Alright, I promised funny chapters, and funny chapters it shall be! All hail the readers!
If I owned Harry Potter, I would have used JK Rowling's immense influence on the young minds to forge my own dictatorship. You can see why I should never own any fandom, ever.
Cornered. Literally.
They say that the course of love ne'er did run smooth, and they would be right. They can say that pain was a part of love, and they would be right. However, if anyone ever told June to forgive Sirius Black, June would be able to grab the argument they put up and crush it to bits.
She was not ever going to talk to Sirius Black. Not in the seven hells was she going to forgive him. Let the others have their heaven, she would rather go and burn in Tartarus than speak to Sirius Black. It was a lost case, entirely. She was not going to speak to Sirius Black, and no one was going to make her.
Obviously, people had tried.
"June, you should talk to him. He's acting like a lost puppy," said Lily sensibly.
He can act like a puppy for all June cared. He was a dog anyway. Literally.
"June, he's making my heart break, really. It's time you spoke to him," said Mary, trying to strum June's heart strings.
Sure she was going to speak to him. He broke her own heart too, didn't he?
"You are acting like an idiot," said Marlene frankly, "Haul your cute ass out of the dormitory and talk to him."
June was never leaving the dormitory. Not for him. She could be acting like an idiot for all she cared. And she didn't care. At all.
"June, Sirius says he's sorry," said Remus gently, "He wants to speak to you."
June glared at Remus wholeheartedly. Oh, because he was sorry, June was expected to fall to his feet and beg for him to kiss her, was she? That was not happening. Not in this life.
"Uh. Sirius has been acting rather oddly these days, and... um, I can't really sleep. He sort of... keeps saying your name in his sleep. I, I mean, we, none of us can sleep," Peter had said timidly, "Could you please talk to him?"
June searched Peter quickly. Yes, there were dark circles under his eyes. Peter must really want to help his friend. But June didn't care how much Sirius was dreaming about her. The slightly elated feeling in her stomach was completely related to the amazing mark she got in transfiguration.
Only James had said something worth remembering. "Oh, I owe you June Leto," he said gleefully, "This year has been extremely entertaining thanks to you. Would you like some chocolate? Do you enjoy ice cream? Anything you want!"
June had mumbled this and that, and James had grinned and laughed. He escorted her to class and watched as Sirius glared at him.
The fire was burning brightly, and Marlene McKinnon was bent over her homework, in the companionship of Dorcas Meadows.
"Marlene? You're doing homework?" came the incredulous voice of Remus Lupin.
"Yes, Lupin, I do homework," said Marlene dryly, "It's how I pass on to the next year."
Lupin chuckled. "Do you mind if Peter and I join you?"
"Not at all," said Marlene cheerfully.
Remus pulled out his books and parchment, working and watching Marlene, as she and Dorcas exchanged the odd words here and there.
"Why are all of you here?" said James, entering the common room from the portrait hole, "Are you lot conspiring?"
"No, James," sighed Marlene, "We're going homework. Try it."
"No thanks," said James, as if backing away from a dangerous disease, "I'd rather not. What if I catch it?"
Marlene smiled and grinned, supplying most of the conversation. James watched the embers dying, and Remus gave the occasional word. Peter remained mostly silent – as did Dorcas, for she was lost in her thoughts, ever since June had bursted out that Benjy was beginning to like Dorcas.
"Oh. Marlene, you're up?" asked Lily.
"No, Lily, this is an inferius doing my homework," said Marlene.
"I would have believed it to be an inferius – more likely an explanation than you actually doing work."
"Honestly, why is everyone so surprised at me working?" asked Marlene, exasperated.
Lily laughed and suddenly caught James' eye. She blushed violently – thankfully no one noticed. James turned away at once, continuing the examination of the fire. "No, I'll just be going," she muttered when Marlene asked her for help.
"Oh, come on!" begged Marlene, "Please?"
"Go on Evans," said James quietly, "Stay."
Lily bit her lip, and sat down slowly. She began to help Marlene, continuously blushing, hoping that people would account it to the fire. James didn't say anything at all. Then, June and Mary entered.
"Hello," said June in her usual quiet way.
Everyone acknowledged her presence. June sat down, pulling out her own books.
The common room was almost empty now – nearly everyone had gone to bed. There was a loud bang, and the portrait hole swung open with unusual gusto.
In came Sirius Black, lips locked with another blonde – there had been many this past week. He was kissing her painfully, and appeared to be drunk.
"Excuse me," choked out June. She left the common room with as much dignity as she could muster, leaving her books and parchment in a hassle.
"My friends!" said Sirius, leading his lady friend upto them, "This is Denise!"
"Debby," corrected the blonde named Debby.
"Sirius," said Remus, pinching the bridge of his nose, "How old is she?"
"I don-don't know," slurred Sirius.
Remus sighed. He and James got up at once. James slung Sirius over his soldier, and clapped Remus on the back.
