July, 2013
Chapter 3: Disconcertion
"What good is intuition if your heart gets in the way of hearing it?"
― Shannon Alder
This was not how Hazel imagined her summer...this was much, much better. Initially, there'd been a shock of embarrassment when the Marcus Ridgeway – the same Transfiguration professor she'd admitted her crush was on - alongside four other wizards appeared on her front door. She'd never rushed down the stairs as fast as she had in that moment...Still, it'd been nice to see the Transfiguration Corre get along with her parents and Esther; it was unfortunate that her brother had been out of the country for work. When Ridgeway had explained the summer trip for the 'exclusive academic group' - his words, not hers - Hazel had practically begged her parents to go, much to the groups' amusement. A magical "round the world" trip with her friends and favorite teacher, with magical ruins and creatures and potentially furthering her animagi meditations? Sign her up.
The next three weeks were spent traveling the continent, visiting Rome and Lisbon, even stopping in Romania to introduce Ambrose to the Corre. She'd enjoy seeing Stonehenge, and had absolutely loved the Carnival in Paris, France. It had been slightly awkward when Hazel had accidentally interrupted a particularly...heated kiss between Miranda and Henry; though they hadn't been too upset, Hazel's face had remained red for the following three days. Overall, she was grateful for the learning opportunities just as much as the time with her peers and professor. It was nice, she thought, to feel like she was a part of something.
During her second year, Hazel had appreciated the thrill of Quidditch, but preferred the consequent bonding with the team, especially after she'd done well in the winning match. In addition, she'd gotten closer to the boys. Kestis, in particular, had stayed with her at Hogwarts during winter break; together they fed a small herd of Thestrals - with Hagrid's permission - in the Forbidden Forest. Even so, with a childhood of dragons and two years of magic school under her belt, Hazel felt alive that summer before third year.
However, the young witch was now wishing she had practiced more healing spells. As Markus waved his hands around, Hazel resisted the urge to wince as he retold the duel between him and Ridgeway earlier that day. They had traveled to America, and were now in the heart of the big city. Although she was confused when the professor had told her to leave the room for this duel, she understood when she heard the results. Glancing down at his legs - bare in shorts, as it was particularly warm in New York - Hazel would never have been able to tell that they'd been broken...Somehow, it had taken two hours of potions and spells for Markus to return to his exuberant self.
Watching Professor Ridgeway duel was easily one of the most incredible experiences from this summer, even after fully transforming into her animagi form for the first time (a cat, of all things, though she supposed it could've been worse). From the elegant wave of Ridgeway's wand to the smooth transformation of elements, Hazel was stunned. Even more so when he transfigured spells into water, a feat she didn't know was possible until then. Embarrassingly enough, her jaw had dropped open the first time she saw him duel against Miranda and Edward, which was quickly rectified when Markus nudged her teasingly. She had snapped her mouth shut so suddenly that she nearly bit her tongue, which had amused the lion animagus to no end. While Hazel tried to hide her admiration - yes, partially for his smile and long, curling hair - for Professor Marcus Ridgeway, she suspected the Corre had figured out her crush before they had left England. She feared that even the professor, by this point, would know; thankfully, he showed no response to her occasional blushes. As the summer progressed, Hazel hoped that her crush would fade solely into respect and admiration (for his talents as a professor and mentor, of course).
Unfortunately, Hazel felt...strange since the duel between Markus and Ridgeway. Around her, the Corre was having dinner at a small diner in Brooklyn; while the food was delicious, and everyone was jovial, Hazel found her appetite diminished at the recurring image in her mind of Markus in transfigured stone shoes being thrown back, legs snapping - "Hazel?" A voice jerked her out of her thoughts, and she looked up at Edward, who was staring at her curiously. "What're you thinking about? The food isn't that bad." Miranda chimed in from across the table, raising an eyebrow at the young witch. Hazel gulped, and for a moment, found it difficult to respond. Miranda was beautiful, powerful, and cunning; an intimidating combination. As the only girls on the trip, however, Miranda had been incredibly helpful and kind to Hazel when she had needed it. The two had even gone off on their own for the first night in Paris; Miranda claimed the boys would never understand the appeal of shopping, though Hazel suspected it was partially to protect her 'ice-queen' reputation and to ensure Hazel would never say a word about her and Henry.
Realizing she hadn't responded to the question, Hazel forced a small smile that felt more like a grimace at the group, refusing to glance at the russet-haired boy beside her. Out of anyone in the group, Markus would see right through her. "The food is great, I'm just feeling a bit...tired. If it's alright, I think I'm going to bed early tonight." At this, Henry glanced up from his meal. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Markus and Ridgeway exchange looks. "Are you sure? I thought you wanted to see the show on Broadway tonight. You were really excited about it." As Henry spoke, a tendril of guilt curled in her gut; the pair had bonded over their interest in seeing more muggle shows and movies, especially with Hazel's stories of muggle television shows from Jack. He always had something to recommend or share with her, Kes, and Tim. No matter how much she genuinely did want to see the show with Henry and the others, and hated letting them down, Hazel knew enough that she wouldn't be able to focus on the performance. She also didn't know why the room was beginning to feel smaller and smaller, or why she wished for nothing but to get away, to clear the swirling thoughts in her head.
Hazel shook her head and tried to smile again, ignoring the shame and guilt that weighed on her, "I think I'm a bit worn out, but you guys can go without me. My family is supposed to be moving to Canada next year, so I might be able to go then". Henry nodded, though clearly disappointed, and Ridgeway laid down his fork. The clink of metal nearly made her jump, and she looked up at the dark-eyed professor, "It's been a long day for everyone, and we're all still adjusting to traveling this frequently. You may go if you'd like, Hazel." As she met his concerned gaze from across the table, Hazel swallowed nervously. Why did she feel so...weird? She couldn't understand why Markus getting hurt - only temporarily, as he ensured her afterwards - in a duel had shaken her this badly. Markus himself had been his normal, jovial self throughout the day, and showed no sign of the previous injuries. If he could move on, why couldn't she?
