto goofy's spine thank god he's a cartoon.) Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys then stepped off of the "Disney cunt", as he put it, and was crushed by the weight of the mad titan.

Thanos then yelled "GET UP BOYS!" Goofy straightened his spine and spat out "Gorsh we're not in Kansas anymore fellas." Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys looked up at him. "If you say one more annoying catchphrase I will lose my mind you animated cunt." "Wait," Thanos exclaimed, "Where's that little green guy?"

"High above the crew, Yoda slowly descended while holding onto a scared shitless Randy Marsh. "Let go of me Yoda!" Randy insisted. Being the fucking savage that he is, Yoda did. Randy dropped like balls during puberty and fell directly into Thanos' massive tree trunk arms. They locked eyes for a good second, they shared a moment together until Thanos realized that Randy was the enemy. He gripped Randy with the strength of Hershel in his prime (about 70 years ago.)

"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right here right now Avenger." Randy pleaded with the homosexual titan. "Please no, stop, I'm not an Avenger, I just sell them weed!" Thanos tightened his grip. "LIAR! MAKING UP WORDS TO SAVE YOUR OWN ASS!" Randy replied, "Wait man, you don't know what weed is? Pot? Kush? Maryjane?" Emo Peter raised his head.

Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys put his hand on Thanos' shoulder. "Weed is a fucking drug you stupid purple cunt, and this bloody stoner here sells it to the enemy. He's no enemy, he's a fucking pothead." Above Thanos' head the words "The More You Know" appeared, along with a rainbow.

The purple nurple released Randy Marsh. "Alright little one, why should I trust you?"

Randy took off his straw hat. "Because, I have this! The mind stone. I will give it to you if you promise not to kill me!" Thanos pinky promised his new confidant and took the mind stone ; His pinky crushing Randy's. "ALRIGHT BOYS! ONE DOWN FIVE MORE TO GO!" Randy raised his voice at the boys. "The Avengers gave me the mind stone to use while they were high. The stone is used to control the minds of anything in the universe. The Avengers get very paranoid and anxious while they're stoned so they paid me to help keep them level- headed. I'm not loyal to The Avengers, just some good ol' fashioned tegrity."

In the distance, they heard the sound of a thousand demonic voices. Thanos huddled The Boys, and Randy, together. "Get down Boys," he said.,"This can be the fight of our lives." Suddenly a hoard, nay, a fucking army of anti-fairies swarmed around them. Goofy shrank into a ball and puddle of his own urine and began hysterically sobbing. Thanos did not know how to calm down his frightened, useless friend. He attempted to give the cartoon dog Max's old teddy bear, but he couldn't stop fucking blubbering. It didn't help, nothing did. It seemed that all hope was lost, but then, almost out of nowhere, Goofy calmed down. He heard a voice, southern, kind of retarded, just like his own. "Look them there little dog critter gots on a funny hat," a female anti-fairy called out. The Boys could hear a loud cartoon boing coming from their companion's britches. "Garsh, she's perty," Goofy mustered.

A British looking anti-fairy appeared before Goofy, "So you like my little whore wife, do you?" Goofy gulped, "Very much sir. I'd very much like to have my way with yer fine whore wife there." The anti-fairy looked puzzled, "you ever try anti-pussy before?" Goofy laughed, "hayup, if you think I'm anti-pussy, you're highly mistaken." Randy had enough of this bullshit. He ran in between Goofy and Anti-Cosmo (we know his name because he's conveniently wearing a name tag) and chimed in. "Have some tegrity y'all! Maybe we can come to some sort of truce," he suggested. "If Goofy marries your whore wife, gets her off your winged back, and we swear allegiance to your kingdom, you have to promise to help us in the great war to come." Anti-Cosmo thought for a second and then returned with an answer, "And why should we agree to that?"

"They've taken Hershel," Thanos muttered under his breath. Anti-Cosmo took a step back, "Pardon me good sir, what did you say?" Thanos couldn't take it anymore and screamed out with great, purple fury, "THEY'VE TAKEN MY HERSHELLLLLLLLLL!" Anti-Cosmo couldn't believe it, "Hhhhhershel, you say? That changes everything! Enough dilly-dallying, we got a fucking wedding to plan."

Chapter 8: Anti-Fairies V. Avengers: Dawn of Autism

The wedding of Goofy Okereke and Anti-Wanda was magical. It was held on the same island that Luke Skywalker extracted green milk from a space cow on (As seen in Star War The Last Jedi 2017.) After the ceremony, the boys all pushed Goofy off the island (as is tradition.) Thanos and Anti-Cosmo then signed a treaty and joined their forces for the battle to come. To celebrate the joining of the two houses, The Jewish titan shouted l' chaim and a horra began (A Jewish dance involving holding hands and running in circles until you pass out!) The anti-fairies lifted Emo Peter up on a wooden chair. He suddenly took the chair, lifted it up in the air, flipped it around a few times, and then slid down the ballroom floor with it. "Goddamn!" Anti-Cosmo exclaimed, "Ya boi's got moves!" Thanos grinned. "Let me give this a whirl!" Even with magic, nothing could lift the mad titan. As soon as he jumped in the air, he fell flat on his voluptuous ass crushing a dozen anti-fairies and Randy's right leg.

Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys shot his shotgun into the air, killing an anti-fairy. "Alright cunts, we've had our fucking fun, now we gotta get those fucking stones back!" Everybody nodded their heads in agreement, including the dying anti-fairy. Collectively, the anti-fairy armada raised their wands to the sky (Yoda raised his cheeseburger, trying to help) and wished for The Avengers to appear in the biodome from the Call of Duty Zombies map Moon. The anti fairies then wished for the biodome to appear on anti-fairy world.

"Dude, Tony, this weed is so fucking strong, I feel like I'm on another world" Captain American said to Ironman. "That's because you are you star- spangled, red, white, and blue, patriotic, Uncle Sam loving, cunt fuck!" Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys said. Yoda then chuckled, "Now going to die you are." Hulk then tried to punch his way out of the dome but it was no use, The Avengers were not only stoned as fuck, but they were also trapped. You could say… that they were in the endgame now. Ironman began screaming "ANTI-FAIRIES! YOU FOUGHT BY OUR SIDE IN NEW YORK AGAINST LOKI! WHY BETRAY US NOW?! Anti-Cosmo stared directly into Tony Stark's, Robert Downey Jr eyes. "BECAUSE YOU TITANIUM TESTICLE, YOU'VE FUCKED WITH HERSHEL! THE MAN WHO SO GENEROUSLY BOUGHT TACOS FOR EVERYBODY IN THE UNIVERSE THAT ONE TIME! Hawkeye intervened."Ultron needed the stones and he needed to crippled Thanos. Hershel was the key. Their love is so powerful, everyone knows that! Ultron promised to rid the universe of evil, and if Thanos and Hershel kept using the stones for their fucking foreplay, their love combined with stones could kill everyone! Ultron has a special device, similar to the stones that destroys all evil love! It's...dude I'm so high I just revealed our entire plan!" Hulk beat the shit out of Hawkeye for that. Now there were only five Avengers.

Thanos raised his testosterone rich voice. "Here's how this is going to go. You supply the stones and we'll spare your lives. But refuse to do this simple task for us, and our anti-fairy comrades will replace all of the oxygen in that dome with a hefty supply of coronavirus. "FUCK YOU THANOS! THESE STONES ARE OURS!" Hulk exclaimed! "THEN SUFFER!" Thanos then instructed his armada to do the unthinkable. Soon, all of The Avengers (besides Hawkeye who was very much dead) began coughing, sneezing, and shaking like Fat Albert in the 2004 Fat Albert movie. At first they spewed up the flem, but it soon turned to blood.

"FINE FINE WE'LL GIVE YOU THE STONES!",Iron man called out. The boys then sent Goofy into the infected dome in full hazmat gear. He retrieved the five infinity stones and washed them down with an entire gallon of purell. "Here ya go Thanos!" Goofy proudly said aloud. Thanos took the stones from Goofy."Excellent work dog person thing!"

Ironman then raised what little was left of his voice. "Alright, now give us the cure!"

