I think I'm going to post this early, to make up for the time lost. I mean, it's a short chapter, but I have more exams coming and I don't know when I shall be able to post next :/

The title says it all, folks! I think I'm dedicating this to Theta-McBride. She wanted a funny chapter. To you, Theta!

Invite me for my funeral the day I start owning Harry Potter – I would probably have died of the shock anyway.

You Can't Exchange Kisses!

The obviousity of the situation was astounding.

June did not understand what she was supposed to do with so many mixed signals.

Honestly, her head was literally spinning.

She walked back to the dormitory, trying her best to make sense of it all.

She had curled up for around an hour in the enclave before deciding that it really was time she got up and did something. Obviously, she had overestimated her abilities to be able to comprehend life decisions while walking. She not only managed to trip twenty times over, she also seemed to have permanently hurt her ankle.

And when she reached back to the dormitory, things didn't get any better. Gone were the days when she could slip in and out without being noticed. All her roommates were waiting, hoping for an explanation as to why Sirius Black was looking like a gobsmacked zombie on crack.

June had entered, looked at all of them blankly, as they waited for her to say something.

"June, what happened?" asked Dorcas.

"What is the purpose of all this?" she mused loudly.

"Come again?" asked Marlene.

"This," said June, waving at everything in general, "Why are we doing this?"

"Is she broken?" asked Mary slowly.

"I don't understand what is going on here," said June genially.

"Oh-kay..." said Lily, "June, are you okay?"

"Absolutely spiffing, thank you," said June graciously, "I don't understand what to do anymore, is all."

"Why's that?" asked Dorcas gently.

"Because Sirius Black is a very strange person, you know?" said June, "I'm sure he's half bonkers. Fairly certain of it. Only someone half mad would corner me after dinner and teach me how to kiss."

"Okay, that makes some sense – wait, what?"

"I have taken a class in the art of kissing, yes. Does anyone want to practice?" asked June.

"Uh," said Mary, "Yes, I think she has broken."

"Well, does anyone?" asked June, inquiringly.

"No, June, we're fine," said Marlene.

"Oh. Okay. Kissing was nice, though. Sad. I don't know what he means by the kiss anyway," said June, examining her nails, "I have no idea what to do."

"You're taking this remarkably well," said Lily suspiciously.

"I'm really not. I have passed a stage of complete worrying and have made it into this scary abyss where I stand on a citadel, hoping to jump. I can either fall or fly. It doesn't matter. I'm pretty messed up anyway. I think I may have lost it. Do you think I have lost it?" asked June.

"Alright," said Marlene, with the voice of a skilled tactician, who has finally found some hard ground to work on, "What's got you in a mess?"

"I don't know what he means by forcing me into a hidden enclave and kissing me. It doesn't add up with everything he's done."

"And what has he done?" asked Dorcas softly.

"He... he wasn't ready to kiss me before. And then he made it like we were friends. Friends are hard to get. I decided to leave it that way. And then, he hurt me. I don't understand what he means at all. I thought women were supposed to be the difficult ones to understand."

All four of the others laughed.

"Child, you have a lot to learn," said Lily.

"What do you mean?" asked June.

"Well, us females can create a lot of difficulties for men. Conversely, so can they," said Dorcas helpfully.

"Oh. I see. Like the fact that you're now dating Benjamin Fenwick?" asked June.

"How did you know that?" asked Dorcas incredulously, "Nevermind, don't answer that. Yes, just like that."

"Okay, what?"

"Hang on, what did you say?"

"Did you just -"

"Can we please -"

"I want to know -"

"Shut up, everyone!" said Dorcas, "Yes, Benjy asked me out. We have a date this Saturday."

"Oh my god, Dorcas! That's unbelievable!" squealed Lily, while the others similarly yelped.

"Yes, I'll give you the details about it all later. I think June needs more attention right now," said Dorcas. June was attempting to walk out of the window.

"I think I should jump out of the window. It might help," she said.

