May, 2017
Chapter 9: Home (Is Where the Heart Is)
"As many have discovered, it is entirely possible (although not particularly desirable) to love two people with all your heart. It is entirely possible to long for two lives, to feel that one life can't come close to containing it all."
― Gabrielle Zevin, Elsewhere
Whoever said all Slytherins were clever was a liar. Maybe not, but…Hazel tried her best to contain her laughter as she leaned forward to point at the small photograph. "Mason, that's clearly a Runespoor. Did that last Aguamenti hit you too hard?" Scowling, the wizard beside her narrowed his eyes, "Says the witch who slipped on a patch of snow….in Iceland." Hazel pulled back in mock hurt, placing her hand dramatically on her chest. "How dare you? I did no such thing! It was a piece of ice, thank you very much."
Like usual, the pair had attempted to study Ancient Runes together. However, Hazel felt like she was beginning to catch that muggle sickness from staying inside too long…That's right, cabin fever. How appropriate. Over the past few days, the weather had dropped drastically; currently, the wind whipped against the windows, the occasional clink of ice and snow tapping against the glass. Forced to duel inside, Hazel and Mason had decided instead to complete an assignment from Ridgeway. It wasn't as much fun to duel inside, she had found. Less natural elements to work with. While the assignment wasn't even due till next Sunday, Mason argued that they should use their time wisely. So it was with steaming hot chocolates and a small plate of snacks from Mitsy that they settled into the couch by the fireplace (arguably the softest couch in the manor). Although Carly, Ben, and a few other students had initially joined them in their studies - one a quiet Ravenclaw with an Irish accent, another a friendly young girl named Daisy - less and less students remained as the night had wore on, until it was nearly midnight, and Mason and Hazel sat alone. It didn't mean anything; they were friends, just friends. It was all that they could be.
The pair had long since finished their Runes work, and even some additional studies on human transfiguration, but were now debating an especially faded picture in a textbook that had been ruined, Hazel assumed, when someone had spilled water on it and simply...left it there. The book itself was old and worn, though charms had clearly kept it in one piece (mostly) over the years. Inside, there was an unintelligible name scribbled that looked suspiciously like Henry's handwriting. Leaning towards the table - as to keep her comfortable spot on the couch - Hazel snagged another cookie from the platter, grinning shamelessly at Mason as she took a massive bite. In response, the young man simply rolled his eyes, though it was betrayed by a barely visible smile, "Ridiculous. How can you still be hungry at this hour?" Instead of replying, Hazel - in a very mature move befitting an almost 18-year-old - stuffed the rest of the cookie in her mouth. The pair made quiet eye contact for a moment before simultaneously bursting into laughter. Hazel had to cover her mouth as she tried to both swallow and laugh at the same time, crumbs sticking to the palm of her hand. Wrinkling her nose at the mess, Hazel pulled her wand out from its place in her loose bun and removed any evidence of the childish act. Mason sighed, closing the Runes book with a muffled snap before leaning back into the cushions. "You're such a Hufflepuff, Cross." At this, the pale-haired wizard had to dodge Hazel's responding swat as she replied, "I told you, Whitehall, to call me by my first name. It's Hazel, in case you forgot." The young woman couldn't help but to grin, though it was interrupted by a rather large yawn.
Stretching into the dark, plum-colored cushions, Hazel felt unusually…..content. The news had broken out about Jack's….actions….at Hogwarts, and the resulting deaths. Merlin, it was still so hard to believe. It'd been difficult to read about how the wizard had...well, had blown up a group of Gryffindors who'd confronted him about Markus's murder. Six students died that day, six more at Jack's hand. Now, the Prophet reported the boy was in Azkaban, set to be Kissed in a month's time. Merlin, how can you tell what someone is capable of, before it's too late? Ever since the articles reached the Lodge, the brunette had been constantly surrounded by either the Corre, Mason, or other members of the Lodge. It was a rather moving, yet surprising, show of support and comfort for Hazel; she had expected negative backlash….she had been friends with Jack Cincella, after all. Best friends, at one point, a small voice reminded her. Ignoring the heavy feeling in her chest - something she'd gotten rather good at - Hazel glanced over at her suddenly still companion.
