A/N: This is for Sportsfan64. I know your prompt was about Steve convincing Nat that she wasn't a monster and believe me, I started with that in mind however, something else came out. Hope you enjoy it still :D It's not very romantic and I think this can be read as platonic but wth.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS EVANS! :***

Maybe it was because she knew they were as different from each other as oil and water. She was a spy, he was a soldier. He was all lightness and righteousness, and she lived in shadows and ambiguousness.

He was all good, she was … not.

And maybe that was why she convinced herself that she was attracted to a monster because she knew she was one. Or at the very least, it's what she thought. Steve didn't though. And that was the reason why she was currently hiding behind the barn in Clint's farm.

Laura was very accommodating for them. She missed the woman although she doesn't actively show it, but Natasha has an inkling that Laura missed her too. Laura was the one woman who tamed Clint from his wilder days and when Clint (in his infinite stupid ways) foolishly left her because he wasn't interested in a family, it was Natasha who hunted Clint down and knocked (literally) some sense into him. If anyone could see how the archer doted on his family, someone would probably give him the father-and-husband-of-the-year-award. They wouldn't believe that the same person left Laura high and dry when he found out she was pregnant. Thank God that Laura has the biggest heart (with the exception of one) Natasha knew and took back Clint when he came back grovelling within an inch of his life, bloody and sporting a black eye (Natasha was proudly responsible of that last bit). After that rough patch the Barton family (after a shotgun wedding) became the poster child for every American dream.

Family.

It is only a dream.

A dream she dreams in the darkest of nights when she is alone and no one can take it away from her. It was funny how you didn't know how much you really wanted something until it's no longer within your reach. In truth, Natasha didn't really dwell on the fact that she was barren. It was pushed to the farthest reaches of her mind especially when she had to deal with the Avengers, saving the world and putting up with Tony Stark's bullshit everyday. But when the girl in red worked her magic on them and crushed the walls Natasha built around those memories, it hit her. Hard.

Which is why, again, she couldn't burden Steve with herself. Steve wanted a family, that much she knew, and it was the one thing she couldn't give him. And Steve's already lost so much, Natasha doesn't want to add herself into the mix.

But don't you deserve to have something too?

She scoffed at the tiny voice in the back of her head. She has done a lot of things that would make her unfit to be a mother or even a wife. What kind of child would want Natasha to be his/her mother when she herself has inadvertently caused the deaths of many children and even orphaned a lot more? What kind of man would want Natasha to be her husband when she couldn't be trusted to tell the truth? That's what relationships are at it's very core, right? Being truthful to one another?

She was Black Widow and she can't ever afford to do that.

But still, it didn't stop her subconscious from cooking up images of a warm fireplace, a hug from someone behind, the laughter of children. A two-storey house with a white picket fence and a yellow Labrador who they'll call "Brownie". Her children can run as far as they can and laugh as loud as they want and she and her husband would sit back in their porch watching over them, together. And when evening came, she would slave away in the kitchen, trying to coax out a decent meal and finally giving up while her husband was laughing at her pitiful efforts. He would then gently take over the dinner preparations while she pretended to be irate but secretly pleased (and a bit turned on, to be honest) to see him in an apron and providing for her and their children. His blond hair would be mussed and his blue eyes would be bright, and they would regale each other with stories about their day.

So immersed was she in this silent reverie of hers that she almost didn't notice the doors of the barn opening slightly. She quietly berated herself for not paying any attention to her surroundings when armies of robots were currently on the hunt for them. However, before she turned to address the intruder, she managed to identify the solid but soft footfalls.

"I meant what I said earlier," the deep rich voice who sounded so strong and so commanding and the battlefield yet sounded completely reassuring this time echoed in the spacious room. "You are not a monster, Natasha. You are the farthest thing from that."

She kept quiet.

Hearing a soft sigh, she tracked the footsteps and it ultimately appeared in front of her. She was seated on one of the hay bales Clint stuffed last summer for Cooper and Lila to play in but as most of his household projects go, it was unfinished.

Steve's feet stopped mere inches from her toes. She didn't immediately look up but she found that it was not needed because it was Steve who lowered and crouched down in front of her. "Natasha." She flinched at his nearness and at his voice. It was like a siren calling to her, the pull unmistakable. It promised everything she ever wanted, but ... it always came with a "but". But she was a liar. But she was a spy. But she was barren. But she was a monster.

That was what Steve disagreed with. Her being a monster. He was apparently passing by Bruce's room earlier when he and Natasha were having a little heart-to-heart talk with each other. Steve didn't want to eavesdrop but he couldn't help but hear how Natasha described herself. When she went out of the room, Steve made the mistake of making eye contact with her and she saw how she hated herself. Ashamed, she went and hid in Clint's barn with the pretense that she was going to practice or maybe work out.