"No, no," said Marlene soothingly, "Go and get some sleep."

"I don't think I could. I'll try. If I don't, can I jump out of the window?"

"We'll discuss it," said Mary, biting a laugh. The four of them forced June into the bed, helping her get dressed in her completely astounded state. She just worked like a robot, doing what they asked her to. June slid into bed, looking at the canopy.

"Lily, when did it happen?" she asked suddenly.

"When did what happen?" asked Lily.

"When did you kiss James?" asked June.

There was an absolutely resounding silence, which simply echoed across the room.

"I thought it was pretty obvious," said June, flipping on her side, facing away from all of them.

"I come from Alabama with my banjo on my knee, I'm going to Louisiana, my true love for to see," came a bawling voice from the bathroom.

"What the hell is that?" yelled Remus as he entered the dormitory.

"Ah, Moony!" yelled James over Sirius' horrible tuneless singing, "You're just in time! I managed it!"

"It rained all night the day I left, the weather it was dry, the sun so hot I froze to death, Susanna, don't you cry."

"What?" asked Moony, trying to hear what James was saying.

"I said, I managed it!"James all but used a megaphone.

"Oh! Susanna, Oh don't you cry for me, For I come from Alabama with my banjo on my knee."

"I can't hear you!" said Remus. Peter passed a panicked look.

"I managed getting Sirius out of the dumps!"

Oh! Susanna, Oh don't you cry for me, For I come from Alabama with my banjo on my knee.

James, I CANNOT hear you!

Just then, Sirius came out of the bathroom, looking like he was on cloud nine, with a goofy grin on his face.

"I said, I managed to get Sirius out of the dumps!"

"What on earth -" said Sirius, watching James and Lupin. He pressed his hands to his ears, "You two need to stop shouting!"

"Oh, for god's sake!" said James, throwing his head up in annoyance.

"What?" said Sirius.

"What's gotten him into such a good mood?" asked Peter.

"Obviously, he found his bonny lass," said James.

"Well, did you find your bonny la -" began Remus, cutting short sharply, "No, I can't say 'bonny lass'. It's physically impossible. Did you find your girl?"

"Let's put it this way, Moony," said Sirius, waltzing around the room, taking Remus by hand, "I'm not going to give her an option anymore."

"Nice," said Remus, thoroughly confused about why he needed to be the one entertaining the waltzer, "Blackmail and threats. That's the way to a woman's heart."

"Of course!" said Sirius, finally stopping, "Blackmail and threats!"

"He's going to get himself killed, you know that right?" asked Remus.

"Ah, he'll die happy," said James cheerfully, "Let him have his moment."

"His moment is going to make our ears commit suicide," informed Remus dryly, as Sirius had begun humming again.

"At the rate of how humorous this story is becoming," said James happily, "I wouldn't be surprised if they stuck around just to hear the end of it come about."

"And that's what matters? Amusement?" asked Remus.

"Remus, my old friend, could you please tell me how this could get funnier. Honestly. Tell me. I don't see how. You must tell me."

"Well, there's no point laughing at it," said Remus, fighting of a clawing Sirius.

"Obviously, you do not understand how precious laughter is," said James, "We must not waste laughter. Especially when we can take a picture of love-struck Sirius. Especially not then."

A slow smile spread across Remus' face.

"Excuse me while I mentally kill myself," said Marlene finally.

"Marlene!" said Lily, trying to breathe, "Let's not!"

"Did you kiss James Potter?" asked Marlene.

"I didn't – it just sort of -"

"Did you kiss James Potter?" asked Mary tentatively.

"Look, it's not what you think it is -"

"Did you," began Dorcas, "Lily Evans, kiss James Potter?"

"I – Yes."

There was another completely suffocating silence.

"Oh, glory Hallelujah," said Marlene, swinging around and onto June's bed.

"Up Leto, UP! I need to give you a kiss!" she cried.

"Marlene!" said Lily, laughing, "She's sleeping!"

