Tweek made his way onto the bus and took his usual seat up front with Scott. Music blasted in his ears and made him oblivious to everything around him. It was a nice way to spend a 20 minute bus ride, he had to wait the longest to get home since he lived all the way across town. He put his head down against the seat in front of him and stared down at his shoes.
'Need coffee.' Tweek hadn't had his daily caffeine fix and it was making him antsy, normally one of his parents would bring him some but they were out visiting family. Time passed slower than usual, he had started to shake.
"Tweek, wake up." He blinked a few times and look to his side, Stan was sitting there with his headphones in his hands. Had he fallen asleep?
"We're getting off in a minute, I thought I'd wake you up since you're getting off next." Stan was always nice to Tweek, he didn't take sides when it came to himself and Craig despite being friends with both of them. Most people tended to take Craig's side.
"Thanks, S-Stan." He stammered with a smile, Stan handed his headphones back and went back over to Kyle. Tweek was sure that there was another stop or two between Stan's bus stop and his place, he looked over the back of the seat and saw 5 other kids. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and... Craig.
'Isn't his stop over with Jimmy's? Why is he still here?' He immediately spun himself back around and hunched down, hoping to God he wasn't seen. When they broke up in middle school, Tweek hadn't expected it to be such a controversy. The 5 started to make their way off.
Craig and Kenny were holding hands.
In that moment, Tweek wanted to shoot himself. Craig had lied to him again, what's worse is that he fell for it again. He craved Craig's affection so badly, he let his guard down for one night. One night was more than enough to trigger waves of more intense emotions that had been slowly eating at him for years now.
As soon as the bus stopped, Tweek ran off the bus and into his house. He threw his bag against the wall, going straight for the coffee pot. His hands shook vigorously as he finally poured some into a cup.
"You're not going to cry." He repeated to himself between sips of his drink. Despite his best efforts, he felt his lip quivering and his eyes watering and twitching more than usual. He downed the rest of his coffee and ran up to his room.
At this point, his face was streaked with tears. He looked at the pocket knife on his dresser, he'd had it since he was 10 and never touched it. The knife had just sat there, gathering dust. He'd considered using it before, whether it was on himself or someone else, the thoughts were there. He had pictures all across his dresser, next to the knife was one of him and Craig from middle school. They were dressed up and ready for a dance of some sort, they were both smiling.
Tweek yelled suddenly, needing an outlet to get something out. It felt like a bear was mauling him, ripping into his throat for a taste of his own hoarse voice. He collapsed onto his floor and sobbed. His twitching intensified tenfold. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he had truly broken. This was the only time he could recall that he'd had an attack like this. The pain from his throat wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to push this ocean of hate and anxiety.
"Just.. J-Just one." He pushed himself up with all of his strength and grabbed the pocket knife from his dresser. He flipped it so the blade was out and attempted to steady his breathing. He pulled his sleeve up and didn't think, just cut. He hissed in pain and pulled the blade away.
"O-Okay..." Tweek threw the knife across the floor and put pressure onto his cut. The first and only time. He pulled his knees up to his chest and lowered his head. The only movements he'd make were jolts and twitches, with some shoulder rises from unrhythmic breathing. He didn't hear the door open or shut, the footsteps echoing around his empty mind.
"Tweek? You in there, sport?" He flinched and slammed the back of his head against his bed. His parents opened the door and peeked inside, they saw him sitting on his floor with tears all over his face and a bloody arm. His mom rushed to the bathroom to grab the first aid kit, his dad sat next to him and enveloped Tweek into a hug. He didn't know if he had gotten into a fight or if he did this to himself. There weren't any more visible cuts or bruises of any kind.
"When did you guys get back?" He got words out between his gasps.
"That doesn't matter. What happened to you?" His mom came and was putting antiseptic onto the cut, he hung his head in an attempt to avoid looking at either of his parents. They had been so good to him all his life, they didn't deserve to see their only son like this. Tweek knew they'd think it was their fault, he couldn't go through that guilt.
"I just cut myself accidentally, there was a knife just over the edge of the counter and I didn't see it." His dad sighed in relief and Tweek felt him relax. His mom joined in on the hug after the bandage was applied and they sat there for a few minutes. His parent's arms were a safe haven for Tweek, ever since he was a young child.