However, Captain America seemed determined to pull her out of whatever funk she was in.

"I've seen monsters. You aren't that, Romanoff. It's maybe what you see for yourself, but what we see, what I see, is a woman who has sacrificed greatly and saved countless of lives. So don't ever make yourself think for one moment that you are a monster. You, Agent Romanoff, are a hero. Whether you like it or not." Steve said, looking at her eyes or at the very least trying to because Nat still hasn't looked at him, but when he said that he thought she was a hero, her head snapped back and her eyes were glazed with something tantamount to fear and incredulousness.

"A hero? Did you even read the files on me, Rogers? Huh? SHIELD's file on me were even incomplete compared to what I have done to all of my victims. The quintessential Black Widow. Tempting yet deadly. That was what all I ever was. Men, women and even children weren't exempted. Did you know how easy it is to drive a butter knife between the fourth and the fifth rib of a sleeping five year old girl? Because I do. After I have shot point blank her mother and father that is. Then after all that, I burned them down." Natasha said with a haunting quality in her voice.

Steve was silent for a moment. Most likely because he didn't anticipate what she has just said. But to her surprise, Steve gently drew her hands to his face and kissed them, one for each hand.

"You are not who the Red Room made you, Natasha. You're so much more. You have goodness inside you, even if evil has done it's best to cover and taint it. And I can see that. So there is nothing on this God's green earth that is gonna convince me otherwise. You are you, and for me," Steve cleared his throat, "you are a hero."

Natasha couldn't hold back the tears that leaked. She let them, falling onto the hay covered dirt floor.

"I'll be here for you Nat. Until the end of the line," Steve said gently, and he too rose and started to leave.

However, it was Natasha this time who caught his hand. She gripped it so tightly, afraid of letting the one thing that was keeping her anchored in this fucked up world of theirs. "I was afraid," she said in a croaky voice.

Steve paused for a moment and then went back to crouching before Natasha.

"Bruce, he... He was like me. You weren't," Steve frowned at that, but he let Natasha go on. "I was... am... terrified of disappointing you. I couldn't bear the thought of you going away because I wasn't enough. And I'll never be enough. The Red Room made sure of that," towards the end of her speech, her voice got a little harder and more angry.

"You're life was taken from you, Steve. Peggy, the Howling Commandos and even Bucky. You could have had a chance at normal life and you deserve no less than that especially with what you already endured. You are good. And you deserve someone good. Someone who could give you a family and everything you ever missed. I am not that," Natasha said with a broken voice.

"Bullshit"

The profanity shocked Natasha that she was silent for a few seconds. Captain America does swear.

Steve ran a hand through his blond hair, leaving it mussed sexily but there was an exasperated look in his eyes that made Natasha want to hear what he has to say.

"I am so tired of people thinking that I deserve better than this, or than YOU. What they don't understand was that I chose this. Every decision that has led me to be here has been made by me and me alone. When I chose to put the plane in the water, I was doing it with the complete knowledge that I was choosing to save the world over MAYBE a life with Peggy and with kids and a white picket fence. And even as a hero. I chose to do it willingly. I also chose not to call any of those women who you throw shamelessly at me, because I already chose Natasha! And I did choose you!"

Natasha was poleaxed. She never expected to hear this impassioned confession from Captain America that he actually returns her affections.

"And I also chose to go after you because I know that you wouldn't be able to get it out of your head that you are a monster. And I can't have you thinking that, Natasha, because you are as close to an angel than everyone I have known," He ended the tirade softly. Natasha was still staring at him. His shoulders slumped in a defeated manner. "And I know that you are with Banner now, but I can't let you go without at least knowing how I felt about you. Shame on me, but I don't care," he said forcefully, "I won't step in and take you away from him because I know that despite you foolishly saying that both of you are monsters and you deserve each other, I know Banner would take very good care of you. So even if it means costing my happiness for yours, it's fine. As long as you know that.. that.. if you were mine, I'd never let you go too."

Steve was truly panting now. His heart felt as if it was exploding but Natasha was still unmoved, still staring at him.

He turned away from her and said "Fury called a meeting. Five minutes," he said softly then he was gone.

Natasha continued to stare at the spot where Steve had just been. She tried to comprehend the last minutes. Everything she ever wanted was within her reach. Then why did it feel so far away?

She stared at the spot. And stared some more.

Finally, when she could postpone it no longer, she headed out.

She would deal with this saving the world business first. Then she would see about if her heart can be saved too.

I was spurred to write this because the guy I was in love with for a long time eventually came clean but it was too little too late. Still hurts like hell though. And I'm feeling depressed. Sorry for the bad plot. I swear it sounded better in my head.

Please read and review.