"No, I'm not!" said June, getting up and rubbing her eyes, I'd like a hug and a kiss."

"And you shall get one!" said Marlene gleefully, "For you, young Leto, have delivered news of such a wonderfully sensitive nature that I am sure you had to battle a few spies to give it to us. Your work must be rewarded. It must have been difficult, bringing this news from the world's end, on through the forest of doom, the sea of darkness, all the while fighting Russian and German spies."

June laughed, and let Marlene hug her extravagantly, while the rest of the dorm erupted into dissarray. Dorcas slammed her fist on the table and produced a noise that could only be a cross between a song and laughter. Mary squealed, and hugged Lily, screaming about this and that.

"Lily's kissed James," said Marlene, June's kissed Sirius, and Dorcas and Fenwick finally made it to the finish! Mary, I say it's time we got about the story and found ourselves some nice boys just as well!"

"Too right you are, Marlene," said Mary, "I feel left out!"

"Oh, come on!" said Lily, "June and I don't even know what to do about our respective... romantic attachments."

"You have romantic attachments," Mary pointed out.

"Eh, They are a pain," said June dispassionately.

"Sure they are. And I'm a hyena," said Marlene.

"You'd make a terrible hyena," said June disparagingly.

"Thanks Leto. Nice to know you're on our side for encouragement as always."

"My pleasure," said June.

Simultaneously, all of them burst into peals of laughter.

"There shall be no sleeping tonight!" said Marlene grandly, "We need details! The good Lady Lily shall provide them! The silent-but-secretly-amazing lady June shall be giving us more details! The awesome lady Dorcas will need a makeover! Get the pillows, get the chocolate! Get the pyjamas! Get the soppy music! Girl's Night!"

There will come a day in your life when you will fully comprehend the meaning of the phrase 'Monday Morning Blues'.

June found that she understood the term in it's fullest completely and utterly the next morning, when everything crashed upon her. Finally, centuries of cribbing and crying seemed to make sense. How had she been so blind to the pain that is Monday? How did she not realise the ultimate methods of torture used by this day?

She had not slept the entire night.

Sure, they had stayed up till one, talking, but she couldn't sleep beyond that even after.

She had found herself curled up, and at some point in the night, a very strange smile overcame her. A smile of complete and utter stupidity, a smile that said that she was positively thrilled that Sirius Black had kissed her.

And at that moment, her heart swelled up into a balloon of danger, not to mention her stomach being invaded by butterflies. Dangerous creatures, butterflies. One must never underestimate them.

Then, when morning came, the absurdness of the situation hit her again, and she fell into a state of excitement/dread.

Damn Sirius. He always made things horrible for her.

She went downstairs somehow, got dressed somehow, managed to pile her plate up somehow. Every part of her body was straining to hear Sirius come downstairs.

She shifted the food on her plate here and there, trying to keep her mind away from things like how he had kissed her, what his breath was like, how he had pushed her into the wall.

Which, by the way, was very ungentlemanly, thought June to herself.

"Are you alright?" came the concerned voice of Lily Evans.

June nodded bleakly.

She saw Lily and the others share looks of concern.

"Morning all!" came the bumptious voice of Sirius Black.

If June had not already been staring at her plate, she would surely have started now. No way was she going to look at Sirius Black today, not on her watch!

Sirius had other plans it seems. He kissed her on the cheek and dropped down beside her.

Immediately whispers erupted from everywhere possible.

"Who is she?"

"Why did Sirius kiss her?"

"Did I just see Sirius Black kiss some random girl?"

"Is she his new girlfriend?"

June went red as beetroot, and glared at Sirius while their friends guffawed good naturedly. "What w-was that for?" she asked him angrily.

"It was a friendly kiss!" declared Sirius jauntily.

"I don't see you giving other people kisses!" June said, still angrily.

"Why that is a very fair point Miss Leto! My dear Lily-flower, would you like a friendly, matey kiss?" Sirius asked Lily,

"Oye!" James called angrily, but Lily cut across smoothly;

"No thank you, Mr Black," Lily said, grinning, "Why don't you give my kiss to Miss Leto?"

