Every trip to New York started out the same. Blaine loved the anticipation of getting to see his fiancé after however many weeks of them being apart.
But this time was different. Finn had only been gone for two weeks, and Blaine knew Kurt was still denying it, refusing to talk about anything or admit he was having a hard time.
Blaine knew Rachel and Santana were there for him, but they couldn't be around to baby him 24/7 and make sure he got to work on time and was eating and sleeping okay. That was what Blaine was for. He figured a weekend spent together would do them both some good, and relieve some of the tension in the loft.
Kurt picked Blaine up from the airport, but it was evident his mind was elsewhere. Kurt kept checking his phone, like he was waiting for an important text, and was fidgety and jumpy. His OCD that had presented itself after his dad's cancer diagnosis had returned, and Blaine finally saw firsthand that Kurt wasn't in good shape at all.
"Do you want to come with me down to NYU?" Blaine offered after he had gotten settled. "I have a scholarship interview in a few hours."
Kurt shook his head. "I can't. I'm working all afternoon and then I have two night classes at NYADA. But I promise we can spend the day together tomorrow."
Blaine didn't want to argue, but he also didn't think it was good for Kurt to be pushing himself as hard as he was. He was bound for a breakdown sooner or later.
Blaine went to NYU himself, and returned to the apartment exhausted. He blamed it on the long day of travel, but still didn't feel right. He wanted Kurt home with him, not trying to cram classes and work all into one day.
"Hi, Blaine," Rachel said to him. She was in the kitchen cooking something for dinner, and looked like she had been crying.
"Hey," Blaine said, and hugged her. There had been a lot of that in the last two weeks. "Do you need any help with that?"
"No, I got it," she said, turning back around to face the stove. Blaine shrugged helplessly. He felt like he had no place in New York without Kurt. "Where's Kurt? Is he at class? I've told him he needs to cut his night classes."
"He went to work and then to class," Blaine informed her. "Let me know if you want me to help with dinner."
Rachel thanked Blaine for his offer, and he went back to change clothes and lay down. His nagging exhaustion had left him with a headache, and he just wanted Kurt to come home. Blaine closed his eyes for a second, wishing there was a way he could somehow make it easier on all of them.
"Blaine? Blaine, wake up." Someone was shaking him.
"Mmm Kurt?" Blaine asked, still refusing to open his eyes. Kurt knew how much he hated being woken up.
"No, it's Rachel," the voice said. Blaine's eyes flew open, and sure enough, his fiancé's roommate stood over him, her hands on her hips.
"Sorry," Blaine apologized, his voice scratchy. He cleared his throat, but it was too sore for him to even swallow. "Is Kurt home yet?"
"No," Rachel sighed. "You weren't sleeping very well so I woke you up. I made dinner if you're hungry, but you don't look very good. Do you want me to call Kurt?"
"No, it's okay," Blaine insisted. He didn't want Kurt to worry and leave early, even though Blaine really did feel bad. He told himself he would be fine, and got up to eat dinner.
The apartment felt freezing, even though Blaine could tell the heater was on. Santana was in the living room, but didn't acknowledge him as he came in. Blaine tried to eat with her and Rachel on the couch, but wound up dozing off again. He wasn't very hungry, anyway.
"Hand me my phone," he vaguely heard Rachel say. "Kurt needs to come home and take care of him."
Blaine sat up in an instant, and wound up spilling food on his lap. "No," he pleaded, trying to stop Rachel. "I'm okay, really." Blaine was a terrible liar. It was obvious to anyone that he wasn't feeling good. "He'll be home in just a little bit."
No one listened, though. Rachel forced Blaine up and back into bed without taking any arguments. Blaine didn't know why she was being so authoritative and... caring, but he had no right to argue with her. Rachel left him alone, and Blaine could hear her in the other room, trying to call Kurt.
Kurt struggled to stay awake in his drama class. It was a lecture night, and he just didn't have the energy to take notes. Maybe Rachel was right. Cutting one or two classes couldn't hurt…
His phone buzzed. Kurt pulled it out of his back pocket and saw a missed call from Rachel. He set it aside, but when it started to vibrate again, he stepped out of class before he could cause a distraction.
"Hello?" he answered impatiently.
"Kurt, you need to come home," Rachel barked. "Blaine's been here all night waiting for you, and he doesn't feel good and really wants to spend some time with you."
Kurt lowered the phone from his ear as Rachel kept talking. He was being a horrible fiancé. Blaine had spent all that money to come to New York, and Kurt wasn't even home with him when he was sick.
"I'll be there in a little bit," he told Rachel, and hung up. Kurt went back to his class and grabbed his bag before leaving the drama building for home.
The apartment was quiet when he got home, and he found Blaine in the back, lying down in his bed and on the verge of falling asleep.
"Blaine? I'm home," Kurt said softly. Blaine opened his eyes, and Kurt turned on the lamp. He hated how he had consistently blown him off all day for work and school. Especially after what had happened, they all needed to grow a little closer. "How do you feel?"
"I'm fine," Blaine mumbled, sitting up a little bit. "Rachel exaggerated to you on the phone. I'm just glad you're home."
Kurt sat down on the edge of the bed. "I shouldn't have left you all day. I didn't mean to blow you off, you know that. The last two weeks, I've tried to make myself be as busy as possible, to avoid thinking about it. But I swear I won't do it anymore while you're here. Maybe we could go to Central Park tomorrow and feed the birds? Or if you're still not feeling good we could just stay in and watch stupid romance movies? I'm open to anything, really."
Blaine noticed how worried Kurt seemed. Not about the next day's plans, but just in general. He hated to see how Finn's death had affected him negatively on so many levels.
"We can do whatever," Blaine said. "Kurt, sooner or later you're going to have to deal with it, though. You can't keep trying to put off the fact that he died. No matter how you feel or react about it, we're all here for you. Do you want to talk about it?"
The truth was, Kurt did want to talk about it. But he just couldn't. Blaine was sick, and that was the priority. He missed his brother so much, but there wasn't anything his fiancé could do to change that.
"No," Kurt said quietly, looking down at the floor. "It's okay. I'll go get you some medicine. Then we can lay down and go to bed early."
Blaine didn't argue with him, even though he knew Kurt was still bottling up all of his emotions. He just wanted to go back to the start, when everything was okay and good and the idea of death was nowhere on either of their radars. If only they could.
Author's Notes:
UGH poor babies I can only imagine what their lives were like right after Finn's death. They both try to be so strong instead of just facing their feelings but eventually they'd just get overwhelmed and break down and ugh feels.