Thanos grinned. "There is no cure." He then placed all the stones onto his brand new Gauntlet that he purchase from GameStop and screamed so fucking loud! In a matter of seconds, the coronavirus took over The Avengers' bodies and they died horribly with lungs full of fluids. Following this horrific event, the anti-fairies and The Boys formed a massive circle, allowing Emo Peter to breakdance in the middle. Thanos laughed, "Where there is victory, there is a celebration. Come on you mule freaks, jump!" Soon, all the creatures of Anti-Fairy World were getting jiggy with it. Goofy stripped out of his hazmat suit and began having passionate sex with his new bride. Yoda put on his lucky Burger King crown (something only worn on special Jedi occasions). The green alien puppet proceeded with an ancient cock and ball torture ritual preformed on one of the anti-faires, with their consent of course. The only person not having a bomb-ass time was Randy Marsh, as the urge to get baked off his balls was stronger than ever.

The South Park dad began twiddling his thumbs. "Uh Thanos, you know, I know a shortcut to Avengers Tower." Thanos suddenly stopped twerking. "You do!?" "Haha ugh yeah," Randy replied. "Just give me that gauntlet and we'll be there faster than Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys can say cunt." Thanos jumped in the air and clapped his hands (as well as his cheeks.) "Hershel, my beloved," he said. "Daddy's coming to get you." With the snap of his fingers, Randy made a portal for The Boys to enter through.

Before they could leave, Goofy noticed a massive swarm of Pixies, led by the band Pixies, hailing through the anti-sky. There were easily a billion pixies, and they were charging at the anti-fairy armada (which was actually about 15 anti-fairies.) Goofy gasped, "Garsh Randy, they're coming for my wife! We gotta save them!" Randy was itching like a crack addict looking to break a mother's back. "No time, now get into the fucking portal!", He said in a hurry. Goofy took one last look at a place he once called his home and then like the rest of his team, hauled some serious ass. The porta thenl closed behind them, as billions, no, trillions, of pixies reigned fire onto the anti-fairies. What became of them, The Boys would never find out.

Chapter 9: You Ain't Got No Tegrity

Goofy screamed at the top of his lungs. He and The Boys were falling through an infinite void between space and time, similar to that one scene in Spongebob when Squidward boards The Flying Dutchman's ship. All the dog mutant could see was the color purple and the rest of his team falling with him. Thanos and Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys held each other mid-air and were shrieking like a Jewish baby at a bris gone horribly wrong. The rest of the team were holding hands in a skydiving circle, like that one scene from Iron Man 3, if anybody remembers that piece of shit. Randy was casually smoking a huge raw cone. He offered his mighty joint to Emo Peter, but he declined because he was Straight Edge. Yoda wasn't as much of a pussy and faced that thing in like 10 seconds. Randy comforted his new teammates, "We'll be there any second now."

As if on cue, the portal opened and The Boys fell about 100 feet onto a vast plantation. All synced together, The Boys landed flawlessly by backflipping in the air...except for Goofy who broke his fucking ankle. He cried in pain, "First beloved gets fucked and now my ankle!" Thanos raised his ugly thumb-like head, "Where are we?" Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys chimed in, "You're a bloody idiotic cunt you know that Goof? You're a fucking cartoon character, you'll be fine." Goofy laughed, "Well what do you know, you're right. It's all healed!" Thanos observed his surroundings. Before him, was a wide plantation filled with a particular green plant that was foreign to him. "What is that skunk smell?", he asked. Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys facepalmed, "You know, you're an idiotic cunt too. That's bloody kush, I thought we went over this a few chapters ago." Emo Peter looked at Randy, "Listen chump," he said. "This ain't Avengers Tower! This may look like Hershel's farm, but Hershel isn't here. What gives?"

Hearing the name of his lost lover, Thanos jumped up with glee and shrieked like a girl in the 1960s going to a Beatles concert, knocking Emo Peter unconscious in the process. "HERSHEL! WHERE IS HE?!" Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys subdued the Mad Titan. "He's not here you fucking cunt!" Goofy picked up Emo Peter's lifeless body (don't worry, he's not actually dead) and looked at Randy. "Where are we?", he inquired with a timid curiosity. "Why we're back at my weed farm!" Randy said with a sheepish grin!

Thanos' purple face turned a bright red. "YOU LIED MARSH! AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WEED YOU SPEAK OF?!" Randy stepped back rather intimidated. "I'm sorry Thanos, I just wanted to come back here for a bit and stock up on some weed for our journey!" After days of not seeing his beloved, he could take it any longer. Thanos grabbed Randy Marsh by his skinny, stoner neck. "YOU TAKE US TO HERSHEL RIGHT NOW MARSH OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" Yoda stepped in seeing that Thanos was wiping tears from his eyes, shit was getting serious. "If stoned we are not, boned we will be," the muppet told his purple partner. Thanos sighed, "Maybe you're right Yolanda." Still being held up by the mad titan, Randy began to loosen up. "So you'll let me live?", he asked. Thanos answered, "Let me think."

A long ten-minute pause occurred. Randy was panicking in a corner and wetting his overalls, waiting for what the purple beast would say. Unbeknownst to him, Thanos wasn't pondering if the South Park dad would live or not, but rather he was picturing the many ways he could kill this lying motherfucker (let's be honest, he was also imaging Hershel naked). After another 10 minutes of waiting, Thanos approached Randy, "Alright Marsh, I've made my decision. Would you like a strong hit?" Randy laughed, "hell yeah man, I'll take the strongest you've got!" Thanos chuckled, "Very well then." Winding his fist like Popeye, Thanos clocked Randy in his smoke-filled jaw. The force of the punch launched the weed enthusiast across the entire 500-acre field and into a nearby burial site. The corpse of what was Randy Marsh slipped into a plot with a super horny necrophiliac (Captain Hero from Drawn Together.)

The Boys looked at their leader in astonishment. Breaking the heavy mood, Goofy made a retarded-ass joke. "Looks like our buddy Randy got fucked in more ways than one." The joke was terrible and didn't land well, but Goofy needed this just to forget what had happened to his wife. Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys looked up (REALLY HIGH UP) at his purple companion.

"You bloody cunt, that newly fucked corpse has the gauntlet," he said with rage. Thanos drooped his head in shame. "I don't like to kill, despite what you guys may think, I just miss my Hershel!" Goofy raised his voice, "Of course ya do Hershel, we all do! Now, hows about we go on and get the gauntlet back, get to Avenger's Tower, and kick some buttcheeks!" Emo Peter was pleased with the usage of the word "buttcheeks" as he was raised Christian and would never curse. Thanos smiled from ear to ear, "Alright boys, sounds like a plan!"

As the Boys treaded through the 500-acre plantation, Yoda used the powers of the force to grill a cheeseburger (as seen in the Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker official prequel comic). Yoda watched as the succulent meat paddy sizzled on his floating grill. He licked his lips as he added a delectable slice of cheese to his 8 ounce meat patty. "So good this looks," he exclaimed. "More heat for maximum grillness I must add!" Just as he was about to raise the temperature, a force ghost of his good friend Hank Hill appeared. "Remember Yoda, always add a little more propane to the grill when you wanna go maximum grillness!" The ghost disappeared into oblivion, but his message lingered on. Yoda said aloud "Use more propane I must!" Yoda's pupils slipped into the back of his skull. He levitated off the ground as the sky began to crackle with thunder. Instead of rain coming out of clouds, gallons and gallons of strickland propane trickled from the sky. The fire from the grill was the perfect spark, soon the entire plantation was aflame.

Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys looked behind himself to see a rapidly growing inferno. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO YOU BACKWARDS TALKING, SENILE, KERMIT THE FROG LOOKING, CUNT SUCKING…" But there was not enough time to finish the insult. The Boys all ran and were soon engulfed in an atmosphere of pot smoke. They managed to escape the fields but were completely stoned off of their asses. Goofy spoke up, "So uh, where's that Randy guy again?" Thanos answered, "I'm not sure...I suddenly feel….so light, light as a feather or a butterfly." Believing he was actually a butterfly, Thanos leapt into the air, flapping his purple tree trunk arms as if they were wings. Goofy laughed, "I got yah buddy!" He attempted to catch his comrade but rather was dealt with a face full of thick titan ass.

Emo Peter shot a web out of his wrist by accident and then freaked the fuck out. He was paranoid, stuck in his own head thinking about how it was possible to be half-spider and half-man! He sat on the ground cross-legged, pondering this impossible question. Goofy whipped out his horse-cock and began fucking a corpse, thinking it was his wife. Yoda ate a mound of dogshit, convinced that it was the cheeseburger he just grilled. He offered some to Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys who, without question, took a gargantuan bite out of the shit burger. Thanos removed all of his clothes and began walking in circles around a cluster of rocks. "Duck, duck duck duck duck duck, GOOSE," he called out. It seemed that the Boys were in a real pickle (just like when Rick turned himself into a pickle. You remember that? Don't you get the joke?)

