Chapter 71 – Angry, or emotional and sad
"Oh Hermione!" Molly Weasley shouted and threw her arms around her daughter in law.
Hermione didn't know how to react to the gushy welcome, it wasn't what she had anticipated for sure, so she stiffened. The hug nearly crushed her, but it felt warm and made her shudder. She bit her lower lip and kept her feelings close to herself, while she awkward patted Molly's back. Taking a step back, Molly still held Hermione by her shoulders, and looked at her.
"How have you been holding up dear? I was so worried about you, and no one answered my questions until Ginny came over last week to explain everything and ask if I would meet with you. I'm so sorry"
Dragging her to sit down, Molly set a cup of tea in front of the brown-haired witch with a flick of her wand.
"How do you feel? You know you don't need to hold back with me!"
Hermione looked at Molly and smiled sadly. Molly had been her motherly figure in the wizarding world and different emotions fought inside her. The anxiety that this was all not real, the jar how old Molly looked, the gladness that she was welcome and the yearning that she could be sincere without being judged, now that Molly knew what was going on. She would have to thank Ginny for that later.
"Some days are easier than others. I don't know how I hold myself together on the bad ones, but I know I have to carry on."
Mrs. Weasley nodded in understanding and it felt like something heavy was lifted from Hermione by it. "When Fred died, I was devastated. It just felt like something was missing and all happiness over our triumph against Voldemort was sucked right out of me."
Neither looked at the other while they watched the tea reflect the light in their cups. Hermione was the first to speak again, understanding just to well the feeling Mrs. Weasley described.
"Some days I wake up and want to look after her, but then I remember she isn't here, never was. Her existence was vanished from this world and I feel like I'm crazy, believing she was real."
Hermione's hands were shaking and she couldn't make them stop enough to take a sip from her cup of tea.
Letting go of her own, Molly sat beside Hermione and motherly rubbed her back. She didn't need to ask who they were talking about, after hearing the whole sad story from Ginny. Molly had wanted to tear down Hogwarts until she found her adopted daughter after her youngest child had finished her tale. Many unbelievable things happened in the magical world, but hearing it from Ginny, it explained so many things of the last few months. It brought back old memories for Molly, times when she had mourned her own son, but she wanted to be there for Hermione. To wait days until they were supposed to meet felt like forever. Still, Molly understood that Hermione wanted to give her time to settle her thoughts. The poor girl thought she was angry, which was the obvious conclusion after all her letters. She had reacted harshly without knowing all the facts.
Hermione didn't react to Molly's proximity and tried to voice what was going through her head. Madame Pomfrey suggested she should talk to different people and Hermione noticed that it was sometimes hard to stop once she got over herself to start. It was freeing and the reactions were so much more positive than she had ever hoped for.
"I felt like everyone I touched, everyone I cared about, always ended up dying. So, I refused to care about anything. Not even myself. I hated myself, but I'm know even that woun't change what happened. Madame Pomfrey helped me a lot to come to terms with myself."
"If you ever need me, if there is anything I can do -" Molly left the sentence unfinished, but they both knew what she meant.
"Talking helps. It makes it all more real and I can gather my thoughts better if I voice them. Thank you for meeting with me. I know you are mad that I divorced Ron."
"Hermione." Molly said and looked her right in the eyes. "I was never really angry. I was emotional, sad and lost. I hate to be left hanging without explanations, when I see my family falling apart and hurt, I lashed out at you and Ron. It wasn't mature or the right thing to do and I'm sorry I did it."
"I never wanted to hurt your family – " Hermione tried to explain herself, but couldn't rational her behaviour. There was no 'but' or explanation here, but Molly interrupted her before she could say how sorry she was.
"Our family Hermione, you are part of it too. And while it is not ok, I understand. Grief can do things to us, and make us act awry."
It nearly brought tears to Hermione's eyes. They both knew the older woman did have to be so understanding. If she had shouted and raged Hermione would have understood it quiet well as a mother, too.
"I want to fix what I did, but I can't face Ron again yet. Please understand. It's hard enough meeting with you, but Ron – "
Hermione trailed off and her gaze was hooded. She could see and smell the blood when she thought of Ron and it made her shudder mentally and physical.
Essential the Ron of this world was as much of a stranger to her as anyone else, but he made her remember some of her worst memories, while others weren't as bad. She remembered Molly's dead body, but the memory was old and worn out around the edges. It was accompanied by the crazy laugh of Bellatrix Lastrange, but even that was just a background noise now.
Molly looked different now, the grey hair and wrinkles more pronounced and it set her apart from the memory, enough so Hermione didn't get lost in them.
"I promise I'll try."
Molly smiled and stood up to walk over the her storage.
"That's all I could ask for, for now. What do you want to eat dearie?" The change of subject wasn't subtle, but very much welcome.
"Anything you have will be wonderful."
AN: I'm sorry I'm a week late, but we had problems uploading docx here on ff and so I'm still missing ch 70, and now 71, in the betaed version. Poor Eva always gets an error. On the positiv side I finally could upload the chapter today and so here you are.
To put it mildly I dislike this Chapter, I simply can't get across what I wanted to. Bad case of writers block with this particular scene.