1. I need a beta reader!
2. The next chapter will probably be out in May (with a little bit of luck it may be out in April. I am a little bit busy until the end of May).
3. I am sorry for needing so many chapter until the story really starts.
4. Please be so kind and leave a review after reading.
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The time past and Hakuyuu slowly got better. Still his father did not allow him to get back to his duties as commander, so all that was left for Hakuyuu to do was the paper work. As crown prince and therewith as future emperor he also had to take care of that. The battlefield was not his only "job". He didn't mind paper work, it was just frustrating to still be viewed as fragile and not resilient. He was fine again, just the headaches were still there, but he never mentioned them to anyone less did he talk about the sounds, voices he heard. When Hakuren caught him during a moment when his head hurt so much that he thought his head would explode, he excused it with not enough sleep to Hakuren. He always had an excuse for that kind of situation. His family already worried too much about him, which he could understand. If he were in their place, he would act the same.
The good side of staying home was the time he was able to spend with his little sisters. Hakuei wanted to learn new fighting tricks from him – due to his condition, he was only allowed to explain it to her – and Hakurin wanted to play with him. She was so happy with him being around more and paying attention to him. It made him feel bad. They all knew that they should pay more attention to her, show her that she was loved and accepted, interact more with her and stop neglecting her! While Hakutoku, Hakuren and Hakuyuu always excused themselves with their work in the army and politics – an emperor and his two sons had more important things to do than to play with a little girl, even when said girl was their daughter or sister. Gyokuen, on the other hand, did not make any excuses. Everyone knew that something was wrong between her and her youngest child, but no one knew what it was. Only Hakuei took care of Hakurin. However, she also couldn't be around Hakurin all the time and wanted to do her own things – like training to became a commander in her father's army – from time to time.
So, Hakuyuu interpreted his sickness as a way to make up for his past failure as a big brother. He needed a purpose, something to distract himself and yes, he was so pathetic as to use his poor little sister for that. What a horrible person he was! But a horrible person who would make someone else happy, right? He would make her happy, not said, right? Maybe he should ask his mother what her problem with Hakurin was. Maybe things between those two changes and Gyokuen would finally take care of her second daughter like she did with her other children.
A downside of staying home was the increase in contact with his uncle Koutoku. Ever since Hakuyuu had been a child he had a problem with his only uncle. At first he had been just scared of the tall, hairy man with the scars on his face and body. Koutoku once served in the army alongside his big brother Hakutoku. Unfortunately, life didn't meant it well with the red haired man and haunted him with one illness after the other. The scars on Koutoku's body were battle scars, but also one's of his many sicknesses. All the time sick in bed made the jealous, arrogant, pretentious and backstabbing man bitter and increased his negative traits more, while letting his positive sides disappear. Hakuyuu never thought highly of his uncle, never thought of him as a good and nice man. His problem with Koutoku now was the way his uncle treated others. But now his uncle sought him out more often and started conversations about everything. Hakuyuu felt uncomfortable, but didn't want to tell Koutoku to leave him alone. However, he hoped that he did not have to suffer the same fate as his uncle in regards to illnesses.
Lately there also were some strange and masked priests around Koutoku. According to him they helped him to recover from his lasted sickness and that they might be able to help Hakuyuu as well. The priests traveled around the world and had seen many different diseases. Maybe they knew something about what happened to Hakuyuu or what had actually happened to him. It was a nice thought that maybe someone had an explanation to what had happened, but the crown prince doubted the priests. If they would know something, they already had said so, or not?
In the end Hakuyuu was still unhappy with saying at home and not being able to support his people on the battlefield. Yes, the time he spent with his sisters and his mother was nice, but knowing that others were putting their lives on the line, while he was playing around did not sit well with him. Hakuren, on the other hand, was busier now, because he had to take care of Hakuyuu's duties as well. Hence, the two brothers barely had an uninterrupted conversation. Normally, Hakuren just fill Hakuyuu in about what was said and decided during the war councils and how the soldiers were doing. Of course, he also often asked whether his brother could remember something about the cause of his mysterious sickness. Sadly, Hakuyuu did not. Another thing that made his mood worsen.
Gyokuen was worried about her oldest son as well – she already lost her youngest son – and therefore visited him every morning to ask him how he was. In the afternoon she had tea with him. Since he joined the army, he often was away, so she wanted to spend as much time as possible with him as long as she could. Hakuyuu used that time to talk with her about Hakurin and Hakuryuu – it was just casual talk and never got too deep. Hakuryuu was Gyokuen's third son who had been kidnaped many years ago. Nobody knew who the culprit was or where they took the young boy or whether the child was still alive. It was a sensitive topic. Hakuyuu himself had been twelve years old back then, Hakuren had been ten years and still blamed himself for what had happened, even though he tried to hide this fact. Shortly after the kidnaping, Gyokuen got pregnant with Hakurin.
The empress never got over the loss of her fourth child.
During one of their tea breaks Hakuyuu tried to implement his plan – mission "improving Gyokuen's relationship with Hakurin" started. At first he tried to find a natural way to lead their conversation to Hakurin, but even when he mentioned her Gyokuen would soon switch the topic. In the end he had to be blunt.