After many hours of stoned shenanigans, the team made their way to where the body of Randy lay. Captain Hero rose up putting his clothes back on, "Careful with this one, he's a little frisky." Taking the cue, Thanos lifted the cum-filled body of the animated dad and removed the gauntlet. Still incredibly high, Thanos was about to stick it up his ass when he remembered the words of Hershel. "Save some of that for me," the elderly cripple would say as he'd spread his asscheeks wide open. Through the power of interspecies, homosexual love, the purple alien came back to his senses.

"HERSHEL, MY LOVE," he called out. "I'M COMING FOR YOU! In hopefully more ways than one," he added. "BOYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSS!", He yelled. From that one call, Emo Peter got up, Goofy stopped fucking a corpse, and Yoda and Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys stopped eating shit. "Let's go get my man back," Thanos said with a smile. "Alright you cunts, it's time to go to Avengers Tower," Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys announced. With that, Thanos slipped on the gauntlet, screamed at the top of his lungs, and produced a purple portal. Emo Peter laughed, "Purple, like you. Not bad big guy." Thanos punched the fuck out of the emo superhero's skull, once again rendering him unconscious. Recently inspired by the Sonic the Hedgehog movie, the Boys ran with their arms back like Sonic and into the portal. But Out of nowhere, Captain Hero appeared who then ripped the gauntlet off of Thanos's forearm. The giant portal closed, leaving Emo Peter passed out on the ground and Thanos without his mighty weapon. Captain Hero then raised the gauntlet and looked at Emo Peter simultaneously "Two bodies in one day? It's like a never-ending wet dream! Prepare for the greatest foreplay of your life."

Chapter 10: Hershel On the Run...No Seriously

"Tralalaaaaaaaa," Captain Underpants exclaimed while ejaculating into his elderly victim for the 17th time. Wiping the sweat from brow with an extra pair of tighty whities, the serial rapist was exhausted. "Come on Freddy, I've been fucking this guy for hours now, can I go on my lunch break yet?" Freddy Benson shook his head, "Suck his dick, man. It's like you're working and getting lunch at the same time." Captain Underpants stomped his feet, "This man has been unconscious for 12 fucking days! Don't you think it's a bit overkill to keep ramming my dick into his ass like this?" Freddy heard the superhero, but it was almost one ear and out the other. "Carly is very picky," he said, "Ever since Carly had Onision, Jeffrey Epstein, Jaystation, Bill Cosby, and Harvey Weinstein all on the same show, the ratings for iCarly have been shit." Freddy grabbed Captain Underpants. "Listen you rape addict," Freddy called out, "You're going to fuck this old man even if its the last thing I ever film!" Captain Underpants stepped back and crossed his arms. Unphased by this newly reformed rapist, Freddy smiled; he had a sick fucking thought. "You may not want to do the deed, but I know a way to force you." Like a grown-ass man playing leapfrog with a minor, Freddy lept in the air and bounded onto Captain Underpants, knocking him down in the process. The Superhero shuddered. "What you're going to rape me and film it?",he asked. Freddy laughed, "No, I'm going to rape your MIND, and then I'm going FILM it."

Freddy lifted his right hand up and pushed it onto Captain Underpants' temple. No amount of science or magic can explain what happened next. By the grace of the ancient god of rape, Freddy was able to fuse his mind with his prey's, becoming the horny hero. Freddy (not Captain Underpants) lifted his hands up and smiled. "This new body is going to do some wonderful things. Maybe, just maybe, Carly will find me attractive….and we can make sex tapes. "But just as Freddy Underpants bent down to satiate his hunger for nonconsensual sex, he was smacked across the face with a crutch.

Hershel Green, with an asshole not so clean, got up. "This has gone on for long enough! My asshole belongs to one man and one man only!" The fused creature fell out of the opened cage. "Damn you Hershel Green, you're my property now!" Hershel stood up (well, kind of), "I'm gettin' outta here, with or without two working legs!", he said with fervor. Hershel then threw the other crutch like a javelin at Freddy's (Captain Underpants?) face and he passed out. The old man then barrel-rolled out of the cage, retrieved his crutch, and limped to freedom.

As Hershel was approaching the elevator in Avengers Tower, the fused being rose and teleported in front of him. "You aren't going anywhere you gay old man!" Hershel was handicapped and out of tricks, it seemed that all hope was lost. Suddenly the ground began to shake. This was no earthquake, this was the work of something much, much greater. Out of nowhere, a gigantic black force collided with the cameraman/rapist hybrid. Hershel, still curled up on the ground, let out a joyous laugh, "Fat Albert you son of a bitch, it's about goddamn time you showed up!"

Freddy flew across the room and attempted to crawl away for dear life. The morbidly obese cartoon character made his way, slowly (for emphasis and because he was fat,) to his fallen foe. "Hey hey hey," he let out. "Get out of Hershel's way!" What transpired next is not for the faint of heart, let's just say that our good old pal Fat Albert beat the everloving shit out of a mad rapist….if only he did the same thing to his creator, Bill Cosby.

Hershel was so happy that he almost stood up on two legs (almost.) "Thank you Albert! You've saved the day," he called out. Despite the victory, Hershel was cold, hungry, thirsty, and horny. He couldn't stop worrying about his lover. He spoke aloud, "how the hell am I supposed to find Thanny in this condition!?" He slumped his head down by the elevator door, overtaken by melancholy. But just as all hope seemed lost, a portal began to materialize across the room near Freddy Underpants' dead body. Out stepped the boys, ready to fuck shit up!

As Thanos entered the top floor of Avengers Tower he looked to his left and to his right frantically. But then, he stared directly in front of him to see the sight he had been fighting to see for the past 12 days. It was like the whole world stopped. "Endless Love" by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie played in the back of Thanos' mind as he peered into the wondrous eyes of his long lost lover. It was just like falling in love again for the first time. Hershel opened his mouth, ready to profess feelings that have been inside of him for so long.

"Tha..." Unfortunately for this cripple, that was all he could muster. As if fate were homophobic, Hershel was cut off figuratively and literally, as his skull was crushed by the elevator door.

Chapter 11: Thanos Loses His Fucking Shit

Thanos collapsed. His heart, sunken. His eyes, swollen. His penis, flaccid. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!HERRRRRRRRRSSHEEEEEEELLL!.Thanos cried like a motherfucker and began hyperventilating. He then took off his Christian cross necklace and began praying, but of course, that did not work. The boys were helpless to watch as their once proud leader was on the floor sobbing and sucking his thumb. Goofy ran over to Hershel's body to check his pulse like a fucking idiot. "He's gone", Goofy cried dumbfounded. Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys looked up at Goofy with tears in his eyes. "No shit he's gone you stupid...cunt." Tears began to swell down Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys face, "I...I...can't even think of a good insult….I'm so sad…you cunts." Yoda threw his uneaten cheeseburger to the ground, something he hadn't done since the Clone Wars. "Burger spoiled by tragedy it has," he cried. Goofy usually remained optimistic, but with the death of his wife, his inhaler missing, and now….now Hershel, Goofy snapped. He took off his hat and threw it across the room. "I...I...I..." Goofy stammered. Snot oozed down his nose and he slumped next to Thanos, bawling his eyes out. Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys shook his head, "Thank fucking God that emo cunt isn't here. I don't think his blackened heart would've been able to handle this."

After 30 minutes of straight (or gay in Thanos's case) crying, Goofy lifted his head up. The humanoid dog thing noticed the sound of metallic movements inching closer and closer to their location. "Th...Th…Thanos," Goofy whimpered. "It's him…" Thanos raised his tear-soaked, bald head to see the man responsible for all his suffering, Ultron.

Whistling to himself, Ultron was floating back to Avengers Tower after shopping for some groceries. Thanos pointed one of his purple sausage fingers at the robot. "You….you did this," Thanos said with tears flooding into his mouth. Ultron tilted his head, "Ah Thanos, didn't expect to see you and your racially diverse cast of characters so soon. Now, what are you bolstering on about…" It was then that Ultron dropped his Whole Foods grocery bags. "HOLY SHIT BALLS," he yelled. "WHAT THE DEVIL'S FUCK HAPPENED HERE?!" Ultron paused for a moment and then yelled, "UNDERPANTS!I SAID RAPE HIM, NOT KILL HIM. Thanos was almost out of hope. "Now's no time. Now's no time at all." Thanos raised his hand, ready to do that thing he did in Disney/Marvel's Avengers: Infinity War 2018 when he ripped off Doctor Strange and moved back in time with the gauntlet. Thanos laughed, finally a little surge of hope jutted through his body. "Hershel, I'm fucking coming for you baby!"