Mason was staring into the lit fireplace, the dancing flames reflected in his grey eyes. What was going through his head at this moment? He seemed….well, he seemed actually fairly relaxed. There was no obvious wrinkle between his brows or the typical, subtle frown that indicated any sign of the unpleasant thoughts that occasionally subdued the young wizard. Was this what 'just friends' felt like? It had to, it was all they could be...she tried to silently remind herself. Feeling the weight of her gaze, the pale-haired teen turned his head to raise an eyebrow at her, "Yes?" With a small smirk, Hazel tilted her head, opening her mouth to make another remark - this time, a knock interrupted her, a sound that felt louder than it was. Nearly jumping, Hazel pulled her gaze away from Mason to glance at the open door. Nothing to see here, just two friends sitting on the couch next to the fire together. To her surprise, Ridgeway stood there, his hand still resting on the frame. "Whilst I apologize for interrupting your very busy studies, I'm sure," the professor directed a smile at the pair, "it seems as if Hazel has received a letter." At this, Hazel straightened in her seat. A letter? From who?
As they all knew, the Lodge was protected by the Fidelis Charm, meaning it was near impossible to find the place without being allowed in. This also meant owls couldn't find the manor, as they were redirected or misguided by the spell. She hadn't even been able to receive a response from her family, for Merlin's sake. So...who could have possibly found a way to send a letter to her?...Could it be? Cautiously, Hazel rose - already missing the warmth of her spot by the fireplace - to take the outstretched paper from Ridgeway. Had she been paying attention, Hazel might've noticed the smile drop from his face, or the shared look between him and the boy behind her.
Slowly opening the letter - heart racing at the surprising, aching hope that rushed through her - Hazel only made it to the first sentence before her hands started to tremble. Dear Hazel, it read, I know you must be confused...She was scarcely able to control her increasingly shallow breaths as she continued the read, recognizing the familiar handwriting. Hazel, I miss you too. I do not hate you, nor could I ever…I was scared, scared to lose you to him….Just know that I'm coming for you...Please meet me….
Before the witch could reach the bottom, a sudden drop fell onto the parchment, staining a few words. Hazel reached up to wipe the tears away as she glanced up at the professor. When had she started to cry? Ridgeway had already seemed to realize what was in the letter, and silently pulled the shaking witch into a tight hug. For a moment, there was no sound, except for the crackling of the fireplace and the light sound of cloth shifting. As she pulled herself away from the comforting embrace with a quiet sniffle - he always knew what to say, or not to say - Hazel tried to smile reassuringly at her treasured mentor. "Thanks, I was just a bit….taken aback." Clearing her throat, she handed the letter from Kestis to the dark-haired man before her. Quietly, she added, "He….he wants to see me." Kes wants to see her...he wants to see her again, after she left...after she left him when he was hurt and choking and...after he tried to attack Ridgeway...after...after Markus...he wants to see her again. It wasn't goodbye, it wasn't forever...A soft hand touched her bare shoulder, and Hazel turned her head to see Mason, a silent question in his eyes. Are you okay? he seemed to ask, a slight frown pulling on his lips. Nodding slowly, Hazel gently squeezed his hand before letting it slip. "I'll be fine. It was just...a surprise, I guess. It's from..well, it's from Kes."
Something seemed to change in his expression, but Mason had already moved away, taking a step back from the professor and young woman. Before she could wonder what it meant - she was probably just reading into things, she had to be - Ridgeway had handed the letter back to her, "So, what is it you want to do, my dear? We shall respect your wishes if you intend to meet him, though I must insist on accompanying you if you decide to do so." He pursued his lips, glancing over at the wizard behind her before returning his gaze to hers. Hazel looked down at the half-open letter in her hands, trying to breath slowly despite the thoughts that flitted in and out of her mind. Kes wants to see her, but why? How could he not hate her?...Would they hate her if she went? Miranda said they understood, but it was ultimately because Hazel had led him through the flames that Markus died, that he is gone forever. She thought Kes would never want to see her again, how does he not hate her? How can he still want her after she just left him like that? Was this guilt or something more? Despite her racing heart and thoughts, Hazel had known the answer as soon as she had read the letter. It could be both.
Hazel looked up at the professor, then at Mason, before nodding firmly. "I want to go," While her voice betrayed the emotions rattling through her, Hazel felt a new sense of determination….and fear. What if it's a ruse? No, no he wouldn't do that…."I want to see him, but…" It wasn't fair to ask, but...Glancing behind her, Hazel bit her lip nervously before meeting grey eyes, "can you come with me?"