"Mother, I would like to talk about Hakurin with you."
While speaking to her he hold her hands and looked her in the eyes. He wanted to let her now that he meant it seriously. Gyokuen looked surprised and her kind smile vanished.
"You want to talk about Hakurin? Why? Has she done something to you?"
Her expression changed from surprised to a mix of worry and anger.
"No, she was as lovely and nice as always to me. She is a good girl."
Hakuyuu went silent and thought about his next words. He wasn't prepared at all. Just jumping into the topic head first was definitely the worst idea he ever had, but even a smart person like him was not always smart.
"We are playing a lot together lately. Seems like she enjoys it much that I am home for so long and have time for her."
"That is great."
"Hakurin also talks a lot about you. She is sad that you barely have time for her, which she understands since you are the empress and you have more important things to do, but she wishes that you would spend more time with her. Hakurin really loves you."
"Do you want to say I am a bad mother?"
Gyokuen freed her hands and increased the distance between them. She was angry and offended.
"No! I don't want to say that! You're a great mother."
She really was, at least for Hakuren, Hakuei and him – and she had been one for Hakuryuu as well.
"Hakurin loves you and all she want is to spend more time with you. Father, Hakuren and I are barely at home and when we are, we spend our time with other things. We are the bad ones, not you."
Hakuyuu was unprepared and had no clue what to say or how to get his point across – what was his point anyway? That she did not care at all about Hakurin. That Hakurin needed her mother. That no one understood what was wrong. That she indeed was a bad mother towards Hakurin. If he only wouldn't lack the words to tell her that.
"It is just … when I think about how much time you had spent with us, with Hakuei, Hakuren and me, I wonder why you don't do the same with Hakurin. We all could understand that the loss of Hakuryuu took a great toll on you and that you could not feel happiness for being pregnant again, but that was eight years ago …"
"Why do you involve Hakuryuu in this? He has nothing to do with it! Hakuryuu is Hakuryuu and no one can replace him! Why can you and your father not understand this? I never wanted Hakurin, but your father wanted another child to replace the lost one! And now you all want to accuse me of being a bad mother? How dare you! I have no business with that girl! Go to your father and complain to him not spending time with his daughter!"
Gyokuen was furious! Not even once in all his life had Hakuyuu seen his mother what angry. Never had she shouted at him. Never had she looked so mad. She looked like she was about to murder someone. The empress literally jumped up from the bench and looked down on her startled son.
"Mother … I … I am sorry. I didn't meant to offended you or imply that you should take Hakurin as a replacement of Hakuryuu or …"
"Tsk."
Gyokuen didn't want to listen anymore, she had enough. Without paying attention to her son's attempts to explain himself she left and thereby almost crash into her second son Hakuren, who jumped out of her way with an confused expression, since he also had never seen his mother in such a bad mood.
How could things just gone so wrong?
Hakuren on the other had almost crashed into the bench his mother had sit on before, because instead of looking in front of him while walking, he looked after his mother. Not a wise decision.
"What happened?", he asked his older brother confused while sitting down.
"Nothing. Just me, messing things up."
"And what are those 'things'?"
"I wanted to know why mother neglected Hakurin so much and I wanted to change that. Well, instead I made it worse, I guess."
"And where did you get the idea from that you are the right one to fix their relationship?"
Hakuren was astonished.
Such a sensitive topic should not be touched by Ren Hakuyuu, who was a master in choosing the wrong words at the wrong time. He knew that his brother was not heartless or anything alike, Hakuyuu was just bad with handling feelings and expressing them. Most of the time his brother had a stern expression which only disappeared around his family, so the majority of the people assumed that the crown prince was just cold.
"Somebody had to at least try something."
"But that somebody is not you and should know that. Let's hope that mother is in a better mood at dinner and that she does not meet Hakurin. I don't think that encounter would end in a positive way."
Hakuyuu sighed. He messed up big time!
"Hey, no sulking! You may have failed, but that is not the end of the world. I have good news for you, so stop making such a sad face!"
Another deep sigh from Hakuyuu. How could his brother be so happy and optimistic all the time?
"We will soon conquer the north-east of Go. Father said since you are better now you may help us to secure the conquered land. You will be in charge of a bigger village near the border, so you do not have such a long way to travel home, in case your health gets worse."
"That are good news indeed. I hope you will succeed soon!"
"Is it really that bad at home?"
"No, but doing nothing while everyone else fights for us does not sit well with me. Also, I don't like the increase in contact with uncle Koutoku. I have no clue, how to handle him."
"Poor little Hakuyuu has to talk to his uncle", teased Hakuren with a big smirk on his face.
"Not funny. You would feel the same in my case!"
"Probably. However I am not in your shoes right now, so we may never know the truth."
"Let us hope that you will never be in my current situation."
The two princes talked a little bit more with each other until Hakuren had to join his father at the next war council, while Hakuyuu had to attend to his paperwork again.
Hakuyuu was looking forward to the day he was allowed to leave home and help his people to create a peaceful world. Little did he knew that said day would came so soon and even less did he knew that this day would turn into a nightmare.