He waved his "gloved" hand expecting to bend time to his will, but what he didn't realize was that his hand wasn't gloved at all. Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys pushed Thanos, knocking him on his succulent ass. "You dumb purple hairless cunt, you fucking left the gauntlet with Emo Peter!" Once again, all hope was lost, and Thanos collapsed…..again.

"What a shocking turn of events," Ultron snickered. "Whatever the case, I am still forever grateful that you all could make it to witness my master plan." Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys shook his fist, "And what might that be you Robocop looking, Silver Surfer dick sucking, tin headed cunt munching, metal thesaurus reading fuck!" Ultron let out a loud belly laugh, "Hahahaha, you amuse me my cunt loving friend."

"Finally, I have the pleasure of exposing my ultimate plan to my ultimate foe, Thanos." Thanos sniffled, "The fuck you want, Ultron?" Ultron laughed once again, this time as if mimicking Joaquin Phoenix's Joker laugh, "HAHAHAHA...so glad you asked. Riddle me this purple man, do you recall the events of that one time your recently departed lover purchased tacos for everyone in the universe?" Thanos wiped another tear from his eyes, remembering that glorious day, "How could I forget? My Hershel was a hero...AND NOW HE'S DEAD!" Ultron brushed this off, "I believe my elevator door has made that fact quite evident, but alas, my plan still goes into fruition with or without the old man's life. You see, I planned to exact my revenge upon him by ending your accursed titan life." Ultron paced around The Boys and continued, "You see, those Avengers you so valiantly fought, they were but mere decoys. I was well aware of your team's resourceful ability to fuck shit up and knew that all the Avengers were good for was making some cinematic money. I hoped that your fight with them would buy me enough time to gather some tools of my own. Tools that would make your gauntlet look like a feeble furry sex toy in comparison." He laughed, "I see you don't even have the gauntlet with you, pathetic. Once I harness the power of these tools that I possess, I shall end all your lives with great fury!"

The robotic radical bent down to retrieve what he had spent 12 days tirelessly searching for. The Boys could not believe what they were seeing. Goofy stammered and stammered hard, "Yyyyou…gggggggotttttt...ttttttthe Chaos Emeralds!" Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys was not phased, "This cunt can't kill us. Every bloody Sonic fan knows that only an organic life form can wield the emeralds' power. This wanker is a fucking robot, he can't do shit with those." Surprisingly enough, this revelation did not shock the metal supervillain. "You see," he said. "You're not the only one who reads the IDW Sonic lure. I ALSO am well versed in the ways of the blue hedgehog. I understand the power that he wields with these emeralds. As a robot, my resources would be severely limited. Fortunately, I am so much more." Around Ultron, smoke began to engulf his metal body. The Boys were blinded by the smoke as if they still had Randy around. What they could not make out with their eyes, their ears did the rest. What they heard sounded similar to the sound a Megazord makes when The Power Rangers jump out of it.

When the smaug finally cleared, Ultron's body completely opened up and out came a middle-aged man with straggly hair, wearing glasses. The mysterious figure turned to Thanos and laughed, "You simpleton. Did you seriously think that a mere machine would be your ultimate obstacle?" The mysterious man juggled all seven chaos emeralds in the air. "You don't even know my real name. You can call me Robot California, a.k.a The Fucking Lizard King."

Just as he said that, The Fucking Lizard King's body started to glow and this once harmless looking man began floating in the air. Robert California clenched his fists and screamed like a mother giving birth to octuplets. His hair grew to exponential lengths and turned a golden yellow, along with the rest of his body. Thanos played enough Sonic the Hedgehog 3 & Knuckles to know that shit was about to go down. It's also important to mention that as soon as Robert California turned super, "Live and Learn" by Crush 40 started playing in the background. Distracted by the awful butt-rock that is Sonic music, Thanos clenched his ears (his buttcheeks too) and closed his eyes, imagining a world without shitty Sonic games.

The power of Sonic cringe was working to the Californian's advantage. Thanos' senses began to weaken. He couldn't take this shit. Robert California attacked his foe while he was down (no literally.) He punted Thanos so hard in his Giga Gonads that Thanos fucking flew and ultimately crashed through the main window of the building. Being the incredible thicc force that he is, Thanos shattered the glass on impact and plummeted 93 stories (that's as much as 1,130 ft.)

Hearing his iconic music in the background, the lead singer of Crush 40, Johnny Goiel, who was coincidentally walking by Avengers Tower, went and eagerly searched around for where exactly his music was coming from. The Sonic singer looked up at the tower and smiled, "Wow, the Avengers actually like my music. You know what, maybe there's more to me than being a bitch to the Sonic fanbase after all. Maybe..." SPLAT! Thanos' massive skull kamikazed into the singer's face. The force was so epic that it caused a gargantuan earthquake.

Back with the rest of the Boys, the ground was shaking beneath them. Goofy, being the dumbass that he is, decided to jump out of the building to escape the earthquake. He fell just like his fearless leader did except he didn't have a musician to break his fall. The impact of Goofy's plummet caused yet another earthquake, resulting in the total destruction of Avengers Tower. After the quake, Thanos took a long look at the damage of what was his sworn enemy's base of operations. Was Robert California finally defeated? Did fucking Goofy save the day?

Believing that he won, Thanos began doing the floss. The Fortnite dance was fortunately cut short when Robert California magically flew out of the debris. But he wasn't the only one. Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys raised his swole arms from underneaty the rubble and emerged like a fucking badass. Yoda was on top of the Amazon original character's head. The Boys ran to Thanos, even Goofy who really should have been dead. Robert California began charging his spin dash mid-air and made his way towards the team. Posing for a trailer shot, the Boys stood behind their captain and braced for impact.

Chapter 12: Super Smash Boys Ultimate

"People once believed that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the land of the dead. But sometimes, something so bad happens that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can't rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes, the crow can bring that soul back to put the wrong things right." - some foreshadowing from James O-Barr.

All around our heroes was chaos. The earthquakes caused much destruction and the city was in full panic mode. Despite this, The Boys were amped up and ready to fuck shit up and avenge Hershel at the same time. Robert California charged directly towards Goofy but Thanos was able to block the attack with his huge anime sword. In response to the failed attack, Thanos shouted, "You cannot hurt us California! All attacks will be blocked by my sword!" Still glowing gold, Robert California flew back. "I may not be strong enough to defeat all of you," he said. "That's why I brought a few friends."

He then took out his old Gameboy from 1989 (he was only 3 at the time) with a copy of Pokemon Red. The system was also connected to a Gameboy printer. Robert California then raised it above his head. The chaos emeralds had gravitated towards it and began glowing. Yoda had seen this process before once. "Release all his Pokemon he will!" he said with great fervor. Feeling nostalgic, The Fucking Lizard King then put on a red and white baseball cap, flipped it backwards, and began collecting pokeballs from his Gameboy printer. Robert California had a shit-eating grin. "Fools! I have 100 level 100 modded weedles with moves that no route one pokemon could ever learn Observe!" He then threw one pokeball out to demonstrate and out came a cute little caterpillar-like creature. It seemed harmless, but boy were they highly mistaken. Robert California cupped his hands by his mouth and shouted a command that Thanos, Goofy, Yoda, and Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys would never forget.

"WEEDLE," he exclaimed. "USE SELF DESTRUCT!" Though the bug was tiny, it caused a massive nuclear explosion that made Hiroshima look like one of Yoda's silent but deadlies. The Weedle burst into a bloody mass and The Boys flew back thousands of feet in different directions. Much of New York was falling apart at the seams. It was like 9/11...9/22? Thanos was somewhere near Penn Station unconscious. His breathing was slowing down, and it wasn't due to the coronavirus. Could this be it? Could this be the end of our favorite gay titan?

All hope seemed lost. There was silence in the air. It was as if the city that never sleeps fell into a dormant coma. You could hear the sound of pins drop, except they weren't even around anymore. Out of nowhere, a miracle happened. Breaking the silence was the cawing of a crow. Not just any crow, THE CROW.

The crow perched by a subway sign near the dying titan. Thanos could barely hear or understand anything, but he could make out a faint, familiar voice in the distance. "You're lying there on the street with that thick purple ass up in the air and ya didn't even bother to invite me?" The voice was elderly…Southern too….and slightly flamboyant. A Georgian accent like that was rare and from what Thanos knew, it only belonged to one other man…HERSHEL.