Much to her own surprise, Hazel had even been avoiding the professor as much as possible throughout the day, instead choosing to review new Human Transfiguration texts with Henry. This was the first time she had fully interacted with Professor Ridgeway since he broke Markus's legs, knocking him backwards while still held to the ground. Crack. Another wave of nausea washed over her, and Hazel stood from the table. There was definitely something wrong with her today; maybe she really did need to go to bed early. "Thank you, professor. Sorry to leave so early. Markus, can you -" She turned to ask Markus for the floo powder - definitely not her preferred method of travel - but found he was already standing and shrugging on his jacket. He flashed a wide smile at her confused expression, ruffling her already messy hair as he gestured towards the door with his other hand. "Let's walk back to the hotel. I want to get some fresh air."
Before Hazel could protest, the seventh year was pulling her out of the diner and into the night. Even with the humidity, it felt nice to be outdoors and away from everyone's concerned gazes for a moment. Well, almost everyone. After she released a deep breath, feeling the flash of nausea ebb slightly, Hazel glanced over curiously at her friend. Markus was significantly older at 17, but the pair had become fast friends since his visit to their train compartment during her first year at Hogwarts. Their bond seemed to deepen as Hazel successfully transformed into her animagi form, a dark brown, rather fluffy cat. Markus had nearly fallen off his perch on the couch after making a quiet joke to himself, something about "big kitties, little kitties". To the amusement of everyone else, transformed Hazel had, in fact, overheard the remark and promptly nipped at his ankle.
Markus was looking up at the sky with a small smile, hands tucked in the pockets of the new jacket Hazel had bought him the day before as a thank-you gift for helping her become an animagi. The night was fairly quiet in this part of the town, filled only with the faint sound of cicadas and distant street cars. Beneath their feet, the cobblestone was illuminated by flickering streetlights and the light of an almost full moon. All in all, she supposed, it was a pleasant enough scene. But as Hazel looked over at the red-head again, she couldn't help but wonder how could he be so...calm? She hadn't seen the duel take place, but had been lingering close enough to hear the impact of the strategically placed Reducto, the sharp crack of bone, the resulting groan of pain from Markus. She was glad she hadn't seen it - she might've truly thrown up if she had - but wondered how he could be so okay with it. Even if it was supposed to be realistic, duels were meant to be practice! A way to improve your spell knowledge, reaction time, and defense against those who might try to harm others. Ridgeway wouldn't actually hurt his students, even in a duel...at least not intentionally...right?
No, of course he wouldn't. Hazel was being ridiculous, and immediately felt bad for doubting the professor. After everything he's taught and helped her with - she was now an animagi, for Merlin's sake, albeit a secret one - how could she believe for one second that Ridgeway would want to hurt someone? As if in response to her rhetorical query, the haunting crack rang through her mind once more. The young witch shuddered at the memory and shook her head, hoping to shake away the returning queasiness and clashing emotions before her companion could notice. Markus glanced over at her with the same, probing look from before...Hazel resisted the urge to examine her shoes in great detail.
For a moment, he studied her silently before nodding behind him, "Ready? I want to show you something before we go back." Show her something? Confused, and curiosity peaked, Hazel tried to return the smile, moving to walk beside him. "Is that why we are walking instead of using the floo? The diner had a fireplace in the back for wizards," The brunette asked as she tried to read the older boy's expression. Markus shrugged with a grin and said helpfully, "Maybe," Hazel rolled her eyes with an answering grin as he continued, "or maybe I wanted to ask you why you actually wanted to leave tonight. Was it because of the duel this morning?"
If it hadn't been for her training with the Quidditch team, or meditations with the boy beside her, Hazel would've tripped over her own feet at the question. How did he know what she had been thinking about? If the look he was giving her was anything to go by, he'd noticed her reaction. She stopped beside a street lamp, watching the shadows move across Markus's face as he paused at her sudden movement, concern now clearly flashing across his features. "Hazel, I told you, I'm alright. See?" As if to prove his point, the wizard lifted his arms, slowly turning in a circle; it was a rather ridiculous movement, even for him. She couldn't help but giggle at Markus's antics, and he dropped his hands with a satisfied smile, placing one hand on her shoulder. "I appreciate the concern, really, I do, but I promise that it was just a duel." He squeezed her shoulder gently, "Marcus is a great professor, and he's always watching out for us. If I hadn't been distracted, I wouldn't have gotten hurt. Don't worry, pipsqueak, it won't happen again." Hazel tried to duck out of the next hair ruffle with a laugh, smiling despite the nerves that still lingered. I must be worried over nothing...I have a lot to learn, I guess.
"Thanks, Markus." She smiled at the ginger as they began to walk again, enjoying the relatively peaceful night air. "But please, for the love of Merlin, I asked you not to call me 'pipsqueak'! It's so embarrassing." Hazel scrunched her nose at the…unfortunate nickname that Edward, of all people, had started after her first animagi transformation. Markus raised an eyebrow at her, mischief sparkling in his green eyes. "So, you're saying you prefer being called little kitty? I never knew that about you, Hazel." He easily dodged the hand she swung at him, laughing as he suddenly broke into a run. Calling out behind him - "Keep up, little kitty! Got to get big and strong so you actually duel me, one day!" - Hazel quickly took off after him, feeling as if she could almost outrun the lingering dread that followed her. As the two raced, laughing, through the empty streets of Brooklyn, Hazel ignored the heavy emotions in her chest and simply let herself feel...free. Maybe everything was going to be alright.