It was already late when she had received the letter, so it hadn't been hard to stay awake through the remainder of the night. Despite her insistence that she'd be fine to both Ridgeway and Mason - neither of whom fully believed her - along with the Calming potion Ridgeway had given her, Hazel found herself watching rays of light peek over the mountains. She had always appreciated the sunrise; it often felt like a reprieve from her troubles, a chance to start anew. They never got a chance to watch the sunrise at Hogwarts, together. In the past, Hazel had frequently tried to get Kestis to join her to watch the sunrise, but the half-giant was surprisingly - and adorably - stubborn about sleeping in on the weekend. She tried to ignore the voice that reminded her of the morning Mason had found her on the roof, and the peaceful silence between them as they watched the day begin. No words were necessary. Hazel resisted the urge to physically shake out the traitorous thoughts. He's just a friend...that I'm attr - no, stop. Don't go there.
Tracing melting snowflakes along the glass pane of the window, Hazel hardly felt tired after a night of virtually no rest. Instead, she felt as if every nerve had been electrified; she had no idea about what to say, what to do, when she saw Kestis again. Were they still dating? She doubted typical relationship advice would cover their situation. Miranda could probably provide advice, and comfort, but Hazel knew the witch harbored some blame for Markus's death towards the tall wizard. She could understand, but was it wrong to disagree? Was she being ridiculous for still wanting to see him...to be with him? Even now, Hazel smiled sadly to no one in particular, even after everything.
The next two days felt like months as the mental countdown began; Hazel barely remembered the Corre insisting on their attendance, or the expression on Henry's face as he handed her another potion and shuffled her off to get some actual sleep. Thankfully, it worked...at least well enough for her to feel surprisingly rested the morning of. She was going to see Kes today. Her Kes. Who didn't hate her. Who wanted her, too. Brushing out her hair, Hazel had a momentary panic about what to wear before she noticed an outfit laid across the chair by the dresser. Curious, Hazel picked up the small note beside it. The small, looping script read Just in case. A small laugh escaped her lips as she silently thanked Miranda for her kindness, slipping on the dark-colored muggle jeans and matching silk blouse. A bit too elegant, but that's to be expected. She thought as she twisted and turned in the mirror. Even though there was no one else in the room, Hazel suddenly felt ridiculous and quickly left the bedroom to find her travel companions.
Unsurprisingly, Hazel found Ridgeway, the Corre, and Mason sitting in the kitchen together, ready to go. Mason and Edward were talking quietly, heads bent, while Miranda leaned her head against Henry's shoulder as they conversed, seemingly casual, with Ridgeway. Though she hadn't expected Mason to agree - it hadn't been fair of her, considering the crush she'd seemingly developed and promptly ignored - it was a relief to see the people she cared about there, for her. She was so lucky….Of course, Hazel knew it was more than that. Kes had tried to attack Ridgeway after walking through the flames...because of her. In this moment, however, Hazel was happy to take it at face value. Placing her hands on her hips, the witch tried to smile as wide as she could, "Ready?" Everyone at the table looked up with varying reactions, some smiling at the clear front Hazel was using to cover her nerves, others studying her quietly. "Well?" She added after no one replied, letting the false smile drop slightly. Who was she fooling? She was absolutely terrified.
It was Henry who stood first, gently placing a kiss on Miranda's head before moving to pat Hazel on her shoulder. "What about breakfast? We've still got time, and you should probably eat something." With five pairs of eyes trained on her, she realized it probably wasn't a question, or at least one she could get out of. Worrywarts...still, she was lucky.
After she had eaten - only an apple at first, and then some toast after Edward had wordlessly handed her the plate with an expectant look - the group left for their destination. As they walked across the snow leading to Ridgeway's original home, the one she'd told her friends about after her exciting summer third year, Hazel wondered what Kes would say. He said he'd missed her, that he still cared and would never stop looking for her. While she'd initially been too busy freaking out, she now found the sentiment endearing, even with her nerves and thoughts of 'what-if' and 'what-now'.
Letting themselves inside the older building, which felt strangely empty compared to the warm Lodge, Hazel looked around for the half-giant. Ridgeway, Edward, and Miranda continued on, flickering on lights as they passed through. Henry moved to stand by the door, glancing out the window, and Mason moved to stand beside her. "Don't worry too much," he commented quietly, an almost unsettling smile on his lips, "the man's already madly in love with you." Mason...Before she could reply, a familiar voice echoed through the open foyer doors where Ridgeway had gone. As she walked towards the open doors, Hazel almost missed the expression on Mason's face. Almost...She was such a coward.
She saw him before she had fully entered; it was hard to mistake the large figure that stood, fidgeting, under Ridgeway's stare. Without thinking, Hazel found herself striding faster and faster across the large room to reach him. It was Kes! He was here, really here! Here to see her, be with her. Here to stay...or so she hoped. Despite her nerves and the doubts that weighed on her, Hazel couldn't help but smile as she stopped in front of her beloved. "Kes?"
