Soon Hakuyuu will die and then this story can move onwards. I am sorry for taking so many chapters until the real thing starts. This is the reason why there are two chapter in such a short time. I want to proceed further - it would take the whole year, if I only update every two months. (However, this is an exception, so after May the chapters will be uploaded every two months as intended.) If things go as planned, Hakuyuu will die in the next chapter (in case he does not, it will be the chapter after).

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Dinner was great, simple but great. The soldiers had a lot of stories to tell and he listened. Some were exaggerating things a bit, but that made it even funnier, especially when they tried to top each other. It got downright ridiculous! There was no chance not to laugh about it.
Hakuyuu stayed out of most conversations. He had nothing to add and he was distracted anyway. The uneasiness he had felt, while watching the sunset, reappeared over and over again. Sometimes he even felt like he was not sitting together with his comrades around the camp fire, but stood a few steps away from the group and was watching them with whispering in his ears, which he could not understand, because the voice was too low.
After the shivering, which came over him at times, did not stop, Hakuryuu decided to go to bed. It had been a long day and he did not want to risk his health. Besides there was nothing he could or wanted to contribute to the conversations. Hakuren was immediately worried, but knew better than to bother his older brother with his concern. If Hakuyuu thought, it was time to rest for him, it was the best to let him go. The last Hakuren wanted was his brother to stress his health, because he thought he had to prove something. However, his worried expression was not missed by Hakuyuu, who did not comment on it though. Unfortunately, Hakuyuu could not find a restful sleep. First he laid awake for awhile, until his eyes closed, then he woke up multiple times – always with the feeling he had forgotten something or someone. At some point Hakuren had also gone to sleep and so it was hard to fall asleep again, because a certain someone was snoring. Therefore, Hakuyuu took a little midnight walk around the camp. Maybe he would get sleepy doing so.
With a jacket in his hand, he left the tent and was greeted by a cold wind and a dark night sky full of stars. What a nice view!

The guards greeted him as well, but did not dared to ask if something was wrong. Hakuyuu was thankful for that, since he was so sick and tired of it. The air was fresh and it smelled like rain – not so good. All they could do was to hope that it wouldn't rain or in case it did that it was just a small shower. On the other hand, there were no clouds and rain without clouds was a bit impossible, yet the weather could easily change.
Slightly apart from the camp Hakuyuu set down on the grass. Of course the ground was cold and the jacket he had placed between him and the grass was not enough to keep the cold off. He was freezing, but he paid no attention to it. His was confused. There was no thought he could focus on and he was so tired all of a sudden, while at the same time he could not fall asleep. If this were his first trip outside of Kou into unknown land, he would call it excitement and nervousness, but since it was not, he was unsure what was wrong with him. Maybe he was not well at all and the others were right with still pampering him. Or maybe he stressed himself too much, because he felt like he had to prove that he was indeed fine and capable of fulfilling all his former duties. There were times in his life in which he was annoyed by his own thoughts, by himself overthinking things and by always returning to the same questions and thoughts, when he could not find an answer. The last one was not unusual. When one could not find an answer to a question, it was normal to search further. However, it was not so normal to do it, when it was clear that no answer was available or even existent. Hakuyuu was a man lead by his head, not by emotions. He was praised for that, yet only listening to one's mind and never to one's emotions or instincts was not always the right path. Humans were flawed and so was their minds. The way information were interpreted differed from human to human and a decision based on one's mind wasn't automatically better than a decision made because of emotions. Still, Hakuyuu preferred it himself to be led by his mind and not his feelings – probably because he was not good with understanding his own feelings or those of others as soon as it came down things that exceeded the basic needs.

While looking in the distant, Hakuyuu nodded off very often, yet he did not return into his tent. He lacked the energy to do so and somehow he felt not like going back. The feeling of uncertainty did not go along with his wish to have things under control. Having things under control and to understand everything was important to him and everything that did not fit was highly disliked by him and needed to be eliminated in some way. However, there was no chance to eliminate his own feelings, when he did not even knew what he was feeling and where they were coming from. He was not good with all this emotional stuff, unlike Hakuren – no Hakuyuu would definitely not talk to his little brother about his feelings.
He would stop thinking about it! Yes! He would definitely stop thinking about it right now! Or not.

"Your highness, is everything alright?"
A soldier had approached Hakuyuu and had put a blanket around him. The sudden warmth reminded him, how cold he was. The young soldier set down next to him.
"Yes, I am fine. Just tired, but I cannot find a restful sleep", Hakuyuu admitted.
"Is prince Hakuren's snoring so bad?"
Yes, yes it was so bad, but this time it wasn't responsible for Hakuyuu's lack of rest.
"Yes, it is. However, I couldn't rest well even before Hakuren went to bed as well. So, he is not at fault here", Hakuyuu answered with a faint smile on his face.
The young soldier was the closest to a friend Hakuyuu had. He had joined the army a year after Hakuyuu and more or less immediately got along with the prince. For most of the soldiers Hakuyuu was the prince first and only secondly a comrade. So, meeting and interacting with someone around his age that saw him as a comrade first and secondly as prince was a change Hakuyuu never thought he needed, but was glad about. Of course, the soldier knew and got along with Hakuren, with whom he had become friends straight away. Therefore, he was probably the only one that dared to talk with and about the princes so casually.
"You know, while you were sick, Hakuren did not snore at all or at least barely. I guess, him snoring is a sign, whether he is deeply bothered or not."
Good to know, still, Hakuyuu would prefer it, when he could sleep at night.