Thanos jolted back up, completely rejuvenated by the sound of his departed lover's voice. Coming to his senses, Thanos looked all around him. "Where's my Hershel?," he thought to himself. The crow cawed again, and a gothic, dark figure flipped in the air and landed right in front of the titan's bewildered face. The figure landed with spiked crutches in both hands. What Thanos saw, he could not believe. This elusive, edgy character had dark hair with a jet black, scraggly beard. Both eyes were striped with black paint. His lips were the color of the night sky. The only thing he wore was a pair of black leather overalls and a single leather boot (only one because he only had one leg to spare.) Despite appearing much more Hot Topic than he remembered, Thanos could not be mistaken, this was in fact his Hershel.

The newly revived Hershel laughed, "LMFAO! Yeah, I was resurrected by that crow there. After being a sex slave and the victim of a fucking elevator door, I guess the universe decided to throw me a bone." Thanos smirked, "More like a boner... later ...if you're lucky." The two were about to embrace each other but were abruptly interrupted by Goofy running at them. "Did Emo Peter lose his leg?" Goofy asked. Upon further inspection, he saw that this was a new version of Hershel, a Hershel 2.0 if you will. Goofy couldn't take the excitement, "Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys, Yoda, Hershel's alive!" On cue, Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys ran up to the elderly goth and smacked him on the back. "Not bad, you My Chemical Romance cunt." The team was almost complete. We know that Emo Peter got knocked out by Thanos earlier in the story, but where was Yoda?

"Looking for someone," Robert California called out. The Boys all simultaneously jumped out of Penn Station and into the deserted city street. What they saw was both horrific and hilarious. Floating in the air, Robert California was taunting Yoda with a delicious, Five Guys cheeseburger. At first, Thanos didn't notice this because he was giving change to a homeless person, but then he turned his beefy, purple neck. The newly revived Hershel then raised his voice to the prankster. "Ya see this California! I'm fucking alive and better than ever!" Robert California looked puzzled. "Is this teenager with you guys?" Full of rage, Hershel did a backflip and then hit the glowing man with both of his crutches, knocking him to the ground. "Go get him, babe," Thanos called out. While Robert California was getting his ass beaten by an old emo man, he released 10 of his weedles (uh oh.) One of them used double kick to knock Hershel off of its master. "It's gonna take a lot more than that to defeat me, mortals," California cackled. Just then, one of the weedles used surf, but this wasn't any ordinary surf, it was a fucking tsunami. The Boys then went for an unexpected swim. This really sucked for Thanos who's a fucking anchor in the water.

The Boys all flew into the Empire State Building and huddled together. Hershel was giving a sexual version of mouth-to-mouth to revive his anti-quatic boyfriend. They had no time to recover. Another level 100 Weedle came charging in using what appeared to be an extremely buffed tackle. Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys took one last look at his team, nay his friends and closed eyes. "It looks like this is the end for us cunts," he sighed.

When he opened his eyes they weren't dead. In fact, they were totally not fucked. What once was a really muscular ass caterpillar monster became mush after it was crushed by the foot of a 333 foot tall robot. This wasn't just any robot, as Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys knew from his time in the Japanese secret forces, this was the Leopardon (a giant megazord utilized by the Japanese version of Spider-Man in the late 1970s). "Can you dig this?", a voice from within the Leopardon called out. It was none other than Emo Peter. Because of the spider-verse or some shit, Emo Peter was able to acquire this rare piece of technology. The Boys cheered like they were at homecoming (get it?) "It gets better amigos," Emo Peter announced. "On your left Thanos," he called out.

On command a portal opened, and none other than Stevie Wonder popped out on a flying piano. "What the hell's goin' on motherfuckers!?", he shouted! Emo Peter then looked to his right. Another portal materialized and out came the Hella Mega tour bus. All of the bands were playing a gig. However, Fallout Boy kicked Patrick Stump out of the band and left him in the tour bus with the fat guy from WALL-E. Stump raised his head out from the sunroof. He then looked directly at Robert California and said, "Sugar, YOU'RE going down!" Thanos was about to tell him to shut the fuck up, but that was actually pretty good. Goofy, Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys, and Yoda all huddled together behind Thanos. Hershel was to his left, holding his hand. Behind them was the Leopardon , Stevie Wonder, and the tour bus. Thanos was ready. He raised his voice. "BOOYYYSSSSSSSSSS, CHHARRRRRGEEEEEEEE!" Robert California began to sweat, but he persisted. "WEEDLE!", he called out, "I CHOOSE YOU!" All of the remaining level 100 weedle were now charging at The Boys.

Okay, let's fucking do this! Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys punted about two dozen weedle in their little insect cunts. But one of them snuck up behind him and used Thunder, paralyzing him for about 10 seconds before he blasted its fucking head off! The fat guy from WALL-E was doing donuts with the tour bus, crushing every weedle he saw. Patrick Stump tried to encourage his comrade by singing something off of his new album, but it did jack shit. Yoda reflected every single weedle attack with his lightsaber and turned his foes into dust. Stevie Wonder pressed a high C note from his piano and a two-ton gatling gun emerged from the instrument, blowing apart every fucking one of those goddamn Weedle. Goofy hid by a nearby streetlamp and cracked jokes. He may just be the comic relief, but hell can that guy tell a funny joke. Hershel was wobbling around at a brisk pace. He then extended both of his arms while holding his spiked crutches and began spinning in circles like the Crash Bandicoot, mowing those fuckers like grass. Thanos was slaying hella Weedle with his huge anime sword, but each time he killed one he felt a little guilty, he was a member of PETA and they would not be happy about this.

Robert California had had enough. "YOU'VE SLAIN ALL MY WEEDLE! BUT YOU CANNOT STOP MY FINAL POKEMON!" He then printed out a masterball and threw it to the ground. Out came a fucking huge-ass Weedle. "Good luck defeating this guy boys!" The Weedle began stomping on the ground and screaming (didn't know they could even do that.) It crushed Goofy too! It was Emo Peter's turn, he knew what to do. He firmly grasped the famous Sword Vigor from its hilt and threw it at the plus-sized weedle. Because he was a glory hog, Thanos jumped in the air and grabbed onto the humongous sword for dear life and screamed as it went through the caterpillar's eyehole. Emo Peter raised the Leopardon's arms. "Come on man," he said, "That was my kill!" "Shut up Emo Peter," Patrick Stump called out. You "SHUT THE FUCK UP STUMP," everyone replied back in unison. Everyone laughed, including Robert California…and Patrick Stump.

Thanos approached the dethroned lizard king. As he did, Emo Peter looked at him. "Hey big guy, catch!" He tossed him the gauntlet with all six stones intact. Thanos extended his beefy-ass hand and the gauntlet slid right in. "It's over California!" Thanos said with a smile. Thanos then raised the gauntlet and brought down Earth's moon onto him. As his body was crushed, so was his ancient Gameboy. Luckily, the fallen moon missed everyone and everything but Robert California.

The Boys all cheered! Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys shot his rifle in the air, killing some birds in the process. Yoda was so relieved that he decided to split half of his cheeseburger with Goofy. "Garsh Yoda, that's mighty kind of you!", he said. But then something happened that nobody saw coming.

"Hershel," Thanos said as he bent down on one knee. Everybody started tearing up except Stevie Wonder who still didn't know what the fuck was going on. Hershel started whimpering, "No, no, oh my god, I can't believe this is happening." Thanos unveiled from his pocket the lost 7th infinity stone, the love stone, in the form of a ring. He looked his black and white lover in the eyes and said those words all women want to hear, "Hershel Green, will you marry me?" just as Hershel through the tears would stop, they began to flood his vision. He fell to the ground in a puddle of true love's tears. "YYYY…YYYYYY…YYYYY," he mustered. The Boys tilted their heads in confusion. Hershel managed to continue, "YYYYYYYY...YYYYYYYY…EEEEEEE….." Thanos felt the waterworks coming. "YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!", Hershel finally exclaimed.

The two embraced each other sexually and shared a passionate kiss that could revive Snow White ten times over. The team cheered, even Stevie Wonder who finally began to realize what the fuck was happening. "Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys," Goofy began to holler. Everyone chanted along with him while Thanos and Hershel were making out. Once more, they had a fucking wedding to plan!