"No, no, no! I-I am f-fi-"

But Sirius had planted another one on her cheek promptly. He grinned broadly at the others who were laughing away to glory. June did not see what was funny. Meanwhile, the second kiss had caused a landslide of whispers across the hall.

"You can't exchange kisses!" she sputtered angrily.

"I knew you would say that!" Sirius said triumphantly, "I have prepared a speech in my defense!"

Now, come on -" June began, but Sirius had started importantly.

"In light of recent events, it seems that closeness should be encouraged among mates of all orders. This closeness can only be encouraged with friendly hugs and kisses among mates of the different sexes. Going on this note, some friends require extra encouragement, and hence some kisses can be exchanged among mates who have a mutual agreement," Sirius rattled off.

June crossed her arms.

"If you want to be that way, be that way," said Sirius crossing his arms as well. "I could come up with a mutual agreement with each one of these idiots, and you would have to pay up."

"I'm up for an agreement!" said Marlene at once.

"Me too!" said Mary. Dorcas nodded vigorously.

"See?" said Sirius with an itching grin.

June only glared at Sirius in what she hoped was a don't-mess-with-me look.

Sirius smiled at her as he pulled a plate of eggs close. He tapped her on the nose, "Isn't she adorable when she becomes angry?" he addressed the others.

"Stop it, Sirius!" said June, pushing his hand away in what she hoped was an angry-ish look.

"Alright then," said Sirius at once. He got up from his chair and brushed his imaginary breakfast crumbs off. "There is a broom cupboard on our way to transfiguration. Let's go."

"What?" asked June, now utterly confused.

"Assuming you don't want the friendly kisses, I can exchange it all for one make out."

"N-no!" said June.

"Then brace yourself," said Sirius, "Its one or the other, Leto."

June contemplated for a second while the others smiled at her. Sirius sat down and began wolfing down his breakfast at once. "I'm waiting, June," he said.

"Neither," she finally said.

"Not an option."

"You can't make me!" she said.

"Try me."

She was grasping at straws here. What should she do now?

There wasn't a doubt in her head that Sirius would make her kiss him if he wanted. He could do that.

"You should go for the kiss," said Lily as she munched a piece of toast.

"He's a good kisser," agreed Marlene, "Hell, you can exchange that make out in the trophy room from out fourth year."

"I'm an excellent kisser, thank you very much McKinnon," said Sirius.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night, Black," said Marlene with a wink.

Remus was watching Marlene with part annoyance part amusement.

"Why don't we let June decide?" asked Mary.

"Why, that is an excellent decision McDonald," said Sirius with a grin.

"No, no, no! I a-am not-"

"Now, June, I shall kiss you and -"

"Oh, no! This is n-not -"

" - you will tell us if I am an excellent kisser or not."

"Sirius! I -"

But Sirius kissed her in the middle of the great hall, in front of everyone, on the lips.

Whispers erupted everywhere. June had gone on the gossip register. Pretty soon everyone would know everything from her name to her favorite color.

"Well, Leto?" asked Sirius. Everyone seemed to be waiting for the verdict.

June jerked her head in the opposite direction twice, unable to say anything. She shook her head for good measure. She dazedly walked away from the hall, bending her head to avoid the unending number of people pointing at her.

"I told you I was an excellent kisser, McKinnon!"

"Doesn't prove anything!" said Marlene loudly, "She didn't give feedback!"

"Did you see the daze she was in?" he asked, "I'm an excellent kisser!"

"Folks, can we not?" asked Mary, to no avail.

"I say she could have hated it!" said Marlene.

"Let the bets begin!" declared James, "And Sirius?" he asked.

"Yes?" said Sirius.

"Since when can you exchange kisses?"

Hopefully, that was funny. I think this fanfiction's stress points have been stretched. Time for some nice laughter. And remember what James said, "Laughter is precious!"