"Where are you taking him?" asked Debby.
"To his dormitory," said Remus, "You should be gone too."
"Oh. He has my number, though. Tell him to call," she said hopefully.
"I'll pass the message."
The presumedly fourteen year old girl left. Remus sighed, and rubbed his forehead. "I'm afraid the bridge of my nose has been rubbed raw with exasperation," he muttered.
"Has this been happening the whole week?" asked Lily.
"Oh, yes. Sometimes it's even worse," said Peter sagely.
"'Worse'?" queried Mary.
"Sometimes it's two three girls together."
"I'm going to bed folks," said Dorcas.
"Night," muttered everyone collectively.
There was a sense of depression in the group. Everything was going horribly wrong.
"You know June hasn't eaten for weeks?" asked Mary somberly.
"She sometimes disappears for hours at a time," muttered Lily.
"She's always studying," said Marlene.
"At least she does something meaningful," said Remus sadly, "You don't want to know what Sirius gets upto."
James came bounding down just then.
"We need to do something about these two," he said seriously, eyeing Lily, "It was funny initially, but this is getting out of hand. He's coming home drunk everyday. And I've lost count of the number of girls he brought home this week. He hasn't been paying attention in class at all. He hasn't turned up for Quidditch practice. He screams in his sleep."
There was a silence at his words. "What do we do?" asked Mary.
"It's simple," said Lily.
"What?" asked Remus in surprise.
"We kill the insecurity."
"Okay..." said Marlene, unsure of what to say, "That could work."
"What are you two on about?" asked James.
"Well, June functions on the premise that Sirius is too cool to be with her anyway, and he doesn't like her," explained Mary, "That is, insecurity."
"Well, she can see Sirius right now," said Remus bitterly, "He seems to like her a lot."
"Well, she can't see beyond his betrayal," said Marlene.
"I still don't see what to do," James said helplessly.
"All you have to do," said Lily, "Is try to get Sirius to convince June that he does like her."
There was a loud crash from the girls dormitories. June had broken something.
"Blimey, that must be the vase mum sent," said Marlene gleefully, "Thank god!"
Everyone chuckled, and then subsided.
"Let me get Sirius back on track," said James with a slight twitch on his face, "Then I shall get the insecurity killed."
The curtains were ripped apart, and the sunlight streamed into the room. "Ouch!" came a cry from one of the beds.
"Wake up, idiot," said James harshly.
"Can we please not let the light in?" asked Sirius.
"No, we should. You deserve to be punished."
"Whatever for?"
"Sirius, have you been seeing how you have acted last ten days?" asked James angrily.
"It's nothing," he muttered.
"No it most certainly is not!" James said forcefully. He flicked his wand to push all the curtains apart. He took a bottle and threw ice cold water on James, completely freezing and remorseless. The emptiness of the dormitory was absolutley freezing for Sirius. There was an air of punishment – everything reeked of penance.
"You come home drunk, you have a hundred girls on your hands, and you never pay attention to anything you cared about – I don't know what logic you work on, but that, is not, normal!"
Sirius pushed himself out of his bed, "Well, what would you have me do?" he asked loudly, "What would you want me to do?"
"Pick yourself up Sirius! There's still some hope for this situation!"
"What do you mean?" asked Sirius curiously.
"I mean, now, you will come for class with me, and pay attention, and make your own notes. You will do homework in the evening, and tomorrow morning, you will come for Quidditch practice."
James was done, now it was up to Sirius.
"How does that help me 'situation'?" asked Sirius as James left.
James turned back, and smiled. "My dear fellow, do you think I'm going to make it that easy?"
"It's working, you know," said Marlene with a smile.
Remus watched her, "What's working?"
James looked at them – he had been watching Lily, "The whole 'Kill the insecurity.'" he explained.
"Sirius has been better," said Remus.
"Not all that better," said James, "Oh, is this going to be fun."
"Minerva, have you noticed what is wrong with Mr Black?" Dumbledore asked Professor McGonagall one fine day.
"The entire staff has noticed," said Minerva.
"I was hoping it was only me," said Dumbledore, shaking his head.
"He has been submitting his homework regularly," said McGonagall with a sigh, "Not to mention the fact that he says absolutely nothing during class. We are quite worried."
James was very angry.
Sirius had been turning up for practice everyday, of course, but he had not made practice any better for them.
He spent most of his time yelling at the other players, angrily shouting commands at each and every one of them. He would not be able to concentrate at all, and glared at everyone, not doing his own job. And this was on a good day. Normally, he acted like a surly idiot, behaving twice as badly.
Only today, he had reduced the other beater, Helena Jacobs to tears.
"Sirius, shut up!" said James angrily.
Sirius stopped at once. "They are not playing well!"
"Neither are you!" exploded James, "Helena, stop crying. You played really well today. The rest of you, leave. I need to have a word with our beater."
There was a silent shuffling as everyone left slowly, and James faced Sirius with a glare.