Chapter 13: The Wedding Chapter :)

"Does this dress make my ass look big?" , Thanos asked Goofy as he was fitting into his wedding dress. Goofy took a big long look at the titan's derriere and concluded, "You could wear a garbage bag around that bottom and it'd still be thicc." Goofy then put his mouth to Thanos' ear and whispered, "But I don't think yer bride would mind, being an ass man and all." Just then, there was a knock at the door. Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys took a step into the room. "I know it's bad luck to see the groom, but the cunt kept insisting," he said. Hershel then stepped into the room. Goofy's face lit up, "Well speak of the devil!", he said. He was wearing the exact same sparkly, white wedding dress that Thanos was wearing (except it wasn't titan-sized) and it had a little hole for where his leg would be. Thanos shied away, "BABE, YOU MUST LEAVE. EVERYONE KNOWS IT IS BAD LUCK FOR THE BRIDE AND OTHER BRIDE TO SEE EACH OTHER ON THEIR WEDDING DAY!" Hershel moved in closer. "I'm sorry Handsome, I just wanted to snag a kiss!" Just then, Fat Albert entered the room to give Hershel his blessing. He smiled, put his arms around the couple, and said, "Hey, Hey, Hey, I didn't know you two were gay!" Goofy laughed and got up from Thanos' lap, "Welp, Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys, I say we make like the women and children on the Titanic and get the fuck out of here." Karl Urban's Character from Amazon Prime's The Boys grinned, "Who the bloody hell are we cunts to get in the way of true romance." The two boys left the room and finally, fucking finally, these two love birds got some alone time. If you've made it this far, you know the rest. Thanos could not resist and the two went at it like fucking madmen!

The ceremony was even more beautiful than you could possibly imagine - taking place where the two lovebirds first flew together- Hershel's farm. Outside by the barn was a white gazebo covered in cherry blossom petals. The aisle was also decked out in these majestic flowers thanks to our little green flower boy, Yoda. As he walked around throwing the petals, he kept chanting, "Being gay is okay, it is!"

Thanos looked around in wonderment. Sitting in the chairs were all of his closest friends. Literally, everyone was there! Of course, you got the fucking Boys partying it up in the first row, but let's not forget about the many zany characters they met along the way, sitting behind them. You got Antman, Iron Man, Banjo and Kazooie, Green Day (Billie Joe Armstrong, Mike Dirnt, Tre Cool,) Weezer ( Rivers Cuomo, Patrick Wilson, Brian Bell, Scott Schriner, Fallout Boy ( Patrick Stump, Joe Trohman, Pete Wentz, Andy Hurley,) The Fat Guy from Wall-E, Hulk, Captain America, Hawkeye, Robert California (Ultron,) Captain Underpants, Freddy Benson, Shrek, Pinocchio, The Three Little Pigs, Donkey, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (Peter Dinklige and Gimley,) Gingy, Stevie Wonder (who was playing his piano right now,) Randy Marsh, Fat Albert, Trillions of Pixies, The Band The Pixies (Black Francis, David Lovering, Joey Santiago, Paz Lenchentin,) Captain Hero, Hank Hill Force Ghost, Johnny Goiel, The 100 lvl 100 Weedles, Hershel's Crow, and fucking finally, The Leopardan. It was unclear where the anti-fairies were. What became of them, even the greatest historians cannot say.

At the Gazebo, Thanos was waiting in anticipation of his lover. His balls were bluing just at the thought of Hershel in his tight dress alone! Behind the titan was his best man, Ser Davos. Adjacent to the fan-favorite character from Game of Thrones was another fan favorite (if you're into that Marvel shit,) Hershel's best man, Wilson Fisk, who was staring at his watch frequently. He then leaned over to Thanos and asked him, "When is this over? I have to pick up Venessa soon!" Thanos was PISSED. "Look, just because we're ex's doesn't mean you have to rub your new girlfriend in my face!" Fisk fired back with, "WELL HOW DO YOU THINK IT FEELS TO BE ONE OF THE BEST MANS AT YOUR FUCKING WEDDING!?"

Before the two could continue their argument, out came the man of the hour in a women's dress, Hershel Green. It didn't matter if you were gay or straight, the sight was beholding….and kinda hot! Everybody stood to attention as Hershel limped down the aisle. Stevie Wonder began to play the traditional wedding melody with that signature soul twist on his piano. Hershel fell a few times and everybody laughed, including Patrick Stump, but eventually he made it up to the gazebo.

It was almost time for the two to become one (metaphorically speaking,) but they were waiting for the pastor guy that usually makes weddings boring. There was a long silence, but it was finally interrupted by two beany-baby sized lemurs dragging a giant stool down the aisle. You'd have to be an uncultured fuck to not know who these two legends are. The lemurs in question were none other than Morice and Mort of Madagascar, The Penguins of Madagascar, and all five seasons of that King Julian show on Netflix. As they strolled in, Stevie Wonder switched from playing a wedding ballad to Reel 2 Real's "I Like to Move it Move it." Once the stool was between the brides, Mort and Morice went and operated a massive crane to bring in their leader and today's pastor, King Julian.

Once the tiny lemur reached the top of the stool, he spoke to everybody through a lemur-sized microphone. "Sorry we're late everyone, Mort got us into a fucking car crash!" Mort slowly backed away and everyone gasped. "But don't worry," King Julian reassured the crowd, "We can still move it move it!" Thanos raised his Gauntlet and brought the moon closer to the farm. Robert California flinched. This may seem totally bat-shit crazy, but he knew what he was doing. Thanos waved his gloved hand and the moon no longer was the moon. The moon was now a giant disco ball, with strobe lights coursing through the Georgia farm. Stevie Wonder signaled Morace to get aux cord, and the lemur plugged his piano into a massive amp. The beat was fucking sick. Everyone got up, ready to boogie-woogie the night away...

King Julian jumped off the stool (making that whole crane maneuver appear worthless) and those famous, iconic words escaped his lips. "I LIKE TO MOVE IT, YOU LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT, WE LIKE TO…" Thanos and Hershel stared directly into each other's eyes and fucking said it, "MOVE IT!" King Julian was amped up and ready to party. "I now pronounce you two gay lovers, gay married! Crush that fucking glass bottle and say mazel tov!" And Hershel did just that; he used his stump to penetrate the glass bottle on the ground, but fell completely on his ass in doing so; not to mention, his stump was completely covered in blood and glass shards now. Ignoring the HIV risk (lets be real, he totally already has it,) Thanos jumped on top of his fallen bride and kissed him like he fucking missed him. Everyone cheered at this magical happening and partied hard for the remainder of King Julian's song, which is now available on Soundcloud.

The party continued as the band Bloc Party took the stage. Goofy looked up in shock, "Hey guys, that's my dad! Hey pops!" Lead singer Kele Okereke looked down in confusion at Goofy. "Who the fuck are you?" he asked. Anyways, Kele grabbed the microphone and started to speak. "Hello, we are Bloc Party from London England! Let's give a round of applause to Thanos and Hershel!" The crowd complied. "This next song…this next song…" Kele looked directly at the first row and smiled, "This next song is a cover and it goes out to The Boys." Thanos' team hollered ;Kele fed into their excitement. "Where my fucking boys at?!", Kele asked with excitment. The Boys then began to lose their fucking minds. Goofy broke down in tears, "I'm yer biggest fan Kele, yer my favorite Beatle!" Kele scratched his head, "Um okay….well this next is a real banger and it's called The Boys are Back in Town." Taking the cue, Louise Bartle (the drummer of the band) clicked her sticks together. "A one, a two, a one, two, three, four!"

The groove was fucking intense, not to mention sentimental for our heroes. Emo Peter just couldn't resist. He slid next to Stevie Wonder and the two played the piano like gods. Surprisingly enough, the blind musician had no idea the emo superhero was even next to him...he probably thought his piano was being possessed by a ghost or something. Just as that epic guitar solo was about to bless everyone's ears, Shrek hopped on the stage and shouted as loud as he could. " ALRIGHT YOU CRAZY YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, I WANT TO SEE A FUCKING PIT!" A gigantic mosh pit formed and everyone began running in circles and punching the fuck out of each other. Shrek waved his long, flowing, jet black hair to the side to reveal a Rich Black Warlock guitar. What transpired next will forever go down in musical history as the greatest guitar solo ever performed at a gay interspecies wedding. The ogre stood back to back with guitarist, Russell Lissack and they shredded, boy did they shred. "Come on you mule freaks, jump," Kele cried out. Everyone fucking went beserk.