"Say, Jian, do you and the others still see me as sick and weak?"
A short moment of silence followed Hakuyuu's question.
"Um, no. It's just your skin color that worries all of us. You're so pale that one could think you're a ghost. None of the physicians was able to say, what was going on with you and no one knew how you disappeared without anyone noticing. It is the whole situation and its circumstances that make everyone so worried and feel uneasy. So, do not bother yourself with thinking about what others may think or not. You know yourself the best and if you say, you are fine, then you are. Just don't overdo it, because you think you have to prove anything."
Hakuyuu sighed.
He was not one to only judge others by appearance or only define himself over it, yet he had considered himself as a good looking young man. However, whenever he looked in the mirror now and saw himself with this disgusting pale skin, he felt so ugly and uncomfortable – it was indeed a worrisome color. He had hoped that his skin would return to normal, as soon as he was better, which, unfortunately, did not happen – when one was looking at him, one could think he was indeed horrible sick, hence one could not blame them.
"I am worried about becoming like my uncle. Getting better after being sick for a long time, just to get sick shortly after again."
Jian looked at him silently and then at the sky before he said: "You won't end up like him. If this were the case, you should be sick again already, but you are not. By the way, I am sure that your uncle is not only sick, because he is an unfortunate soul, but because he is a foul man."
With a cheery smile Jian looked back at Hakuyuu: "You, on the other hand, are a noble man. Consequently, heaven will bestow fortune and good health upon you."
Hakuyuu laughed hearing that. He did not believe in heaven or gods, yet it was soothing to hear these words.
"Well, then I hope, it will be a long life with fortune and good health."
"I am sure it will be!"

For a little while both said nothing and were just looking at the sky. Jian looked asquint at Hakuyuu from time to time, who still was nodding off over and over again. Carefully he placed his hand on Hakuyuu's shoulder, wherewith he got the attention of the prince.
"Let's go to bed", Jian suggested.
"But I cannot sleep", Hakuyuu answered, followed by a loud yawn.
"Yeah, sure." A soft laughter escaped Jian's lips.
"I feel like I've forgotten something. I feel uneasy. I feel as if something was wrong and amiss."
Another big sigh from Hakuyuu.
"Um", Jian closed his eyes for a short while and seemed to think about, what to answer, "Maybe the feeling of "you forgot" is more likely a feeling of "do not forget". Maybe the feeling of uneasiness is due to not knowing, what you should not forget, due to not knowing, how to describe and word your feelings. Maybe the feeling of something being wrong or amiss is caused by the unknowingness, which makes you feel uneasy. Maybe you just overthink things. Maybe there is nothing to be worried about. Maybe you just imaging things. Or maybe not. Well, as you heard, all my sentences started with "maybe", because there are many reason why you feel like you do. However, some answers and explanations are only found, when one is not searching for them. And, by the way, a tired mind is not the best, when searching for answers. So, let's go to bed and rest. Tomorrow will be a long and tough day and you do not want to fall from your horse, because you have fallen asleep on it, right? And a bed is more comfortable then this hard and cold ground or the back of a horse."
Hakuyuu was not sure, how one could find something without searching for it, but he was too tired to start a discussion about it. Jian was right, the next day would be a long one and even when he was just sitting on a horse and hadn't had to walk, it was still not easy. With another heavy sigh Hakuyuu agreed with Jian and tried to get up. Unfortunately, his legs refused to let him stand on his own, so Jian had to help him a little bit, when returning to his and Hakuren's tent.
"May you find a restful sleep now, your highness", Jian said when he left Hakuyuu.

The next morning came sooner than Hakuyuu liked. It was the first time in a long while that Hakuyuu slept in. Actually, Hakuren woke him up when almost everything and everyone was ready to proceed forward. Of course, everyone was waiting until Hakuyuu was ready to decamp.
Due to the short night and consequently his lack of sleep, Hakuyuu nodded off on his horse more than once. Luckily, no one suggested to take a break or delay their departure. Hakuyuu took a nap at lunch time and Hakuren watched after him, as soon as he felt asleep. The weather was pleasant – there had been a little shower last night, but it was such a small one that it was not even worth mentioning.
The following days were better. Hakuyuu went to bed pretty early and always had a restful sleep. Besides one storm that caused damage to their small group, but they were able to fix everything at the next city, nothing bad happened to them. The delay the storm had caused was minimal, yet it was a little annoyance and Hakuyuu did not like it, when a plan could not carried out like he wanted it. However, in the big scheme of thing it was nothing grave. Delays always happened, because no one could predict the future. Hakuyuu's discomforting feelings had vanished and only reappeared the night before reaching his goal, a conquered village in the territory of Go.

The inevitable was about to happen, which was a logical event, since otherwise it would not be inevitable. No matter whether he had stepped out of the rest house or had stayed in bed, no matter whether he had understood the whispering and the discomforting feelings of his, no matter whether what decision he had made, the day Hakuyuu had disappeared without anyone noticing had sealed his destiny. The day he had opened his eyes and headed towards the village, he had opened them for the last time as the person known as Ren Hakuyuu. Death was awaiting him with a sardonic smirk.