Chapter 44 – The reason why

"I think it's my fault they divorced." Rose admitted to Lucy, and bit her lips while she did.

She was sitting outside the Burrow, wrapped in a thick blanket, staring at the sky. Lucy, Lily and her shared a room, but she had left in the middle of the night, after faking to sleep when they joined her hours earlier. She hadn't been sure if she wanted to talk about it, however words tumbled out of her mouth when she had seen Lucy join her. Her tall cousin had sat down at her side and wrapped an arm around her with a sad smile.

"I think you are taking no account of your parents being adults, even if they don't act as such currently. They made their own decisions and all we can do is accept them." Lucy tried to be the voice of reason and was ignoring what Lily had shouted at Albus. She was never noisy and Lily loved that about her.

"Hugo never talked about it last year, but he made a comment on the train to school this year. Something I threw in my parents' face when I was called to the Headmistress Office in October." Rose looked at Lucy when she confessed what she had told them:

"I asked them if they would finally divorce." Looking back towards the gardens around the Burrow she remembered her train ride with Hugo. The ride felt like it had been ages ago, not just four months. On her own first year, she had been agitated, very different from her shy and quiet brother. She had decided against sitting with her cousins in favour of finding friends of her own age. Maybe it had been because Albus had sat down with Malfoy, a boy her father had warned her against. Exploring the train for the first time had been such a nice feeling, she hadn't felt like sitting down at all. And the trolley witch with all her sweets had been just as great as her Dad had always told her. But Hugo's first ride had been nothing like hers. After entering the train he had trailed after her and sat down at the window, looking outside without seeing anything, until he took out a book and got lost in reading.

"Hugo didn't said much on the train, just that he hoped for Ravenclaw, because he wanted some quietness. After asking why, he let it drop that it might be best if our parents split instead of trying in vain to make their partnership work. I knew they quarrelled a lot, always had, but I never knew how bad it got until Hugo said something. For him to complain it must have been really bad at home."

"I know it doesn't look like it now, but don't you think it will be better then? Give them time to come to terms with their new arrangement. Give yourself time to spend with both of them, maybe they are more relaxed and happy and you can see that it was for the best. Didn't your parents always support you? Now you need do be strong for them and help them, by showing you accept the way they solved their problems. I'm sure your Mom will remember you, and even if she doesn't, you have a chance to get to know each other anew. It might be awkward, but I'm sure she doesn't hate you."

Lucy was always a voice of reason, looking to solve the situation, where Rose was blinded by her own feelings. Without knowing the whole story, she knew what was Lily's deepest fear and had named it.

"I ran off the last time I talked to Mom. She hasn't talked to me since then. Funny, it's the same reaction Dad had, he just ran off too. He didn't even hug us when he met us at the station."

The parallels in their behaviour hadn't occurred to Rose until now. Suddenly she felt bad for blaming him for it, when she did the same whenever she felt pressured. Maybe it was because he was a role model for her and she hated to see that he was imperfect. His reaction had hurt her and if she thought about her mother, she suddenly had a lump in her throat. The woman hadn't handled the situation anything like the Hermione Granger Rose knew, but maybe her own reaction had been harsh and had hurt her. For her mother she was a stranger, but Rose hadn't tried to change that at all. To think about the situation with Lucy's input made her feel like crying all over again. How many times had she told her parents how grown up she already felt, but now she acted like the spoiled kid she knew she secretly still was. Self-reflection sucked a lot, Rose decided. Lucy interrupted her thoughts with an idea.

"Then just hug him when he comes over for Christmas. Show him that you love him. Maybe he feels guilty too. He's your Dad, isn't he?"

"I don't think he'll show up."

Rose looked like a small child now, huddled in her big blanket. Her eyes were on the stars in the sky and her voice was very small. Lucy nearly laughed, but kept from it and reassured her cousin.

"And I think you don't know your Uncles very well."

They sat together in silence, until Lucy left because she was cold. Back to bed she wanted to wait for Rose but fell asleep, lulled in by the warmth.

In the early morning hours, after the pitch-dark sky started to lighten up, Rose crawled back into her own bed. Exhausted, but with the resolve to show her Dad her support, even if she was still wary of her Mother. Something about the woman left her uneasy. The calculating way she had told her own story, without any warmth, made it just more pronounced. Rose knew she would need her father's input, before she did anything else regarding her mother. To hear her talk about another little girl and see the love directed at the other daughter had hurt.

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