Down in the pit, shit was getting barbaric. Karl Urban's Character from Amazon Prime's The Boys grabbed his little green friend by his clawed feet and spun him like an electric dreidel. Yoda screamed, "Surfs up, bitches," as he flailed his little muppet arms for dear life. Randy was smoking up the entire place with his good old fashioned Tegrity weed. As he looked to his left, he noticed Robert California standing alone with arms crossed. Clearly, he was still salty about the ass-whooping of a lifetime that he received. Randy walked over to him. "Hey man, I know you lost and shit, and never got a taco, but here, smoke some of this dank!" Robert California sighed. "Oh, alright, what harm could one hit do?" Little did he know that Tegrity weed is 100% thc. He got so fucking high and ended up laughing for the entire wedding with his new friend.

Bloc Party and Shrek finally concluded their song. The giant disco ball in the sky turned a pale shade of blue, cuing the band and Shrek for the next song. "This next song….this next song," Kele managed, "This next song is a slow song. So if you have a giant purple alien by you, grab them by the waist and get ready to sway." Shrek wasn't really into that soft shit, but he still played along with the band as they preformed their iconic "Blue Light" song.

Thanos and Hershel held each other close and swayed to the melodic rhythm. A single tear of happiness ran down Hershel's cheek as he sang along with Kele. "Yer the bluest light…...yerrrrrr the bluest lightttttt." Thanos chimed in with his lud titan voice, "YOU ARE THE BLUEST LIGHT!" The two shared another kiss. Love was in the air tonight.

It was a beautiful scene. Some would even call it the eighth wonder of the world. The band stopped playing, the crowd stopped partying, and even Randy stopped smoking (ha, as if!) It was getting late, and everyone started leaving. Thanos and Hershel held hands and looked at all of their closest friends. Just then, Fat Albert lumbered over, breaking this tender moment. He wrapped his arms around the couple and said, "Hey, hey hey, it's time for you two to get laid!" Thanos patted Cosby's creation on his flabby back, "I will get on that at once, incredibly lard Albert." The titan yanked Hershel by the crutch, and they made their way to a secret broom closet in the threw his lover down onto the closet floor. Hershel gazed at his surroundings, "All these brooms n' stuff, don't think we can get much done around here." Thanos smiled, "That is where you are wrong, little one." The titan grabbed at least ten different broomsticks in one hand and proceeded to shove them high up the old man's ass. Hershel roared with pleasure, his asshole was so loose from his debacle with Captain Underpants that the brooms slid in like the right tetris piece. "It's my fucking wedding night, Thanny. I think we can do a little more this time around." Thanos nodded, taking the suggestion to heart. He lifted Hershel up once again and tied him to the wall with some barbed wire he found by the yard. He ripped off the elderly man's dress as well as his own. The two were completely butt-naked, and that's exactly where Thanos and Hershel wanted this to go.

The giant monster alien pressed himself onto the cripple. Hershel could feel his husband's long purple erection slither all over the place. He grabbed it like a ninja catching a fly and began sucking it dry. Thanos didn't mind Hershel's beard hair making his way into his urethra. In fact, it was kind of hot. The titan raised his gauntlet and like magic, his veiny purple disco stick was covered in lube. Hershel removed the pleasure weapon from his mouth, he knew what was next. Thanos grabbed his own peepee with two hands and shoved it into Hershel's stump. He fidgeted a little, experimenting a bit inside until he found that magic g-spot. Hershel was so pleased he began humping the air. Thanos nuzzled his head against Hershel's soft erection as he continued to hip thrust harder than he ever had before. Thanos bit into the side of Heshel's neck as the old man began rubbing Thanos' massively toned chest. The scene was too hot, Thanos only had about 5 more seconds until his load would pass on to Hershel's stump-thing. Just as it was about to happen, Thanos muttered "bullseye" into Hershel's ear. Using the gauntlet, he rearranged the atoms in his cum to make it big like a current. With the help of his sex toy, Thanos'screampie turned into a cream river and it made it's way into Hershel's non-existant leg area.

Hershel collapsed on the ground and hugged himself. "Ohhhhhhh ffffffffffuck." Thanos rushed to his husband's aid. "You, you didn't like it?" Thanos asked with a concerned tint in his voice. Hershel replied, "Like it!? That was the best damn sex in all my 94 years of living and breathing." Thanos nodded, "theres 94 more years of sex where that came from!" Hershel was about to respond but was interpreted with the burning pain of a thousand suns surging through his stump. "This is the first time I've felt anything down there in ages! What's going on!?" Hershel said with excitement. Thanos rushed down to his lover's once inactive stump to see some crazy activity going on down there! "Babe, I think something's coming out!", he said. Hershel raised his head, much like when he had first lost his leg in the prison. "Have the gods finally blessed me with a new leg!?" This new devlopment was fucking insane. Hershel, with two working legs? Thanos may not be as atttracted to the elderly man with two legs, but he'd admittedly be fucking bigger than Jesus. Consumed by the pain, Hershel let out a blood curdling scream, "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Quick, drag my crippled body out of this here closet and get The Boys! I need them to see this!" Thanos did just that. He dragged the ancient Walking Dead character by the beard (that's his kink if you didn't know) and slid him across the barn floor. "Fucking slut," he whispered.

Letting out a large cry, Thanos yelled to his team, "BOYYYYYYYYYSSSSSS!" Without hesitation, the team jumped out of a haystack placed conveniently next to them. Thanos clapped his hands together. "Ah, Goofy, Yoda, Emo Peter, Karl Urban's Character from Amazon Prime's The Boys, you're about to witness Boys history in the making." Thanos raised his head in confusion, noticing a few more people standing next to them. "Patrick Stump? Stevie Wonder? The fat guy from WALL-E? Ser Davos? Wilson Fisk? Why are you all here where my team stands?" Ser Davos stepped up to the plate, "If you excuse us, your grace….Goofy has been training us and wanted us to be apart of your pimp-ass team." He continued, "Think of you guys like that Star Trek show from the 60s and us like The Next Generation." Stevie Wonder felt around for his new teammate and put his hand on Ser Davos' balls, thinking it was his shoulder, "We ain't replacing you. How did Vin Diesel say it? We're just joining the family!"

Hershel's face transformed into a tomato red color, he was straining like his stump was constipated. "I'd love to chit chat with y'all but I'm going through an epic metamorphosis and the pain is immeasurable." Ser Davos raised his hands, signaling The Boys to back away. "Stay clear laddies, I'm a doctor. I got this shit in the bag." Clearly lying out of his ass, Ser Davos took one for the team to save this kind old man, who once provided him a taco that one time.

Hershel gripped Thanos' pinky with both hands and squeezed for dear life. "AAAAAHHHHHH AAHHHHHHHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! IT'S COMING OUT! AH FUCK, HERE IT COMES!" Ser Davos was down there checking that shit out like he was at a strip club. "Laddies, Here it c…." But just before he could finish his sentence, something shot out at Hershel's stump, causing him to fly across the barn. Thanos smiled and rushed over to the mysterious object. "HERSHEL!" he said, "Your new leg is waiting for you!" Goofy then looked at Hershel's stump. He noticed a long, pink cable coming from it. He then went full dog mode and sniffed it. Goofy then proceeded to follow the mysterious long phone charger-like thing all the way to the end of the barn.

Goofy and Thanos reached what they had thought was a new leg for our favorite gay old man. Thanos called out, "Hershel….you're gonna wanna see this!" Hershel then gripped the cord like he was going rope climbing in 8th grade gym class and dragged himself across the ground to where the thing had rested. The rest of The Boys watched in disbelief as this old man crawled like a navy seal to this object. When Hershel finally made it after 50 long minutes of pure physical agony, his eyes widened. He gasped, "Fuck, I thought I'd be getting a new leg! What the hell is that little critter there?' Thanos picked up the thing and cradled it in his arms. "That my love, is our baby boy."

Thanos brought the child down to Hershel's handicapped level. What he saw, took his breath away. What he wanted to be his new leg, turned out to be the most precious purple little boy with a full beard and missing leg! Wilson Fisk rushed over and handed Thanos his jacket. "Here Thanos, wrap that precious baby boy in my jacket. I know we haven't always got along, but we're teammates now." Thanos cocooned his newly born son in his ex's pimp white jacket and cradled him some more. Realizing that he and Hershel were both still butt-naked from the hot sex from ealier, Thanos dropped his kid and shieled his super johnson with his super alien hands. Ser Davos retrieved the infant and handed the naked couple their signature outfits. "Here you are laddies." He handed them the clothes as he was clutching his now broken ribs.

