Chapter 61 – A mother's wisdom

They sat in silence in a small cafe not far from Grimmauld Place and Hermione stirred her coffee. Between deciding to follow Poppy's advices and the action taking there was a huge gape. She wasn't used to relying on others, or allowing them to help her. It was something Madame Pomfrey had pointed out to her, amongst many other things she had to fix, and she had to agree. So she stirred her coffee and searched for the right way to start this conversation.

Hermione would have preferred the tranquillity of Grimmauld Place to this place, but her panic wasn't as bad as before and she knew she could do this, even with the big announcement in the Daily Prophet just days ago keeping her further on edge. This muggle establishment might have been the best choice to avoid reporters.

What was the worst that could happen here anyway, she had asked herself, and decided that it was worth the risk. Her mother's words from so many years ago rang in her ears and she smiled thinking of the kind woman she had done everything to protect so many years ago.

You can't hid from death my little angel. It can find you, wherever you are. Crossing the street is just as deadly as flying a plane.

It had been the first time they went on a family holiday, long before Hermione had gotten her Hogwarts letter. She couldn't remember exactly, but she had done a lot of research and it's because she had read about so many risks about flying and planes that she had become so afraid. Afraid enough to throw a tantrum that she wouldn't enter the death trap. Of course she had flown, but since then she had been afraid of heights, clinging to her father the whole time. Still her mother's words had somehow stayed with her.

"I talked to Poppy after I found out I wasn't pregnant." Hermione whispered into her cup, but didn't look at Ginny. The redhead didn't say anything, but she exhaled and gave a sad, but relieved, smile. "You were my best friend after Harry died, and we shared everything. After I came back here I talked to you, but the more we talked the more afraid I grew. I'm sorry for the way I behaved."

"We know you have a hard time at the moment." Ginny agreed but didn't elaborate.

"I told you about sleeping with Malfoy, because I knew you wouldn't agree with it and would be put off. I told Harry about what I had done to Ron, because I knew it would make him back off. I did it to push you away, and I am sorry."

Silence settled over them, while Hermione took a sip of her coffee. She went over what she had said in her head again to make sure she covered everything she had written down. There was a list of things she had wanted to say, hidden in her pocket, but she didn't need to see it to remember.

"Sometimes I see Mom crying in the kitchen, when she sees the family picture from our visit in Egypt. 'Time flies so fast, and those days have long ago started to fade away. All we can do is look forward for new adventures and experiences. Parting is the beginning of something new, but it hurts to keep going when you are only looking back. Every person we encounter and start to love is a small miracle, but how are we to meet new people if we stand still?'"

The words where whispered and Hermione looked at Ginny with a rather perplex look on her face. She was so unused to her friend being so mature and wise, that it was a shock of some sort.

"We knew what you were doing, but Harry and me let you be, instead of fighting for you. What I just told you were not my own words, but Mom's. I asked her on Christmas how she did it, to pull through after loosing Fred. We all knew she was a complete mess the first few weeks, but then suddenly she started to go back to the strong woman I knew since I was a little girl. She told me these words. They made her pull herself together. Because she wanted to continue her life, for herself, for Fred and for the rest of us."

"Molly is a strong woman." Hermione whispered in awe, remembering with a cringe the howler she had received not to long ago from the woman. If there was someone out there with a true lion's heart, it was Molly Weasley.

"So are you Hermione." Harry said from behind Hermione and smiled at her when he joined his wife on the table. He put down the slices of cake in front of the woman and continued talking.

"You know, Dumbledore once told me, 'Do not pity the dead. Pity the living and above all, pity those who live without love.' " He returned his gaze to Hermione and put his hand on her shoulder. "So many people love you, Hermione. We wouldn't stop because you made it hard for us. Still, I'm happy you are talking to us openly again."

"I told Harry after your last visit that I can't be mad at you. Just imagining what you are going through makes me understand." Ginny smiled at her husband in a way that radiated the love she felt for him to everyone watching them.

"But I'm still mad at you." Harry quipped in, glaring at Hermione for a second, until his features relaxed again.

"When did Ginny get so forgiving?" Hermione smiled and laughed. It was soft and uncertain, but lit her face up.

"You saw?" Ginny asked her husband with a nudge and big smile on her face.

"Yes, I saw..." Harry agreed and smiled at his wife.

"What?" Hermione asked unsure.

"You smiled!" Ginny announced and shot up from her chair, hugging Hermione to her chest. Hermione startled with a fright, but didn't draw her wand. It was an improvement she reminded herself and tried to calm down, while awkwardly hugging Ginny back. How long ago was the last time someone really hugged her she mused, but couldn't remember.

"Ok Ginny, yes I smiled. Don't squash me to death for it." Hermione said, but it was muffled. There was a bright smile on Ginny's face when she finally let go and looked at Hermione again.

Now that she finally reconnected with her feelings everything felt amplified and much more intense, even her happiness.

"We have three children, that's how she learned to be forgiving. You saw what Albus can be like. –"

"Harry." Hermione interrupted him. "Don't beat yourself up over this. I don't know your son, but I had a teenager son myself not too long ago. They tend to make stupid decisions, they mess up and they grow out of it. Just remember our own years at Hogwarts. I never told my parents the whole story, never!"

"Now who's the forgiving one?" Ginny joked and they shared another smile between mothers.

AN: Well, I think of this meeting as the first one on a road of recovery. The next Chapter will be a mix of different situations dealing with PTSD in a more positiv way. I can only describe it from what I understand of it, and in no way it is meant to portray PTSD in it's whole. Thank you for your support and comments. It was hard to write so much dark stuff up to now, but I want to build up this character no matter how dark, occ or sad it was. Let's carry on.

Your Angel