The wizard in question turned around, and Hazel was surprised to see a dark beard covering his face. At school, she'd never seen him with more than a faint shadow, and it made him look much older in that moment. As the achingly familiar blue and brown eyes met hers, Hazel couldn't stop herself from throwing herself into his arms. "You came!" She cried out, a smile splitting her face, still pink from the cold. See? This is where you belong, Hazel. Or had you forgotten? Kes embraced her tightly, and they remained like that until someone cleared their throat, the sharp noise snapping her back to her surroundings. Turning a vibrant red, Hazel smiled shyly at the half-giant - though with his new height and beard, he hardly seemed half-anything - before stepping out of his arms.
"I'm glad you came. I admit I was...surprised, when I got your letter." It took her a moment to speak, the reality of the situation quickly sinking back in. Still, he came. He was here. Now came the real question…could he stay? Peering behind her, the witch saw Ridgeway walking down the main stairs - when had he gotten up there? - before stopping a few feet away. Kes's eyes followed the wizard's movements before returning the witch's smile, "I told you I would never stop looking for you." Warmth flooded through her with these words, and Hazel tried to fight the growing grin on her lips, aware of the Corre and Mason that stood almost strategically around the room behind her. Just in case, indeed.
"I…" Kestis trailed off before lifting his head to meet Ridgeway's silent stare, "I know that, last we saw each other, I had tried to attack a member of your...family. However," Pausing, Kes's eyes turned back to Hazel, "I mean no harm for anyone here. I simply want to be with you, Hazel." Slowly, the wizard took a step forward, then two, meeting the brunette where she stood. Taking both of her hands in his, gentle as he always had been, he smiled, "I want to be with you, wherever you go. If it helps, I'm willing to give up my wand temporarily, as long as I can stay. Please," Kes looked around the room, making eye contact with each member of the Corre, "let me stay with her."
By this point, Hazel's own eyes had - once again - brimmed with unshed tears, though these were tears of hope and joy. He still loves me, Kes loves me, is he going to stay, can he stay? Keeping her hands in his, Hazel met her professor's gaze as she turned towards him with a small, pleading smile. She knew it was selfish, but she needed Kes to stay, for Ridgeway to say yes. Please say yes. Please...say he can stay with us. The room was silent for a second; Mason crossed his arms from his place across the room, and Henry shot Miranda a look. Edward almost looked bored, but was fingering his wand as he watched Kes with hawk-like intensity. Finally, Ridgeway spoke, words filling the large room, "We shall not deny you entry, brother, but remember I am not the same man as I was before. I will not hold back, no more..but you are welcome to join us."
Relief flooded through Hazel, and she allowed Kes's hands to slip from her grasp - her own felt suddenly cold in the room without them - as he strode forward to shake Ridgeway's outstretched. Instead of reaching for his hand, Ridgeway gripped Kes's upper arm in a reminiscent show of welcoming, nodding intently at the still-young wizard. They seemed to communicate silently for a moment, Ridgeway's expression serious, before they dropped their arms to their sides. At the sight, Hazel rushed over to hug Ridgeway tightly before moving towards her beloved half-giant. Kes met her halfway, picking her up in a spinning motion that caused her to laugh. They'd seen this move while watching an old muggle movie; what a sap. As he lowered her down, Hazel pushed herself forward to kiss him for the first time in almost a year. She was happy, in this moment. She could be happy, couldn't she? Was she allowed?
The couple turned, hand-in-hand, towards Ridgeway and the four remaining wizards as Leon flew in to land on the dark-haired man's shoulder. Hazel smiled fondly at the phoenix, who nudged his head against the professor's, before hearing a small gasp from beside her. The almost eight-foot man was now grinning in eager excitement at the fiery bird. "Is that...a phoenix?" Kes asked, the anticipation spilling through his voice. She'd forgotten about moments like this, Hazel tried, and failed, to not giggle at the sight. He looks just like he had when they saw a unicorn walk for the first time.
Ridgeway allowed a small smile, raising the arm that Leon was perched on out to him, as if to say be my guest. The grin remained on Kes's face as he glanced down at her, squeezing her hand in an achingly familiar way before moving to pet the enchanting bird. Hazel watched him fondly, remembering all the times they'd bonded over magical creatures with Hagrid and the boys. At the inadvertent reminder, Hazel's smile faded slightly. Oh...right..Jack was...As Kes turned to look at her, his eyebrows knitted briefly in concern before he returned to her side, hand slipping into hers once more. It felt...right...didn't it? Hazel smiled up at him with a small squeeze, then met her professor's watchful gaze, "Let's go home."