The newly-wed parents clothed themselves and gazed around them. It was a sight to behold. The two were now joined together in holy matrimony, they had fucking a badass team that was bigger than ever, a son that happened to look just like them, and an unbreakable love. Thanos raised his voice for his team, "You know Boys, I think it's time we gave our newest Boy a name." Yoda jumped in the air, "Big Mac!" Emo Peter shrugged, "How about we call him Mary Jane?" Karl Urban's Character from Amazon Prime's The Boys samcked the fuck out of him, "Yah dumb cunt, that's fucking ladies name!" The team began fighting each other, trying to come up with the best name for this babe. As the team were going at it like Nazis and Jews, Thanos and Hershel looked at one another. They instantly knew what they'd name their newbornchild. They both said in unison, "Fear of the Walking Infinity War Deadgame: Age of Ultron Part 1!" The Boys immediately stopped fighting and it seemed all that had been fought for had finally been achieved.

Epilogue (An Alternative Ending)

Not long after the birth of Fear of the Walking Infinity War Deadgame: Age of Ultron Part 1, Thanos and Hershel sold the farm and bought a brand new house. It was moving day, and Hershel couldn't wait to set up his child's brand new room. As they approached the home, Thanos stopped his new husband. "I'm gonna head inside really quick to do a few things, I'll let you know when you can come inside." He then kissed his lover on the cheek and headed in. Hershel was ecstatic. "Oh boy! Thannys gonna surprise me!"

About twenty minutes or so pass and Hershel is still waiting by the front door. He then looked at his watch and said out loud "The fuck is taking so long, Thanny?!" Just then, Thanos opened the door. "Sorry babe, please come in." Hershel was still a little pissed off, but he was excited to see what was in store for him! He hobbled into the home and saw his husband signal to him. "I have some cookies by the living room table if you want some." Hershel laughed, "As if I'd ever pass down one of those fine ass purple cookies from my fine ass purple slut!" Hershel limped with the confidence of a gangsta and made his way into the living room. Thanos padded down their new reclining chair, "Uh, here…sit on this. It's really comfy and stuff…and you can go up and down with it and uhhhh yeah." Hershel laughed, "Yeah whatever you say purple cum muffin!" The cripple made his way to the chair and sat his ass down. "Oh sweet fuck. When we're done painting Fear of the Walking Infinity War Deadgame: Age of Ultron Part 1's room, I'm gonna fuck you so hard in his crib and then I'm gonna…" Just then, a mysterious tall man in a fancy suit walked into the living room. As he walked in, Thanos fled.

"You realize cribs are for babies?," the man said to Hershel. The old man was startled as hell, a stranger had invaded his new home and just talked some serious shit to his face. Hershel moved himself off the chair to confront the gentleman, but his new foe was ready to fire down. "How about you take a seat," he suggested. Hershel sat down as if he could not control his movements. He then starred this stranger in the face. "What the hell is going on here?" he asked. The man walked over to Hershel. "You're Hershel Green right?" Hershel began to sweat. "Umm...yeah…what's it to yah?" The man then responded. "Well Hershel, we know about all your affairs with . Are you aware that Thanos is 13 years old?!" Hershel's face flushed, "WHAT THE FUCK?!" The man persisted, "Do you realize that kidnapping a minor and having your way with them is illegal in the state of Georgia?" Hershel stuttered, "WWHHHHAAAATTTTTTT?!" The man had Hershel right where he wanted him. "Does it give you some kind of pleasure knowing that you stole a child from his family and had sex with him right before he could have his bar mitzvah?" Hersehl was still utterly confused, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 13?! HE'S 8 FEET TALL?! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! IF YOU DON'T LEAVE MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW I'M CALLING THE COPS!" The man then smiled. "Hershel, this isn't your brand new home. This is a sting house to bust pedophiles like you."

Hershel slumped on his reclining chair, "WHO ARE YOU?!" The man got up and began pacing in front of Hershel. "My name is Chris Hansen. I'm with Dateline NBC. And we are running a story about grown men preying on children." Hershel was in a state of disbelief. "THIS IS INSANE! THAT'S A GROWN-ASS MAN! HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN HIM?!" Hansen ignored the pedophile. "You know Hershel, I have the transcripts." He then read a few excerpts from the pieces of paper he was holding. "I can't wait for you to explode inside of my stump. When you get home later, I'm gonna ride your massive purple cock like a mechanical bull. I can't wait for you to spread my ass and fist me with the gauntlet." Just as Hansen began to read these incriminating lines, Goofy, Emo Peter, Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys, and Yoda, all strolled in with video cameras. Hershel just put his head down on the table and sobbed for mercy.

Chris Hansen chuckled, "Alright, alright, enough now." Hershel then fell to the ground by Chris Hansen's feet and begged him. "Listen, I've never done something like this before. I had no idea. I'll never do it again!" Chris Hansen waited for Hershel to stop blubbering and then replied. "You know, that's what they all say. But I'll tell you this…" Chris Hansen then pointed to the back door of the house. "You're free to leave Mr. Green." Hershel began to cry some more, "Really?! You mean it Mr. Hansen? Thank you...thank you so fucking much. I swear, I'm a changed man. I'll…I'll never forget this." Chris Hansen calmly helped the old man up and politely told him, "Now get the fuck out of here." Just as Hershel was hobbling out, Chris Hansen pulled out a walkie talkie from his suit jacket and spoke into it. "Alright team, we got a hobbler. He's over by the back patio. He's slow, but dangerous. Please act accordingly."

The Boys followed Hershel out of the house and continued filming. They abruptly stopped a few feet and allowed the old man to walk on his own. While this may be misconstrued as an act of mercy, little did Hershel know that they were just trying to give the cops enough room to jump him. Out of nowhere, Patrick Stump, The Fat Guy from WALL-E, Stevie Wonder, Wilson Fisk, and Ser Davos all charged in, decked out in police attire. The fat guy from WALL-E charged in full force and leapt out of his fat scooter and belly slammed the old man. "FREEZE," he shouted. "PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!" Hershel moaned in agony, "I...I...I CAN'T!" The cops lifted the fat guy from WALL-E off of Hershel and cuffed the fucker. Shit really got crazy when they began removing all of Hershel's clothing. The elder was stripped completely, naked and everyone just stood there watching.

As Hershel was being put in the undercover cop car, Thanos walked in. Hershel turned his head. "HOW COULD YOU?! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" Thanos gave a blank stare. "My heart belongs to the force, filith." He then turned his hat backwards, walked away, and high-fived Chris Hansen. As Hershel was sitting in the police car, he saw a few familiar faces. None other than his good friends Rick Grimes and Daryl were approaching him. He also noticed that his daughter, Beth was walking with them. Hershel was so happy to see them that he blurted outloud, "These guys can vouch for me!"

When Rick saw the old man sitting there, handcuffed and naked in the police car, he just shook his head in shame. "Hansen, I have known this man for some time. He's been a part of my crew for as long as I can remember. This man has saved my people many times and has been an asset to our survival." Hershel smiled. Finally, he was going to receive some justice. As Rick said what he said with a grin, it turned into a wicked frown, "But I always suspected there was somethin' not right with that old timer. Ever since he put my under-aged son in his bedroom and took his shirt off, I had a feeling he was a pedophile." Hershel screamed back at him, "I WAS GETTING A FUCKING BULLET OUT OF HIM YOU DUMB SACK A' SHIT!" Chris Hansen looked at Daryl and Beth, "Well, do you two have anything that you feel needs to be said about this old man?"

Beth took one last look at the father she once loved and cried, putting her head on Daryl's shoulder. While she was inconsolable, Daryl had a thing or two to say, "Yeah man, lock that sorry shithead up!" Hershel's eyes flared up, "Wait, my daughter can't be no older than 15! Fucking look at her Chris! Daryl's the pedophile, not me!" Daryl yanked Beth by the hair and slapped her on the backside like the mysoginistic fuck that he was. "You can't prove anything man," he called out. Chris Hansen sighed, "Alright, I think we've seen enough. Get this sick fuck out of my sight."

The cop car sped away. Hershel looked out of the window. He watched as all the people he loved flip him off. The last image he would ever see as a free man involved a minivan parked next to Thanos. Out of the vehicle came Thanos' mother, overtaken with tears. She looked identical aside from her long, orange hair. "OH, MY GAWD! MY POOR BABY BOY!" The purple woman hugged her son as she began to sob. Hershel sighed, looked away from the window, put his head down, and gave in to this absurdity.