"Sirius, I know that you have been putting an effort," he said rationally, "But you need to realise that this is a Quidditch pitch, not a battle field. And, you need to go and kiss June Leto."
"What?" said Sirius, thrown off completely.
"You need to kiss June Leto," James repeated, throwing the quaffle into the Quidditch chest.
"She hates me," he muttered.
"If you really think that, you're blind," said James straightforwardly.
"Did you see the way she looked at me after the Hogsmede trip?"
"Did you see the way she cried when she saw you with your parade of girls?"
Sirius feel silent.
"The problem with her is, she will never, not ever believe you like her. Not in this life. Not unless you make the first move. Someone has to take the initiative, and she is not going to be the one who does that."
James was done packing. "Think about it," said James, "This was the way I was talking about – when you asked me how to salvage the situation."
Sirius was silent again.
James left at that, and Sirius watched the sun fall slowly. There was a twittering among the birds, as if they were gossiping about Sirius and June. The wind smelled of words they had spoken. The day was ending slowly, and Sirius had to make a decision. The walls were falling down, the wind was blowing fast. It was time to breathe. It was time to smell the open air.
Sirius knew what he had to do.
June did not expect that.
She really did not. This was honestly the wildest thing that had ever happened. Being kidnapped into a secret enclave by a stranger would definitely make the top of the list.
The stranger pressed a hand on her mouth. "Shhh," said the person.
That's when June realised: It was Sirius Black.
All the footsteps outside ceased, and June gave muffled angry noises against his hand. There were some choice words spilling out of her mouth... if he could only hear them.
"Now, we will talk," said Sirius to her. June immediately starting hitting him in any corner she could find. She was ready to scream, but Sirius Black was stronger than her. He pinned her to the wall with one hand and kept the other hand on her mouth again.
He bent down to her, his nose almost tickling hers.
"We are going to talk June Leto. In a minute, I shall let you speak, but for now, you shall have to hear me out."
His breath smelled of alcohol.
June said nothing (because she couldn't, not for lack of talking), and glared at him.
"I'm a bully," he said to her bluntly.
That shut her up – that is... if he hadn't already silenced her effectively.
"Now, I would like to apologize to you," he told her, "About everything I made you go through."
June's eyes widened.
"I apologized to Severus, did you know?"
June said nothing (not for lack of trying, I think I should remind you).
"And I got drunk, breaking the code me and my friends were following."
At this June would have loved to say "What?" but for reasons previously explained, she could not.
"And I will leave your mouth now," said Sirius, "Whoops, that was suggestive. No, I'll just let you talk in a second."
He left her mouth.
"I forgive you," said June derisively, and tried pushing his hands away from her.
But Sirius wasn't that easily done. He pushed her back to the wall. "That's it?" he asked.
June nodded vigorously.
Sirius looked at her golden eyes. He was looking at her face, breathing deeply.
June became very, very aware of how close he was.
"Kiss me," he said.
"Is that an order?" she whispered.
"No."
There was a pregnant pause.
"I haven't kissed before." she confessed.
A smirk slid on Sirius' face.
"I'll teach you," he said evilly.
He grasped her wrists which had previously encircled her body in defensive stance.
"You push the arms away," he said, pinning her wrists to either side of her face. There was no escape now. A cold sweat broke over June's forehead. Her palms were shaking.
"You lean in," he whispered.
June was completely paralyzed. Her brain had become a mesh of confusion and chaos, and she was sure there were all manner of creepy crawlies dancing the jig in her stomach.
"You bring the lips closer," he said. She felt his breath close to her mouth.
Her heart was hammering. It was drumming. Couldn't he hear it? It sounded so loud. She was surprised it hadn't torn her chest apart and come out.
"And then," he kissed her.
June was vaguely aware of how different this kiss was. There was a roughness about the way Sirius grabbed her waist and pushed her further into the wall. There was a violent urgency in the way his hands were traveling across her back. June gasped when she felt one of his hands at the back of her neck.
She struggled at first. But he was demanding. She just let go in sometime. Her own hands wound around his neck.
Sirius left her lips in sometime, though. He kissed the base of her neck and traveled to her ear.
"And that's how it's done." Sirius whispered in her ear.
"I-I-" June began, "Do-ont..-"
"Shut up." Sirius advised her.
June closed her mouth.
And that was when she became aware of how she was still in his arms, and more quintessentially, how her arms were around his neck.
She tried pushing herself away, but he held her steadfastly.
"There, you have it," he said with a grin, "I shall wait for your reply on the matter."
"What – I don't under -"
"All in good time, sweetheart. All in good time. I can see you are particularly flustered right now. I shall let you take a deep breath, think about it for sometime."
June, really did not understand what was happening. Sirius whooshed away, completely out of the blue. She slid down on the floor. What the hell just happened?
AHA! Partly funny chapter. Don't worry, the remaining chapters are all very funny... hopefully.